Dating a Co-Worker (!)
Whats up everyone. Not an analyst like tag says, I am an associate (may or may not matter as you read the post).
After the shock and awe of reading the title, I have a question about dating a co-worker at a big bank. I am not asking for advice as to whether I should, but rather, what kind of disclosure needs to be made. Long story short, I have been "seeing" someone who is in my department and my floor, but NOT in my group (different sector i.e. zero "work" interaction), and is the exact same level as me - same year associate. I could see this becoming something serious, and wanted to hear if this is common / allowed, or completely unacceptable. She feels the same way about me, and we could see each other moving in together when our leases are up. Does it need to be disclosed to HR if we are same level, different groups, but same department (90+ people)? Assume if 2 people update their address to the exact same apartment and apartment # it is fairly obvious, so want to make sure i make the appropriate disclosure.
Tl;DR: May move in with colleague, same level as me, different group + no work interaction, same department/floor - do I need to report this to H.R.?
One of you should change the job - even just to diversify your bundled risks
Appreciate that. I definitely see myself moving in the next 12-18 months to the buy side. Question being - assuming neither of us have moved, would you be able to opine on that scenario with respect to living together?
Just use your parent’s address citing you taking a sublease so can’t have real address mailable
Bestowing the same advice Ted Bundy told me on a night out after hitting Oak in 2010 - "don't move the body kiddo".
HR tells you to report it but under no circumstances should you tell the bank, your colleagues, or anyone for the matter. Aside from a compliance perspective, you will be looked at differently and so will she. Every time someone sees you guys looking at each other, it becomes a thing. You're too close together. Different floors and different divisions? maybe. Same floor different group? That's breaking the treaty of Versailles. Don't let people know. Don't let your bank know. If people are assuming or ask you about it, deny it. Don't shake the boat for something you can't control the perception of.
I hear you, and that makes complete sense to me. We are completely discreet about it so no issues above.
I guess my question is, if we do move in together, we'll have the same address - which you need to update in the internal system. That's pretty much what I am curious about from a HR perspective as they'll see the same address, no?
Depends on the bank and HR. Let's say for argument's sake they do look at it and ask you about it. Say you're quizbowl friends who found a good spot and happened to be looking at apartments. That's actually more believable than same floor relationship. People believe whatever you want them to so long as you aren't pumping their tires too much. Rent is expensive right now and it makes sense people would have roommates. Especially if you guys are "quiz bowl friends". Take this one to the grave. Good luck. Sounds like a Netflix drama by the way. Hope it's as exciting as it is career suicide for this to leak.
You're overthinking this. This only becomes a big deal if you make it and is much more common than you realize. No one who matters is going to care at all.
The only way you can get into trouble here is if you don't disclose what's required.
No I agree with this - i guess that's what I am asking. What is required to disclose? I looked at our handbook and it does not make this clear - just says "don't have relations where there is conflict of interest" etc. etc.
Trust me, I and any theoretical coworkers have a lot more things to be concerned about than a coworker’s relationship on the floor. Yes, some people may make jokes here and there, but nobody will judge OP for it and in fact some people might be happy for OP and then get on with their lives. Workplace relationships aren’t as uncommon as people on this site make it put to be. It’s common sense that two single people who work long hours in close proximity may in fact get attracted to each other. The only time to report is if there’s a conflict of interest which there is none in this case.
You do not need to disclose this and it’s totally fine. No issue as you’re not in the same org chart.
Wish y’all the best of luck but good god imagine breaking up with the woman you live with and then having to see her at work the next day
Reminds me of school
When you realize you assumed OP was a guy dating a girl and didn't think this could be a woman dating a woman behind company lines. *x-files theme song begins playing*
haha!
but to be fair you have a better chance spotting bigfoot than a lesbian woman posting on WSO
Honestly very common, especially in finance. I would go for it considering you guys don't work together at all. Def wouldn't date someone in the same group.
That said this 100% needs to be disclosed (usually just a quick one-pager with HR/compliance making sure there are no conflicts) if you search personal relationships on your intranet you will find it, or if you really can't just ping your HR person for the link. They will definitely approve it given you're not each others' boss, but no reason not to do things by the book here. You don't need to tell your group if you don't want to, but I see no benefit from hiding a totally kosher relationship from HR when the banks' policies are just to disclose.
Very helpful. I figured this is more common than it may seem to be based on other responses. My group is super chill / won't care if we are or are not dating. More so curious from an H.R. perspective. Agreed no reason not to do anything by the book since, as mentioned, there really is no workplace interaction or power dynamic.
Would it present any issues if we have the same "high up" group head? Think "The head of americas LevFin or DCM, but my MD and her MD are different as we are in different groups / verticals within that department.
No problem with that. HR just understandably wants to avoid relationships where one of you has direct power over the other (reviews, promotions, etc). Dating the staffer wouldn't be allowed for example (although I've still seen that) - dating someone in a different group is 100% fine and really quite common.
Did it with girl I sat next to at GS. Do not disclose it, period.
Username checks out
isiah, we're doing dinner with andy and patrick next year. we'll round up the usual suspects
A friend of mine at a Big 4 said 2 people from his intern class started dating after and were dating when they started full time, and I think he said they got married even while they were both still working there.
I agree with the general consensus to not disclose the relationship and to deny or dismiss any rumors of it's existence. That's not to say it's breaking any HR protocols or procedures, but almost solely on controlling the narrative and perception. There were a few stories on this forum of analysts confiding in colleagues of their relationships and that backfiring with misinformation, rumours and flagrant defamation of character in one instance. I understand your position how there are no power dynamics at play, nor conflicts of interests, that won't matter from an optics standpoint from your colleagues' or superiors' perspectives. It's safer and less of a hassle on the both of you to not disclose it.
In all honesty, I don't think changing the address to the same location is a big deal. The cost of living has increased and having roommates that are working in the city is quite common. If HR prods on it, deny it or just state any number of reasons. You two could be mutual friends, happen to know each other from university competition and both needed a new place after a rent hike, whatever baseline believable story sells really.
As long as it’s not your direct report or boss, you’re fine… And don’t report to HR. There’s really no need to make this public / shout it from the rooftops. People may suspect things but then go on with their lives.
Never Happened.
There is only one correct answer to this and I can’t believe you are getting such mixed advice:
1) find out the policy at your bank, more likely than not it requires disclosure. As other posters have said, this is so that HR can avoid conflicts instead of leaving it up to you on where a conflict exists.
2) if the policy requires you to disclose, disclose to HR confidentially (they will notify you if they have to share this info with anyone). If you aren’t required to disclose move to step 3
3) up to you on who else you tell, that has more to do with who you are comfortable with and what they are like.
The risk vs reward just isn’t there if you are required to disclose and don’t. The punishment is you get fired. HR only cares about managing the conflict, nothing else.
This should be pinned to the top of this thread... Literally cannot believe how many people are saying do not disclose. That's probably wise advice if you're sleeping with your intern, but this is a totally allowable relationship. HR keeps this shit quiet once they clear conflicts, and really no one will even care given they're in a different group.
I agree with theATL's comment here. There is tremendous downside to not disclosing. If she is in an entirely different group and doesn't interact with your team professionally, it isn't like you'll be in meetings together where things could get awkward for your co-workers. Just remain 100% professional in the building at work. I've had former colleagues get date / married and it wasn't a problem. Where it becomes a problem is when compliance finds out. You're also not only putting your own career at risk, but hers as well.
Besides, how are they actually going to make fun of you for it? Clearly she is a smart girl (working at the same firm), you find her attractive, and you guys get along well. I also imagine you are going to want to go out in public with her (dinners, events, whatever)... and you don't want to be worried about running into colleagues every-single-time you go out.
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