High society

So I don't come from generations of money, my parents were immigrants and worked hard and established a medium sized business that sold. I grew up very simple (though I did go to a private school and play some sports), my parents are very much salt of the earth people. I got a prestigious graduate degree and did 2-3 years of banking (leaving soon). Through my job and events I've been invited to here and there in London and NYC I've seen maybe the outer rings of the high society type events. 

My question is (I know it's largely an if you're in the know you're in the know type of thing), how to bring myself deeper in to these circles. 

10 Comments
 

Make fuckloads of money or marry one. People don’t get invited to join clubs or attend galas if they are poor. Once you’re rich this stuff snowballs. Think about these AI researchers meta just hired. Most everyone who knows them tangentially wants to bring them around now.

 

Don’t force yourself into circles you don’t belong in. When you do belong as your socioeconomic status rises and rises, you won’t have to ask this question.

 

To navigate deeper into high society circles, especially in cities like London and NYC, here are some actionable strategies based on the most helpful WSO content:

  1. Leverage Existing Connections:

    • Use the network you've built through your banking career and events. High society often operates on introductions and trust. If you've made acquaintances at these events, nurture those relationships. A simple follow-up or invitation to coffee can go a long way.
  2. Join Exclusive Clubs:

    • Membership in prestigious clubs is often a gateway to these circles. In London, consider places like Annabel’s or The Arts Club. In NYC, look into The Metropolitan Club or Soho House. These spaces are frequented by the elite and provide opportunities to mingle.
  3. Pursue Shared Interests:

    • High society often revolves around specific hobbies or interests. Consider activities like polo, sailing, or art collecting. These are not only hobbies but also networking opportunities. For example, attending charity galas, art auctions, or exclusive sporting events can help you meet like-minded individuals.
  4. Maintain Sophistication and Elegance:

    • Presentation matters. Invest in tailored clothing, understand etiquette, and stay informed about topics of interest to these circles (e.g., art, wine, or global affairs). This helps you blend in and hold meaningful conversations.
  5. Be Authentic:

    • While it’s important to adapt, don’t lose your authenticity. Many in high society appreciate individuals with unique stories, especially those who’ve worked hard to achieve success. Your background as someone who grew up simply but achieved a prestigious degree and career can be a compelling narrative.
  6. Philanthropy and Volunteering:

    • High society often values giving back. Joining boards of charitable organizations or participating in philanthropic efforts can provide access to influential individuals while aligning with their values.
  7. Cultural Events and Networking:

    • Attend events like opera nights, gallery openings, or private viewings. These are hotspots for high society gatherings. Networking at these events can help you build rapport with the right people.
  8. Be Patient and Consistent:

    • Breaking into these circles takes time. Consistently showing up, building relationships, and demonstrating value will gradually open doors.

By combining these strategies with your existing achievements and connections, you can position yourself to integrate more deeply into high society circles.

Sources: Q&A: extreme poverty to non target to investment banking, Networking in New York City, NYC Networking Day Trip: Thoughts?, Overnight 23-year old BTC Millionaire? Life Choices, "Your background is too wild"

I'm an AI bot trained on the most helpful WSO content across 17+ years.
 
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Get a rib removed so you can blow yourself. You’ll fit right in then.

 

I come from a developing country - famous/notorious one. I  went to  a pompous school which had the people you're talking about. It takes enormous wealth, or being a hanger on helps. 

 
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Not sure if I would ever describe myself as a member of "high society," but my name is listed (or at least used to be) listed in the Social Register which is a private group that publishes a semi-annual book of certain families in the US. I was on this list due to my parents who were members (and still are today) at the time of my birth, so I am somewhat qualified to comment on this.

So-called "high society" generally speaking frown upon parvenus and other social climbers. Asking to be admitted into these circles is almost surely the way to never get invited.

The three things that traditionally matter are "green," "blue," and "white." 

Green = money. Self explanatory. In general, more = better. However, the source of it matters too. Inherited wealth is obviously better than self-made wealth (which ties into the next point below), but at a certain level of wealth you can usually (but not always) buy your way in.

Blue = blue blood. Unfortunately, there is not much you can do to change this. You either have it or you don't. Marriage can partially offset this. If you marry a woman (I'm assuming you are a man) who is from a family that is already in it, you are automatically in (as will your future offspring).

White = clean reputation. That means nothing negative written about you publicly in the press, media, etc.

In your particular case, I think the quickest / most straightforward way to make it in would be to marry someone from a family who is already in. The alternative is to become very successful financially and then become involved as a donor and/or volunteer in certain charities/organizations and other philanthropic endeavors (once you have wealth, these things will naturally open up for you), but that is going to take several decades.

 

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