Just crossed into my 30s. I somehow never thought I would be this old. It isn’t difficult to meet women that are interested in me. But I’ve struggled to meet the right girl that I want settle down with. I’m on the left coast and feel like the ratio is seriously hurting my odds. Every time I go to NYC, I meet prettier, more interesting girls than in my city. And with way less effort - they’re just everywhere.
I have an amazing life on the west coast. I feel like I belong here. I love the outdoors and have great friends - better friends than I had in high school or college even. But I’m not advancing at my job and feel like my time to meet someone is running out.
Am I crazy for considering this? Have people who have moved from dude-heavy cities to NYC genuinely noticed a difference?
Unfortunately, 95% of the single crowd 30+ is single for a reason, but that 5% can still be found in both SF and NYC. I think NYC does have an advantage in the fact that it is so diverse and is the preferred destination of choice for most, but I just don't think its worth giving up your friends/hobbies for
I’m 30 but the women I date are not
Based on the most helpful WSO content, moving to NYC for dating can indeed offer a noticeable difference, especially if you're coming from a city where the dating pool feels limited. NYC is often described as a place with a high density of attractive, interesting, and diverse women, making it easier to meet people with less effort. However, there are some nuances to consider:
Dating Pool Quality: NYC has a larger supply of "hot" women, but some WSO threads highlight that intelligence and depth can vary. For example, while NYC offers a higher quantity of attractive women, some users argue that cities like SF might have a better balance of beauty and intelligence.
Effort and Accessibility: Many users agree that NYC's density and social scene make it easier to meet people organically, whether at bars, events, or even just walking around. The city’s vibrant nightlife and cultural activities provide endless opportunities to connect.
Challenges: While NYC offers a larger dating pool, it can also be competitive and fast-paced. Some users note that the dating scene can feel transactional or superficial at times, and finding someone who aligns with your long-term goals might still take effort.
Lifestyle Trade-offs: Moving to NYC might mean sacrificing some of the outdoor lifestyle and close-knit friendships you enjoy on the west coast. Additionally, NYC's high cost of living and intense work culture can be draining, which might impact your ability to focus on dating.
Timing and Perspective: A common piece of advice is to give any new city at least a year to settle in and build a social network. If you’re considering NYC, it might be worth trying it out for a defined period to see if it aligns with your personal and professional goals.
Ultimately, while NYC could improve your odds in the dating market, it’s important to weigh the trade-offs and ensure the move aligns with your broader life priorities. If you love your current lifestyle, consider whether the potential dating benefits outweigh the sacrifices you'd make.
Sources: Question for Those Who Moved Cities, NYC worth it?, I'm lonely, Worth It: Moving from NYC to SF/LA?, NEW YORK is OVERRATED
NYC is a great place to meet people.
Leaving my friends and life behind for some tail is a bit crazy to me but to each their own
m
"I've been lived"
Yes the grass is greener and called NYC. It is the best city in the world, by far.
Find peace and let them come to you dawg
If you have an amazing life on west coast, stay on on the west coast. I would just put more into finding the right girl.
Need more info: statistically, is the ratio really different?
The stats are really hard to track because your specific dating demographic is pretty small. A city could be 50% men and 50% women but the only demos that matter for certain guys are college-educated women between ages of 25-29. And if you filter by your other preferences (ethnicity, religion etc) the demos get even smaller.
That said, you can feel the difference
Hit or miss. Most of my friends who made this move were doing so partly for career goals. The career goals often worked out, dating - mixed bag.
Also depends what you mean NYC, dating IMO in Queens / Brooklyn is very different than Manhattan. In my early years, I often preferred going to certain Queens areas over Brooklyn / Manhattan. More down to earth girls. Really depends what you're going for.
It would certainly be a career boost. West coast opportunities outside of SF are limited.
A buddy of mine who recently moved to NYC has been having great luck going on dates so far. He's in a different profession, and is going on dates with people who work in similar jobs, and I think the culture of the women he's been meeting are far different than in finance. Maybe that impacts it, idk.
Every time I visit my buddies in NYC, the woman I see is more beautiful than the last.
There's a great quote from Citizen Kane which describes this: "I only saw her for one second... but I'll bet a month hasn't gone by since that I haven't thought of that girl."
I stg half of NYC women I see remind me of this quote.
Keep at it it's gonna come to you
Why do u think nyc has such beautiful women?
The sheer population of the city or something else?
I’m thinking a blend of factors; wealthier people (not causative I definitely don’t think only wealthy people are attractive lmao, just that they typically marry other good looking people)—-
Nicer outfits that are more common in metropolitan areas, and the variety of people from different backgrounds, and the population size that you mentioned all contribute.
Once again this is merely one person’s subjective take, but I can confidently say there are a lot of them, at least more than where I’m from.
NYC doesn’t magically create beautiful people…it selects for them, concentrates them, and amplifies their visibility. Here’s why it feels like the city has an unusually high density of attractive people:
1. Self-Selection: Ambitious, Image-Driven People Move to NYC
New York attracts people who are:
These industries:
So people who already:
are more likely to move to NYC in the first place.
Over time, this creates a concentration effect.
2. NYC Is the Global Capital of “Aesthetic Professions”
New York is a world hub for:
Entire neighborhoods function as constant runways and casting calls. When your career depends on:
you naturally get a city full of extremely polished people.
3. The City Amplifies Visibility
In NYC:
You’re not seeing people in private—you’re seeing them in their most curated public form.
In suburban or car-based cities:
NYC is a permanent public stage, so people show up at a higher aesthetic baseline.
4. Competitive Pressure Raises Everyone’s Game
When:
you subconsciously level up.
It becomes socially “expensive” to:
So the average presentation level rises across the entire population.
5. Money + Youth + Health = Visual Advantage
NYC has:
Youth + money + health + competition = a powerful visual cocktail.
6. Style Diversity Makes Beauty More Noticeable
NYC doesn’t have one beauty standard. It has:
Because there’s so much variation, your brain interprets it as “more beauty,” even though it’s also “more difference.”
7. Survivorship Bias
You remember:
But your brain ignores the thousands who look completely average.
So NYC doesn’t necessarily have:
It has:
Final Psychological Truth
That’s why:
Dude it just happened and I immediately thought of this thread.
Just helped a girl (probably from the balkans/eastern europe) with her suitcase when i was leaving the subway station.
Had to be one of the best looking girls I’ve seen in months. It’s the Europeans. Always is and always will be.
Thoughts on leaving a 2nd tier city, pension fund to nyc IB? Would be going buyside to sell side but have always wanted to live in NYC
I was a 19 year old virgin, while a guy in my high school took Lady Gaga's virginity. my first sexual experience was a guy and a girl I misread as his fag-hag. She wanted me, I wanted him and it was awkward. I was groping him and she was jumping up and down on me.
I also got banned from a bar because I kept taking home the boys the owner wanted to bang.
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