How is it Remotely Possible to Start A Family Before MD?
PE associate now at a MF and planning on getting married in the next several years. Was hoping to start having kids before I turn 30 / at VPish level, but now seeing how things are in my group, I think that’s completely off the table.
This industry is so fucked lol. Most people in my group under the age of 35 are not married and have no significant other. No one in my group under the age of 40 has kids. Pretty easy to see why as everyone pre-MD works late and also on the weekends. I have talked about this with my friends too and it is no different at their shops.
I realize I can’t have my cake and it eat it too - but having to choose between being a childless 40 year old loser who makes good money but is a slave to his job or being chronically middle class for the rest of my life just seems like two trash options - especially since I’ve spend the last 10 years of my life grinding just to get into my current seat in the first place.
This shit is borderline dystopian lol. It’s even worse if you are a girl because you are essentially forced into being a geriatric mother. My parents had me in their 20s and I really appreciate how they were able to do stuff with me, even now in my mid 20s, uninhibited by age. I know I am already past that point, but it makes me quite sad to think that I may end up on the other end of the spectrum where I’ll be a 60 year old dad with kids in high school.
Does anyone have experience having kids at a more junior level? There is obviously a reason why it’s rare but I’d be interested to hear about it
Having a senior VP's budget while being single and in shape in nyc is a dream lifestyle. Men suffer almost no age related degradation in fertility until ~45-50. Age related sarcopenia is a symptom of modern lifestyles and can be easily attenuated with modest resistance training through your 70s+.
On your first point - that is probably true for some, but I personally have no interest in womanizing. I find my relationship rewarding and I am very grateful to have a support system as I go through the grind years of banking and PE.
To counter your second point, female fertility starts degrading in late 20s and more rapidly after 35. If you are interested in having a partner similar age to you, this could potentially be an issue. Nothing wrong dating someone 10 -15 years younger than you, but personally not something I want to do.
Username checks out.
To be fair OP, you should've seen this coming a long time ago. Contrary to popular belief, men and women are not the same. As a man starting at 18, you should be able to peak every year for the next 30. I honestly don't think you should be worrying about having kids before or even around 30, especially if you plan to have it with a woman around the same age. We've seen it time and time again where dudes spend their 20s grinding it out, just to end up with a girl who now wants to "settle down", which is just womanese for: "..I spent my hotter years fucking guys I actually want, but didn't wanna commit to me; now I'm settling with you..."
Point is, I think you've got nothing to worry about brother. Get jacked, chase that check, and stay in your own lane.
It sounds like OP already has someone excellent/high quality whom he cares about a lot so I don't think the hypothetical of settling for "a girl who now wants to settle down/womanese" is relevant here because he very much so has something to lose here.
If your advice is to abandon his current partner because he can always get someone younger later with his resources then you're just rehashing ilovemoney's suggestion.
To OP I'd probably take the approach of trying to have kids right now anyways and look towards improving efficiency/improving time management + hiring nannies. Then later if you find yourself wanting to re-prioritize, you can look towards changing shops or etc. Money can always be made later but time gone is gone forever, especially the critical years you mentioned of having enough energy to do fun stuff with your kids.
Yeah but a lot of the mega fund and banking VP ultra hardos are not often in shape and often dweebs. Normal Younger girls still in their “prime fertility years” don’t usually like guys like that.
can’t imagine that would be a reliable dating strategy for many of those guys. “Nah I’ll just be a corporate finance drone until I’m VP then I’ll wine and dine some broad to start a family.”
The guys who let themselves go are cooked in any case. The trick is to become a complete stud no matter how old you are and hold yourself to a high physical standard. At that point you've earned the freedom to pick and choose pretty much whoever hot 20 y/o you want. You make your own rules.
Don't you want to be the guy she wants at her peak?
Sounds like you're just at a shitty firm... Every VP+ at my firm is married w/ kids and all senior associates are engaged or married. The choice doesn't have to be "slave or middle class" as you put it, just move downstream from MF to a less sweaty shop
Didn’t read your post. But ya just don’t pull out? In 9 months you have a family!
So in your (seemingly) very black-and-white view of the overall business environment, there is either working like a slave and making millions or working 40 hours a week and not making enough to support a family... Maybe get out of the bubble and you'll see that it's more of a spectrum, I trust with your experience you can find something else that's more sustainable. God speed!
Ignore tag line. I am a VP that is married with kids. If you want to have kids in 20s you will probably need to move shops. There are plenty of PE firms out there that support having some semblance of WLB.
Can you share names
Demographic meat-grinder.
Endowment / foundation space has a very nice wlb. There is also FoF space that can get lucrative with co-investments.
Bro, get married, have kids, and never see them just like everyone else. Stop trying to reinvent the wheel. You’ll have a do-over when you’re 55 and leave your wife for her 27 year old pilates instructor. You can be a dad to your new kids.
Your goal is to find MM / LMM shops that have very high comp and moderate / low hours worked. There are so many of those in New York, just gotta dig deep. You can't find that in Toronto or Europe, only in America, specifically NY.
Can I pm you
If you keep overthinking it and waiting until you feel conditions are "perfect" this first couple will be you.
Lmaoooo
I just made MD and Im JUST having kids and am in my late 30s. That should answer your question.
but you never had the makings of a varsity athelete
athlete*
pls fix
Cry me a river lol. You should have been saving properly and fully invested in the 500 index these past ten years.
How supportive is your partner and what do they do for work? (Assuming spouse) I know plenty of couples in PE/VC/IB that have kids in their grinding years. Usually the other spouse works a 40 hr/week job or stays at home, but they all do it successfully. However, they will also usually save up and exit to a better WLB by the time the baby is 4-5.
The only thing stopping you is you. Weigh what is more important to you and make that decision if the above doesn’t apply. Having kids is a blessing and doing so when you’re young enough to enjoy it is even better.
At OP, the question is, what kind of parent do you want to be, I mean that's the tough decision you have to make right.
You can not have kids, and just grind away at work. Or, you can have kids and still grind away at work and never seen them. Or, you could take a different role and maybe be a little more involved in their lives. Still, you would also take a different thats not as time consuming, and still not be involved in their lives.
In banking, you are probably seeing more people who are making the first 2 decisions. Some of these jobs, yes they are great, you can make a lot of money, but look at what you are giving up. Maybe that trade is fine for you, maybe it's not.
Dear OP or other associates and above,
I am a student who will be working for a top 15 bank soon. I think this dual problem is going to give me nightmares moving forward.
I think its important to be involved in my children's lives. But I can't imagine a mediocre future.
So if you could go back, how would you do structure things differently ? Break off into corp dev, or entrepreneurship - get ahead in those spaces for better WLB and higher pay down the line? Help
Why not just find a middle ground?
Learn to life a simpler lifestyle that doesn’t require a huge budget while still having time to raise a family.
This industry is a trap in the long term with the golden handcuffs and such. Quit after this realization.
Plenty of LCOL to MCOL options around the world. There are so many other ways to make good money that doesn’t involve being chained to your cubicle until your 40s.
Pivot before it’s too late.
Simpler lifestyle meaning average lifestyle? Forego the childhood dream of a lavish lifestyle, having a household name, or a legacy to be remembered by?
It’s all about balance. Difficult to be too specific given circumstances/preferences are different across the board.
One thing is for sure, the hedonic treadmill never ends. You can never make enough money, be powerful enough or leave enough of a legacy (whatever that means) if you can’t draw the line for yourself.
Clearly the folks posting about this are burnt-out and reassessing their future, and rightly so. Perhaps the marginal utility from another million bucks or being able to fly first class is no longer worth sacrificing more important things like family and relationships.
Nothing wrong with a comfortable middle class lifestyle that allows you to be around your family more. Rich and influential people are depressed and stressed out all the time buying things/vices that don’t make them happy anyway in the grand scheme of things. Doesn’t seem like the dream.
Anyway, my point here is to be honest with yourself. If you’re living like a slave with testosterone levels of a 70 year old, maybe it’s time to take a step back and think about what you really value in life.
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