Girlfriend Advice
Hello everybody. About 6 weeks ago my girlfriend who I have been going out with for over a year broke up with me. I really love this girl and besides a girlfriend she was the best friend I ever had. Out of know where she just doesn't want anything to do with me which I cant understand. She always treated me like gold and then Its just like she flipped a switch and I became her worst enemy. How should I handle this situation? I have talked to her since the break up but I never mentioned how I felt and that I would like answers. She is just very standoffish, like she is doing me a favor texting or talking to me. I would love to have her back in my life but I also have big aspirations and career goals and being that I am in college, school is my main priority.She always supported me in what I did. I miss her terribly and it doesn't feel the same without her but is it worth trying to keep her in my life? Thanks guys
what you are experiencing is called life. ill give you a very wso answer, shit happens and move on.
often times people dont know why difficult things happen to them, but looking back years later, they realize it needed to happen.
do you have a baby momma on the side
No lol
So she broke up with you 2 months ago, more or less, and you're still pining after her?
Bro seriously, move on. Go out and get yucky with the boys and start slaying dimes left and right.
Sour milk doesn't go fresh. However, if you go out and get some fresh, that will help your attitude tremendously.
This, as well as the other comments here is definitely what I needed to hear.
She must've started acting differently towards you and broke up with you for a reason. If you really don't want to give up on her, make every effort to make her tell you what happened and why it happened. It's not healthy to be in the dark and dwell on the unknown, so go out and find closure. It will make you feel a lot better, even if it doesn't work out.
Hang in there bud. Remember that everything happens for a reason. If she didn't love you as much as you loved her, then she's not worth your time. You will find someone.
Thanks man, appreciate it!
You just gotta move on. If she broke up with you theres good reason why the relationship wasnt meant to be. Any more time spent with her is just a sunk cost into a relationship heading straight for the ground.
Be glad you got out now and not in 5 years when your looking at wedding rings. I know it hurts now and you cant imagine feeling the same way again, but thats just your warped perception of things in your current state. New girls are out there man, and theres thousands your more compatible with then your ex. You can either sit there and feel sorry for yourself, or you can go out and find somebody that makes you happier than ever before.
Good luck man, i know it seems rough, but there are way worse things in life than a relatively short break up. Im guessing your young and havent experienced this before, but you will bounce back and be fine. Focus on your career(why your on wso) and keep yourself busy with friends and youll forget all about her soon enough.
Thanks man, I appreciate it!
Women are like cats. Try and pet them and they want nothing to do with it. Start doing something and ignore them and they can't stay away. Stop talking to this chick totally and start doing cool shit with your life.
You'll feel better, meet better people and she will most likely start feeling insecure and want you back. When that happens never talk to her again.
PIITB, classic move.
SB, it's quality advice like this that keeps me coming back to wso
^this
What is PIITB?
The only way to get her back is to hook up with another chick right in front of her (or a variation of such). She has to see that other chicks want you. No pleasing, begging, and appeasing will ever get her back and will in fact hurt you.Probably, the best advice is to just move on since it's probably not worth the effort and energy. Don't worry time is a great pacifier, you'll soon be back to normal.
I've been in a somewhat similar situation. You might be opposed to this, but talk to someone or write down all the things about her that pissed you off or you didn't like. You'll start to realize that some of the most basic things you look for in a girl were overlooked when you started dating her, thus you'll realize she isn't "the one". I thought my ex was my soulmate (yes I just dropped that bomb), but then as I kept thinking about her because I was sad, I realized how unhappy she made me. Always bitching at me for the most pointless things. I look back at some of them and question how she could even come up with a valid argument. Never trusted me either, even though I never cheated on her. To be honest, I wish I would realized half of this earlier because I would've broken that shit off in a fucking heartbeat.
Like someone else said, go pound some box bro. It will make you feel like you don't need her in your life. Which you don't. Who gives a fuck if she's standoffish. That just gives you more of a reason to NOT think about her or talk to her. Go do something fun and forget the bitch. You don't want to be "That Guy". You know who I'm talking about.
Food for thought - There are plenty of fish in the sea.... So don't expect a fucking Marlin within the first few times you cast out your line.
I was gonna pass on posting in this topic till I saw Salty's comment. OP, do exactly as he recommends. Us men, despite our superior critical thinking abilities and overall greater intelligence (in comparison to our dickless counterparts) have a habit of "over-remembering" the general good traits of girls who have broken up with us.
I was in a position similar to you OP, when a now ex of mine broke up with me. At first I was sad because I felt like I had really "lost something important in my life" and all that bullshit (to put it in perspective she was my first serious gf). However, as time passed and I got back to sniping bishes, I started to seriously run through all the ways she pissed me off. At first it was rough because I realized how much bullshit I put up with and how pathetic it was that I did so. But it was very therapeutic in the long run as I realized a) what things not to do in the future with bishes and b) how much of a gain loosing the ho really was!
It's all about looking at things objectively. Would you take a buy/sell recommendation from the CEO of the company you're looking to invest in (and only that)? Fuck no, you'd get other sources because the CEO has an incentive to get you to buy his companies shares. You are currently (and unreasonably) committed to this sloor so you're having trouble realizing the problems she definitely caused you. Get working on that list and you'll realize how you two being apart is for the better.
And DON'T get back together if she asks.
I wasnt considering getting back together because I know it wont work out, but all I want is answers, why all of a sudden the change in character?
We hardly ever got into fights or disagreed, and out of know where she broke it off, that is why its hard because it is a shock. I understand things don't come out of the blue so she must have had these feelings for a while, and I actually confirmed with her sister, she said she had been feeling like she wasn't in love with me since January, which sucks because anything she told me pretty much she didn't mean.
Suck it up and find another one. One girls is not worth being sad for man.
Invested to much too early brother.
Means Put It In The Bellybutton
One time as a strapping young chap I thought I would die when a girl I liked stopped talking to me. I told my 12 year old self we will show her. I did, I ended up sleeping with her best friend and her sister in high school.
Honestly, it gets better. I was pretty upset when my first serious gf and I broke up after a little more than a year. It took a few months to get over, and then another few to realize that the breakup was honestly one of the best things that happened to me in a while. Shortly after the breakup, you only remember the good things because they aren't there anymore. You have to actually put in an effort to remember all the shitty things about the relationship that caused it to fall apart in the first place and that should convince you to stay away from her.
I couldn't imagine being with my ex now. We're still friends, but I'm in such a better place than I was when I was with her. It helps that my life has pretty much only gotten better while her's has pretty much gotten worse and she still occasionally tries to hook-up with me (no interest on my end). Long story short, it gets MUCH better and in a year you'll likely realize that not only was this the best outcome of the relationship, but maybe it was a catalyst for you to improve yourself.
Now, go hook up with randos.
Yes, I am slowly realizing that this was for the better. I know there are some things that I want to do in life that she has no interest in.
she definitely trolled you... got whatever she wanted and then moved on
go radio silent. thank me later.
So is this to help me get over her, or to make her miss me?
"The best way to get over a girl, is to get under another.."
Step 1. Don't call/text. Step 2. Remove all of the photos you two had on facebook together, including removing her as a friend. Change your profile picture to you being single, happy, and fun. Her mutual FB friends will give her the updates you post. Step 3. Make an effort to get laid once a week. You'll rebuild your confidence as a single guy through success and learning the game. Step 4. Do something you've always wanted to do (learn the guitar, brew beer, go to grad school, travel just for the hell of it) and take pics of you doing that. Step 5. Repeat Step 4, a lot of times. You just got your life back.
After a while of doing the things you want, compare it to your life one year ago. You'll see that you are way better off than you were before. People will always say "give it time". Well, that only works if you force your self to do something better in that time.
Really? That's a lot of effort. Just bang her best friend. Much easier.
I'm not the kind of guy that sleeps around or just bangs chicks for the hell of it, so getting laid is not going to be my main priority. I am learning to play the guitar, which is pretty cool. And, I also got an internship at an Accounting firm for the summer, so I posted that on FB. It was never an issue of me not pursuing further in life, I am very ambitious, and on the other hand she just wants to party with her friends and enjoy her young years for now. I am just the opposite, now is the time to take these years very seriously and build a strong foundation for the rest of your life. She even mentioned when we were together " your definition of YOLO is double majoring".
I did go to parties with her when they came and I had a blast, and im sure she did too because she always wanted me to join her. I am the kind of guy that has his shit together and his priorities straight, and I thought that was attractive to girls but maybe not this one I guess :(
I always treated her with the greatest respect and was always there for her. Her excuse was that we just didnt have that much in common.
You have your priorities straight? Are you sure? The priorities of WSO are as follows. 1 get paper 2 get bishes 3 repeat
EDIT: learn how to use the quote button.
Don't worry man. Girls run shit in college, but the tide starts to turn when you're around 26-27. After that, having your priorities straight and your shit together will start becoming an asset. By late 20's+, script = flipped.
Having your shit together/priorities straight doesn't mean you can't go out and have a great time on the weekends.
Sounds like you are trying to be too mature for your age. You're not gonna have much luck with college girls that way.
I broke up with my last serious girlfriend because of that exact problem (among a couple other things). Never wanted to party, go out or have fun unless I literally dragged her there. She just wanted to study and prepare for her future...we were seniors at the time. Nobody wants to be with a dull person like that OP, it's just not fun.
You're done with her. The chance that you two get back together are slim to none. You were friends before, dated, and then she said that she wants to be just friends. That means she doesn't see you as bf material. She sees you as the guy who she wants to complain about her next guy to. You're like a brother to her.
From reading your posts, it kind of does seem like you have nothing in common (she's not career focused, you are etc etc etc). So why do you like her? Is it because she's hot?
Also, if you still have feelings for her, I'd advise that you cut off all contact with her before she starts banging other dudes, because that would probably make you feel much worse than you do now.
http://tinyurl.com/y8ufsnp
This is just pathetic.
Replying to Sitradesalots:
Agreed. Incidentally why do people keep asking for relationship advices on a finance website/forum? Surely there are more appropriate venues for this type of questions (e.g. match.com?).
In my opinion the only relationship related questions that are relevant to a finance website are how much to pay for an escort or the appropriate amount/percentage of divorce settlements.
This is all you need if you can find the PDF of the article.
http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/blog/avoiding-the-marriage-zone
This is close enough. Avoid the "Marriage Zone"
http://www.rooshvforum.com/thread-18553.html
What do you where when you are seeing her? I recommend dressing up two notches. Most importantly, GET A PAIR of uber attractive women, and introduce her to them to make her jealous. She will return shortly.
My family and friends all tell me I can do much better, so it is not a matter of her looks. In fact I wasnt even attracted to her first when we were just friends, over time she just grew on me. And now that she is gone i feel even more physically attracted to her.
this is getting excessive
It was excessive before it started.
And what that might be ? Let me try.
A #1. No more than the cost of a good meal. I look at sex as a basic necessity, along the lines of [good, not cheap] food, and while you can adjust it for the markets, it should be around $100, the price of a good dinner.
#2. If you don't have a pre-nup, this gets to be a twilight zone. I would argue that a divorce settlement should never take more than 20% and that much if the woman has no assets and takes custody. Anything above that is outrageous.
OP -- you have failed at life. If you believe in reincarnation, it might be time for a fresh start.
A related question would then be, facing the prospect of catastrophic asset losses post divorce (in terms of both one time division of assets as well as subsequent alimonies), what would be the optimal amount to pay for a hitman to get rid of your future ex spouse. Quality matters here. You want to find a professional who can not only get the job done but also do it in a discreet manner that looks like an accident. So Craigslist advert is not gonna cut it here.
I started that meme on the Misc. Compare the user names--it was a younger, douchier, more jacked version of me.
Anyways, OP, I recommend that you do not keep in touch with her. Take this as a time to reevaluate what is important to you and learn not to rely on the support of a girlfriend. Hopefully you've still got some friends left after a year with that succubus.
I never really had much to begin with but now I have like 1. Unfortunately.
You really aren't helping yourself by admitting these things. Go to a random bar and start talking to guys. Then go on a man date. Just drinks, no food. It's just like real dating only you aren't gay.
I think the girl is right. You don't have the same things in common. She's out to get wasted and you've got your head on straight.
Move on. Find someone with the same priorities as you. Sure, it hurts, hearts break. But in time, they also mend.
I think revenge is a dish best served naked.
I think that's a decent idea, but men don't bond through conversation. If you just go up to guys and try to pull numbers you're 100% going to be thought of as gay. Women have this intrinsic bond with all other women, which is why they can talk for 5 hours with someone they've just met.
Men become familiar with one another through action so--Join a basketball team, trivia league, kickball, rugby, book club, take dance lessons. Just got to get out of the house and do something man. And STAY SINGLE FOR A FEW MONTHS.
Especially if you literally try to pull numbers from their back pockets.
You are 110% correct on this point.
repped. would get yucky with IRL
In on SRT?
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