Message to my professor for missing class the day following spring break (must read if you have a pulse). FYI page breaks aren’t working so I had to use lines

Hello _______, ______________________—-
After a long spring break in the Virgin Islands, whilst learning a lot about personal leverage and networking with Eastern Europeans. We were on our flight home on Saturday and it was delayed , so we missed our connection flight in Miami.

They didn’t have another flight home until Monday morning and didn’t even comp our hotel room due to “weather”, although it was due to the pilots decision.

I am now sitting in the airport thinking about integrative finance and am regrettably not going to be in class today. You are probably wondering why this message is long winded; the answer is I do not expect any resolution from you, but I do care what you think of me so I wanted to explain the situation.

NOW FOR THE GOOD STUFF IF YOU ARE INTERESTED.

2 weeks ago my best friend from high school “buddy” was telling me about an extravagant trip he had planned to a heaven on earth island in the Virgin Islands. I had not yet solidified my spring break plans yet, so I obviously immediately went in to a ton of debt to join 6 of my best friends from high school in paradise (think st barts, Bvi, Cleveland Ohio, etc).

When we got there we immediately realized we did not belong. We were the only people under 28 there, yet it was the most friendly and inviting environment I had ever seen. We were there for a music festival and most people there were either: rich, famous, a super model, or at least had their shit together. You would think they would turn a cold shoulder and shew us away. No, no, no, quite the contrary. These beautiful souled people opened arms to us and we actually made a ton of cool friends. Whenever we would get to the festival everyone would greet us happily and it almost brings a tear to my eye thinking about it.

Yes some bad things happen, like apparently there is no such thing as probable cause in France, so every time we drove past the French military they would drag us out of our taxi, search us, point their machine guns/ thermal optic snipers at us, bring drug dogs out (Belgian malinua) that were cracked out and shoving their face in our genitals, but nothing could break our immaculate vibes (obviously we were not going to break laws so we were fine —>still traumatic)

Side note: the networking was a little bit absurd. The amount of VC, PE, and headhunter founders I met was INSANE ( and I am forever grateful for these wonderful connections).

One thing I learned in Miami: if you meet a group of smoke shows who are studying abroad in a destination at a pool party and they are suspiciously good at tweaking … you have found a group of strippers. You’d be surprised how normal they are outside of work minus the twerking.

I am getting so hungover writing this in the Miami airport so it is going to be a little bit short winded, but I have a few words for my travel wives.

To my ukranian wife (who speaks Russian): ты действительно тот, кто украл мое сердце, но я хочу, чтобы ты сохранил его. ты моя булочка

To my Peruvian wife: aunque tienes 31 pensé que tenías 18. Muchas gracias por enseñarme español y cómo ser dulce. Seguiremos hablando por teléfono para siempre y espero que pronto vuelvas a casa conmigo en mi maleta. te amo. 

To my Miami wife: love you pookie.

To my Spanish wife: you switched up we are done.

If anyone wants to hear more of the most insane story you’d ever heard PM me. For now I need to get back to reality and file for taxes before the IRS RKO’s me.

Cheers lads!

Also: check out aria by argy if u like Edm. I know the new era of Patrick Batemans running around love EDM.

PS: my Miami wife’s last name is Bateman and yes we are keeping her name.