'weak' mentality/ How can I improve?
I know my question is a bit broad. Just looking for some insight.
Those who had 'weak' mentality in the past, how did you improve? What led you to become a better person? What advice would you give to your past self?
I think you need to be more specific than this to get good advice. What do you consider “weak”? What are you struggling with?
Ultimate accountability. Take ownership for any issue in your life, because ultimately it is your fault - and even if parts of it arent - no one can fix it but yourself.
Poor? It's your fault, find a job, save money, work harder
Fat? Your fault
You are a boring person? Cant get laid? dead end job? etc. etc. it's your fault. Not just the big things, but the little things.
If you always blame traffic for you being late, if you blame what the president is doing for your economic situation, if you blame current events for your mood, then you just show you have no control of your life. Just a leaf blowing in the wind.
yes life isnt fair and at a macro level there are certainly reasons people have success and dont. But at an individual level, anyone can take accountability and make significant improvements in any facet of life. The reality is people dont want to look in the mirror and admit they suck, and even worse - they dont want to admit it's their fault.
Learning to love losing because it means you are improving is a key to success in any aspect of life. If you stay in groups that are all about trying to blame others for failures , then you will continue to still be a failure. Wish I knew this sooner, but glad I realized this in 20s - because I'd venture most people on this planet dont learn that lesson at all.
Jocko Willink everyone...
Or should that be Dr. Peterson?
Kidding aside, I agree with what you posted.
Jocko 100%
Learned the above well before discovering who Jocko was, and you will find that setiment/advice from almost ANY individual with success (think entreprenuers, high achievers, etc.). Jocko didnt invent it, he just did a hell of a job tying his brand to it and carrying the torch.
Even funnier tying it to a bloke like Peterson who cant go a month without crying on Twitter. Thats not having good control of your life/emotional state.
Again, these concepts are not new and are foundational to development and success. Tying them to certain individuals and then assassinating their character (as has happened with Peterson, or Rogan - who has high overlap in audience with Jocko) is just political moves the herd falls for. It's no surprise those attacks come from a group whose best interest is to get you to blame others for your shortcomings and trust a larger all powerful institution, such as the United States government, to save the day.
Haha Peterson… love it when the guy with a benzo addiction tells me to make my bed every morning
First rule of being a top g - Accountability
second rule, dont become a cult follower of online personalities (or any personality) and be your own man.
I for one am glad Andrew Tate is finally being held accountable for being a rapist
Lemme give you a situation. Want to hear what you think of it.
One party addresses a problem they think you have. You acknowledge that there might be something there and respect their opinion, but you disagree. As long as you're acknowledging that there might be something, is it okay if you disagree with the person and move on or is that considered "weak" in the context of your post?
can you be more specific
Getting screwed by 30% inflation? Your fault for only making a $100,000.
Got hit by a drunk driver? Your fault, should've taken the private jet.
Child born handicap? Your fault, should've gotten better genes.
Yes there are a ton of lazy people, but don't judge anyone/everyone without being in their shoes. Someone could be fat, a drug addict/alcoholic as a coping mechanism. All it takes is one event for a downward spiral to begin (and its much easier to stay down or go lower than upward).
A highly compensated friend of mine is financially broke, out of shape and depressed because his wife left him, took the kids and he's on the hook for massive alimony/child support. He already had a tough life growing up, gained momentum in the right direction and now this. Don't think he's looking for another partner at the moment, but wouldn't blame him for struggling given his baggage (which is hard to cut off).
You're in your 20s, let's see if you have this attitude in your 40s.
Yes, these are all good examples. Thank you.
Making 'only' $100,000? Yes it is absolutely your fault that you cant max out your savings accounts let alone make ends meet on that salary. 30% inflation? You left out hottest labor market in history. Not enough money? Perfect time to get a better paying job. Cant afford to live off 100k? (lmao) perfect time to cut back living expenses. But you live in NYC? Look at that remote jobs everywhere so you can move somewhere cheaper just as generations among generations of individuals have had to do in the past to pursue prosperity - you arent entitled to anything bud. So yes, your fault.
Your wife leaves you financially on the hook? As someone who grew up surrounded by divorce, yep believe it or not you likely share a significant portion of the blame. Either in picking your spouse, how you pursued marriage, how you were as a husband. A ton of people get divorced and are ok. Your friend needs a kick in the pants, not a pity party, because if he changed how he framed his life he could be a highly compensated top 1% earning bachelor with the freedom to literally have any pursuit on this planet. But thats his call.
Getting hit by a truck is not arguing in good faith bud. Obviously there are things out of your control. That is the weakest "yea, but" argument one can come up with. No a 5'6 ginger kid cant will himself to play in the NBA. But he sure as shit can will himself to play for his varsity team.
btw not in 20s
Find yourself in a hostage situation with a gun to your head? your fucking fault
Based on crime statistics, yes - you would likely have accountability for putting yourself in that situation
Put David Goggins and Joko Wilnick on repeat on your YouTube playlist
I referenced this before, but I can't remember the name of the book. It talks about how physical stress activates the same part of the brain mental stress does. Start crushing yourself in the gym, long metcons, assault bike sprints after a lift, hard runs etc.
I want to add: This is the reason military selections are the way they are. None of them are really ‘physical’ tests, you have to be fit, but they are a test on making decisions under duress, that is all they are. The way they force you under mental duress is to physically tax you.
The majority of the most popular methods of building mental toughness are short-term focused and unsustainable. They are dependent on core factors that if you remove them, your whole system falls apart. See prior posts that suggest: killing yourself in the gym, listening to podcasts on repeat, etc. Essentially, if I remove these variables from their protocols, they fail. This is pretty much the antithesis of resilience. As you will see below, I am not calling you weak for relying on this in trying moments, but there are far better long-term frameworks for improvement and building resilience.
The best material I have found on this is Jared Tendler's The Mental Game of Poker pt 1 (I think he wrote a trading book as well).
Mental toughness is an antiquated idea. The mind is not a muscle you can harden, it is a neural network that has multiple levels of consciousness. Instead of focusing on not being weak, we should focus on attaining mastery in our routine tasks (and eventually non-routine tasks). Most of the inefficiencies in our lives can be evaluated to a degree of mastery and then treated (or trained) to improve mastery. There are four levels of mastery:
Unconscious incompetence - you don't know that you suck
Conscious incompetence - you know that you suck
Conscious competence - you don't suck but you have to focus on it
Unconscious competence - you don't suck and don't have to focus on it
The goal is to get to unconscious competence over and over again, one task at a time, on every task that you do on a daily basis. Eventually you can build to tasks that you don't do on a daily basis as well. In some cases, this looks like building habit and in others this looks like building expertise. Unconscious competence means that you can perform a task without having to think about it, leaving you significantly less susceptible to outside influences like stress, anxiety, lack of confidence/experience, or loss of motivation. Conscious competence is exhausting and often depends on external distractions not being present (you have to focus to accomplish the task so distractions are a big problem). Being consciously focused on toughness is an inefficient way to be tough. That is not to say conscious competence is useless, its a necessary part of the process. The key is to make sure that your day to day goal is moving things through the 4 steps consistently. The reason this framework works so well is because automation (subconscious automation) of our daily routines results in fewer choices to make. The fewer choices you make, the less chance there is of failure.
This framework is self-sustaining. It will not require outside influences or motivation to consistently reinforce it. Once you realize that your day to day performance is a function of your own mastery and automation, then you realize that performance is not a reflection of your character. Performance is a reflection of mastery of the different components of your life. It also shifts you away from the framework of stress and strain (trying to be/appear tough and committing energy to doing so), to actual improvement and better understanding of your life. Failure becomes a lot less scary when you look at the mastery your other failures have led to. This will also immensely help EQ. When you realize the people's outcomes are a product of their mastery, then you will stop associating good outcomes with good people and bad outcomes with bad people. They aren't failures, they just aren't there yet.
This is not Tendler's opinion, this is mine. If you need someone's YouTube channel on repeat then it is not helping you attain mastery. You are trapped in a state of conscious competence. The highest viewed channels are examples of the inverse of survivorship bias, if they were working you wouldn't need to review what they are saying every day and they wouldn't have that many views. I don't want to suggest that these motivators are doing anything malicious, quite the contrary. I think they are providing a needed medicine in this process that is being abused. For example, Jocko ardently preaches self-motivation, yet many of his most religious supporters claim that they need his videos on in the background all of the time to stay motivated. This is why I say, its being abused and the content isn't inherently bad. We all will occasionally need this spark in our lowest moments. What Tendler's framework would suggest is to use the medicine, but start investigating what is causing you to lose motivation and need this medicine to begin with and work to improve that area of your life.
I read each of Tendler's books once, for reference.
I wish I could give more SB for this post. The section about the four levels of mastery is very interesting, something I've never heard of before, and it makes perfect sense.
The best way to avoid weakness is to take stock of the situation and evaluate the best and worst that could happen. 99% of the time it's just your emotions getting the best of you.
If you're scared to ask out a girl, the worst that could happen is you get rejected and you're still single, the best that could happen is you get a girlfriend. Same goes with pretty much anything outside your comfort zone unless its shooting up Fentanyl.
Conversely, if you're going blow a lot of money on a car or some other status symbol to impress your friends, you have to think: the best that could happen is they might see you as wealthier. Is it really worth blowing all that money on it?
Read cant hurt me by david goggins. Changed my whole mindset
I ended up in AA at age 23 which did wonders for my public speaking and social skills. Ultimately what helped me “toughen up” so to speak came from AA - Anything you have the power to change, you change, and the rest you just need to radically accept. Finally, if you did something wrong, you need to take ownership for it and make your amends or take corrective action ASAP, and then change your behavior so it doesn’t happen again. Applying those principles to 24 hour increments changed my life. It’s simple but not easy, though you adapt over time.
Step out of your comfort zone and get comfortable. For growth, this is essential. Join a MMA / Muay Thai / BJJ gym and stepping out of your comfort zone in life will become much easier.
The answer's pretty simple. The first thing you do is ALWAYS be completely honest with yourself. We tell ourselves stories, we rationalize shortcomings, we make excuses, we pass blame, and we set ourselves up for disappointment when we "hope for the best" w/ no plan of action. I would argue that these defense mechanisms weaken your will.
You correct this by just focusing - to the best of your ability - on things that are within your control. I learned this tidbit when I became a practicing Stoic. Your center of influence should always be your main priority. The more you build up your skills at something or mastery in an area the more confident you become, the better prepared you feel, and the more eager/willing you are to tackle stuff that seems difficult on its face.
Just try it out for a couple of months and check back with us.
Obviously shyt happens and will happen - but if it isn't anything you can control, you won't want to waste your time giving it more energy than absolutely necessary to either resolve it or accept it.
You do that and you won't compare yourself to others, you won't try to compete with folks better positioned by luck/connections/natural ability whatever, and you won't feel "defeated" when stuff doesn't necessarily go your way. The other wins you get will soften the blow in most cases.
Seriously, try it. with an open mind. Did wonders for me.
Doesn't mean that you won't still get upset or rattled from time to time. I know, for example, that my height essentially screws me out of a ton of stuff socially and professionally. I've seen the stats so I know I'm not crazy. It certainly doesn't suck any less. But the difference is I'm not paralyzed by it anymore. The sense of accomplishment kind of helps you push back against ever feeling helpless.
I feel like this is bait for all of the TopGs
Funny, because Tate is a perfect example of a weak person. A rapist and human trafficker who overcompensates by buying luxury cars and other status symbols.
How much do you bench
When trying out for special forces / SF selection, we got a couple of tips underway - but one still stands out: When facing a very difficult situation, you need to live in the present. Focus only on the task at hand, and ignore the rest. Actively thinking that you'll be going through hell for xx weeks will break down any person, and your mind will quit on you way before your body does.
Obviously that will help you more if you're going through a triathlon, but still - being able to mentally put yourself in a specific place, and ignore outside noise, has at least been helpful to me in other areas.
Did you make it through?
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