Rough break up
Was back and forth with my now ex gf (dated for a little under one year). Feelings on both sides were intense and so we kept a somewhat toxic cycle that lasted about a month in an attempt to see how things developed (in short, lots of insecurities on both sides and petty fights). Sadly, things ended abruptly this weekend over a pretty intense fight between the both of us (i.e., kicked her out of my apartment over things she said, I also said a few nasty things to her etc. while both intoxicated).
I hate that it got here, but also know this is probably for the better? We had expressed strong love for each other and time spent together was never dull to this day unless a stupid insecurity crept up on us... I will for sure miss her and to be completely honest today was absolutely miserable and I debated multiple times reaching out to her...to any of you who have gone through anything remotely similar, what did you do to keep your head in the game and not fall into depression? "Cuff" season is among us and this breakup seems less than ideal especially given Halloween weekend is this week.. Should I take time off dating or find a rebound? Reach back out if I feel something is still there?
First Pizz, WolfofWSO and Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎.
Second, went through a broken engament after almost four years. You'll be fine. Sounds trite, but it's true. My ex called me late one night after ten years asking for a booty call, but not only no but hell no. Blocked her figuratively and literally and moved on. I got back on with focusing on things like work, working out, working out my finances, getting back out there after. All self improvement. For PG reasons, the women situation since then is being ommitted.
Third, an ex is an ex for a reason.
Went through a challenging break up this past year (that I initiated) which has been my first serious breakup/relationship. Number one thing I think is time - the first few weeks were terrible but slowly things have gotten better, even if it involves reaching out to your ex. Point being is that there is no “right answer,” and you may choose to stay in contact or you may choose not to/to have a rebound like you said.
Sounds like things got messy at the end with the fighting, so perhaps that will serve as stronger support that breaking up was the right choice and ultimately help you move on faster.
I would be careful about rebounding too quickly which might just make you feel like shit after - I’ve personally focused on spending a lot more time with my friends and trying to enjoy the things I didn’t have as much time for while in a relationship - but again, completely up to you and what you need/want.
I don’t have too much to add.
Lick your wounds for a day or two. Then, move on with your best days ahead. Get exercising if you don’t do it now. Join a sport. Be social. The important thing is to avoid instances where you sit idle and stew over this.
Alcohol is a depressant and sometimes shows the worst side of you, so in the future it might be good to cut back a little on the alcohol (and do 420 instead if you want). I've had several relationships where we both drank heavy and would fight constantly. I feel like I wasn't the one instigating, but I wasn't necessarily peacekeeping once the hateful words started flying.
Bro do not talk to her and take some time off from dating....Work on yourself and your insecurities. See a therapist and really dig deep into it. Read about relationships, figure out why you are insecure and get to the root of the issue. Try journaling, meditation. Spend time with yourself. Try new things and get out of your comfort zone. Build your confidence level up! You attract what you are, get your insecurities in check so you can have a better relationship with someone else. Trust me, someone better is out there.
I had a similar relationship end about six months ago. Insecurities in both of us from our upbringings just came out over time and caused her to pull away and I would get anxious/insecure. Not a good cycle. I came away from it with the mindset of working on myself to make myself better and more secure for my next relationship. I am doing all the things I suggested, therapy, added meditation to the mix, took a solo hiking trip where I just worked through myself, joined an exclusive Athletic Club to surround myself with elite people/network and got back into a consistent workout groove. Also cut out a bad lifelong habit. I haven't been this confident in myself ever and it feels good. Like most on here, been career grinding but never really took the time to work on the rest of myself. It is worth the investment.
He's back. One of my favorite usernames on WSO.
Was the bad habit PMO? Just curios
Si
Been through my fair share of serious relationships (1+ year) and other girls I’ve dated ending, typically on my own volition. Dealt with a 4 year relationship that seemed the most serious over a year ago. Almost identical ending, even time of year.
These breakups are processed in a similar manner as a death, so your grief is mostly just your sense of a void. Do not reach back out, you will be thankful in January for where you are, trust me. A lot of people say don’t go for rebounds, but IMO, take a week or two to yourself, and get right back in the game. You need to internalize that there’s so many people out there who are probably hotter, cooler, and more interesting than your ex. You don’t need to go into it with the expectation of finding your next gf, just get on apps, go out, and set up a date. You will process the relationship regardless, but wallowing will only cause you to spin wheels. Any loneliness you feel, channel that into reaching out to friends you may not have spent as much time with because of your relationship. Go explore something new. Take yourself out to dinner. Throw yourself into your career.
I had the same feelings immediately after and felt like I made a huge mistake, but having prior experience, I knew I had to try to get out of it. Since then, I’ve had some short term relationships and started dating some other girls that are 100x better than my ex, which I wouldn’t have imagined was possible while we were together. Stay positive, it’s temporary pain. Enjoy some freedoms of the single life.
"No matter how hot a woman is, somewhere out there is a guy that is sick & tired of her shit"
haha this is so true
/
If you’re fighting this bad now, it’ll only get worse. You can love a lot about a person and still not be compatible with them at the end of the day. I’ve learned that more than once.
Accept the time you had with her. Be thankful for the good times, cognizant of the bad. If you feel uncomfortable being alone, odds are you need to spend some more time by yourself to iron that out. More often than not, jumping into something serious too quickly after a breakup ends up being a bad idea.
Sometimes going and getting laid can be the cure for the blues too, in my experience.
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