What is something someone did that made you realize they are genuine and that they have your best interest?
What are some signs people look for before they start placing trust in someone else?
How do you meet trustworthy people and be friends with them?
Anyone got backstabbed and what happened?
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I've been told by people I 100% trust and who have no skin in the game that I can be too cynical.
That being said, I trust those who have made it clear their goal in life is not the "path" which I suppose is only applicable to my age. I suppose some good general advice comes from the Reagan era saying "trust, but verify." It's good to trust people, but don't rely on them completely.
In my opinion, it takes a certain level of intelligence to determine if someone is trustworthy. I also believe that most people do not have that skill. I don't have that skill.
Call me cynical, call me drunk after seeing my team lose the Elite Eight tonight, but I believe that the people who intrinsically know who's safe and who isn't are born with that ability.
That's an interesting take!
Hypothetically, if you were at an event and someone pulled you aside and said, "Hi, Mr Incredible, sorry to bother you, but you got something in your nose and I can see it. I just wanted to help and point that out to you so you don't go walking around with boogers in your nose". Would you consider that person a good person and someone you would trust?
I feel like trust isn't something that is plain black and white. It's something that is built up over time with actions and doing the right thing over and over. That above scenario is someone doing what is right, but that doesn't mean that is someone that is trustworthy based on 1 action.
I just feel like as I get older I don't know who to trust anymore. As a kid it's easy to see if someone is good or bad for you. As I get older I can't quite tell if I should tell my certain buddies about certain things. There are things I feel like people just have to keep to themselves and sometimes trusting people is just way harder. It's also harder to make new friends these days. Everyone is kind of on edge and more protected and less open than normal. I don't know what it is but that seems to be my perception lately.
What team were you rooting for by the way? I'm kind of sad Coach K is retiring! Man's a legend!
I'd check my nose. If they're right, then maybe that's a point in their favor. You absolutely shouldn't trust someone based on one action. I think that even if some people are trustworthy under normal circumstances, there can come a time where they won't be.
Like I said, I just feel like people will act in their own best interest, and I don't blame them. Perhaps it's my own behavior that leads me to this thought. I love to help people just for the sake of it, but I also can't help but feel like me being nice will result in those people being nice to me in the future. Idk. I'm too young too make an ultimate decision on this.
I suppose part of it is having been told by junior and senior bankers that they think I'm great and that they'll refer me, but nothing came of it. I don't blame them, they do what they have to, and in many cases it's not in their control, but it still hurts.
And lol. You're right Coach K is legendary. Absolutely fantastic coach who has brought America to victory in the Olympics too. Just sad the underdog Houston lost to Villanova. Maybe Saint Peter's will beat UNC tomorrow. Made a post about it in off topic, but the mods thought it would be cool to move it to the GMAT forum for some reason.
The one think you can trust is that people act in a way that they believe serves their own interests.
I think to determine if someone is trustworthy, you have to look at their actions not their words, are their actions consistent? Are they willing to sacrifice something or take some pain because they refuse to act in a way counter to their princples. People's reaction to your succes or wins, career wise, losing weight etc can tell you a lot. Are they sincerely happy for you? Are they willing to speak harsh truths instead of saying what you like to hear?
I my experience it is extremely rare to find genuine trustworthy friends.
Most people's relationships are very shallow nowadays, drinking buddies, work frenemies etc.
I think it's also a culturel shift in a way in the past 50 years. People seem to have lot more of a shallow view of life and are more focused on the latest gimmick or trend, the latest Cause célèbre they can put all their attention on,
What is something someone did that made you realize they are genuine and that they have your best interest?
I was going through a dark time about ~3-4 years ago. Some very loyal friends helped me get through it. I was pretty miserable to be around for at least a few months.
What are some signs people look for before they start placing trust in someone else?
I honestly have a lot of trouble trusting people due to some sour relationships where I felt it was very one-sided (I was the one often talking more than the other about my life but they never divulged on their personal lives) and my privacy wasn't respected. Gossiping behind my back etc. To be honest, I'm still very disappointed at this friend group for these reasons amongst others.
How do you meet trustworthy people and be friends with them?
Over time and experience. Two of my HS friends have been on-off friends due to going to different schools/living in different cities. Reconnected with them a few years back and they've been amazing during the pandemic. There's of course some personal matters I only discuss with family. I'd be honest, in the past 4 years. I had a lot of weird friendships that felt like loyal/trusthworthy people but almost all of them were very fake.
Anyone got backstabbed and what happened?
No situation comes to mind as an adult.
This does not lend itself to a binary assessment. Think of it as a sliding scale i.e., you can trust a given person to a given extent. You can trust a close friend to keep a secret. But if you murdered someone? You could trust your mom (probably) rather than a friend. So, different people can be trusted to different extent.
As someone else said above, imho it’s much more of a sliding scale than being a binary trustworthy/dishonest measure.
Also as mentioned above, I think you have to recognize that ultimately everybody acts in their best interest. Aside from your immediate family, spouse etc (hopefully!) there is no-one who is going to “take a bullet for you.” By that I mean you might be really good friends with someone - but if they were your colleague and the boss asked them should you or they be promoted, what do you think they’d say? Equally if a hypothetical billionaire said “I’ll give you $100k if you never speak to your friend again” I’m sure a lot of people would take that up very quickly.
I think you can tell relatively quickly if someone is generally sneaky/dishonest/manipulative etc - and those people I stay clear of. I would say all of my best friends are relatively honest and genuine people. I would trust them all enough to confide in them, and I’ve never known a time in all our years of friendship when they’ve tried to screw me over.
Of course we’re not in competition with each other eg work colleagues, so I can’t say whether they would ever screw me over to get a promotion or not. But realistically unless that type of situation ever arises, it’s not worth worrying about.
Sorry this might sound a bit cynical - I honestly do believe in friendships (and have a good circle of friends) - but realistically most people only truly care about themselves and their immediate family when push comes to shove (and from an evolutionary perspective it should be that way I guess).
I agree with you in principle. I don't think it's that easy to tell among your "supposed" friends. A guy and I go back 19 years. He had some issues that were evident from an early age (supreme overconfidence, entitlement, drawn to friends richer than him), and then later on, developed gambling issues, where he'd take money from friends and not return them back. Everyone was willing to cut him slack in the beginning, until he began to screw over friends' friends too (with the same gambling antics, taking money from folks and then going MIA) and later started bad-mouthing friends, who'd helped him stabilize his career, saying they were just lucky and suck-ups to their bosses. Sometimes it's hard to cut out people, with whom you go back some time, because you want them to get out of their rut and help them in that regards, but you eventually realize that not everyone wants to be helped to the extent you thought they would, are trying to take advantage of you, and it's important to cut them out completely than continue to take a liability risk on your balance sheet.
I think it is important to realize that trust is earned over time. Same with being genuine. Trust can be defined in many different contexts. For example, I trust that if I called any of my best friends in a pinch with a true emergency, they would drop everything to help me out. If I needed to go to the ER, if I needed to be bailed out, if I was in a situation that required immediate intervention, that even if it was 3 AM, they would come to my aid immediately. Many of my friends are people I have been close with for over a decade. Through these long durations you see people at their best, their worst, and everywhere in between. It is oftentimes when you see people at your worst, and they see you at yours, that you quickly learn how much you can trust someone. The people I consider my closest friends have been there for me during emergencies (e.g., I got a horrible concussion at 230 AM and was alone and couldnt reach any family). It is important that once someone has truly earned your trust, you reciprocate whenever possible. You need to have a short list of people you will always help. If they reach out because they cant pay their rent, got a drunk and disorderly and need bailing out, or even a referral to your company, you will provide all of these and more.
Never fully trust anyone. Not even friends, not even family.
Put people in a situation where they have to choose your interests vs. theirs and they will pick theirs. Nothing wrong in that, it's easier to get through accepting this as normal and predicting it will happen at some point.
As the saying goes, I trust people as far as I can throw them.
Ego
Bad mouthing
Boasting
Usually says I rather than we
Lies
Just a few.
Yeah I had a girl backstab me when I didn't do anything wrong, except not give her attention. Girls are crazy.
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