Ridiculous Job Postings

What's up with bottom-tier places making job postings with ridiculous terms? As if anyone who could fulfill these requirements would waste their time with your little outfit?

For example I came across a job posting for a place called "Newchip" for an entry level VC internship and some of the bullets are as follows

• have an outstanding network in the US startup scene

• graduated from a leading university with an excellent academic record

• advise our portfolio companies to meet the challenges of scaling their businesses by assisting them source relevant networks of executives for hire, partners/service providers, as well as investors

Don't you think someone who checks all these boxes would go somewhere more quality? And what reputable or halfway competent startup would want to be advised by an intern?

There are also some additional bizarre bullets that you would think goes without saying such as 

• You have a passcode on your computer and phone and use a password manager

• Don't gossip and have discretion

• Are professional and greet everyone cheerfully

• You will see the big picture, and you'll sweat the tiniest details.

• Get to Inbox Zero every day

• Familiarity with Microsoft Office (no shit, who tf isn't?)

It makes me think the person who put this whole thing together has no idea what they're talking about. 

There's another VC posting ("Genius Guild") that says they are "a business creation platform that invests in market-based solutions that end racism."

How f**king lofty, ambiguous, and ridiculous is that sh!t? Wow, your VC firm is ending racism. This is why I hate VC, everything is about pie in the sky words, ego stroking, and pompousness.

Comments (32)

  • Analyst 1 in PE - Other
Apr 10, 2021 - 10:46am

not to mention most of these firms want someone with 1-3 years of IB experience with 1/3 the comp...

Apr 10, 2021 - 11:48am
Marcus_Halberstram, what's your opinion? Comment below:

lol @ get to inbox zero every day.

So they want an intern with a network of executives, expertise to advise portfolio companies, and a willingness to be micromanaged on the tiniest of personal/professional preferences.

Array
Apr 11, 2021 - 2:58pm
Mumbles, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I'm surprised it doesn't state "3-5 years of experience in NFTs (no exceptions)" lol

Apr 12, 2021 - 9:44am
Credit Swish, what's your opinion? Comment below:

"Experience with NFT marketplace" just signals that you are not aware of the landscape in a realistic manner. 

Apr 11, 2021 - 10:23am
NoEquityResearch, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I love these kinds of bullets....they let me know that this team is batshit crazy and that I shouldn't apply.  Saves me a lot of time.

It can be very hard to sometimes discern the culture of a team, but these kinds of bullets give it away. Very useful from an applicant's perspective.

Apr 11, 2021 - 10:27am
FixItPlz, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Jesus, think I just found the job posting, and it was an even bigger mess than I expected.

The posting has 30 different bullet points under the requirements section. Looks like EVERYTHING from previous experiences, technical abilities and basic common-sense concepts like being "security-aware" was thrown in here.

LOL'd when I read this though: 

  • You write things down. You document your process and maintain records so that if you got hit by a bus we'll be very sad but still able to continue operating.
Jun 17, 2021 - 12:49am
AttackSnail, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Objectively hilarious, not even sure what to make of it tho. That's either a troll bullet or they genuinely have negative EQ

  • Investment Analyst in HF - EquityHedge
Apr 11, 2021 - 2:31pm

What's even sadder is that Newchip's founder has this in his LinkedIn profile description:

"I live and breathe tech. Let's make it a better world together 🙌🏻 . Currently, run the top virtual accelerator in the world."

TOP VIRTUAL ACCELERATOR IN THE WORLD

Apple engineer spoof video: is Spanish Laughing Guy the new Downfall? | Internet | The Guardian

Apr 11, 2021 - 5:11pm
ajf140, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Yep, avoid all VCs/ accelerators that try really hard to curate their outward appearance / wokeness

Apr 23, 2021 - 11:37am
elmadrileño, what's your opinion? Comment below:

Honestly from my experience looking for jobs in Linkedin is like dumpster diving. The amount of egocentrics that are running these companies is baffling. They genuinely believe that they are better than FAANG in terms of reputation and as such they can offer to pay jackshit while asking for the world 

May 19, 2021 - 2:05pm
Drumpfy, what's your opinion? Comment below:

These "shitty" low tier VC's (and startups for that matter, same thing is common in tech) are more competitive than you think for two reasons.

1. A lot of young people would rather work in a cool new industry making innovations then just a boring 9-to-5 in a big but not sexy company like Comcast or Lockheed even if the pay isn't as good

2. Since the VC or startup is small they only have a few slots to fill as opposed to big companies that hire tons of college kids every year

  • 3
Jul 24, 2021 - 1:46am
CrabApplesRGross, what's your opinion? Comment below:

I don't think this is just a VC problem. In my experience, small banks and firms want you to suck their dick in your mandatory cover letter. When I was interning at a (relatively) large bank, they mostly just cared about my experience and desire to grow rather than how hard I get at the sight of their company's name. 

  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Jul 29, 2021 - 3:03am

Geez you think thats bad? Theres these repeat offenders on Linkedin that pose as boutique investment banks that do M&A but really are "business brokerages". I can name a few off the top of my head. There's one that's so bad but giving their name up is not even worth it. People still end up applying to these boiler room dud ass shops which is quite sad...

  • Analyst 1 in IB-M&A
Aug 2, 2021 - 1:35am

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