MD waterboarded me in the bathroom. What to do?
Hi all, currently a first-year analyst at a top EB (think Santander/Miller Buckfire/Canaccord Genuity). Recently, I made a pretty big mistake on the desk. Don't want to go too much into detail, but let's just say there was some so-called "inappropriate touching" of a client involved. The client said she wanted to get "spaghetti" and I heard "spank me daddy" and the rest is history. Once my MD heard about the incident, he pulled me away from my desk and walked me into the bathroom. He zip tied me to a folding chair and started waterboarding me passionately. I don't remember too much from the incident given the high-stress environment, but I do remember him saying something about "guerilla warfare" and how he is going to hunt down my entire family lineage if I even fuck up again and "inappropriately touch" a client. How do I go about this situation? Do I tell HR? I obviously love my job (I will make $200k+ in total comp this year at my top EB) and don't want to mess anything up, but I'm not sure if waterboarding in the office is normal. Any help is appreciated.
least obvious troll post
Look at mr detective over here
Bump, facing a similar situation here
Hmmm definitely a sticky situation. Following
Honestly I think you need to toughen up a bit. Waterboarding is common practice at EBs, and if you can’t handle it you might want to lateral into wealth management.
It's ridiculous how Gen Z thinks they are so entitled to challenge common practices in finance that have worked since the 1930s. Waterboarding is a part of the job and is how you gain experience in this industry, so either accept it or quit and get a job in consulting.
I may have witnessed someone get a gallon of water dumped on his head by a senior a while back -- which had a waterboarding type of "simulated-drowning" effect, while he sat there, enduring the flow...
Just saying, not even that far off... lol
No he didn't. You don't have an MD. You probably don't even have a dad; if you did you wouldn't be making these posts.
I'm at a major BB (PacWest Bancorp, so yes, I went to an Ivy), but I personally haven't seen this. Our MDs are more fond of solitary confinement. Sometimes the locked room will have a candle if we didn't fuck up too bad, which is very generous of them. I just got out of a 10 day confinement stint and I certainly feel rehabilitated. I'm excited and ready to crush some appendix slides on inconsequential trends in commodity prices going back to 1993 for our upcoming pitch to a $5MM EBITDA chemicals producer!
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