Moving out
Hi,
I'm 23 and I have lived at home all my life, with the exception of two years where I studied about an hour from home and was back most weekends. I now have a job about 2 hours from home and move out in the next few days.
I can't help but feel really sad about this - it feels like the end of family life and I've just been reflecting on growing up / memories. It sounds so weak I know but the finality of it is hard to take. It's a cliché, but I am very close to my parents.
Has anyone felt this? How did you deal with it? Are older people here still close to their family? Is seeing family once every couple of months initially quite tough?
I've got a good job, a good group of friends and so everything should be fine.
you shouldn't have gone home so much during college, that's the time to cut the cord. And 2 hrs away is nothing, super easy to go back on a friday/sat
It is time to grow up....
It is very common! When I first went off to college I cried and told my parents I want them to pick me up and I want to go back home. Luckily, they made me stay for a week to see if I would like it.
In college I still talk to my mom everyday and do some home traditions like tea every night. Makes you feel much better.
Hilarious SB
Three contrasting replies, all hugely valued. Thank you.
What age range are you Bobb? Purely out of interest.
I am 28. Didn't mean to come across as a dick but you have to live your own life at some point. 2 hours isn't far at all you can still go home easy enough, though I suggest you limit it. Go get some new experiences, you seem very sheltered and lived in the same environment your whole life. This will be good for you
You're a 2 hour drive from your home and you're sad about that? That's literally the perfect distance. Go home on a whim, never get surprised by your parents, and far enough away that its a completely different social circle. Very jealous.
At age 22 I moved 2,500 across the country to a mid-size midwest city. It was brutal. No direct flights (4.5 hrs direct anyways), no friends, saw family once ever 2-3 months, way different culture, blah blah blah. Your situation is what you make of it, and I ended up having a great experience there and am a better person because of it.
Also, be thankful you aren't here: http://www.businessinsider.com/doctors-describe-ebola-outbreak-2014-8
Nothing wrong with that feeling at all, just something you'll have to deal with, but your parents did something right if you weren't just ready to GTFO. You'll be fine
don't see why you're getting so many bad responses.. some people must have hated their parents.
Yea it sucks but you're not far away from them at your new job, so you have the chance to see them every weekend. You can also call them whenever, it'll be fine. It's a part of life and you'll learn to deal with it in your own way.
I think its awesome you're close with your parents, after all they raised you and made you into who you are. If anyone isn't appreciative of what they've done for them then they are a huge piece of shit.
delete
I'm starting college in another state in 2 weeks. I couldn't be happier to get the fuck out.
But my mom is legitimately mentally ill and refuses to get help so there's that. When you've grown up in the struggle and are close to moving out, you feel like you're 6 years old again and counting down the days until Christmas.
When I was 18, I moved to England to study and have lived in a different country than my family ever since. Now, at 26, I live in South Africa (I'm from Sweden, moved here when I was 25, two years older than you).
So we're in very similar situations, you and I. I also get emotional and overly dramatic when big changes happen and I have to say goodbye to people or 'eras'. We're like Michael Scott. Two weeks in, we realize how silly we were being. Hang in there.
That's pretty funny because I'm 23 and I just moved 600 miles away. The first night in my apartment was the lonliest but I found that I just need to stay busy. So figure out a schedule and stick to it.
What do you mean you're sad about moving out? No more curfew, no more veggies, no more homework, wooooo
I guess I'm the oddball who was glad to get away from home, and yet I talk to my mom 3-4x a week and have a great relationship with her and my dad. you are an adult, you'll be fine. I hope you know how to do basic domestic tasks (cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc), otherwise you'll have a steep learning curve. if I were you, I wouldn't go home for a while, at least a couple of months.
hang out with your friends, get immersed in your work and your new social scene, and stay in touch with your rents via phone, you'll be fine. I never felt that way and nor did many of my friends but I think it's sort of an introvert/extrovert thing. my brother and girlfriend are both introverts, they had a hard time leaving home but are completely independent, I'm a huge extrovert and so it wasn't a big adjustment for me after I graduated and moved to a new city where I knew 3 people. different strokes I s'pose.
you should never feel bad about being close to your parents, if they were around during your formative years (for good or for ill), they're the #1 determinant of the person you are today (sometimes it's a mirror image, sometimes it's opposite), so I think if you have a good relationship it's important to nurture that and talk to them often. what I think people above who are giving the more harsh responses (grow the fuck up) are saying is that it's important to be independent to grow as a person, so embrace this rather than fear it. and yes, everyone gets lonely every once in a while, it's not going to ruin your independence if you call your mom/dad and have them talk you through a dark time, most everyone does this.
I'm with @"thebrofessor" here. I had a great relationship with my mom but was ready to get out at 18 and never looked back. I've moved across the country and ocean from everyone I know a few times but maybe I just get bored being in one place.
I, even into my late thirties talked to her a few times per week. Nothing wrong with being hesitant to move out or think you'll miss your rents, just do as much as you can to build a new social and support network in your new locale. Believe it or not, it'll probably be rougher for your parents. I know it was for my mom and I can't begin to consider when my kids leave for college (I have years for that though). Two hours isn't bad at all though. It'll be easy to see them regularly I'd just try to stay away for a few weeks at first to get used to it.
And the upside is that you can bring members of the opposite sex home (or same sex if that's your bag). That's one thing I never understood living at home post high school. How does that work? And I'm asking this seriously. I moved once when I was younger and stayed with an aunt and uncle for less than two months and don't know how I would have done it for any longer.
I'm in the same situation but feel its the right time time to move. Skype with your family and make more friends :)
It's interesting because I dealt with a similar situation where I took a lot longer to 'cut the chord' so to speak. Looking back, I am absolutely convinced that if you have even the bear minimum financial capacity to move out you should immediately after college. It is simply too easy to stay there and it without a doubt inflated how much you think you make at your job. This may be obvious to many but wasn't to me. Prior to this I'd always lived with roommates in some form (parents, college) and always enjoyed it. There is an odd stigma attached to being very close to your family and not getting independent from them 'fast' enough. I get it, and to an extent agree with it, but it's still somewhat ridiculous.
Do whatever makes you happy. See your family as much as you can/want to and go from there. Not to end this on a somber note, but one day you won't be able to just pick up the phone and talk to your parents. Enjoy it while you can.
Build a new life for yourself, make some new friends, go out and network, meet some ladies.
if it doesnt feel right, dont do it, i'd stay home till 40, saves lots of money
My fiance is the same way. She lived at home until she was 21 then we moved out to NYC together. Her mom and sisters were her best friends and she only had a couple of friends outside of her immediate family. Everyone in her family is extremely close as they have done everything together. I guess being one of 6 kids makes a difference in this situation.
When we first moved out here I had a job and she didn't so she was sad all day everyday. She wanted to move back. Now she works at pretty much the best place in the city for her career and she loves it and doesn't ever plan on moving back home but wouldn't mind buying an extra house there so when we visit we have a place to stay. There's day where she breaks down emotionally (female.. what can you expect?) and wants to just quit everything here and move home, but in the end she knows that this is where we both should be to make our careers happen.
i love my parents a tremendous amount, but we never meshed well together under the same roof, so I moved out as soon as I went to college and lived away since. I talk to them over the phone constantly, and now miss them much more now that we have that layer of separation, and our relationship is better than ever as I am now always happy and excited to see them.
it does sound like its time for you to get out on your own and learn to be completely independent in terms of cooking, cleaning, doing laundry, paying bills etc. These are all good things and you will appreciate the change once you get used to it. Don't worry about growing distant with your parents as you will still be in constant contact with them and your times together going forward will be even better and more meaningful than before.
I've been there man its definitely tough. I don't know your situation, but to this day I feel bad about not being around. It's not so much missing home myself, I'm years past that phase, its more so the fact that it saddens my parents which in turn makes me feel bad. But look at it this way, you're very lucky to have such a loving relationship with them because others are not so lucky. Ween yourself off of things, visit a couple times a month if you need to...then once a month...and so on.
This is very US-dominated. In parts of Europe the majority, well into their 20s, live with their parents (not helped by crappy economies but still, even with a job and all, just that type of culture).
Moving out is indeed challenging. I think it is brave of you to admit that you feel this way, and even braver that you share it on a forum where you will only find antagonizing monkeys. When I was 18, I decided to move from Norway to Switzerland to study, but then I got a girlfriend and decided to do my bachelor's degree in Norway, and if circumstances permitted it, a master's abroad at a good university.
For starters, let me tell you that my relationship with my parents haven't always been good. I did a lot of drugs and hung out with bad people in an early stage of my life. Ever since, my parents have been checking in on me and my stuff (not that I blame them for doing so).
After completing the bachelor degree, I began interviewing for various schools in Europe (Sweden, UK, France). I was accepted at a school that I felt was a good fit quite quickly, and I decided - with great help from my parents - to go for it. After I had accepted my offer, me and my family had 7 weeks of pure joy before I had to move out. We were simply enjoying the summer, and happy that we were all so carefree (I was very pleased with having interviews, applications and GMAT off my shoulders). The happy family life collapsed the night before my flight from Norway to France. As I brought my bag from my room and through my living room, my mom bursted into tears. I collapsed as well. So did my dad. My mom said something to me back then, that still sticks with me and which helps me through those rough times when I feel alone. She said "I know you are leaving us for a great school and a great future, but I cannot help but feeling that you are leaving me. Promise that you give it all you've got and that you come visit us whenever you can."
I reckon that her honesty about the matter, has made our relationship better than ever. I truly appreciate calling her, and I cannot wait until I see her and my dad again. At the same time, I am happy that I can do my own thing.I promise you that things will get better, and my only advice to you is that you discuss this matter with your family openly. I guarantee that your relationship will improve - and I guarantee that you will ease into your new environment.
I am 35, left my parents many times during college for long term internships overseas and left the house when I was 22 to work overseas, never been back home since, only holidays and temporary stays to visit family. Build your life the way you want it, if you prefer to stay home and close to your friends then you will certainly have to give up great professional opportunities somewhere else. I think you should try first and challenge yourself rather than quit straight away, if this doesn't work out for you then come back closer to your home and accept to downgrade your professional ambitions
PLEASE LET ME HOLD YOUR HAND YOU POOR BABY. Grow the F up kid you are TWENTY THREE years old.
Op if you need any help PM me. I know exactly what you are going through, don't listen to these assholes.
23 is more than enough to move out.
toughen up
Similar situation. Just graduated, home for the summer, except I can't be happier to move out. My parents are great people but I'm very individualistic and they.....aren't. (They both had a ton of siblings and I was an only child until I was almost 12) So I get it. There's definite perks to being at home (namely the free stuff), but I wanna bring girls home and not be annoyed by constant nagging to clean my room. If nothing else, you can always skype and call and go home once a month or every couple months. You should at least give it a chance before going back home every weekend though. That's just my $.02.
I got kicked out at 16. Do I get brownie points?
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