So I broke up with my gf, who was basically a house wife it worked well for me, she was unemployed but did all the cleaning, cooking etc.. and made my life 100% easier so I can focus on work and not stress about life admin. she was a really sweet and good girl, treated me amazingly but truthfully I just lost romantic feelings so I ended things. We were together for a long time like 3-4 years so she really thought we were going to get married and she relied on me massively financially.
however, given she has no job or money and also no family or friends here she has no where to stay, her entire life revolved around me. she can’t afford to rent her own place and also doesn’t have the skill set to get a proper job.
im unsure what to do cause now she’s stuck living with me it its burden cause i can’t date other girls and also it makes it hard for us to move on from each other and every night i have to see her crying wanting to get back together but it makes me feel really horrible and guilty inside.
but if I kick her out she will literally be on the streets, she genuinely has no friends or family here and can’t afford anything, she basically travelled across the world and gave up her life back home to move in with me a long time ago
Del
Who needs anonymity. None of this is your problem or responsibility. Perhaps you could be generous (given your time together) to the point that she's able to find herself a job and can garner some sort of income. But aside from that, this isn't on you to try and fix her life for her. If she has to relocate from wherever you're based to find a cheaper place to live then it's her own responsibility for not having some sort of alternative option available to her.
That's absolutely brutal. She travelled across the world to be with this guy. She has nobody to support her. He dumped her not because she's awful but because he's no longer into her.
The right thing to do is to support her for a bit, or at the very least pay for a ticket so she can move back home. He doesn't legally have to but ditching her is so cruel.
Life's brutal, and I'm feeling extra unsentimental this week.
Did you miss this entire sentence?
"Perhaps you could be generous (given your time together) to the point that she's able to find herself a job and can garner some sort of income."
I also agree that buying her a ticket back home would be an admirable thing to do.
Correct
Respectfully, this is honestly the worst take.
Everyone who complains about the dating market being atrocious needs to do some self reflection. If you end relationships where the other person is blindsided, has their trust broken, you generally treat them poorly, AND you think that is normal behaviour, is responsible for poisoning the well that everyone else has to drink out of.
Yeah social media hasn't helped dating, but imo the worst issue is this lie that we have told ourselves that we can all discard people and be selfish without there being a ripple effect.
Who here is complaining about the dating market? It is what it is, the rest of you are just keyboard white knighting. He asked a question and got a dispassionate, but honest, answer. No one else was bringing morality or asserting what he should/shouldn't do. If he feels guilty and doesn't want to, then helping her in the ways that have been outlined could/should remedy that.
Guy has the perfect girl and he’s going to throw it away lol. You seriously overestimate the quality of girls that are out there.
100%, you can really tell which guys haven’t experienced the post-2020 digital dating market. The lockdowns sent chicks onto to Snapchat and dating apps. 2019 was the last helicopter out of Vietnam. I’m in a better position than 95% of guys and it’s still horrible.
I only know one guy who is in a post-2020 relationship with a girl that guys would actually want to date. Every other guy I know who’s in a functional relationship or marriage, it started prior to the Covid lockdowns.
It is the worst dating market for men in the history of the world. Women are in relationships with their phones. How is any one guy supposed to be as entertaining as 100 guys DM’ing her to tell her how great she is? And anywhere you go on the 1-10 scale, women are choosing to go on apps and get pumped-and-dumped by guys out of their league rather than choosing comparable guys.
Guys who dump good, reasonably attractive women who actually love and respect them right now out of boredom are making the worst trade in history.
How are you in a better position than 95% of guys? Just curious, do you mean you're in a LTR with a girl you met before Covid?
Bro’s gonna regret hard in 5-10 years.
Continue supporting her, but make her wear sexy maid outfits at home. Date other chicks and stay toxic my friend. If the new chicks don't work out, go ahead and take her back.
I’d laugh at this if I knew the guy was a troll. If not, I just hope the poor girl gets a guy who truly deserves her.
These troll posts keep getting better
least obvious troll post
"campsite rule"
These children don’t understand
Of course they don't.
Most of the users here are in high school or juniors in college.
And I am only a few years older than them myself.
Is she hot? Give her my number if yes.
You're not in a position to date now anyway, given how busy you are. May as well let her stay for a while and allow her to be a friendly roommate at home. But do make it clear that at some point she needs to start making plans to go elsewhere.
Familiarity breeds contempt. You asked her to build her life around you and then got sick of it. You’ll regret walking away once you realize women aren’t lining up to wipe your ass. I’ve seen this happen so many times to unicorn type women.
Girl deserves your support until she’s on her feet again at the minimum.
Is she thicc
You convinced this girl to move across the world for you and to give up her stability and literally put her life in your hands. Why did you ask her to take this leap in the first place if you were unsure of the relationship? You are a man, you took this risk by having her come here in the first place and now you need to face the consequences of your actions. The consequences are helping her find some stability elsewhere and figure it out, whether that is here or in her home country. You need to undo what you have done in this situation.
Moving past the honeymoon period is normal in relationships. I would do some big self-reflection here on yourself. Are you actually even ready to go to the dating market?
Did something change in her or you from when you asked her to make this move?
Is some sort of attachment issue preventing you from committing?
What do you want in a woman that you aren't getting from this woman?
Sorry you're going through this... horrible way to live. Was in a similar predicament. It was rrealllly tough. Slept on the couch for 8+mo while finishing up the visa process and as soon as it was done got her a 1 way home to be back with her family.
Made it more tough knowing that (to OPs point) she didn't have friends, family, or a network nearby and that I was her only 'person'. The GUILT factor absolutely sucked. Heartbreaking truly.
My advice:
1. get a new apartment asap. Let her live in the current one through the end of the lease (assuming you have enough $ to do this).
2. OR give her the alternative of buying her a ticket to go back home to her family.
NO OTHER CHOICES. STICK TO IT.
Bottom line, you need to get out of the situation asap because it WILL drain you mentally and emotionally if you hold out too long. Need to make a decision and stick to it no matter how hard it is or how guilty you feel. Holla if you need support through it. YOU GOT THIS.
Any updates OP?
Your options are either move out and continue to pay the rent for the current apartment until the lease ends while the ex lives there, or buy her a one way back home. The current situation is toxic for both of you - if you continue to live together she will continue to think there's a chance to get back together.
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