Depressed PE Principal
-35 years old. Came from an off-target university without the right concentration.
-7 years of PE work experience, 4 years prior in Corp dev.
-Joined a start up Fund as the first employee 5 years ago. Myself and the founder took it from 0 to 1bn in AUM during this time. My pay over the years was very poor and I was continually promised carry but it never materialized. My base started off as 60k (associate) and went as high as 200k by the time I left. In my final year I earned 700k all-in but it was an anomaly, most years I earned around 100-120k all-in and would routinely work 70-80 hour weeks.
-Got fired from my job about 6 months ago as I was pressuring the founder to finally give me carry (as he promised multiple times in writing). He found it cheaper to just get rid of me. At the same time, my wife got really sick and I could barely afford to pay our mortgage as well as our medical bills.
-Out of desperation I took a job at another PE Fund that is super small. They're paying me 125k base with only a 30% bonus and 7% carry out of our 100m fund.
-i just feel really depressed with where I'm at. I've raised considerable money and have a great track record (around 60 deals lead and executed), I just feel the current pay is way too low and my employer doesn't want to raise more money for like 2 years. Feel lost.
-I have decent relationships and could probably break out on my own to launch a small 30m fund, but I just don't have the savings to last without a paycheque. All those years working at low wages and then the mortgage and medical bills hasn't left me with much working capital.
Step one is clear your head and get your confidence back. First thing is Therapy - try to find in network but if you can’t afford it in your situation, at least read a reputable self help book on it. After that you need to do all the “right” things to get your mood back - sleep, cut out ANY drugs and alcohol, work out often, eat healthy, go outdoors, and connect/reconnect with relationships. None of that is a silver bullet, but it’s critical that you do everything in your power to give your mood a fighting chance to turn around.
AFTER your head is clear - time to job seek. It sounds like raising a fund is off the table for you. Great, rule that out and focus on what is an option. Which sounds like moving to a slightly bigger fund that will pay you at least closer to market. Even if you have to step in as a VP. Get your resume updated and more importantly, your narrative together. Then on the hunt - surely you have a network now at this point in your career you can start to tap to have more “ears on the ground”. Then talk to all the usual headhunters. With the right narrative, you should land something quickly in this market. You got this.
Different guy from the post above and echo everything he said. You’ve done this rodeo before - now imagine growing your $100mm fund to $1Bn in the coming years. That 7% carry? Ooof. Hope the wife is doing better. Nothing better than seeing loved ones sharing your happiness.
Btw I’m 35 this year as well. Still VP, comp profile not too diff from yours (without a massive home run year) and loving it. Someone said you can’t wait until life isn’t hard any more to be happy. Hang in there. You’ll kill it I call it.
I know this is not the answer that you're looking for. But before you follow the advice in the above comments, please know this:most of our problems arise from living in the past which results in depression or living in the future which results in anxiety. This is because we let our mind wander without our permission. It's almost cliched to say start living in the moment.
Life is not bad or good. It just is. If you don't like how it is manifesting right now, you need to work to change it the way you want it to be. All you need to do then is just be present and do what got to do.
Happiness has been within you all the time. Discover it and start working on your career.
Consider consulting with an attorney regarding litigation of the fund you helped build.
You need to maybe be less of a sucker. This guy had you join a start-up and paid you peanuts. You should have made +tens million dollars across that time.
Also, you did 60 deals in 7 years? On $1bn in AUM, translates to $15m checks? Im guessing VC/GE type stuff? If so that should be a very sought after skill set in this job market.
Now you’re working for basically what a mid-level F500 HR manager makes? If you’re not going to value yourself, why would anyone else? Wake up. You are worth whatever you think you deserve. You need to fix your mindset.
I appreciate the wake up call and you're right, I haven't had a good self esteem/self confidence all these years and it has held me back from speaking up and knowing my true worth.
I am generally a very trusting person when it comes to things like salary etc, which is definitely a draw back.
I took my recent gig because I absolutely needed something immediately to help with the mortgage payments and hospital bills.
You seem like a good person and sounds like you have a loving relationship with your wife (lucky her, to have your support). I think you know your options, you are smart and experienced enough for this but you have simply lost confidence and momentarily find yourself in a situation of despair.
If you made those deals happen, then it is you who held those relationships over the years. I think the work environment has changed. With how connected the world is (as it has never been before), people are well aware that companies are faceless entities that have to do what is in their best interests to survive, and there seldom is a conflict of interests between employers and employees.
Thank you for sharing your story. Since I started, I have been overworked for years, my health deteriorating a bit more as time passes. I always wanted to start my own business, never had the push to do it. Heck, it may fail, but so what, I will die anyway one day. I should use myself before someone else uses me.
I am sorry that you were treated unfairly. Nobody deserves this.
wish you courage and success.