Rest in Heavenly Peace, Grandma. (1931 - 2023)

For all of us, the new year is a time of reflection, and a time of renewal and blessing as well. We attempt to go forward from the past year and look forward to the new one with happiness and well wishes, both for ourselves and for others. Like many of you whose posts I have read in the past year, 2022 was far from perfect for my family as well. On Christmas Day 2022, which was following an abhorrent Thanksgiving, the spirit of my family was ruined once again by fighting and the long-declining health of our matriarch, my grandmother. Grandma was characterized as an old world Italian-American immigrant that faced many hardships throughout her life, between poverty, World War II, a forced arranged marriage to my grandfather, their emigration to a new country, the death of her only daughter (five years old), et al. But

The thing to which she was most devoted was her family, especially her eldest grandson (yours truly) that loved her equally. From the day I was born, I was closer to her than anyone I've ever known, and we did so much together. As an example, at the age of four I learned to make homemade pasta, and homemade sauce from the tomatoes in Grandpa's garden, with her from scratch; I still keep the recipe in my mind almost eighteen years later.

However, after more than eighty-seven years (!!) of almost never being sick, injured, what-have-you, it was revealed that she had a treatable form of lymphoma (quite far from being a death sentence given her health record). Two years later she was somewhat immobilized through prior falls, having to be secured by her two living sons while we walked into the church for Grandpa's Requiem Mass (funeral for non-Catholics) on New Year's Eve 2020.

In 2022, Grandma's health was declining seriously but somewhat gradually; we were under the idea that she wouldn't make to Thanksgiving, let alone Christmas, but we were blessed to have more time with her when it seemed nearly impossible. On 26 December 2022 (the Feast of Saint Stephen the Protomartyr), she suffered a broken hip from a fall and contracted Covid-19 through an unknown source prior to being taken to the hospital that day. It was once again clear that, given the situation, her life was going to end very soon, and as of 2 January 2023, her impending passing was estimated to be days to weeks away.

And today, at around 12:45 PM, at Newton-Wellesley Hospital in Newton, MA, my grandmother took her final breath after nearly ninety-two years of life. Just like Grandpa, I was told when the news was broken that she had passed away peacefully. I can only try to find solace in the matter of her peace when the time came, but as you are likely able to imagine, my heart has been, and will remain, broken for a long time to come.

To finish this message, I'd like to say something to all of my fellow monkeys: make the time to call your mums and dads and your loved ones, and tell them how much you love and care about them. They love you and want to hear from you, and when the time eventually does come, the idea of a final goodbye is never officially guaranteed -- I've lost six wonderful relatives over the years (even though I never officially met my Papa) and only got the chance to say goodbye to Grandpa.

My utmost thanks go in advance to those of you who provide support, and my sincerest condolences and love are sent to those of you who have been in the same boat this year and last.

 

Someone gave MS to OP for "Low Quality" ... well buddy I think your MS is "Low Quality."

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

I just checked back to see my post a few minutes ago and when I saw that message, I can't say that I was too happy. It's now clear to me that some of us need to learn that, when a person who has lost a loved one, especially when the person was together with their loved one for nearly twenty-two happy years of warmth and joy since birth, we don't throw around "monkey shit" (regardless of whether it is figurative or literal) to make them feel worse.

On the other side, thank you, Isaiah, for standing up for me. You're a good person.

“Strive for perfection in everything you do. Take the best that exists and make it better. When it does not exist, design it.” -- Sir Frederick Henry Royce, 1st Baronet, Co-Founder of Rolls-Royce Limited.
 

Following some time away from WSO after writing this post, I'd like to extend my gratitude to all of you who came here to send your thoughts, prayers, blessings, et cetera. Despite the fact that there are some members of this community who insist on trashing other people, even this post as some of you may have seen, I know that there are far more with good hearts that care about their fellow man (or monkey) than there are people that wish each other shame and misfortune.

It is far more true that you are very warm and kind people than I can say.

“Strive for perfection in everything you do. Take the best that exists and make it better. When it does not exist, design it.” -- Sir Frederick Henry Royce, 1st Baronet, Co-Founder of Rolls-Royce Limited.
 
Most Helpful

Grieving takes time and is processed differently by different people. Lost a friend of mine last year who got ill mysterious and it was determined to be cancer that was no longer treatable. From playing golf early in the year with this person while having fun to dying in the fall really set me off for awhile. I help out with kids that are now missing a parent.

We’re on your side. And don’t take the anonymous MS literally. Some people just have nothing better to do than to TRY to kick others down to make themselves feel better.

I can tell you were a light of joy in your grandmas life. Rest with that solace.

 

I wasn’t trying to trash you, I just got a bit bitter when I saw the years elapsed and threw MS. I’m a bit surprised that multiple people have taken note of it when you got 20 SBs from everyone else.

You honestly had it really good that your grandma made it until 92 with perfect health until 87 and I wish any of my friends and family made it that long. The longest was one grandma who made it until 78, and I feel peace about her death because while she had some health problems she was active until the very end and died at a good old age. Most people I know made it until 60s at best (and those were sudden deaths) with one guy dying at 13. I had a few friends who are in jail and are going to be there for a long time (it was their fault and what they did was horrible but it still weighs on me). And I know in this sense I’m lucky. There’s people in my circle who have experienced more pain (single mothers who had their first love pump and dump them and never come back, married people die young due to drug ODs, etc.)

This is not trying to diminish your suffering or attempt to create a suffering contest but I think you should really think about and ponder on all the fond experiences of your grandma and appreciate the long blessed life she was able to have which many don’t get. The fact she made it that long and that you were able to spend several decades with her (which again many don’t get) is a blessing in and of itself. I’m not implying to be a robot without emotion or grief, but I think there’s an angle here that no one has touched on that will help you come to closure much faster.

I probably should have commented this rather than throwing ambiguous MS, but I don’t have perfect reactions and at the time I was bitter. In the future don’t take MS personal as it’s a black box and you don’t know why people are throwing it.

Array
 

Lost my grandpa in December. I don’t know if it’s anything to do with merely stepping into my adulthood, I wasn’t as sad as I thought.

Grandpa had spent about 4 years at a nursing home in my hometown and suffered from dementia and a lot of complications related to aging. To be honest, I thought about the possibility of losing him quite often in the last four years when I was away from home for college. When the day finally came, it really didn’t take me too long to accept the fact that I simply won’t see him again.

I felt extremely guilty for selfishly preparing for the moment and dealing with it so calmly. Is this the life we are living?

直指人心,見性成佛
 

My condolences for the loss of your grandfather, my friend. Many members of my family suffered with memory loss too, mostly caused by head injuries, dementia, and Alzheimer's disease. I wouldn't wish any of it on my foulest nemesis.

In a way I felt a similar way when my grandpa passed away in December; in my case, it took me two days after his passing until I could officially realize he wasn't coming back. At the time of his death, Grandpa had long been suffering with an autoimmune disease called pemphigus vulgaris, causing these awful lesions all over his skin that ravaged "The Toughest Man on Earth" to a point where he could only wish to be taken from it all. Coupled with Covid by the third to last week of his life, his days (unbeknownst to me) were numbered.

Every night in that hospital room, it took two hellish hours for the nurses to change the bandages from the lesions. In all the years I knew him, and all the years my father knew him too, we had never seen Grandpa in so much pain. It was so painful that even the nurses would cry for him as they did it.

But comparative to the moment that we heard that Grandpa was dying, during which point I was emotionally wrecked as part of a month-long cycle of heartbreak in Dec. 2020, it wasn't until two nights (when we were planning the music for the Mass) after he took his final breath that I finally understood what had happened: I would never be able to see him on earth again. When we listened to the samples for the sacred music, the feeling started to hit me like a set of cinderblocks.

But still, even as sad as I was at the wake and the Mass, I was always guilty that it wasn't until July 2021 when I had officially started to grieve properly. Prior to his passing, Grandpa was a member of a local Catholic fraternal society (La Società di Santa Maria del Carmine) for Italian-American men for nearly sixty years; some of my fondest memories of us together come from the annual carnival the Society would put on. On 16 July each year, the Feast of Our Lady of Mount Carmel (the Blessed Mother is venerated under many different names and feasts) occurs. I've gone every year of my life except in the cancelled year of 2020, and everyone walks in the procession behind the statue of the Beata Madonna at the end of the festivities on Sunday. The Feast in 2021 was the first one since Grandpa had passed, and every year the Society gives out a book of memorial tributes in honor of the members that passed away. When my mother got some copies of the book for us and my grandmother, we looked inside at one of the first pages and saw Grandpa's face.

In perfect honesty, I had never cried so hard for him up until that point. That's when I really knew he had taken his proper role as the "Vintner of the Kingdom of Heaven".

The point here is to show you that, when it comes to the guilt of coping with loss better than you thought, I feel exactly the same as you do. With regard to expecting the loss, however, I personally feel that it's a necessary part of dealing with death and with grief in general. If I hadn't foreseen my grandmother's passing all those months ago, I would've been far more destroyed than I am now. The shock that can go along with grief can often exacerbate the feelings of loss by a multiple of what you would've felt prior. That's why I feel this way.

If it can ease your pain at all to see someone write this, I know that your grandfather is in a good place now, reunited with his loved ones that have crossed the path before him, and I can tell very easily that you were a good grandchild to him. I offer my sincere condolences to you and your family once again, and hope that blessings will find their way to yours as they will to mine. God bless.

“Strive for perfection in everything you do. Take the best that exists and make it better. When it does not exist, design it.” -- Sir Frederick Henry Royce, 1st Baronet, Co-Founder of Rolls-Royce Limited.
 

I was really surprised when I saw the MS too, maybe that person thought the post wasn't about a real situation. Who knows who cares. It's really good that you had a strong relationship with your grandmother. The most important thing in life is the relationships we have with the people we care about and the memories made with those people. I hope you take the time to grieve and that process ends as soon as possible so you'll be able to enjoy the good times without feeling so sad. Hope this year improves for you and your family.

 

Thank you, my friend. Your insightful wisdom is very much appreciated. I wish you happiness, peace, and blessings in your life for the year ahead. God bless.

“Strive for perfection in everything you do. Take the best that exists and make it better. When it does not exist, design it.” -- Sir Frederick Henry Royce, 1st Baronet, Co-Founder of Rolls-Royce Limited.
 

I lost both my parents by the time I was in my early 30’s and there is an emptiness of not having them around as I started my own family and fulfill and enjoy my role as a father. 
 

About a year ago (and several years after my dad’s passing), I had a vivid dream that I was with my dad again in his last years pushing his wheelchair.  It was a dream, but it was one of the greatest feelings in the world. A visit from heaven or some spiritual place.
 

If your parents and grandparents are still alive and you love them, then cherish every moment. My New Years resolution is to get closer to my sister.  Don’t take anything for granted.  Remind yourselves that things will always change.

Sorry for your loss.  You were so lucky to have such wonderful grandparents.

Have compassion as well as ambition and you’ll go far in life. Check out my blog at MemoryVideo.com
 

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