How to support an overworked friend?

Going Off Topic since I need some advice. One of my guy friends is struggling with properly relaxing on his time off. He's constantly thinking of work and he's closing a deal really soon plus he just broke up with his boyfriend and he's not doing great. He's pretty stressed lately and it sucks to see him so down. I gotta give major respect to all of you who have been grinding nonstop and trying to stay sharp while working long periods of time.

For all of you who are dealing with grueling hours, what are some nice things that I could do to make him feel better ? I was thinking of taking him to a Nets game and then take him to his favorite restaurant? Maybe order some food so we could stay home and watch a movie? or i could buy a videogame I know he likes and then learn how to play so I can play with him? I'm also aware that I have to give him his space and let him sleep and enjoy his solitude but i would like to show my support.

If you guys have any other ideas please feel free to speak up, would love to see more advice. Thanks !

Comments (50)

Nov 14, 2022 - 7:44pm
theAudiophile, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Just hang out and listen to him. Don't just hear him and wait for your turn to talk. Let him rant while sipping a beer watching the football game or said favorite movie. Make it a comedy though. Gotta give him a reason to laugh too.

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Nov 14, 2022 - 8:28pm
eloquence, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Make him food - ask him what his favorite food is and bring over a generous serving, maybe 3 meals worth on a Sunday so he has some meals for the week. Perhaps bring something else and sit and eat it with him. It's what people do for grieving families and new mothers for a reason, home cooked food is just head and shoulders above anything on Seamless.

I also think spending time out of the house, doing things is a better way to recover assuming you're getting at least a bare minimum amount of sleep. Find something low stress that's still an activity (you're in NYC - museum, local holiday attraction, the ballet, some sort of beginner hobby class or one of those paint and drink wine nights?). Nets game is a nice idea too. I find I can stop thinking about work much more when I'm busy with a real activity, rather than just sitting in my house playing video games or watching movies. 

Props, you're a great friend.

Array

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Nov 15, 2022 - 9:48am
NotoriousVIP, what's your opinion? Comment below:

yeah I think I'm gonna take him to a Nets game and then dinner. He loves being outside when he has time so he's definitely gonna enjoy it !

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Nov 14, 2022 - 11:57pm
renomang2002, what's your opinion? Comment below:

It's good to support your friends. Find a way to help your friend deal with some of what is bothering him but sometimes people may just need to find a job / firm with less workflow and aligns better with their goals

Nov 16, 2022 - 2:01pm
NotoriousVIP, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Thanks for the advice. Don't worry, I'll let him vent all he wants since he needs to let it all out with someone he trusts. Then I'll stick to my original plan, basketball game and dinner. It's gonna be a good day trust

Nov 16, 2022 - 5:25pm
renomang2002, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Your friend is likely this way from work related stress. If he's unhappy or does not deal with stress well, convince him to sign up for a gym, get into meditation, offer advice on how to better deal with stress / managing time better etc

Nov 15, 2022 - 10:30am
GoingToBeAnMD, what's your opinion? Comment below:

BJ

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Nov 15, 2022 - 10:40am
NotoriousVIP, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'm a straight female but I can send you some of my gay friends number if that's what you're interested in. We won't judge don't worry

Nov 15, 2022 - 10:49am
GoingToBeAnMD, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Hey you asked and you received an answer. What is your problem? 

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Nov 15, 2022 - 4:34pm
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Genuine question: Do you have a crush on him and are hoping he becomes bi (and dates you next) ? 

Anyways for a response there are some things you can do to make him feel better

1) Let him vent/rant about work conditions. Guys are known to internalize when they are suffering/going through a rough time (no it is not healthy and yes this is the default for me as well). Even if they need help/someone to talk to, they typically don't reach out. Just having someone to talk to helps a good deal when dealing with stress. If he doesn't immediately mention it, try to ask him about work/how he is feeling until he starts ranting. 

2) Get him some good food. It is very easy for guys to start neglecting their appearance/health when work gets tough, and that includes proper food. Of course, having worse food means one feels even worse, which means they eat even trashier food... and it becomes a race to the bottom.

3) Get him to exercise. Again, every easy to neglect health which leads to even more problems

4) Get him outside. I see you mention a baseball game, which is pretty good. 

Array

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Nov 15, 2022 - 4:48pm
NotoriousVIP, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I do not have a crush on him he's just one of my close friends and i want to show him that even though we don't talk like we used to, I'll always be there for him. No romantic feelings whatsoever. And yes, I'll be taking him to a basketball game, I agree with everything else you said, thanks !

Nov 15, 2022 - 5:53pm
beforreal, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Just listen. He doesn't need advice or compassion, just has to vent a little. Say that you are on his team and you are there for him, that's usually more than enough.

Nov 16, 2022 - 11:17am
joehuntbbc, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Dinner -> Knick's game -> Drinks -> Head -> Bed = Turn's straight again (if he ever was) and no longer has to be upset of his ex and past bf's (if there's been more than one). Plus, if he gets to be with a supportive woman like you, it's a win for both sides!

Nov 16, 2022 - 12:30pm
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

People aren't believing  you because normally friends don't act like this. I mean, most romantic partners don't even act like this. 

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Nov 17, 2022 - 3:24pm
Gucci Loafers, what's your opinion? Comment below:

1. Talk with them about topics that will help them come up with solutions to their problems. For instance, what are some of the reasons for his stress? It's because he doesn't have proper mechanisms to cope with stress? It's because of the company's culture? Did he find any solutions? etc. Talk about it, and see what he says, how appropriate are his thoughts, etc. You could go out and make him unwind for a moment, but again, in the future, the same scenario will repeat because he can't manage stress - so temporary fixes to permanent problems aren't preferred. The more you talk about something, the clearer you start to see it (like journaling), so could help him come up with some fixes.

2. Go out with them, but don't forget nr. 1. They may be overwhelmed and when you're overwhelmed you can't think clearly - you can amplify problems that aren't as big, you're creating dramatic scenarios in your head, etc. So making them leave their solitude could be extremely helpful.

Nov 17, 2022 - 5:01pm
NotoriousVIP, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Thank you so much for this, amazing advice. I've already tried to talk to him about his ex bf but he's not really comfortable talking about it yet so i gotta respect that. He's extremely reserved but he's staring to open up. It takes time

Nov 17, 2022 - 5:19pm
Gucci Loafers, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Delicate topics such as relationships need to be internalized so those are better to be dealt with alone, and most of the time it's a matter of shifting the perspective around the event.

For instance, he may feel down now because he has thoughts such as "I'll never find again someone like him", "He is unique and I lost it", etc., but one day, you'll see him more energetic, more active, or more talkative, and when you'll ask him what happened he may answer something along the lines of "I've realized that I can't let the past interfere with my future happiness" or something similar, and you'll know that he's making progress.

Nov 18, 2022 - 11:57pm
IncomingIBDreject, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Yes (except you are a straight girl)…

As I've said for the third time now this goes beyond just being a normal friend.

Array

Nov 18, 2022 - 10:22am
SalemKring, what's your opinion? Comment below:

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