McDonalds is Paradise

I wake up at 10:30. Hop on my Vespa, and I’m off. Clock in at 12:17, but no one gives a shit that I’m late. About an hour into my shift, I decide that I’ve earned a break. I run down to the basement and play a couple games of Fifa with the bros.

Eventually, I make my way back upstairs. My boss calls me into the lobby to talk. He is extremely impressed with my performance. I can not only follow directions, but retain approximately 37.89% of the information they tell me. Despite only being hired 7 weeks ago, they are bumping me from $40 to $60 an hour. They offer to send me to school, but who needs that? I instead ask for that comp to be added to my end of year bonus. They agree, bumping my bonus up to $105k to be competitive with Chick-Fil-A.

It’s getting close to 4:30 now. I tell the boss man that I’m going to check out early today and he thanks me for all my hard work. Offers to pay for my Uber home. I tell him I need an XL so I can throw my Vespa in the back seat. It’s against corporate policy, but he tells me it’s fine since I’m their best employee. He can ride it home for me after his shift and then walk back to his place.

Life is good.