Is a good social life just a matter of luck?
I see other males around me with solid social lives, lots of friends and parties, girlfriends and hookups etc.
I'm turning 27 soon and I have very few friends, NEVER had a girlfriend, most other friends don't reach out until I try to plan something, some reply back very late, some don't reply back after a few messages.
I'm starting to think something was always off about me, either I'm too nerdy, weird, ugly, or something else I don't know.
Or maybe I didn't try enough or didn't get lucky enough with things that attract friendships in your 20s, like being good looking, rich, connected etc. I've had a lot of friends from middle school till college, but it went down significantly post college.
Is it just luck/adulthood or is it me? I'm willing to do whatever it takes to salvage this situation knowing it might already be too late
Yea the more you go down this rabbit hole the more distorted you'll just become which just becomes a negative feedback loop which results in Tate. If you need to be rich to have friends then why do most people (who are not 'rich' by definition) have friends? Touch grass bro.
I felt this way about my analyst class. Not great friends. Fun to hang out with but a bitch to make plans with -- they're flaky and superficial. I felt like I was putting in way more effort to try to cultivate friendships than I was receiving.
I started hanging out with a different group of people and it's a lot better.
FWIW, Bumble BFF seems very promising if you live in a large city
I know the alt right boys posting in the off topic forum were mostly social rejects, but good lord...
what the fuck are you talking about?
Look at all of the shit thrown by the Off Topic Forum incels. They know what I’m talking about.
Grown men asking if making friends is “luck.” Embarrassing.
There is some aspect of luck with meeting people you resonate with and share similar values with. Also comes down to your own efforts to maintain and keep up with the friends you made during and after uni
Anything requires chance or luck - if this is a serious post, my suggestions are as follows:
- Find a regularly scheduled activity or hobby. Doesn't really matter what it is, just pick something you like to do. Then do it, consistently. Bonus points if it's a team sport or something (i.e. young professionals group, team sport you played, etc.). It does not need to be a sport either - book clubs, volunteer programs, whatever. Just get out of the house and interacting with people. An easy one is alumni networks from your school, if relevant to you. In many cities they are active, host events, and you have built in comradery
- When you get involved in something, do your best to be in a 'host' type position. I learned this incidentally in my professional life, but when you invite and/or are involved in the hosting of events there is a conveyance of importance, belonging, and puts you in a position where by default you are interacting with people providing something of value, even if it's as small as 'sign in here, go there'.
- Talk to people in public. Say 'hello' with no expectations of it being said back. Hold the door for people. Make a comment when in a line. That's it. Eventually, you'll connect with people
- Go to toastmasters if you are having trouble talking to, or in front of, people. Besides being a social activity, it helps build a more polished presentation of yourself which ultimately drives your social success as well as professional success
- Being candid, if you actually aren't attractive or confident in your looks get off of dating apps. They are heavily biased towards appearance and are counter productive if you are on them constantly and don't get anything from them. Come back when you feel ready to do so. Go back to the old fashioned way, meeting people out and about
Where do you live - Montana? Because I found it super easy to meet people in big cities, namely NYC.
How about maintaining friendships? With people often moving cities/countries, being stuck behind a desk for 80+ hours a week, people changing their outlook or values etc., do people eventually find it difficult to stay friends with many people they know?
Yes - it's challenging. It takes work. People drift apart, life gets busy. There's always a core group that no matter how much time has passed, you pick up right where you left off - but otherwise, you learn to be intentional about it.
There is likely an inverse correlation between time spent on WSO and happiness with your social life
Join a golf club. Great way to make friends past 30 years old
I don't know why would anybody throw monkey shit on this post. I whole heartedly believe that a person can come from a path where he didnt find friends on the way.....don't let these fools make you feel otherwise....a lot of people on this sub has things given to them easily and that includes good social life but they will not admit....
This is going to sound like I am punting on the question, but the honest answer is yes and no. Social skills are developed in your childhood. Like many things in school when you are born has a huge impact on your height and size as a child. Unfortunately we exist in a world where the taller a child is the more likely they are to be grouped in with the popular kids. It is what it is. However you can always improve your position in life by engaging with others.
To me it sounds like you struggle to engage with your peers in ways that everyone benefits.
Definitely some component of luck to it -
Day 1 of college you realize you have some fun roommates -> instant friends
You picked some afternoon classes instead of morning classes -> some more lively & friendly people
Enroll in engineering program? Enjoy being surrounded by dweebs
Not necessarily always true, but you can tell the people who grew up with "social / cool" parents typically have much easier time being "cool / popular" / good at socializing.
This isn't a hard rule and you can def get better at such, just my observation.
Don't listen to all these long ass comments. It's you.
Ever heard the parable about how if you walk down the street and run into an asshole, that's bad luck, but if everyone you meet is an asshole, it means you're the problem? Applies here.
It's you.
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