LD GF wants me to pay for her visa and flights
Hi, I’m in a long distance relationship with my gf and asked her to move to my country.
She said she would only if:
1) I pay for first class flights which is around $5k (she refused to fly economy even though economy is only $600)
2) I pay for her visa (which is really expensive, around $10k) even though she’s allowed to visit my country for up to 6 months without a visa so my suggestion was to come for 6 months, fly back for 1-2 weeks to visit her family then come back for another 6 months and repeat but she said no.
I asked why I had to pay for everything and her response was because “you asked me to move to you, so I have to be the one to drop my life in my country for you so you need to be the one that pays for everything” then I was like so if I move to your country will you pay? And she was like “no because then you will be the one wanting to move here” I asked to split it 50/50 and she was like “no”.
I understand her viewpoint but I really don’t think she’s being grateful or respectful or valuing the concept of money, like she’s expecting me to just whip out $10k like it’s nothing? She’s like “you work for a bank you can afford it. Even I work as a teacher and I can afford the $10k” I was like so if you can afford it why don’t you pay half with me then? And she was like “no that’s my money I earned for myself, I’m not wasting it on the flight and visa you need to pay”
also I feel the demand for the visa is a bit unnecessary and also the demand for first class is way too extreme like there’s even celebrities out there that don’t pay for first class cause it’s such a waste of money.
not sure what to do, I’ve been saving for the past few years to pay for a deposit for a house so I can finally stop renting but this $10k would just eat away that deposit and I’d have to start from scratch again.
but I also don’t want to lose my gf and I’m unsure who’s in the wrong?
Based on the most helpful WSO content, here are some insights and considerations for your situation:
Financial Expectations and Fairness:
Compromise and Communication:
Value of Money and Financial Priorities:
Long-Term Implications:
Mutual Respect and Gratitude:
Alternative Solutions:
In summary, it's essential to have an open and honest discussion with your girlfriend about your financial concerns and find a solution that respects both your financial goals and the relationship's needs. If a compromise cannot be reached, it might be worth reconsidering the dynamics and future of the relationship.
Sources: Girlfriend facing 100K+ Student debt...stay or leave, Do you pay all travelling expenses for your girls (guys)?, 6 Things to Consider Before Accepting an International Work Assignment, Is my IB analyst personal budget realistic?, Vice Chairman’s Daughter Fixing Diversity in The SA Class of ‘22
If you’re already quibbling about money, it is only going to get worse as your relationship progresses. Proceed with caution.
Have you met her in person? This sounds like a love scam.. Does your name happen to be Manti Te'o?
Assuming you have met her in person: It's reasonable to assume that a loving girlfriend should want to be with you over anything else. Maybe the visa is so she can have some security if you break up, idk. But the business class flights? Come on. When we were (briefly) long distance, my then-girlfriend was willing to ride the greyhound to see me (fortunately we were able to make other arrangements). Not even being willing to chip in at all.. ridiculous.
This all reeks of a toxic person, but frankly I have a huge suspicion that this woman is some catfish and Andrew Tate is probably her pimp
He didn’t say business class flights, he said first class, which is even more than business class.
A reasonable and loving person would be fine with economy class travel and an initial six month visa. Given her demands, and twisted logic to justify the exorbitant expenses, you need to seriously rethink if this person is the one you want to partner with in life.
You're a 3rd year associate but only saved up $10K for a downpayment??
Not everyone can get RBC bonuses bro
She Russian bro?
You've sunk a lot of time and emotional investment into this so it's hard to break away, but man -- this does not sounds like a recipe for LT relationship success. Would avoid and move on, though I appreciate that's easier said than done when you're in the thick of it
End it - no way this doesn't get worse.
If you capitulate you're a simp. Dump and move, this isn't a relationship buddy you're a mark.
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