I have a year before I start FT - How do I become really social and outgoing?
as title suggests, I have a year before starting FT. I really want to become very social and outgoing to make sure I hit the ground running.
Currently, I am basically a nerd and keep to myself and a small circle of friends. Not in a frat and when I see others having strong friendships and groups I feel FOMO. I would say I am also not the best at small talk etc (although I can get going when there’s an actual topic of discussion but feel most friendships and relationships start from small talk).
I also was on the heavier side but have since lost a good amount of weight through rigorous exercise- which has given me more confidence than I had before.
Long story short, how should I go about becoming more social, being able to make friendships with guys and girls alike and generally be outgoing?
following
Hey there! It's great to see you're taking steps to become more social and outgoing. Here are a few things that helped me:
Public Speaking Class: This was a game-changer for me. Speaking in front of 30+ students consistently with very little note cards helped me enormously in knowing my material, learning to walk the room, create eye contact, and portray confidence. It's a great way to get comfortable with expressing yourself and engaging with others.
Small Talk: Start asking the people around you questions like "so what's your major, hobbies, etc..." Small talk is a great way to initiate conversations and build relationships. It might feel awkward at first, but the more you do it, the easier it gets.
Leadership Roles: Taking on leadership roles in class and clubs really helped me learn how to work within a team, delegate responsibilities, and distinguish between when it was okay to make jokes and when to be serious. It's a great way to build your social skills and confidence.
Initiative in Social Relationships: Start by always asking someone to go to lunch when you go. Then ask them if they want to get drinks after work etc. Don't limit yourself, ask all of your friendly peers. Choose activities that are repeated and be consistent. The key is that the activities are repeated, so you'll see the same people over and over again.
Consistency: Making new friends can be a lot like dating. It can be a little intimidating, but it is so worth it. Having good friends makes it all worth it.
Remember, everyone's journey is different. What worked for me might not work for you, but I hope these tips give you a good starting point. Good luck!
Sources: I finally made it… but I have no friends, Socially rejected in banking? How to make friends?, https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/cold-feet-and-dread?customgpt=1, https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/finally-got-ft-offer-now-sad?customgpt=1
You didn’t mention if you have school or are you completely free to travel?
I think you have two options here based on what exactly you say you want.
1. If you're getting FOMO from seeing stronger friend groups, maybe spend this time and opportunity to invest more into the friends you currently have. Become more social with them, hang out with them more, talk to them more, etc. You can learn and pick up on social skills in a more comfortable setting where (if they're actually proper friends) the people you interact with will be more patient with you and be more willing to engage + give more feedback. Plus you get to grow closer to them and establish stronger relationships, which sounds like something you want.
2. If you're really insistent on meeting newer people and expanding your circle (maybe you've outgrown your current friend group or things have changed where it's time to move on), then just go out to pursue your hobbies and interests outside, and meet people through those hobbies. This is pretty cliche but I've made so many great friends who I'm still close with at the gym and outdoor basketball courts. Find ways to do the things you enjoy in more public places outside your own confines and meet people at those places who already have one of the boxes of having similar interests checkmarked. Talk to people at these places and events. I have a friend who goes to this weekly chess meetup they do at bars and he loves it and has made a ton of friends there.
I think it's important to realize you can't really have both a large circle and a really close group of friends, or at least it's extremely difficult and hard to pull off.
Take a short term Sales position. Any sales will do. Spend your Summer on a used car lot if you have to - that's probably the quickest way to get you the reps you need to open people, build rapport, and be genuinely engaging. I sold insurance for a few months and that was probably the best training given that I'm a natural introvert who was socially awkward on top of it (Only child, natural loner, introspective, etc.)
If that isn't possible then you need to start just talking to people at every opportunity. Go to meetups, bars, lounges, etc. I prefer bar crawls myself (even though I don't drink) because everyone is happy once they're drunk or looking for a good time. There's usually one to be found in any major city most Friday nights.
Most people are also naturally outgoing if you take an interest in them, so you'll find them doing most of the work for you during a chat - just open them and engage in friendly conversation w/ the occasional questions.
You got to do more things. There are a lot of people who believe they are introverted but really are just low confidence.
Confidence comes from overcoming obstacles and pushing your comfort zone. If you do a lot of different things that put you around different people and give you stories/experiences you'll find convesation comes easy. Say you are in a group of 10 people. If all you've done in your life is play Fortnite then yea conversation will come hard as you likely have 'nothing in common' with them. But if you have a variety of experiences then youll find ways to connect with almost anyone. Some things that help:
- Train for various competitions, look for training groups. Triathlons, cycling, running etc. will all have local 'clubs' in your city that are beginner friendly. If doing something like a triathlon sounds crazy to you then even better, you will feel very accomplished after learning how to swim, run distance, etc.
- Do social groups like networking groups, rec sports, etc. If there is a regular cadence of meeting then the better. Offer to go out to get drinks after an event
- Say 'yes' to basically anything when prompted. Find the time and look for opportunities. Not joining a frat was a big miss, but there will be other opportunities
- Volunteer. There are a million ways to volunteer outside of the stereotypical working at a soup kitchen. Any major event, festival, whatever will be looking for volunteers. This will give you a chance to interact with people of different backgrounds, age groups, etc.
All the above are long term fixes but will slowly change the DNA of who you are. If you want a short term bootcamp then I agree with other guy take a shitty sales heavy job and you will get over your fears in weeks
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