Hi,
Just entered my second year of college and am looking to enter the dating game. Made a profile a couple of days ago on Tinder/Bumble/Hinge and have managed to secure around 5 'dates'. Undecided if I want something short term or long term.
I've never been on a date and am wondering if there is any general advice for first timers.
Thank you
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Hey there,
First off, congrats on stepping into the dating game! It's a wild ride, but it can be a lot of fun. Now, let's talk about those first date conversations.
Focus on her: It's much easier to ask questions than to answer them and most people like to talk about themselves anyways. Ask her about her interests, her family, her job, her upbringing, her opinion on things etc.
Compliment her, but not on her looks: Women get a lot of messages about how attractive they are. Instead, compliment her on things such as being ambitious for working double jobs in college or that she is a very good daughter who took care of her mother when she was sick etc.
Be flirty but never make it clear what you actually want: She should have an idea of what you want but never be certain. This keeps things interesting.
Share your own experiences: When she shares her stories, chime in with your own. This helps create a connection.
Lastly, never let women know where you stand: As soon as you pronounce that you're into her or that you want to sleep with her, you become less interesting.
Remember, every person is different, so what works for one might not work for another. The key is to be genuine, be yourself, and have fun. Good luck!
Sources: How do you manage dating / meeting women in IB?, https://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forum/investment-banking/your-number?customgpt=1
Bot went to the University of Rizz.
Good Bot.
You lined up "5" dates or do you mean 5 matches? What are you doing - having a date every day of the week? Sounds exhausting.
Dates, I was playing the numbers game but underestimated my chances.
I'm not even in the country at the moment, so am having to reschedule / cancel a few unfortunately.
Some general tips:
- don’t talk about work, and in your case your future work unless asked
- don’t try to impress, at that age it’s about doing low key things (ie walk at the beach vs fancy dinner)
- further to last point, do something fun. Dinner at that age sucks unless you actually get along with the person
- don’t go on heaps of dates in a short period of time, save your money for travelling etc
- don’t rush to get into something serious unless it’s actually worth it
- remember the apps are so commoditised so girls see thousands of guys like you and I every day on their. Differentiate yourself somehow
Stay respectful but have some fun man, but don’t just stick to the apps…. Get out there and use some charm!
Thank you
I know Tinder is big for hookups - I'm not really sure if I want that. I guess it'd depend on the moment. Is there a general way to see what people want? Don't want any miscommunication. Bumble seems to be more long-term (at least from the sample size I've seen)
Hinge is pretty good for relationships mate. Just don’t overthink it. If you go in from the start saying you want one thing and only one thing, a relationship, you’re putting a bunch of pressure on yourself for that
To be honest with you, I think that dating apps are a big waste of time( and money sometimes). I’ve use them for around 6 months the last academic year, and I was not involved in any serious relationship. Thousands of matches, but only few dates: I have dated the most beautiful girls of my life ( one is a former model) but it seems like at this age they are not looking for serious stuff( I’m 21). This is my experience, in Europe( Italy). So be careful, I’ve sacrificed my mental health for just a bunch of dates 😵💫
love the subtle flex of a former model GF
Naaah it was not a flex, I just wanted to give a better prospective. Btw I hope this guy is gonna find what is looking for on hinge and so on 😎
Don't be ugly and everything should be fine. Women give tons of chances to good looking and/or wealthy men. If you're neither, you probably would have to meet someone in your early 30s when women start to settle. Source: my entire life
This is way too real
Oh boy that last line 😭
very true! good looking men have chance on Tinder and rich men have chance on sugarbook, but men like us have to wait for the love cupid to send us an angel with pure loving heart. What scares me the most is the number of scammers on dating apps. whereas, people we meet in person on daily person do not show any interest in us, what to do?
sometimes I don't want to go to the gym, but then I remember that if I don't, I will need to settle in my 30s with the women with 50 body counts
Meet people in school given you’re on campus everyday
Use this opener...
"Actually, speaking of my future, I've got it all planned out. I'm aiming to be an investment banker, you know? Not just any banker, but a top-tier one. I've been engrossing myself in all things finance, especially Mergers & Acquisitions and Leveraged Buyouts. Just the other day, I was explaining to a friend the nuances of EBITDA and how it's the key to understanding a company's operational performance without the distortions from financing decisions. But, of course, that's just scratching the surface. An investment banker's role is so multifaceted – from advising on billion-dollar mergers to raising capital for startups. It's all about networking, understanding market dynamics, and being at the top of your game. I'm confident that in a few years, I'll be a top bucket analyst at a bulge bracket bank, working on some of the most high-profile deals. And, of course, reaping the rewards – I've already got my eyes on this penthouse in the city and a luxury car. But hey, it's not just about the money; it's about the thrill of closing a deal and being at the forefront of global finance. Anyway, enough about me, tell me more about yourself!"
Let's see Paul Allen's opener
~80% of the game is being attractive. Be honest with yourself, there is likely something about your appearance that you could upgrade (e.g., fitness, clothes, hairstyle, etc.).
The remaining ~20% is just making sure the girl has fun. Don't make it a boring Q&A-style interview. Women find that revolting. Be yourself and make sure she is smiling, laughing and having fun (e.g., playfully roast her a little bit; if she is passionate about something, have her expand on it; tell her some cool or interesting life stories that make you look good, etc.).
Ok, thank you EVERYONE for the responses. I've since had 10 dates, with the most recent going FANTASTIC. For anyone reading the future thread, I think the second part of this response was the most important, for my development at least. Most people on here have the common sense to look good, but I have been told that I 'stand out' from basically being fun / funny.
Also, if you are a bit shy (like myself initially), I found 'heavy' activities are good (where it's 70% doing, 30% talking). Normally they are short, fun and easy to warm up in (super easy to playfully roast her as suggested above). Then after, once nerves are cooled, go do something more talkative e.g. walk, bar etc.
Happy it helped man!!
you can decide what you want after dating those 5 profiles. you will get to know more about your dates, own preferences and your interest in relationships. every one of us has different ideas and experiences about dates, you should try to understand it better.
Go on at least a couple of dates with each of those people too given they are at least good personally wise from date 1. Sometimes people open up more over time
The big advice: you're going to suck at it at first. But that's everything; if there was ever one thing that someone could tell you to be great at something, that something isn't probably hard to do. Want to be a great chef, its not just use a certain pan; what to be a good trader, its not just look at one ratio; what to be a good athlete, its not drinking one kind of supplement.
So, at OP, it looks like you're kind of green when it comes to dating. My advice, what will get you good, is ether go on a lot of dates and know the first couple may not go well. To speed up the process, I'd say just be friendly and talkative where ever you go. Just talk to people, and make note of what works for you and what doesn't. It's almost like stand up comedy or acting in a way, you have to play your part; if you're going to be confident look confident. Over time, you're figure out what works and what doesnt.
Here's a tip though: As much as women say they don't like "hey" or "hi" as the initial conversation (in person or online), they really do like that; maybe throw our a "hows your week going" or "hows your weekend looking". Don't try to do anything crazy on the apps, with more experience you might be able to throw our something more exotic, but that will take time. Just think about it like meeting people in real life, you'd think someone is crazy if they came up to you at a bar and said something crazy, same with the apps.
I am find that women is more open and receptive to me and my conversation in the person when I am talk with them. Many time any class mate or app match chat with me on message app, the conversation is not go very far. I am wonder there could be barrier of language or different in culture because I am from different country than most people know of
Had somewhat similar experience. The below link can be helpful for this:
I did not know the ChatGPT could make a conversation response. Thank you for provide this knowledge to me, and I am try to respond to message use this more.
LOL nice advice, may try using chatGPT responses as well
and then it turns out that IRL you can't hold a convo lol
This is often something that makes me wonder if these apps are really that helpful with peoples dating lives. Online dating seems to heavily favor women especially if you’re in your early 20s, - if you ever had a female friend show you her app, she’ll have thousands of matches, hundreds of messages and dudes lined up with right swipes, regardless of how she looks - it’s actually crazy how skewed it is as you’d have to be the whole package as a man only to receive a fraction of the interest.
I’d try and say it’s easier to meet people in real life. A potential caveat is that many of the women you meet irl are probably using dating apps to their advantage so options may still be limited.
Guess outcomes with apps and dating are situational/ can vary with each individual. Everyone is different with regards to looks, personality etc.
I hate dating apps, and both men and women I talked to hated dating apps as well. I don't think apps are useful, especially when people look for something serious and long-term. Having dates is one thing, but actually clicking with your date is the key thing and this can be quite a challange, regardless of how many dates you get (but getting any date is the starting point, I know)
If you’re getting lots of dates but struggle to click with any, you may need to take an inward look as it’s probably personality that’s holding you back
I've been going on multiple dates a week for years, mostly from apps, more often than not taking the girl home at the end of the first date.
My advice would be just to don't take it too seriously, be yourself and have fun. See it as just a good time rather than a "date."
Yes, you can match with say 10 girls in a week and then message them, surely a few may respond and go on dates with you. Easy.
Depends on individual, everyone’s experience may differ. Just try for a month or two and if it’s working well then that’s great.
Others have more favorable results when meeting people in real life
Apps have generally been a good avenue to meet people. Whether or not you get along with who you match with is another matter that you have some control over
What ever you do learn not to talk too much about yourself, especially your career unless she wants to know more. Ask her questions about herself, bring up what are her values, what her hobbies are etc. Watch the type of jokes you want to share. The goal here is to let her know you are a catch and not like the others. Meaning you make her feel good she wants a second date. Women generally like humility so be humble.
Have her do most of the talking, and about herself. That sometimes works well
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