Thank You WSO for Mentoring Me How to Communicate in Banking as an Elite Candidate
Topic: BB
GS/MS/JPM: Symbols of Wall Street and absolute glory of America. We roc, we fuc, we have sex without protec.
BAML: Verified BB, but don't you dare to put "top" before it.
Citi/CS/Barclays: Same different and boring. Will subtly remind you our superiority if meet on the street.
UBS/DB: Did anyone inform you it's 2021 already and you people are CANCELLED. less talking and more packing, back to Europe and 2006.
WF/RBC: We recognize your growth and efforts, but will forever condemn anyone who mentions BB after your names.
Topic: Boutique
Evercore: Look at that subtle coloring,the tasteful thickness, oh my God, it even has a watermark. impressive, very nice.
PJT/Centerview: Fairy tales of finance world. Names alone represent pedigree and elitism. Though didn't get an interview from you guys, but we will stick to "we wanted a bigger platform".
PWP/Lazard: Will call you EB since other boutique guys are okay with it. But remember, you are on a very thin ice.
Greenhill/Gugg/Liontree: I don't care how much you pay, as long as you keep taking those non-target kids, I refuse to call you EB. And get your sh*t together Greenhill, you used to be good at RX.
Other Hot Topics
1. Culture: Moelis/Jefferies/Houlihan: I spoke with only one analyst at each of these banks but they didn't show the proper excitement that I personally took the time to chat with you peasants. So I'll call you sweat shops since many others do.
2. PE:
a. IB associate: PE sucks and is overrated. (I missed the on-cycle and now new analysts must pay!)
b. PE associate: admits pros and cons in PE and casually throws in a few PE buzz words in every conversation to showcase how intellectually stimulating their job is. (I may never gonna make principle, if I get on my knees and beg, will my old bank take me back?)
3. Diversity:
a. College virgin: It's unfair and we want it changed!
b. Chad: I guess they are right about the "hire more girls" part. I wonder if Maddie will make out with me in the bathroom if I tell her I've already secured an UMM offer.
4. RE: Accidentally clicked into a RE topic on WSO since I didn't pay much attention. I know nothing about the space but these guys are talking some good stuff. I wonder why there aren't more people like RE guys, always stay within their circle and don't voice on things they have no knowledge about.
Bro what the fuck does this mean
You'll know if you are at a top group. Now please make some room for my BB cock to pass.
Have you met CRE yet?
CRE gets too much hate on threads that he never posted in. it feels funny when you make a joke like this but it's mean spirited. saying this as someone who has also made a joke/condescending comment like this toward CRE on a thread that he never posted in.
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