There is a saying, "Tough times make strong men", what were some of your tough times that made you strong?

How did you guys become a real strong man? Did you have to deal with some shit to be as strong as you are today? What did you do? Not talking about steroids! 

How did you become a strong/bad Motherfucker?

 

When I graduated HS, I wanted to go into Special Operations in the military. I researched all the branches of the military and finally decided on USAF CCT. 

Before this in HS, I was a poor student. I did well in intuitive subjects like math, but wasn’t interested much else.

During this CCT program I was pushed to my absolute limits in many aspects - physically and mentally. Previously I ran XC and knew what pain felt like pushing yourself physically, but these CCT instructors were demented. They wanted to see who would break and often encouraged quitting. Many did quit. My class started with 110 people and 90% of the people didn’t make it or quit. The attrition rate was higher in CCT than for Navy SEALs.

I didn’t make the program (however I never quit which is important), but learned valuable lessons on pushing myself to the absolute max and applied myself 100% in military college and just absolutely killed it there. I was miles ahead of the freshmen coming out of HS. I excelled physically and mentally.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
HarveySpecter'sFavoriteScotchBottle

Would you happen to know about US Army OCS? If so, can I DM?

I don’t know the specifics of Army OCS, but think it’s pretty straightforward.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 

Spiritually, I spent a year in a spiritual formation program in the snow covered forests of Canada. 

Part of the focus was on Kenosis:

”In Christian theologykenosis (Greek: κένωσις, kénōsis, lit. [the act of emptying]) is the 'self-emptying' of Jesus' own will and becoming entirely receptive to God's divine will.

The word ἐκένωσεν (ekénōsen) is used in Philippians 2:7, "[Jesus] made himself nothing ..."[Phil. 2:7] (NIV) or "...he emptied himself..."[Phil. 2:7] (NRSV), using the verb form κενόω (kenóō) "to empty".”

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kenosis

We had prayers several times per day and mass everyday. It was a self sustaining community so we all had jobs we worked during the day. I worked on the farm sometimes, was a lumberjack also for a few months giving wood to the community to hear the stoves and warm the community it their cabins. I also worked with a French Canadian priest in the sugar shack, collecting maple sap and evaporating it to make maple syrup. We collected 16,000 gallons one year over a couple months, making 400 gallons of maple syrup.

Part of the focus was also taking 24 hour retreats alone in a log cabin for fasting and prayer called poustinias, the Russian word for desert.

https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hermitage_(religious_retreat)

“A poustyn (Russian: пустынь) is a small sparsely furnished cabin or room where a person goes to pray and fast alone in the presence of God. The word poustyn' has its origin in the Russian word for desert (пустыня). A person called to live permanently in a poustinia is called a poustinik(plural: poustiniki).

poustinik is one who has been called by God to live life in the desert (poustinia), alone with God in the service of humanity through prayer, fasting, and availability to those who might call upon him or her. Those called to life in the poustinia were not uncommon in Russia prior to the suppression of Christianity in the early 20th century.”

I came out of this program spiritually stronger than I have ever been before and carry these experiences with me in everyday life.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
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BobTheBaker

This website is full of pampered snowflakes who whine that some people put their pronouns in front of their name. You're talking to the wrong audience.

I’ll bet you $20K that I can kick your ass in a MMA fight.

Who’s the snowflake now?

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
[Comment removed by mod team]
 

Isaiah_53_5 💎🙌💎🙌💎

BobTheBaker

This website is full of pampered snowflakes who whine that some people put their pronouns in front of their name. You're talking to the wrong audience.

I'll bet you $20K that I can kick your ass in a MMA fight.

Who's the snowflake now?

Edit: after seeing the post from Stonks below I removed this one because it escalated things in a negative manner. This should be a positive thread. While I won't edit my initial post, I also won't add further negative energy.

Array
 
[Comment removed by mod team]
 
[Comment removed by mod team]
 
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I lost one of my best friends in college. It was a car accident. He was sitting shotgun and his buddy who was driving pulled out in front of a box truck. The truck didn't have lights on and it was night - not saying it wasn't the driver's fault, but that's how it happened. This was a more rural four-lane highway, so the truck was going at least 55+, if not pushing 65mph. It struck the right side of the car, exactly where my friend was sitting. Crunch. 

That was one of the worst calls I've ever gotten in my life. I was about five miles away, drinking shit beer and having a great night. I never stopped to check my phone. I never found it odd that my buddy didn't show up to the kickback that night... not until much later, anyway. I never even considered the possibility that a random Thursday would have the capacity for such raw horror. But when the 3 am call rolled around and I was physically shaken awake, I'll never forget it. 

The worst part? He didn't die on the scene, not yet. I almost wished that he did. How horrible does that sound? I wished my buddy would die on the spot? The aftermath was far worse. Eight weeks. Eight weeks for them to turn off life support. The coma, the responses that seemed good, pneumonia that made it seem bad, the breakthroughs, the setbacks, all constant rigorous stress - until we were informed. The end was coming. 

March 17th, 2011. 7:30p, EST. They told us on the 14th that they were turning off the machines then. Not a year has gone by since then when I haven't poured a glass of Stella (this man worshipped that beer) on that date and time and just sat by myself for a minute. It's the least I can do to honor the man that made me a better person. A man who I could always hang out with, always talk to, always just chill. We could sit in silence for hours and it'd just feel natural. In a way, 03/07/11 was good. We had been living in this 'hybrid-limbo' stage of grief. When it was finally done, there was a sense of finality to it. We could now begin to formally grieve. 

If anyone reading this has ever lost someone close to them, you know how much it just fucking sucks. There is nothing you can do about it. It's not linear. That first month, you feel it around you 100% of the time in its full ugly force. It embodies everything you do, everything is trauma, and it's the only thing you can think about. The second month is a little easier, but the shock has officially waned away and you're left with the raw sadness. The raw anger, the raw rage. 

Then, there's the six-month mark. Time is a little easier now. You can mostly go back to your normal routine, but you still think of them daily. Certain things set you off, maybe a commercial on TV or a song. This part is also very hard as the world has moved on. In the beginning, people are sympathetic and hurting for you. By the sixth month, most people have forgotten. But you haven't forgotten, because some minutes it hurts just as bad as day one. But overall you are better - you are stronger. You are beginning to understand and accept that a happy life is possible without them, and you know that they'd want the best for you. 

It never really 'ends', per-say. The year is 2022, and I haven't spoken to him, heard his voice, or seen his face in eleven years. But every now and then, I'll see something that reminds me of my friend. My best buddy. And sometimes it's sad, but more often than not it's now happy. It's happiness knowing that we got to spend our 15+ years together as friends, reminders of all the stupid shit we did back in high school & college. It's easy for me now, because I know that I am honoring him by living the life that he would have wanted for me. In the past, I couldn't go ten minutes without thinking about him. Now, I can go for a couple of weeks at a time without even thinking of him once. Maybe I'll get sad 1 to 2 times a year. But I don't live in the past, and I know he would never ever want me to. 

Did that experience suck a ridiculous amount? Yes. But it DID make me stronger. It taught me how to understand my own complicated feelings with grief and tackle them head-on in the future. I've lost people since then. It hurts in a lot of the same ways. But that was the first time I've gone thru such a severely large tragedy, and it truly turned me into a better person. I am now better equipped to deal with losses, whether they are big or small. Every single person will have a couple of massive losses in their life, whether it's their parents going out of natural causes when they're older, or a surprise incident like mine. The first time will be the worst. But you will ALWAYS get through it. 

Rest up, Ethan. I'm always thinking about you, my friend. Have a Stella up there for me - I'll see you soon.

 

I've lost a few friends and family too at this point. Nothing as horrific as what you had to go through but cancer, depression, drunk driver hitting them, etc.

That raw anger. I get that. I was so so so angry at the world for such a long time. It's a long and winding road to feeling normal again, but at the end of the day, you just gotta do what you think will make your friend proud. Thanks for sharing your story.

 

My best friend was shot and killed in a home invasion the fall semester of my junior year of undergrad - Oct 29, 2010, about six months before you lost yours. I think that was the first, very visceral personal experience with life being brutally painful for no reason at all.

 

Divorce. 

There are things in life that will test you physically. There are things in life that are mentally/emotionally tough. And there are hard financial times. But divorce will test all three of those at the same time. It was a terrible experience that I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. But it also made me very strong and even more self reliant than I already was. It opened my eyes to the "the ways of the world" and ultimately made me a better person.

Plus it also strengthened my belief and faith in God. During the absolute worst of it all, I was sitting in church waiting for mass to begin and I heard a voice in my head that said "There is a plan" and I knew it was the voice of God. Those 4 words are all I needed to hear to put my mind at ease and I called my lawyers (yes, lawyers, I had multiples) the next day and had them wrap up everything ASAP. It taught me that when things are tough, I have to submit to the greater plan that exists for me and put hard times/decisions in God's hands. I've had the opportunity to do that twice since that realization and both of those situations ended up in an amazing way and improved my life significantly.

 

The best way I can answer this is that you should watch Chris Rock's "Tambourine" on Netflix. I should have mentioned in my first post that his description of what he went through is very, very similar to my situation. 

 

This is more related to the overall topic thread, but also wanted to point out the struggle my dad had gone through as well. I can only imagine the pain, uncertainty, and struggle it was during this time for him, and reading your comment brought back some feelings and memories - it is true God always has a plan, and things often happen for a reason - happy to hear it got better for you, just as it did for my dad. And I understand there are many others whom have experienced worse situations (all the power to you guys/gals for pushing through), but this is mine and something I see as the driver for most of my success today. 

Heading into the peak of the GFC, I was still in high school when we had to move again (three times in the span of four years, including from the home I grew up in), and each time my parents did the absolute best they could to keep my in the same school district, even though looking back now I saw how it strained their relationship. Fights every night, with my dad sleeping in my room after many of them. Sister and I were basically on our own with how much my parents were working, or doing other things to, what I can only hypothesize as distracting themselves from what was happening in their daily lives. From what I've heard, my dad had gotten ripped off by a business partner and ended up losing his job, and my mom had gotten laid off from her insurance sales job. As you can imagine, not a great environment to try and fix deeper issues within a relationship. Anyways, I was having dinner with my dad, and had told my mom where we were, when a man walked in and "served" divorce papers - hadn't even gotten our food before losing appetite.

Can't remember how quickly things moved after that, but mom and sister moved out (split custody of my sibling and I), and my dad was about to lose the apartment as he could not afford rent. Not religious, but it was either luck, His grace, or just pure humanity, that one of my childhood friend's family let me move into their house to finish off high school (was entering junior year). My dad moved into his storage unit/office - had a bathroom, but no shower, kitchen, etc - remember some times going to visit him and seeing him living like that, brings tears to my eyes now. I feel like I owe the world to my parents for giving all they had, and almost equally so to my second-family, whom became my providers in this time of need (stable foundation, a car to get to classes and various part-time jobs, even inviting me to family events). Eventually was able to transfer after three years of CC, all of which I still lived in that friend's home with his parents, even as he was off at a four-year institution. 

Knowing what my parents did for me to keep me in a good school, what my friend's family did for me after my dad came to them completely humbled, and the work it took to keep grades, work 30-40 hours a week to save up for school, all in order to get to where I am today (acknowledging how privileged and lucky I still am) - just hope I keep that as motivation wherever life takes me.

 

I came back from an international math competition in Europe with a pretty good result in 2013 - and my parents were super happy. They even planned a little celebration for the bunch of students that went there as the whole process was really fun. 

That celebration never happened because my mom was diagnosed with breast cancer 20 days after I came back. That’s okay tho because it was in stage 1 or 2 and was very treatable because it hadn’t spread. She went through 4-6 months of Chemotherapy and Radiotherapy and the doctors said she’s good to go after that. 

During this time I also received a full-scholarship to go to an international boarding school in Europe for my junior and senior year of high school. We said yes to that opportunity. 

Once my mom got the clean chit of health, we thought why not celebrate this by going on a weekend trip to a nearby resort town. There, she started facing difficulty signing on the papers before checking into our resort. She couldn’t sign properly. She also started facing difficulties holding a fork of a spoon so we decided to cut the trip short and come back home. 

That very night my dad took my mom to the doctor/hospital to run tests and scans and we found out the cancer had somehow gone to the brain. Apparently, this was a SUPER aggressive form of cancer and even though we caught it in a very early stage it had spread into the brain. I cancelled my planned studies in Europe and enrolled in a local school for the last two years of high school. 

Slowly and steadily I saw my mom’s condition deteriorate. She went from the healthy and bubbly person thay she was to someone who couldn’t even move by the end of the 1.5 years when the cancer took her life. It was so goddamn painful because she was alive and right next to me but couldn’t move at all or respond or speak. My mom believed till 3 months before she died that she was gonna get well and alright - it was super depressing seeing ahead and knowing what was gonna come and not being able to do a thing about it. 

I personally liked my mom more than my dad. She and I loved food, we loved talking cars (my dad thought cars were just point A to point B). We also didn’t take life too seriously - I remember I got in trouble at school one day and my mom was called and the counselor had to ask us to stop laughing when we were waiting for him outside the office. Both of us were probs laughing at something stupid but the point was I really enjoyed her company. I had always told her that I would love to learn how to drive from her but i never got the opp. to do that. 

She passed away at the end of my junior year and life hasn’t been the same without her. However, I have probably seen the most growth  in the years since, almost like she kinda has a hand over my head from up above. Got into a university with full scholarship, excelled at said university, landed an IB offer as an international, straight, Asian male, got a FT offer lined up with a top group. What hurts tho is that my biggest supporter isn’t here to see that or see me graduate in the next 3 weeks. I just bought a new car, one of the two she and I discussed that she really liked, and she isn’t there to ride shotgun with me. I have three months before FT but I can’t spend them with my mom. It’s like the best version of my life’s going on rn but my mom’s not around for it. I see all my friends’ moms come to campus for family weekends and other events and it’s kinda difficult. 

Have a parent pass away from a prolonged battle with cancer definitely toughens you up. I think I am more indifferent to other bad things that happen in life. What’s worse that can happen? I get a bad grade? Don’t care. Someone reprimands me? Don’t care. I also started working extremely hard and investing into my career - I was never serious about studies before and didn’t give a shit about being the best. I was more than happy being mediocre. But after my mom died I think I did this to maybe take away from my personal life and to make sure I was occupied at all times. There was a complete 180 degree turn in my life. 

I also started valuing time with family (my dad and my sister) even more. Everyone talks about taking vacations to Hawaii/Cabo etc. for the break but I’ll always take that time and spend it with my family because I don’t know if the next time I get a break I’ll have a family to spend it with. I think it’s important that all of us spend time with our parents because you don’t really realize how valuable the time spent with them is. The only time you’ll realize that is when they are dead and it’s too late by then. You’ll have the rest of your life with yourself but they’ll probably be gone by the time you are 50 or sooner. So, spend time with them. 

My rant on cancer:
She didn’t smoke, she didn’t drink, she didn’t eat meat - why the fuck did the cancer have to affect her? We did tests and it wasn’t hereditary either. It was so fucking random and it changed my life and the life of my dad and sister forever. My dad’s sister in law has cancer now and even she didn’t smoke or drink or anything. I have lost two uncles to it (not related by blood) and have had others affected by it. We don’t have a cure for cancer yet so many people get it every year and it’s only increasing. I hate cancer with my life and really saddens me to see someone suffer through cancer. I know I’ll be donating to cancer research and nothing else (specially anything outside of health). You can have an education (my mom had a STEM masters degree) but what’s the point if you aren’t healthy enough? 

I miss my mom and I hate cancer. 

 

I am sorry for your loss and I can't imagine what you're going through. I recently lost my dad as I had said and I am so upset that he won't see his son get married, he won't hold his grandchildren, he won't see me graduate, nothing. He was a big car guy and lived vicariously through me, haha I think we're feeling some of the same things. I wish he was gonna be here so when I have the opportunity I could've bought him his dream car and given him everything he deserved. Hearing your thoughts on the family vacations brought up so many happy memories as well - so I am thankful I was able to read your post.

I had a conversation with him 2 months ago when he had a stroke (he was fine after and only recently did he pass), and I said dad I'm really worried about your health, I never got to meet my grandpa so you better do your best to stay health so you can meet your grandkids! He said "Don't worry, this really woke me up and if there's anyone I'm going to keep fighting for, it's you buddy."

About a month later he took his own life, but fortunately I knew that he loved me and he knew I loved him. I'm so glad I was at least able to see him on the day of his death but to resonate on what you said at the end - I had never really been tied up or wrapped into following mental health research or the implications of mental health disorders on families, but I know for sure that any extra money I'm able to get, or any extra time I have to talk to people, I'm going to be contributing as much as possible to raising awareness and research of those things. I've never been a person to really care about things like that too much because I figured it would never happen to me - just like what everyone else says - but once it does happen to you and you have to see your loved ones fade away before passing in such a tragic occurrence it really shakes you.

I told myself every day that I was one of the luckiest people on Earth. I had the opportunity to attend a great school, was loved by my family, a lot of my expenses were covered by my family even though we definitely weren't well off (my dad sacrificed so much to give me the life he never had), and although I definitely don't feel lucky to have lost him, I feel lucky knowing that I am blessed enough to be raised by him. If I wasn't, I really don't think I'd be able to be strong enough to get over it.

I apologize if it feels like I highjacked your thread to type all this out. I don't really have anyone to talk to much except my mom anymore and I know for a fact that being able to speak to others or at least let my thoughts out helps me so much. I don't want to be alone or keep these thoughts in my head and some of these off-topic forums have been my solace. I just wanted to say you're incredibly strong, and although we have different circumstances I definitely respect and admire your courage and strength.

 

No you are more than welcome to comment man. It's always very tough losing a parent and I don't think many people our age (22-23) know or have gone through that.

Yours is even more challenging because you lost both your dad and your brother. I can't imagine what that is like - at least right now I can talk to my sister about how we feel about my mom passing away. I get the buying him a car part too - I had always told my mom I would buy her a jaguar (that a was a brand she really liked). 

Knowing that your parent loved you is super helpful too - Honestly pushed me to work hard because I would always think this is something that'll make my mom extremely proud. I too was by my mom's side when she took her last breath. Sometimes I think that it was for the best that she passed away because she was suffering so much towards the end that it was just plain difficult watching her - when she passed away her body looked so much calmer and peaceful. 

There's so many causes that you don't realize you'll end up supporting because of the way your life shapes up to be. 

Its specially more difficult seeing a parent pass away when they sacrificed so much for you. My mom and dad could have taken a lot of vacations together, they could have had the best cars, but they chose to prioritize the lives of my sister and I. They moved to a different neighborhood so that we could go to a better school that was kinda expensive but for the best. My mom didn't work because she wanted to personally see my sister and I succeed, my dad didn't seek too many promotions so that he could be around for my sister and I. Seeing one of them pass away without having the opportunity to pay back and spoil them and give them the life they would have wanted is definitely difficult. I know that I am gonna spoil my dad at every opportunity i get. I just got him a new iPhone from my signing bonus, next on the list is taking him on a vacation where everything is paid for - business class flights, all-you-can-eat resorts, etc. Definitely take care of your mom for the sacrifices she might have made along the way.

Something else that I realized was my dad would spend a lot of time talking to my mom. With her gone, and with my sister and I in university, my dad was getting more lonely and didn't have anyone else to talk to once he came back from work. Then, I started speaking with him twice a day - not too long (maybe 5-10 mins per conversation), I wanted him to have someone he can share his thoughts with, so that he doesn't feel lonely, so that he feels included and I know he's not gonna express those feelings himself so I decided I need to be proactive and include him. I am just doing my best so that he feels that he still has someone he can look forward to etc. When kids leave the nest, parents spend a lot of time with each other. We need to make sure our parents don't miss that because of being a widow(er). 

Keeping these thoughts to yourself is always challenging because they kinda just boil inside your head. always helpful to take the steam out and speak with someone who understands your thoughts. Keep it up man, I hope you get the strength (if you don't have it already) to power through this experience. 

 

This actually happened recently, so only time will tell if I actually do turn out to be a stronger man from this. 

My dad and brother both passed away in a tragic accident related to mental health issues and it really shook me to my core. I have no idea if I'll turn out to be the strong man I hope to become, but right now I'm taking it a day at a time and focusing on living my life to the fullest. I'll be graduating soon and this is happening at the beginning of the start of my career.

I know that the world doesn't revolve around me and life goes on, so being able to get through this situation and out on the other side has/will completely change my perspective on life and the opportunities my father gave me in life. I attribute most of my success and drive to him and I just want to be able to succeed and keep shooting for the stars in terms of career goals and my personal ambitions. I never want to back down from a challenge anymore and I've learned to never settle for mediocre when I can be the best.

 

My friend, I am so unspeakably sorry for your loss. I won't speak to your situation and I do not want to assume anything, but I can attest that mental health losses truly seem to have a punch in the gut with them. The question is always nagging... the WHY?? factor. Again, if I am wrong I do apologize, but I cannot imagine losing two of my family members, especially at once. My heart truly breaks for you, random internet buddy. 

Take your time. I do not want to insert myself into your situation, but I touched upon grief in my earlier comment. I do not mean to compare the two whatsoever, but please know that it's not linear. It will SUCK. You will feel horrific at times, wondering if there's a reason to even keep going. But there will be a day when you feel happy again. This took me almost a year to realize from my own situation, but that day will come. I hope that it's sooner rather than later for you. 

Be well brother, stay safe. Godspeed.

 

Diagnosed with really bad back problem at 17 that lasted until early twenties. I still can't do anything that puts extreme "shock" on the spine like running, jumping or squatting but I can bench 300+ for reps and do not have much day to day chronic pain anymore. Before, it was basically a 5/10 to a 9/10 all the time. Made it impossible to sleep or function. Got lucky and it largely went it away - no need for surgery which is good because the long term efficacy of surgery for my particular problem isn't proven.

Overall, quite pleased with the outcome. It sounds bad, but I am just glad I can go to the gym and live relatively pain free without having to take opiates, nerve blockers, etc.

 

Who and why did you MS this ^ ? What is wrong with some of you on here? You throw monkey shit haphazardly, you turn serious discussions into silly memes, it blows my mind. These stories are all incredibly moving and some of you throw monkey shit? Most of us don't know each other outside of our usernames but there is a real sense of community to this site. Don't destroy it.

 

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Have compassion as well as ambition and you’ll go far in life. Check out my blog at MemoryVideo.com
 

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