How do you people deal with aging? How do you guys deal with getting old, looks fading, and body getting fucked up?

Do you guys ever get insecure as you get old and start to feel fucked up? Curious to see what it is like from a guys perspective. I know women tend to make a bigger deal out of it than men. Do you just let it be and don't give a fuck? I feel like some people age like crazy in their 20's. Some really don't age much, but then it hits them like rocks super fast in their 30's. How do you guys deal with it? 

59 Comments
 

I feel you. I was literally not sleeping in my early 20s and that fucked me up. Lately, I've been sleeping better and I feel way healthier. I started to realize at 25 I need to start developing good habits cause if I don't I will start to go downhill crazy fast. That means no more staying up late until like 4AM with the boys. No more drinking soda and eating sweets. Shit just hits different when people start to get older. 

 

Ageing is a myth.

People just think they have to give up on fitness/being healthy because they are 30+ so they do it. 

You want an idol? Look at Greg Norman. Your body should be able to do anything in your 30s, 40s, 50s, and yes, even 60s. Sure it eventually will fade as all things to but not nearly as quick as most people think

 

Guys don’t start to look really old until 50; girls that don’t take care of themselves start to look old at 30. Also, when girls hit 30, their amount of viable eggs starts to decrease every year, so girls freak out a lot more about aging, especially if they are single.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Biggest thing for me is similar to what others are saying: staying in shape. It gets harder as you get older mostly because you have less time (family, work, etc) but if you are disciplined about it you can make it work (and I’m assuming you are in a field that, while stressful in hours worked, gives you lots of flexibility on affording childcare, gym memberships, etc). I’m probably one of the older members on this site (I’ll be nice and say mid 30’s but some may say late…) and I would say I’m very close to the best shape I’ve ever been in. Now, that does mean I get up at 6 AM every day, but I enjoy it. 

 

Best part is the older you are the greater the returns from exercise and diet. Being fit / thin is table stakes when you are 18-22, young, in college, etc. When you are 30s, 40s, 50s, etc it makes you stand out and in a positive way.

Also while everyone is complaining about joints hurting from a game of softball while you are able to do a triathlon is a great feeling

 
Most Helpful
  1. less is more. before you listen to david sinclair and start taking an alphabet soup of supplements that haven't been around that long (BY THE WAY HE DOESNT EVEN LIFT) remove garbage from your diet. hard to have good overall health if you get 4 hours of sleep every weekend and drink a 30 rack of bud lights Fri-Sun, no amount of NMN or NAD will fix that. specifically with food/diet
    1. get and stay insulin sensitive, do a fasting glucose test to figure out if you are there. if not, lose body weight, quit seed oils & vegetable oils, limit or eliminate simple sugars
    2. don't be afraid of dietary cholesterol and fat, just make sure it's not polyunsaturated or trans fat. people have been eating fat for millenia, so should you
    3. focus on sourcing. grass fed butter, free range non antibiotic chicken, etc., all of that stuff matters
    4. everything in moderation. eat until you're 80% full unless you're an endurance athlete, eat slowly, drink sparingly. no extreme diet is correct, variety is correct. sometimes you should eat vegan, sometimes you should eat pescatarian, sometimes carnivore, sometimes you should fast. a varied diet is a happy diet.
    5. make unhealthy situations more bearable with small choices. client dinner at a fancy steakhouse? order the 4oz petite filet with no butter, oil & vinegar only on the salad, skip the bread, and have fruit for dessert. you can do business travel healthily, trust me. cocktail hour? cut yourself off early, have a light breakfast or fast, and make sure you get on the treadmill for a half hour to sweat out your demons
  2. develop a love for exercise, but again moderation. I know exactly zero old people who have aged well who don't have a varied routine. some cardio, some high intensity, some weights, and plenty of relaxation. my advice is to try to find what your body wants to be (are you an ectomorph, endomorph, or mesomorph?) and train to that. powerlifting was fun for a while for me, got to some good numbers, but my natural size is skinny plus some muscle (think david goggins/edson barboza current build), so I train to that. find things you love to do and you can do them for life. however, every workout needs some of the following
    1. high HR activity
    2. something to develop bone density (running, kickboxing, weightlifting)
    3. compound movements (think kettlebell swings over bicep curls)
    4. mobility (you should be able to at least touch your toes, ideally lay your hands flat on the ground)
    5. not overtraining
  3. maintain social relationships. do you call your parents often? if you don't have a relationship with them or if they've died, do you have people in your family/circle who you care about and regularly contact to shoot the shit? if not, start. even if it's 15 minutes and there's no subject, it helps. more specifically
    1. as you age, your relationships will get narrow and deep. nurture them. during free moments, fire off a text or give a call to somebody, maybe it's a bad time, but sometimes the simple fact they know you're thinking about them puts out some positivity in the world. I also like to call people during road trips, great way to distract myself from boring interstate time
    2. cut out toxic relationships, the people you surround yourself with need to make you a better person and want the best for you. if they're bitter, mean, rude, greedy, you don't need em and they're probably too narcicisstic to think they need you, so fuck em
    3. be curious, sure everybody loves to talk about themselves (part of the reason I write on WSO), but ask questions. people are interesting, so figure out how they're interesting. if you want tips on becoming a good conversationalist, ask, but it's not very complicated
  4. challenge your mind. just like a body at rest tends to stay at rest, so too does the mind. regardless of what it is you're doing, always be learning. and NO, that does not mean "staying up to date on current events," that has the opposite effect. no, I mean learning a skill like knitting, woodworking, or gardening, or a subject like math, history, foreign language, music, or an art like writing, painting, sculpting. 
  5. EDIT: MAINTAIN LOW STRESS. if you're constantly worried, that's going to do a number on your psyche and your heart, stop it. some tactics
    1. stop social media, you can stay in touch with your circle in other ways, your family can create an icloud that family pictures are sent to, and you quite frankly don't "need" any of it
    2. minimize news consumption, it's an entertainment business not an information business. their job is to keep eyes glued to the screen and because of our neurophysiology, it's easier to maintain attention with fear and worry, so minimize that.
    3. simplify your life. the most worried retirees are the ones who own 3 large pieces of personal real estate, have 5 cars, risky investments that they manage themselves (only giving us a piece of it), and are on their 3rd marriage. live simply, shun the materialistic, have nice things and then keep them forever. buy broad based index funds or a simple portfolio of blue chips so you can sleep well at night. live below your means so you have built in hedges against inflation and catastrophe
    4. breathwork/meditation/self care/decompress. do you regularly decompress? it needs to be a daily ritual. even something as simple as preparing a nice meal with your spouse and a glass of wine can be meditative, you don't need to go full lotus for 60 minutes.
 

This is just such a fantastic post, I felt obliged to comment just to share how great it is. I’m mid 30s and in very good shape, but it takes a lot of effort, primarily in diet. Also, my biggest problem isn’t the desire to exercise, it’s that I seem to pull a new muscle every single week which makes it more challenging to consistently do cardio. I should probably take a “slow and steady” approach but I don’t generally work that way …. It’s either extreme dieting / exercise or not … and strained muscles makes it hard to go full throttle all the time!

CompBanker’s Career Guidance Services: https://www.rossettiadvisors.com/
 

CB, I was like you and then I suffered 2 grade 2 tears in my lower back and never want that feeling again, I'd rather break my leg again than tear a back muscle. david goggins is great for motivation but not for longevity. listen to your body. I do not plan my workout regimen, I go completely by feel. today I feel pretty good, but monday I was a bit tight in my upper body from trimming trees all weekend so I took it easy on the volume and focused more on cardio and legs. didn't sleep well last night? probably dangerous to go hard on power cleans. another thing that helps is dedicated stretching time. I stretch at least 3x a week and usually more. this combined with not trying to be a hero in the gym every day like I used to be has helped. sometimes you should go hard af, it's fun every once in a while plus it's good to see where your boundaries are, but your body needs time to recover and unless you're training for something, what're you trying to prove?

 

Stairmaster is pretty good and low impact.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
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Really great post all around, seriously. Think a lot of mental health issues people have today (self confidence, anxiety, depression) would be resolved with the above. Physical exercise, staying away from your tech toys and getting really deep in something, etc. 

Can tell you know what you are talking about with the train to your body type piece. Frustrating, as I would prefer to get bigger with weights in the gym but much more difficult to progress there than things that match my body type

 

thanks bro, I found the body type part out the hard way, put on about 25lbs of weight about 10 years ago and got pretty big but it was miserable. I had to eat 4 meals a day because my metabolism was still (and still is) pretty ridiculous and I was slow as fuck. I went on a surf trip later that year and while I had the biggest pecs of everybody, I was also the slowest. never again, I'm happy to be skinny shredded.

I mention that because if you look at someone like the rock or jocko you may think that's possible. sure, if you're a mesomorph, but if you're a natural beanpole like me, your body doesn't want to be that big, and it'll take some experimentation to figure that out. it probably took me 6-8 years after graduating college to really figure out what my body naturally likes, but once you get there, it's a beautiful thing

 

Man, the amount of wisdom which you share with us is immensely appreciated.

Do you think about writing a book or starting a blog? You have a lot of interesting things to say, for sure.

 

I have thought about it. I wrote an essay to practice one of my languages and the exercise was a lot of fun. I think if I ever do write, it'll be a collection of essays and random musings versus anything narrative. my current book idea is a collection of things I've learned from my work that have nothing to do with investing. I'm intimately involved in people's lives and see the progression. so while the last thing the world needs is a book on "how to live and die well" I would be remiss if I didn't write it down at least for myself, because writing forces one to sharpen their ideas.

and I'm not special my guy, I just love to read and ask questions. there are no new ideas, the best ideas just happen to not reside in the places 99% of the country with internet access goes, so it takes time to figure it out. I only have the benefit of being an old soul and eccentric.

 

As someone who turned 36 recently, thebrofessor and CompBanker echoes a lot of related points.  

1.  Find work that gives you a good work/life balance.  This is essential.  You don't want to do the hard hours at my age, given its detrimental to you personally and mentally.  I know one too many people who aged too fast/burned out and turned towards drugs because of the demands of work.

2.  Staying in shape - I am going to be start lifting weights after being off for awhile (comprised of me being lazy, suspecting a rotator cuff injury), but I will do so with lighter weights.  Best thing one can do is actually build better cardio, so one of my goals is to get a bicycle machine inside the house (running can be too load in the morning - and I don't want to injure my knees).

3.  Diet = I am slowly reducing my milk fat intake, went from full-fat to 2%, and it's a notable difference already.  As thebrofessor mentioned, diet is very important along with maintaining blood sugar glucose levels.  Skip the sugary beverages, and go with diet/sugar free/zero types.  If you have an urge, do a small taste, but make sure a small taste...I say this because you will definitely feel it in the morning.  Also drink lots of water.

My friends, the ones that are still alive, although appeared to be well on social media - are taking numerous, if not dozens of medications (hard medications) just to survive.  The others are either mentally broken, or physically handicapped in some way already.  This can be just painful to see, sometimes.  Be there for them, but take care of yourself first.  Go see a doctor, get a physical wellness done, and make sure your life is situated properly - a therapist is highly useful for this.

The hardest part in these moments are seeing family (parent) aging.  It is something no one can stop, but make sure you are taking care of yourself first. 

Also, go travel and see as much as the world as you can.  You will learn a lot about yourself in these moments. 

Live within your means, take care of your health, and enjoy each moment of happiness when it comes.

 

Clean diet + working out. Don't smoke/do drugs at all. Couple of drinks per month max. Keeping your dopamine levels high will prevent aging (no pornography, greasy/sugary food, excess social media, etc.) 8 hours of sleep. 

Staying single also helps; the wrong woman can age you quickly. 

I'm in my late 20s. Its a shame to see what has happened to some of my friends from my target. Idiots killed themselves working from birth till now. Stressful grade school experience, stressful undergrad experience, and stressful job experience. Some of my friends  have health issues already like diabetes, depression, obesity, blood pressure, heart issues, erectile dysfunction, etc. All for what? 

Life is a marathon not a sprint. Take a less stressful gig. Longevity in a career matters more than short term gains. Have a positive outlook on life and enjoy it.

Array
 

It scares me. Im only 22 but I have been starting to see the signs. I have been using Rogaine for years to preemptively keep my hairline from receding. It has worked so far and my hairline has moved forward. 

I take collagen supplements almost everyday. I have been working out more, drinking tons of water, but aging is something that scares me. 

There has been a ton of research in anti aging tech and medicine, Bezos invested billions into some startup that had slowed down and reversed aging in mice 

https://www.technologyreview.com/2021/09/04/1034364/altos-labs-silicon-…

Hopefully I will be able to afford this kind of medicine if it ever comes out within the next ~20 years 

 

why don't you eliminate bullshit from your life instead of trying supplements that have no long term data (e.g. hundreds of years of proof like we have for low stress, exercise, and olive oil)

EDIT: I realize this came off as harsh. I have seen people age poorly and age well, it's really not all that complicated dude. in addition to what I wrote above, you must also become comfortable with yourself and not stay attached to your youth. the best way I can advise to get good at that is self improvement and goal setting

 

Brofessor speaking the truth! We all gonna age regardless so make the best effort to stay the course. I think the best thing we can do to prolong our youth and look good comes down to a few things that are very simple and easy.

Some of them literally has to do with: 

Eating a good balance diet, stay active/workout, Drink water, sleep well/manage stress (This is most important and it's a main cause of aging). Lastly, we all age so it is what it is. Make peace and love yourself before anything! There is a saying how can you love someone else if you don't even love yourself. Shit is pretty real! 

 
thebrofessor

why don't you eliminate bullshit from your life instead of trying supplements that have no long term data (e.g. hundreds of years of proof like we have for low stress, exercise, and olive oil)

EDIT: I realize this came off as harsh. I have seen people age poorly and age well, it's really not all that complicated dude. in addition to what I wrote above, you must also become comfortable with yourself and not stay attached to your youth. the best way I can advise to get good at that is self improvement and goal setting

Honestly, reduce the amount of chemicals utilized on yourself.  Agree with the rest of thebrofessor said in this post.  Anti-aging medications are years away from ever going to market, this is assuming that it can get through the clinical trials and FDA approved stages - becomes profitable.  

Easiest is to be simple and cut out the nasty things in life.

Also - reduce caffeine intake.

 

This is gonna sound depressing....but is it bad that I don't really...care?? I'm probably at my "prime" right now, 5'10, 160 pounds, 22 years old, run at least a mile a day, workout 30-45 minutes a day, eat tons of protein and healthy food, so I have a sort of lean build with visible abs...and I get 0 attention. Nothing. Still feel disrespected when I go out and try to make conversation with people, and honestly I just feel invisible. So my thinking is basically...how can it get worse right now?

Maybe if I was a hot chick that got a lot of benefits and attention and respect from my looks and body, I'd be scared. But no, that's clearly not the case for me; the complete opposite, if anything, is going on. What I'm scared about is not being able to do all the physical activities that I'm able to do right now, but like I said, I'm an active person and don't drink or smoke or anything so I'm sure I'll age fine. Also, I'm Asian and feel confident in saying that we do tend to age better than most other ethnicities. 

Again, main problem is like..it doesn't matter for me. I always feel invisible anyways lol

 

“Forget living to 100… scientists are aiming for 150! Anti-ageing experts believe feat should be possible for babies born in 2070”

https://www.dailymail.co.uk/health/article-10639315/amp/How-150-new-70-…

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Speaking as a younger person (so take it for whats its worth).

Should you feel insecure--> No. If you're in the US, there's always a push to feel bad as you age, but that's only because someone makes an industry of it and they get paid. I remember a while back reading that the same tactics they use in women's ads/magazines to make them feel bad about their bodies were starting to be adopted aimed at men. Aging isn't a bad thing, its just a society that makes people feel bad for it. Especially if you're a man, its way easier to age than it is for a woman, because society usually just judges woman on looks. 

Do you feel fucked up--> Mainly this is in your hands. People mainly get this way because let it happen to them (outside of an accident or medical condition). You decide what you eat/put in your body and decide how you want to take care of yourself (sleep, diet, time slept sitting watching TV). I see it first hand, its why people in America are so obese/overweight. No one eats rights or moves. Is it really that difficult if you're 60/retired to do 200 body squats each day, that would go a long way, but how many people do that. 

 

I'm getting close to my mid-30s and I still look really young (a lot of my friends who are 25-27 assume I'm their age until I tell them I'm almost 32). Genetics definitely has something to do with it, but you can't change those, so you need to focus on maximizing the factors you can control:

1. Diet: I'm a firm believer that food is medicine and you are what you eat. I eat a high protein diet and eat exceptionally clean 85%-90% of the time. This is particularly important as you get older and your metabolism slows. Focus on getting a high amount of protein (~1g per lb of bodyweight) and fill the rest with healthy carbs/fat. I think digging into the nuts and bolts on whether high carb or high fat is better is majoring in the minors. I have tried just about every diet and didn't notice much difference between eating sweet potatoes vs avocadoes, as long as protein and calories were the same. Just make it a habit to make healthy choices even when you're traveling for work or at team dinners and don't give into temptation every night. Also, drink a lot of water. I probably have at least 100 oz per day, if not more. The 8 glasses per day thing should be bare minimum. 

2. Exercise: IME, resistance training is often an afterthought versus just cardio training for businesspeople. I haven't been good about doing cardio, which I'm changing now, but being strong and having muscle mass is critically important for health and body composition. I think everyone can benefit from barbell training and reaching at least intermediate strength standards for their bodyweight (see this site: https://strengthlevel.com/one-rep-max-calculator). Since I've upped my cardio, I've also noticed my lifts are getting better, despite the misconception that "cardio kills gains". What I'm settling more on these days is a 3x a week full body workout with 2-3 days of light cardio and stretching in between. I'm not also pushing too hard on the strength because I've hit the intermediate stage and am not looking to compete athletically. It's not worth the stress on my body anymore, but younger folks can probably lift more than I am currently.

3. Lifestyle: Kind of goes hand-in-hand with the first two points. I've never really been a party animal that likes drinking/doing drugs all the time and that has helped a lot w/r/t not aging. There are some people that manage to drink like a fish and still are in better shape than me, but the vast majority of people my age that did that all throughout their 20s look miserable now at my age. This isn't to say that you shouldn't go out ever, but I've found that 2-3x a month is enough for me to stay relevant socially without damaging my body from the constant stress. I've also found that day-drinking is much preferable to going out at night. People are friendlier and you still get a full night's sleep at the end of the day. Just like with everything in life, moderation is key and partying is no exception.

The last thing that I think has helped me is the fact that I work a much lower stress job (but still stressful relative to most careers) than just about everyone on here. I get that money is important, but I don't really see the point of being miserable just so I can make $400K and have no time to myself versus making $200K and at least having some semblance of a weekend. This isn't something I can "recommend" because everyone's interests and ambitions are different, but I look at partners even at my firm (no, I'm not at MBB) and most of them are some combination of divorced (sometimes multiple times), 40-going-on-60 looking, and overall just stressed and miserable. Everything I've read so far says that stress and a lack of strong relationships leads to premature aging. Again, everyone's goals in life are different but really think about the costs that it takes to get there and how badly you really want whatever you're chasing.

 

This is a great post! I agree with a lot of your points. I read it somewhere that any salary above 70k a year really doesn't change the level of overall happiness in people. Once people have their basic needs met no extra amount of money really changes much. Sure, those who make 400k a year can ball out and buy more expensive stuff, but honestly life isn't really made to be about materialistic things to begin with. In the end It's really all about who people surround themselves with. The expriences, good food, good friends...stuff like that.

People can be happy broke and they are winning over someone whose making a million a year and is constantly thinking about killing him/herself. Sometimes making a lot of money can get people golden handcuffed for life. Of course, it depends on their lifestyle. An old MD who has like 5 houses and 3 kids have to keep working to pay for the mortgage and afford tuition for his kids. I think unnecessary lifestyle creep can cause a lot of problems for people. Living a good basic life and have everything as simple as possible is important. 

Managing stress/ drinking water is also a huge factor to staying young and looking good. Overall, Awesome post! Thanks for sharing! 

 

To be honest, I think the $70K thing is a bit outdated and might not be adjusted for inflation, etc. I don't think $70K is super cushy, certainly not "luxurious", for single people in even formerly "cheap" cities, like Austin, Atlanta, etc. anymore. I candidly can't imagine trying to raise a family on $70K in Chicago even if you had two people earning $70K - forget about NYC/SF, which are in a tier even above that. I would imagine for most major cities, it's close to at least $100K for most people. You could even have a reasonable argument for upwards of $120K+ with how expensive housing is lately.

All that aside, I think you're absolutely right that people on here severely overrated how much money you need to be happy. I'm probably making a little less than most 1st year IB analysts but I have more money than I know what to do with. A big reason why though is that I have very few "wants". I've posted on here before about how I think it's important to indulge for sure, but I think the problem is people mistake "living your life" with spending big on everything, even if it only has a marginal impact on happiness. If you want to have all luxury everything, then yes, you obviously need the stressful corporate gig that gives you the paycheck to do that. If you're selective about what you want to spend on and what you can skip, however, you could actually end up being happier, because you can still afford items that move the needle for you from a happiness perspective without increasing your stress levels to obtain it.

For example, I love traveling, but hate long flights. Even though I can't afford it 100% of the time, I've decided to try to budget for flying business class for as many of my international travels as I can because the lie-flat seats and being rested/less stressed while flying has a much higher marginal impact on my happiness than, for example, eating out or other things people spend on. Because this is a big expense, my choices are either make due with my income level and save/cut back on other stuff accordingly, or I need to take an even more stressful job so I can "have my cake and eat it too". Choosing the later, which I think many on this site would do, comes with non-monetary trade-offs though, namely your time and health, which are two things I'll never compromise on.

The main point though is the fact that I can afford to do something I never dreamed of being able to do as a kid (flying business class internationally) makes me feel "rich" even though I'm a pauper on the relative scale compared to folks in high finance. That's why I think having some introspection and not just chasing prestige, money, etc. without having some idea of who you are, what fascinates you, and where you want to be in a few years is important. Otherwise, you're mostly just doing what society/your family and peers want you to do rather than being your own person, which isn't a great feeling for most people.

TL;DR: the ideal compensation number to be "happy" IME is like a vagina - it's lower than you think

 

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