It's wedding season, folks.
I am a senior analyst and been in the office for a year after lateralling from the back office. I'm one of the very few analysts in the group and by far the "coolest" (VP's words not mine). The other more younger analysts are foreign Indians and Asians, super hard workers, but mostly keep to themselves and the cultural differences are a bit prevalent, but overall good office enviroment. I'm the only analyst that hangs out with the older guys outside the office, grabs lunch with them etc.
Well I was surprised when John Smith the 29 year old VP (I'm 23) announced his wedding this July, an Hahahahha!! I guess my invitation must have gotten lost in the mail, no sweat, I'm sure John will come up to me and asked me why I haven't RSVP'd yet.
Well fuck, looks like I wasn't invited to his wedding. Ok that's cool, I guess? I mean, I've gone out to lunch with the guy before, had one on on one conversations with him about life, and joined him and the guys when we hit the town. I guess I'm just more confused than hurt. I definitely consider the guy a friend, and I mean, if I were to get a different job, we probably wouldn't keep in touch or hang out again, but regardless, definitely a friend.
It's also awkward when every associate and every VP, and a few of the directors got invited to the wedding and everyone talks about the wedding in the office as if I wasn't there. Again, no analyst got invited, but refer back to the fact that there are international cultural differences with the other analysts and they mostly keep to themselves and barely talk. I know for a fact the other analysts wouldn't have cared if I were to get invited and they didn't. I don't really care that the guy didn't invite me to the wedding, I guess I'm just surprised that he didn't invite me? I guess it just clarifies the extend of what our relationship is? Everyone talks about loudly in the office, during lunch, etc. about the speech that they're gonna give at his wedding, or how they're gonna bang the guy's got single cousins. All while I'm sitting in the table eating lunch with them. Agains, the other analysts were mostly at their desk reading weird Asian video games and eating there then joining us.
What's your thoughts and experience with events like this around the office? Do you think I rightfully should feel offended/surprised that I wasn't invited? If he didn't want me at his wedding that's fine, but do you think that them openly talking about how his social life after marriage and how the wedding is going to be so fun, while I'm around, do you find that a bit rude?
Thoughts?
sssssssssssssssssssss
don't feel slighted. so much goes into deciding who gets invited to a wedding. work people usually come last. plus the groom gets little input in attendee list, simply an allowance.
the fact that you would make a post about this shows why you wouldn't be invited
took the words out of my mouth...i thought we were bros :(
I've been in a similar boat. While it makes sense to initially feel slighted, I'd look at it from a few different angles:
1) There is a cap on the amount of people he can invite. You're literally competing with his lifelong friends for spots (and we all know the wife gets like 70% of seats available, so he's already limited). 2) This is one of the biggest moments in his life with his wife/family and you've known him a year. 3) Have you ever met his wife? 4) Literally any obstacle that you're not aware of
I get that you feel like you're bros, but you acknowledge that if you were to go to another company you wouldn't stay in touch. That doesn't sound like the kind of friendship that gets invited to weddings man.
It might be slightly rude of them to talk about it at the office but that would mean multiple people would have to modify their actions to accommodate your feelings. Just being real, they probably haven't thought twice about your feelings.
I'm going to second this comment and stress on #3.
Reality check: Do you know THEIR story and are really happy for THEM (not just your bro) getting married? If there are tons of people who know them and they know better (which I presume these are the ones getting invited), I think you are just overreacting.
This isn't broadly true. Fiance has far fewer close friends than I do and she's fine with the fact that wedding will be lopsided towards my side significantly.
How do you think this looks from his perspective? I'm honestly curious.
Imagine. Be a VP. See lonely analyst who looks like he might hurt himself if some Asian kids don't let him play Pokemon. I take pride in my team so I try to motivate him. "Hey analyst you are the coolest!" Decide to let him join me for coffee every once in a while so I can keep an eye on him. Wedding coming up, sending out invites to the team because that one other asshole VP did the same last year and now everybody expects an invite. My wife's parents expect us to put our announcement in the NYT anyway so maybe it is a good power move for the optics if I invite everyone associate and up. Anyway, this analyst is an ok guy but he is a bit of a loner. Won't hang with the other analysts at all. Maybe if I ignore him he will go away. Can't even talk about the wedding with my bros, the awkward little shit just sits there watching us. End.
I would let everyone at the office know how displeased you are. I think some tears would help express this as well. That'll show him.
Weddings usually seem to be about the woman...doesn't the guy just show up? (I'm a female) Friends of mine (females) who have/are getting married seem to have complete control over the guest list. I feel like men have less of a say as to who they can invite. Most men just seem to invite their college pals or close friends. Hey let's crash the wedding together LoL
Weddings are about celebrating the couple, and it doesn't even sound like you've met his bride to be.
Fuck his dad. Assert your dominance.
I was going to say he could go to the wedding anyway and just give the best give (by a large margin) to assert his dominance.
But your idea... sounds a little bit more, well... dominant is the word I guess.
Man, who cares, frankly speaking weddings suck, just some waisted time and cash on presents. Looks like you are already closer to VPs than other analysts, what else do you fucking need? Don't be so overly "sensitive" and chill
Maybe he will ask you to be the ring bearer?
Not invited and so butthurt that you had to write an essay on anonymous forum.
"I don't really care that the guy didn't invite me to the wedding"
That's why you created a multi-tiered post about it? Jesus Christ if only I had those kinds of problems to deal with.
i feel like the details you gave about yourself, other analysts, and VP along with the specificity of the event (wedding w/ certain co-workers invited) make it very easy to infer who you are.
if somebody in your office read this, they're going to think you're for lack of a better word, pussy.
Honeslty- he probably just made the list like this: have to invite the directors and VPs. And just didn't invite any analysts. It would be worse to invite one analyst and leave the others out. Cultural differences could start to look like racism/favoritism. Plus working with someone for 1 yr really isn't that long. When I got married I invited a couple coworkers and most of them I knew for 5 years and had lunch practically daily with them.
Seriously you never got the memo and your the CEO.
...the fact that you made a post about this makes you a fuckin weirdo man. Seek professional help, please.
And the stripper/waitress really thinks you're interesting and funny.
But still won't give you their number
take away this valuable lesson, in the grand scheme of things you really don't matter, and most people at work don't truly care about you. don't get caught up being the gullible one, look out for number 1. I'm not saying be a self-centered prick, but you need to understand that most if not all others are doing this and if you aren't, you will be caught with your pants down.
I don't think so. He probably invited the upper level people because of politics, and as you said, if one of you were to leave the job, the friendship wouldn't continue. That ends up making you colleagues, and not friends. Also, weddings are boring as hell. I would be honoured to be excluded.
This is the correct answer. You think he wants to invite all those other douchebags from work to his WEDDING? God no. But, in order to play the game, he has to. He does not however have to invite an analyst - being a little friendly in the office has no relevance. This is a place of business, not a country club. In fact it would look bad to his superiors if he invited an analyst, would make him look more junior. I'm sure he cringed at having to invite the associates, but did it anyway
Agreed. If his superiors found out about the wedding and they hadn't been invited, they would go all Maleficent on him.
Oh, and your comment on Asian video games... Not cool, man. Not cool.
Get over yourself. You need to get some thicker skin bud, this is WSO.
Huh?
If throwing a monkey shit at me helps you feel better, please, by all means, throw me another. I mean, third time's a charm.
Maybe I could also get over myself and get some thicker skin like yours in the process. This is WSO after all, bud.
This is the most American post om WSO. Like ever!
Im no Doctor or expert in this field, but I feel like you should check between your legs... U may be diagnosed with a severe case of vagina syndrome.
A guy I went to middle to high school with, played on the same sports teams throughout high school still hung out occasionally, and go out for drinks with everyone often invited all of our friend group but me to his wedding a few weeks ago. I wouldn't have been able to attend anyway because I am out of town for an internship, the invites were sent way before I left or anyone even knew I had accepted an offer somewhere. A bit pissed but it is what it is.
That being said, you're a work friend, and weddings are expensive at $55/$60 a head+1, you have to be really selective, some guy you just met at the office may not make the cut.
Just wanted to say- I've never seen a wedding for $55/$65 a head. They are more like $100-$225 a head. More than 10/less than 15 years ago- my pretty average wedding was $135 a head. Just thought I'd mention it for anyone who is thinking about they types of gifts they buy for a wedding or are saving up for a wedding.
There was a couple my wife and I knew that went so far as to hire a calligrapher to hand write hundreds of invitations. They weren't millionaires either. Some women take it WAY too far.
Were you there before he proposed? Weddings are a woman's thing and they usually start planning pretty early.
Yes, ignore him going forward and never talk to him. Start playing very cruel office pranks on him and try to break up the marriage. Once they are divorced try to set him up with a friend of yours. Encourage a 2nd marriage and offer to be best man. Et voila automatically invited.
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