Got Broken up with because of IB
2nd year analyst, dated this girl since junior year of college. Pretty sure she was my person, and ultimately didn't want to break up and asked me to look for a "chiller" career. I grew up lower middle class and have always wanted to make sure my family and I don't have the same struggles my parents did, so the IB path was the easy answer. I'm going to PE next summer, and the hours won't be much better, but I'll continue to earn significantly more than my parents ever have and am definitely on track to live a financially stress-free life.
She couldn't understand why I wanted to stay in high finance despite constant conversations regarding my thought process and ultimately ended things 2 weeks ago.
Feel totally broken. Can't even fathom dating or even hooking up with anyone. Second guessing everything and feeling depressed. Just venting but main, this really isn't easy
I know it doesn’t seem like this right now but you dodged a bullet.
Sorry man, I know this sucks but it sounds like you’re on the right track, and good for you for sticking to your convictions.
'dodged a bullet' mentality after every breakup is just a weak coping mechanism that positions yourself as the victim and leads to a complete lack of introspection and self growth.
Dating someone and them being career focused to the point where you are unable to spend much quality time together is a completely valid reason to break up with someone. It just sounds like at the end of the day OP and his girl werent compatible and are on different life trajectories. That's ok, that's how relationships work especially in your early-to-mid 20s
OP dont regret your life choices at all, you are on your own path and you are likely doing it for the right reasons. You will find plenty of women that are more compatible with your goals. The pain sucks now though no way of getting around that.
Chill out, was just trying to say something nice to an internet stranger. Not everything has to be rationalized to the nth degree…
She wasn't "your person" by definition. Your person wouldn't break up with you over a stretch of shitty hours as an analyst.
The next few days will suck, but you have to get back on the horse as soon as possible. Soon you'll meet someone way cooler/hotter and this post will seem completely preposterous to you.
On behalf of every man on the planet, do not embarrass us by sending her groveling texts begging for another chance. It's unhealthy and (ironically) counterproductive (even if you actually want to date her again).
Good luck and hang in there
Sorry man, it hurts and it takes a while to get over, speaking from experience. I don't agree with the comments above though, she couldn't/didn't want to deal with the lifestyle that you chose to live, and that's ok. Doesn't make either of you a bad person. Keep pushing and growing personally and you'll find the right one eventually (at least I hope I will).
i never said it wasn’t “ok” for her to break up with him. there are no villains here. i give her credit for proactively ending things. zombie relationships can drag on just because someone is afraid of a tough conversation
shes not *the one* because some couples stay together through brutal overseas deployments or life altering misfortunes. if tough hours during a finite analyst stint made her end things, she wasn't *the one* by definition
my highly unscientific hypothesis is that 95%+ of post breakup depression is really just anxiety about finding another girl disguised as something more socially acceptable to whine about (eg how much you loved her or whatever). if peak emily ratajowski banged on your door right now and demanded you take her on a date, my hunch is you’d stage a miraculous emotional recovery.
you’ll be fine. you might even turn your disappointment into a healthy contempt that motivates you to do stuff like workout aggressively and just win in general. spite is super underrated as a short term motivator imo (until stuff like lifting and diet become habits)
ok im done impersonating dr phil here
Based
Has literally happened to me twice. Both times we were great together but just not compatible because there just wasn’t enough free time or bandwidth to support a relationship. 100% caused by the banking hours. To all the people who are like “I’m so sorry you dodged a bullet” maybe that’s true, or maybe you shouldn’t try to make a relationship work while working 80-100+ hour weeks. My advice: just don’t try to have a serious relationship and use the apps / bars for casual dating.
Everyone here’s seems to be coping “she wasn’t your person”
The truth is this career isn’t for people who want a healthy relationship. There’s nothing healthy about this job as a junior or a senior. That’s why large portion of them have been divorced or hate their family.
You have to decide what is important to you.
lol
Your explanation is extremely self centered and doesn’t take the significant other into consideration whatsoever. “She should sacrifice for the man he has a career” meanwhile the guy in your scenario does what he wants.
You both make sacrifices. That sacrifice is jumping to another career. Acting like leaving IB is a death sentence and you’ll be destitute lmao.
That logic can be extended to literally anything and is just saying 'this is important to me so if you love me you will deal with it' , while not even having the self awareness to understand that maybe working 80-100 hours a week conflicts with what is important to the chick in question
There is no 'should' here. They just werent compatible. No point in trying to force a square peg into a round hole
OP, I'm working at a BB and trying to quit/switch to a more laidback job. I totally understand how shitty the WLB is at these jobs since I've been there plus everyone from my undergrad friend circle also works in either IB, consulting, PE etc. I'm also not an emotionally attached person. We could only see each other once a month and I wouldn't give a shit.If you are over 6', good-looking, and based in NYC hmu. I'm 5'10" with no shoes, slim build, and never need my partner to be around as long as I can quit this godforsaken industry. I'm very low-maintenance too, I don't like traveling, don't like vacations, don't like wine or anything expensive besides high-quality steak. The only thing is that I do like that would be expensive is shopping, but I don't need my partner with me to do that.
Ugh I resent my undergrad so much for tricking women into thinking there's glory in being a corporate girl boss slave, I'm too hot for this
Recently broke up with a girl myself, was not easy and I had to pull the plug. Extremely painful and couldn't think of anything but her for a while, used to zone out frequently when working just thinking about her.
Keep yourself busy, I got stuck into work very shortly after and I was kept busy there. Keep family/friends around and talk to them often. I felt a hole in both my heart and my life, the closest person to me now a stranger, but I was able to overcome it.
Remember: time heals, stay strong man, if you need someone to talk to, then give a shout.
All the best.
She wasn't going to be your wife. She's your age now, which is way too old to be your wife. And she's either dumb or a liar if she says your career ambition ended the relationship. Go ask a few women what they think of ambitious men.
This is probably your worst take, doc. No offense.
None taken. But that's saying a lot considering how many bad takes I've had. Which part exactly?
Honestly surprised at the attention on this take. I thought I was giving ordinary advice. Don't understand why it's funny or negative. I guess my own joke flew over my head.
You are too young to be calling that person "the one" when 1) neither of you barely experienced real life 2) the one means 2 similar people coming together not 1 party have to make it work for the other. Plus dating in your mid-late 20's is amazing when you have money and more "worldly" experience.
"...I'll continue to earn significantly more than my parents ever have and am definitely on track to live a financially stress-free life..."
Define "financially stress-free life".
Once you have a mortgage and kids, your finances will never be stress free. Trust me lol.
lol
Always amazes how a guy can be smart enough for PE, but dumb enough to think he found the perfect girl at age 20 lol.
IB and PE don’t require that much intelligence, esp at the junior levels
edit: pls read clarification below
I am so tired of reading this brain dead take. Maybe you are a savant and IBD was a breeze for you, and thats why you're at a HF now, but to state that IBD / PE doesnt take that much intelligence is completely false. The average American does not have nearly the IQ, attention to detail, and decision making skills to even survive two years in banking without a RIF. Candidly, it is much harder than you imply and if it was truly a job that could be done with any level of IQ, the comp and hiring process would reflect that.
Maybe youre a genius surrounded by a similar network, but I assure you anyone with an IQ around the mean would struggle to get through banking, and PE is simply out of the question.
People change a lot through university and afterwards, she just wasn’t the one
I'd quit your job tbh. Some things in life are more important than others. Dont loose sight of the big picture.
*lose
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