Open Season on B-School Draft 2

Thank you both for your advice. I'll post the next draft once it is completed.

BoothorbustVery quickly -

Use consistent tense in your E&Y section - your first two bullets are present, the last three are past. On the first E&Y bullet point I would lead with the achievement "Reduced Labor Costs" I would try and quantify some of these achievements in E&Y - how many engagements, how many hours, how many deliverables are you attached to, etc. Phrases like "develop client relationships" are really mushy. What did you do exactly and how can it be quantified? Same for under Papa John's (tho this exp is less relevant) - you encouraged people . . so what? What did it lead to. Every line item on your resume should try to be a discrete achievement or responsibility that you can clearly tout as leading to favorable outcomes.

Good luck, good job so far, and thank you for your service.

I've reworded some of the bullets in a way I think better highlights the point of the bullet. I also changed the past-tense bullets to be examples of ongoing activities rather than single (past) events.

wannabeaballerI'm not too sure what types of programs you're trying to apply to, but I've gotta ask:

1. Do you really think your 10 year old experience at Papa John's is relevant?

2. You've completed about one semester of grad school, which probably counted toward your undergraduate degree anyway. Do you think this is noteworthy?

I think your GMAT is outstanding. Try to give some more academic achievement examples to solidify your GPA. Maybe you wrote a research paper on a topic related to Oil and gas, maybe your were part of an academically oriented team. Please expand on your ANG experiences. I'm sure something noteworthy happened on one of those 750 patrols, or some award was bestowed upon you. Also, have you assisted stateside with any sort of tornado cleanup / community work?

1. No, I don’t' think the papa john's bit is relevant. I could easily add either additional bullet points to both EY and ANG sections or expand on some of the current ones and take them to 3 lines. I'm hesitant to extend bullet points to 3 lines though as that seems very wordy to me and may leave extra white-space on the 3rd line.

2. I dropped out of the Macc program because I became CPA eligible and EY converted my internship offer into a full-time offer. I think it's noteworthy because I have a 4.0 on master's level courses.

3. I'm not sure how much space I want to dedicate to the education section, but I do have some things I could add. During my last year in undergrad, I was president of a business fraternity; do you think that would be worth dedicating space to? I don't have any tornado/hurricane/community work from the ANG. Every time my unit was deployed for something like that, I was on active duty. I certainly have many experiences from the patrols, but I don't know that they are easily convertible into bullet points. I think they would be better as interview talking points or in "tell me a time when..." admissions essays.