Can't meaningfully open up to people

I don’t have the same “problem” as you do, but I recently broke up with a guy similar to you. My suggestion in general would be to put yourself in someone else’s shoes and try to look at situations with others’ perspectives. Sometimes you do not realise how your behaviours affect the others and maybe trying to understand the others’ feelings could help you in not behaving in certain ways. Also I would suggest to understand why you do have these moments and behaviours, maybe if you identify the source you could easily understand how to process everything and maybe find a solution, or at least an alternative. Hope everything’s gonna be fine and that you can find you way and happiness. If any book comes to my mind i’ll let you know

Look into stoicism

Been in your shoes mate, and still trying to change, it’s not easy

You don't have to open up to people if you don't want to.

Maybe you're introverted or something.

Oh man. Deal with the same thing myself but slowly getting better. For me, therapy helped as the first step. (i didn’t even do in person just like an online video program. Shit worked great)

It helped me figure out wtf was wrong with me, and it was basically negative beliefs that I had about myself. Most of us have them, some more than others, it’s fine, you can get over it with therapy. Might be painful especially bc you’ll have to relieve childhood but it’s for the best.

Once you go through that, it’s all about baby steps. Start sharing a bit more with people than you usually would. Tell some of your secrets to someone. Confess that you were listening to one direction alone in your room all last week (or whatever thing you’re embarrassed about).

As you open up, people will begin to open up to you and you will start creating deeper relationships naturally. After that it’s a matter of learning better relationship management (ie. Not ghosting people, putting in work to both romantic relationships and also friendships). Plenty of books/blogs about that.

Meditation, mindfulness, journaling and self-acceptance are also great habits that help you remain in touch with yourself and your emotions. They might sound new agey or soft for those who have never tried them, but man are they fucking great for mental health.

Also if you have any sort of bad habit or even addiction pls fix it asap. (ie. Problematic drinking, smoking or even sex addiction) Lack of touch with emotions usually comes hand in hand with addiction. Again, I would know lmao. However I will say (and I’m not a doctor) that psychedelic drugs and MDMA have tremendous healing power, and if you have ever considered them you should do some more research. MDMA is actually shown to be the one substance that can treat people with PTSD

I know this because if you are anything like me, you are emotionally distant and afraid of vulnerability because you have been hurt before, yet deep down what you long for the most is real connection. Trust me dude I was pretty fucked up in my younger years but after a long journey I am finally blossoming into my true, best self again and these are best practices that by themselves won’t necessarily change your life but all combined will for sure get you in a better place.

Same here, from being depressed most of my teenage years to quickly getting bored with people and not letting them close (including family).

Therapy has probably the highest ROI long-term. But I often move cities/countries so I haven't done that yet. If you have the opportunity you should definitely look into this and push yourself out of your comfort zone (the only way to change). Maybe make a promise to yourself that you go 4 times before you decide to continue or not.

Also echoing the sentiment of above posts that a girlfriend is not a personal therapist. This would only lead to an imbalance in the relationship.

I'm definitely not where I want to be. But here are a couple things that have helped me.

• I take care of my body. I go to an annual health check-up with blood test, got into the habit of working out 3-5 times a week, avoid buying unhealthy food. Another thing that helps is good posture and a smile (tricks my brain into a more open mindset (do this before meeting people)).
• I'm pushing myself to call family and friends even when I don't feel like it because I know that overall I feel better with social contact.
• I usually have something useful in place that I can procrastinate with like studying a language or for the CFA so I don't feel too bad about myself if I'm having a down day in another area.
• Lastly, I have a range of feel good videos and books for me to fall back to.

Again, this has helped me to mitigate the effect of my issues. Maybe there is something in it for you. Of course, you'd first have to accept that a) the current situation doesn't make you happy b) no one is responsible for you or owes you anything c) only you can change your situation d) and you have to leave your comfort zone for that. In my experience d) is the most important because at first it feels counterintuitive that something that is supposed to help you feels uncomfortable (seeing a therapist, seeking out social interactions). I still struggle with that.

This sounded exactly like the story of my life until last year so I freaked out.

I too had a fucked up childhood and teenagehood. I was very aloof and still am to some degree. I'd go months without contacting my family or friends and never even think twice about that. "I was simply not there". I'm sure lots of people thought I might be a sociopath. But I'm not that guy anymore. I didn't make a conscious decision to change but I'll talk about what helped me...

1) Get busy. Do something that you enjoy. If you don't enjoy your job, maybe find another that you do. Find a hobby that you can focus your energy on. Soon you'll forget that you even had problems.

2) Find a comfort level that works for you. Everyone has different comfort levels when it comes to opening up. I rarely talk to strangers. And I seldom open up to my friends either. Luckily the good ones understand that. Don't constrain yourself into the thought of "oh I have to contact people often" or " I need to tell him/her about my feelings to maintain my relationship". No you don't. I certainly don't. I just talk about casual stuff or intellectual topics that my friends and I are interested in. Your friends will learn sth deeper about you though these casual conversations and respect you personality (if they are good friends).

3) Take it easy. Aloofness isn't necessarily bad if you're fine with it. There is no right amount of "opening up". As long as you're comfortable with yourself, so will others be. And when the time is right, you'll open up and people will appreciate that.