Is this actual Harrassment?

I just started on a new team (excuse old job title) BB IB ~4 months ago. I knew my group had a rep for fratty/gigachad culture. I didn't think much of it, and obviously I can take a joke and I get the whole mess with the new guy. And that goes on and I chirp back, but starting like a month ago my VP has been giving me wet willies (licks his finger and puts it in my ear) basically every day. How do I get him to stop? Do I take this up with HR?

Edit: Thanks for the responses. I took everyones advice to not go to HR and instead handle it myself. So when he did it this afternoon, I grabbed his hand, gave him a stern look, and slowly sucked his finger to try and one up him. I expected him to laugh but it just got really weird. I think he told some other people around the office because my team was really short with me the rest of the day and vibes were just kind of off. I'm worried I took this too far, is there anything I can do to remedy this situation?

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You could report it to HR but that would likely damage your career at that company.  I would look for another job. There is no way I would to work for someone that unprofessional.

 

First time he did it you should've said wtf are you doing - actually. Know some more aggressive people who don't give af and especially in that type of environment next time he does it say what the fuck are you doing and tell him to stop. He'll get the message. Not a professional response but what is he even doing in a workplace setting, that's not appropriate either. 

 

Harassment is words. Giving someone an unwanted wet willy is assault. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
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The only remedy here is to turn it back on your VP even harder. This is a game of chicken and you can't blink.

  • Next time he gives you a wet willy, moan loudly.
  • You pass each other in the hallway alone, grab his ass/crotch gently or try to tickle him. 
  • Every time you make eye contact, purse your lips and wink. 
  • When you're alone and he asks you to do something or says thank you, say "yes daddy" or "you're welcome daddy". 

The goal here is to make him so uncomfortable that he stops. Then that's where the real game begins. You go harder. 

  • You follow him home in all black so he can't see your face, with a jukebox, and stand outside his apartment blasting Coldplay.
  • Take pictures of him out and about in public and leave them on his desk when no one is around. 
  • Key all but your first name's initials and his into his car with a heart around them. 
  • Call his family from burner phones and talk about how much you're looking forward to meeting them all during the holidays once he's ready to come out and introduce you. 

Assert yourself and he'll have to promote you for recognizing the skill it takes to turn something like this back on him in such a relentless fashion. It's fratboy law. Then you will quickly ascend the ranks and become partner by your early-mid 30s. 

Congratulations! 

"If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 

Grab his skull next time and take your thumb and press behind his ear. See how he likes that.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

my VP has been giving me wet willies (licks his finger and puts it in my ear) basically every day. How do I get him to stop? 

Spit in his mouth  

Commercial Real Estate Developer
 

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"If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 
PEarbitrage

Punch him in the d$ck.  He will get the message. 

"If you don't have any enemies in life you have never stood up for anything" - Winston Churchill | "It's a testament to the sheer belligerence of the profession that people would rather argue about the 'risk-adjusted returns' of using inferior tooth cleaning methods." - kellycriterion
 

I hope this is a joke. Do not let another man bully you at work or worse, put his wet fingers in your ear. Why? Because you weaken your sense of self when you let others mistreat you. This is crazy.

 

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