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Bidets wreck your life. It’s gradual, at first you try it out of curiosity and are like eh not that bad, could be worse. Then you have brutal diarrhea or a shit that you can’t stop wiping and you use it by necessity learning it’s way better than tp. Now the barrier is broken and you find yourself going out of your way to use the Biden bathroom. Next, you poop in public and instinctively go to turn the bidet nob on when done and it isn’t there. In fact, you have almost forgotten what pooping without a bidet is like. You finish wiping and realize your ass is still very dirty and itchy. This upsets you at work and you start to think about how many people are walking around with dirty buttholes acting like everything is normal. All of sudden that girl you hooked up with at peters lodge party comes back into your memory. You start wondering if that smell was that she hadn’t wiped her ass properly/ doesn’t use a bidet. You then realize you’ve never actually washed around your asshole until getting a bidet. You realize society is backwards and we are living a lie. You try to convert others to join the cause and people begin labeling you as “weird bidet guy”. “It just makes more sense” you say. “Heck imagine if a bird pooped on you, would you not wash it off instead of using a dry paper towel and concluding it is perfectly clean?” You try to reason, but no one wants to hear it. They are sheep. You buy a second bidet for your parents home because you don’t want a holiday to be wrecked by a bad dukey. You ask your wife to peg you because it’s not that different and the “prostate is the male g-spot”. You begin posting on WSO other liberal opinions because society has it wrong. You are drumpfy.