16 Comments
 

Just enter a comedian on Pandora - it will turn into a comedy station. 

I think Mitch Hedberg is a funny station.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

No suggestions, but I got a joke for you. How many babies does it take to paint a wall?

Depends on how hard you throw them.

 

he said morbid not psycho

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

One day Little Johnny heard a noise and peeked into his parent’s room to check it out.

He opened the door to see his mom bent over the dresser and dad going at it behind her. Johnny's dad saw him and gave him a little wink. Johnny screamed in horror, and the mom yelled for the dad to stop so Johny doesn't see. Johnny ran out of the room and the dad started laughing.

After business was finished Dad went to check on little Johnny. He opened his bedroom door to find Grandma bent over the dresser and little Johnny going at it behind her.

Dad yelled, "Johnny, what the hell are you doing?!"

Little Johnny replied, "It's not so funny when it’s your mom is it?

 

-

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

I walked into a hardware store and saw a sign that read "Chain and Screw Saleswoman." So I did.

 

I gave my blind little cousin a cheese grater for her birthday. She had a hard time trying to read it.

 

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

That’s the best I’ve done so far.

 

It's a shame there wasn't a happy ending to DeSaun Watson's career in Houston. Why else do they have a priest in their front office?

I’m a fun guy. Obviously I love the game of basketball. I mean there’s more questions you have to ask me in order for me to tell you about myself. I'm not just gonna give you a whole spill... I mean, I don't even know where you're sitting at
 
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