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This joke is so old, I can't remember where I first read it, but I think it was talking about investment bankers. Oh well I guess you could easily substitute the two.
You're right eyelikecheese. Heard any more recent ones? :)
A pirate walks into a bar with a ship steering wheel attached below his belt. The bartender ask him what is he doing with that, and he replies " I dunno, but it's driving meeeeee nutts!!!"
+1
A trader was travelling along in a hot air balloon, when all of a sudden hot air started escaping from the balloon. The balloon strayed off course and rapidly descended, hitting the ground and ending up in the middle of a paddock.
The trader looked around the paddock but had no idea where he was. Suddenly, a man approached the balloon and asked the trader if he could help him. The trader said yes, and asked the man if he could tell him where he was. The man answered eagerly "you are in a hot air balloon, in the middle of a paddock". The trader replied, "oh, you must be an accountant". The man smiled and said "yes, how did you know?". "Because" explained the trader, "whilst everything you say is perfectly true, it is of absolutely no use to me whatsoever".
I heard the same joke but with system engineers and Microsoft certified engineers.
There's a a different vers:
A man in a hot air balloon realised he was lost. He reduced his altitude and saw a man below. "Excuse me, but can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am," he said.
The man below replied: "You are in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 ft above the ground. You are between 40 and 41 degrees North latitude and between 56 and 57 degrees West longitude."
To which the balloonist replied: "You must be a broker." To which the man on the ground said: "I am, but how did you know?"
The reply came from above: "Everything you told me is technically correct but I have no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help so far."
The man below responded: "You must be a trader." To which the balloonist replied: "Yes, I am, but how did you know?"
To which the man on the ground said: "You don't know where you are or where you are going. You have risen to your current position due to a large quantity of hot air. You made a promise which you have no idea how to keep and you expect me to solve your problem. The fact is, you are in exactly the same position you were in before we met, but now, somehow, it's my fault."
here is one,
accountants are cooler than bankers...
This one's old:
A successful trader parked his brand new Porsche in front of the office ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out a lorry came along too close to the kerb and completely tore off the driver's side. The trader immediately grabbed his mobile and dialled 999. It wasn't more than 5 minutes before a policeman pulled up. Before the policeman had a chance to ask any questions, the trader started screaming how his car, which he just picked up that day, was completely ruined and would never be the same again. After the trader finally finished his rant, the policeman shook his head in disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you traders are," he said "You're so focused on your possessions you don't notice anything else" "How can you say that?" asked the trader. The policeman replied, "Didn't you realise that your left arm is missing from your elbow down? It's been torn off from when the truck hit you" The trader looked down in absolute horror. "Fucking Hell!" he screamed… "Where's my rolex?"
Ha ha that's good.
What's an accountant's preferred birth control?
Their personality.
Two ex-Lehman risk quants go on a fishing trip. They rent all the equipment: the reels, the rods, the wading suits, the rowboat, the car, and even a cabin in the woods. They spend a fortune.
The first day they go fishing, but they don’t catch anything.
The same thing happens on the second day, and on the third day.
It goes on like this until finally, on the last day of their vacation, one of the quants catches a fish.
As they’re driving home they’re really depressed. One quant turns to the other and says, “Do you realize that this one lousy fish we caught cost us $1500?”
The other quant says, “Wow! It’s a good thing we didn’t catch any more!”
Ha. That one is good.
What's the difference between a bond and a trader?
A bond matures.
What's the best joke you heard on the trading floor? (Originally Posted: 10/02/2012)
My view is that there's a serious culture and nothing funny happens on the trading floor. Is this true?
dude, this is like saying that all the chicks in UK are ugly and asking if its true
But it is...
That was by far the quickest thread-jack of all time
You don't really have that much spare attention and concentration to come up with witty remarks. So, I would just yell "TIMMMAY" in exaggerated South Park fashion every time Tim Geithner came on the screen. Well, not came on the screen . I mean appeared on the screen.
part of you wishes he came on screen...i know i do
Whatabout Keira Knightley? she's from the UK
Lucy Pinder..sexy brit
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