How to support an overworked friend?
Going Off Topic since I need some advice. One of my guy friends is struggling with properly relaxing on his time off. He's constantly thinking of work and he's closing a deal really soon plus he just broke up with his boyfriend and he's not doing great. He's pretty stressed lately and it sucks to see him so down. I gotta give major respect to all of you who have been grinding nonstop and trying to stay sharp while working long periods of time.
For all of you who are dealing with grueling hours, what are some nice things that I could do to make him feel better ? I was thinking of taking him to a Nets game and then take him to his favorite restaurant? Maybe order some food so we could stay home and watch a movie? or i could buy a videogame I know he likes and then learn how to play so I can play with him? I'm also aware that I have to give him his space and let him sleep and enjoy his solitude but i would like to show my support.
If you guys have any other ideas please feel free to speak up, would love to see more advice. Thanks !
Just hang out and listen to him. Don't just hear him and wait for your turn to talk. Let him rant while sipping a beer watching the football game or said favorite movie. Make it a comedy though. Gotta give him a reason to laugh too.
you’re right will do.
Make him food - ask him what his favorite food is and bring over a generous serving, maybe 3 meals worth on a Sunday so he has some meals for the week. Perhaps bring something else and sit and eat it with him. It's what people do for grieving families and new mothers for a reason, home cooked food is just head and shoulders above anything on Seamless.
I also think spending time out of the house, doing things is a better way to recover assuming you're getting at least a bare minimum amount of sleep. Find something low stress that's still an activity (you're in NYC - museum, local holiday attraction, the ballet, some sort of beginner hobby class or one of those paint and drink wine nights?). Nets game is a nice idea too. I find I can stop thinking about work much more when I'm busy with a real activity, rather than just sitting in my house playing video games or watching movies.
Props, you're a great friend.
yeah I think I’m gonna take him to a Nets game and then dinner. He loves being outside when he has time so he’s definitely gonna enjoy it !
No homo?
Ofc not he’s one of my best guy friends ever.
I’m a girl if that was not clear
It's good to support your friends. Find a way to help your friend deal with some of what is bothering him but sometimes people may just need to find a job / firm with less workflow and aligns better with their goals
Thanks for the advice. Don’t worry, I’ll let him vent all he wants since he needs to let it all out with someone he trusts. Then I’ll stick to my original plan, basketball game and dinner. It’s gonna be a good day trust
Your friend is likely this way from work related stress. If he's unhappy or does not deal with stress well, convince him to sign up for a gym, get into meditation, offer advice on how to better deal with stress / managing time better etc
BJ
I’m a straight female but I can send you some of my gay friends number if that’s what you’re interested in. We won’t judge don’t worry
Hey you asked and you received an answer. What is your problem?
If you actually read my previous comments, you would’ve known that he’s gay and that I’m a girl but instead, you decided to say something funny to get SBs. Tragic
He trolled and she trolled back. What's your problem?
He meant Boris Johnson
Just give him a nice pound of kush
.
I’ll think about it.
Nets game seems solid
What a great friend you are
Nets game it is then!
bj
No.
Genuine question: Do you have a crush on him and are hoping he becomes bi (and dates you next) ?
Anyways for a response there are some things you can do to make him feel better
1) Let him vent/rant about work conditions. Guys are known to internalize when they are suffering/going through a rough time (no it is not healthy and yes this is the default for me as well). Even if they need help/someone to talk to, they typically don't reach out. Just having someone to talk to helps a good deal when dealing with stress. If he doesn't immediately mention it, try to ask him about work/how he is feeling until he starts ranting.
2) Get him some good food. It is very easy for guys to start neglecting their appearance/health when work gets tough, and that includes proper food. Of course, having worse food means one feels even worse, which means they eat even trashier food... and it becomes a race to the bottom.
3) Get him to exercise. Again, every easy to neglect health which leads to even more problems
4) Get him outside. I see you mention a baseball game, which is pretty good.
I do not have a crush on him he’s just one of my close friends and i want to show him that even though we don’t talk like we used to, I’ll always be there for him. No romantic feelings whatsoever. And yes, I’ll be taking him to a basketball game, I agree with everything else you said, thanks !
Just listen. He doesn't need advice or compassion, just has to vent a little. Say that you are on his team and you are there for him, that's usually more than enough.
Appreciate the advice, thank you
Dinner -> Knick’s game -> Drinks -> Head -> Bed = Turn’s straight again (if he ever was) and no longer has to be upset of his ex and past bf’s (if there’s been more than one). Plus, if he gets to be with a supportive woman like you, it’s a win for both sides!
Maybe he’ll meet a new guy soon but as far as me and him, it’s all friendly love.
People aren't believing you because normally friends don't act like this. I mean, most romantic partners don't even act like this.
Go ahead and bring on the MS’s. I’m just trying to help both parties in this situation.
They’re just sour because deep down, they wish someone would do this to them.
Gosh I wish I had a friend like you
1. Talk with them about topics that will help them come up with solutions to their problems. For instance, what are some of the reasons for his stress? It's because he doesn't have proper mechanisms to cope with stress? It's because of the company's culture? Did he find any solutions? etc. Talk about it, and see what he says, how appropriate are his thoughts, etc. You could go out and make him unwind for a moment, but again, in the future, the same scenario will repeat because he can't manage stress - so temporary fixes to permanent problems aren't preferred. The more you talk about something, the clearer you start to see it (like journaling), so could help him come up with some fixes.
2. Go out with them, but don't forget nr. 1. They may be overwhelmed and when you're overwhelmed you can't think clearly - you can amplify problems that aren't as big, you're creating dramatic scenarios in your head, etc. So making them leave their solitude could be extremely helpful.
Thank you so much for this, amazing advice. I've already tried to talk to him about his ex bf but he's not really comfortable talking about it yet so i gotta respect that. He's extremely reserved but he's staring to open up. It takes time
Delicate topics such as relationships need to be internalized so those are better to be dealt with alone, and most of the time it's a matter of shifting the perspective around the event.
For instance, he may feel down now because he has thoughts such as "I'll never find again someone like him", "He is unique and I lost it", etc., but one day, you'll see him more energetic, more active, or more talkative, and when you'll ask him what happened he may answer something along the lines of "I've realized that I can't let the past interfere with my future happiness" or something similar, and you'll know that he's making progress.
Are you gay too? Sounds like you’re trying to make a move now that he’s newly single. Not cool bro.
Idk you tell me. Try to read everything I’ve answered and then maybe you’ll get it.
Yes (except you are a straight girl)…
As I’ve said for the third time now this goes beyond just being a normal friend.
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