High School is Paradise

You just got home from your high school finance club meeting. You have a slight smirk on your face when you get home thinking about how prestigious this will look on your college application. You took AP Economics your junior year of high school and got an A. After your A you look at the most prestigious Macro HF. You think to yourself that you placing #2 in the school-wide stock simulation game will give you an upper hand compared to the PE vp in the future. If it wasn't for Chad and his MD dad from PJT telling him insider information you would have won. You still have that smirk because you laugh at the fact that Chad's dad is not even in a BB. You laugh even harder at the fact you know what MM and BB are and the abbreviations. After your finance club meeting and discussing whether IU Kelley is a target or not (it isn't UNLESS you're in the IB workshop). You go onto WSO to discover new IB comps have been released. You look at GS comp and think just 4 more years till I can have my Porsche 911 GT3rs. After that mental masturbation of looking at IB comps you open up your common app to apply to Wharton, Harvard, Printecton, and Baruch. Baruch is for poor chumps but you think it has proximity and you can always transfer to NYU. After submitting your applications you go up to dinner to tell your mom and dad that they should invest with you. Your robinhood account is up 10% even after the GameStop short. You think to yourself reddit users are so stupid why wouldn't everyone just copy Carl Icahn's investments. Your parents agree to give you 500 dollars to invest. You add your parents 500 to your robinhood and think maybe I'll try to do a corporate takeover now I can leverage up to 10x and I can probably get a board seat at a small midwestern tech company and fire the CEO. After you look at too many companies P/E ratio you finally find the perfect company, Roblox. I mean you played that your entire childhood why wouldnt it go up. After putting your parent’s 500 into roblox you go to Showtime and watch Billions. You think Bobby Axelrod is an absolute dumbass because he went to Hofstra. The complete non-target in Long Island, that Hofstra? You wake up the next morning to check your investment and realize it is down. You quickly remember Warren Buffet saying “If you truly trust your investment you should be happy it went down.” Or something like that I mean who listens to that old geezer. Berkshire is for losers who “want stable returns” when did people become such losers??? As you listen to your EDM playlist from Liquidity driving to school you think I am such a finance bro with a little chuckle. Lunch with your friends gets a little heated after you got a 85% on your calc test. You think how am I ever going to be a HF manager without quant skills. You tell your friends he's a loser and he's going to a non-target. Everyone laughs at you saying what is a non-targeted loser? You laugh also not with them but at them at the fact they're going to be at Edward Jones the rest of their life. You check your robinhood and realize Roblox is down and now you're getting margin called but you remember Bobby Axelrod saying “I didn't get this far without tolerating a lot of risk”. You walk into your next class and look up Bobby Axelrod motivation for the next hour. You are still smirking at the fact that you will be him but with a target school on your resume. 

5 months Later

You got rejected from everywhere but Baruch. You cry at the fact you might have to settle for PJT and use Chad's dad as a reference. You also read WSO comments on Baruch and how it is for Hustlers. You think well I'm a hustler. I started my own family hedge fund (you don't know what they mean on WSO yet) and started a finance club in high school. Through your 4 years at Baruch you have no friends because those are my enemies for banking. You grind out DCF models all night and watch Day in the Life of an Investment Banker on youtube for the visualization. You got no return emails except from Merilly Lynch PWM. You decide to switch majors to marketing for the “better work life balance”. 

-Made from a high school finance hardo