Assuming you're there purely to improve your career prospects, here are the keys to the kingdom young padawans.
0. The Preparation:
is this a holiday themed party? is it business casual? business casual is hard to fuck up, but if it's holiday themed, don't wear a naked santa sweater or the one with the two reindeer fucking, don't wear a christmas suit, be a little more toned down.
1. The Booze & The Food:
Nurse your drinks, and get things you can handle. assuming it's a full open bar, stick with one thing, do not take shots, and drink SLOWLY. don't be the guy that's double fisting bud lights or rum & cokes trying to talk to the CEO. whatever you like, vodka soda, scotch neat, craft beer, red wine (just check your teeth periodically), whatever. don't overthink it, just drink SLOWLY and do not get hammered. do not be stuffing your face the entire time. eat beforehand, and just graze the appetizers, you're there to further your career, not get a free meal.
2. The Conversation:
Stay away from the forbidden topics of sex, religion, and politics. also, don't voluntarily bring up work. talk about sports, current events (again no politics), holiday plans, what their kids are up to, and let them drive the discussion. you want to be mostly asking questions, getting them to open up.
3. The Strategy:
One of the worst things you can do is literally barge into a conversation between 2 higher ups that clearly don't want you there. obviously go up and shake hands if you recognize someone, but if they give you the cold shoulder, don't stick around like a fart in the office, just move on. make your rounds when you first get there, but after that generally stay with just a few groups. no one likes being followed around all night, but at the same time you can't get to know someone if it's just 30 second conversations all night.
4. The Activities: do not be "that guy."
Do NOT, I repeat, do NOT go on the dance floor with all of your younger colleagues and proceed to bust a move. this is not your local club, this is a work function. of course, if the entire employee population breaks out in something stupid like the electric slide, definitely join, but when "wobble" comes on, just watch from a distance, and continue your conversation with directors and VPs.
5. The Most Important Thing:
Don't try to fuck a coworker. don't do it. it could very well be possible, but the christmas party is NOT the time to do it. you have all your bosses, their bosses, and HR there. the last thing you want to be seen doing is grinding on ashley from accounting after talking to your MD about career advancement. if someone is truly sweating you, politely give them the heisman, and then continue those escapades outside company property.
6. The Aftermath:
By this point, you should not be that drunk, so if you get the sense that the directors all want to do something afterwards, do it. whatever it is, do it. if it's a strip club with thai ladyboys, an art museum, a casino, another bar, whatever it is, do it. don't go with the younger crowd to the club if you can help it. if there's nothing going on, don't be a lingerer. ask some higher ups if they'd like to split an uber and then go home.
Follow these steps and you likely won't be remembered as the life of the party, but you will be remembered as a mature young person with a bright future.
Mod Note (Andy): This timely and helpful comment by thebrofessor (31 sb's) is from the post What are helpful tips for office parties? and I wanted to add it to the frontpage for those who missed it.
What is the policy on masturbation?
If everyone's partying in the lobby or the board room, there's no one to walk in on you in your office. Can't imagine a better time.
"if you get the sense that the directors all want to do something afterwards, do it. whatever it is, do it"
As always, spot on advice thebrofessor +1
My firm is having a luncheon with no open bar instead of a party due to budget cuts. Does the above still apply? Would I be seen as uncouth for improvising and bringing a flask? thx
you should probably butt chug beforehand so you don't have the smell of liquor on your breath. since it's a luncheon, I'd recommend butt chugging mimosas or bloody marys at breakfast.
You should find a better industry if drinking is your thing.
Here in O&G the luncheon drinking starts at 11AM with open bars. Followed by the actual lunch with ~8-10 bottles of wine at each table of 12-14 people. Followed by drinks with your clients where you drink even more.
It's like day drinking in college with suits on.
This is utterly fucking retarded. Rule 1. Don't be a dick. Rule 2. See Rule 1.
don't try to fuck a coworker. but if she tries to fuck you? now that's a different story.
thebrofessor You forgot the Stay Hydrated line. If you want to survive an office party, being hydrated is key. Seriously, I don't know how many times having drank water during a holiday party has saved my ass - 1) from the potential hangover, 2) from drinking too much, 3) kept my pace in line. Especially in the winter, and with the ridiculous weather we are having (As I write this, Weather.com is reporting that it's 22 Degrees outside and feels like 9), being hydrated actually helps out immensely. The cold dehydrates people more than what we would expect, and if the venue is crowded, body temps will rise and dehydrate you further. It's worth keeping that in mind during the holiday party season.
Through the first few points, all I could think about was that fundraiser scene from Dumb and Dumber, and how they would break almost all of these rules.
Attire? Don't wear bright orange or baby blue tuxedos. Booze? It's okay to "put the vibe out" at the bar, but don't overdo it. Sex chatter? Don't talk about "hooters." Work chatter? Don't talk about canine expertise ("dogs" for the lay person). That guy? Maybe not dancing with the young'uns, but that also carries over to shooting a near-extinct owl with a cork.
The rest didn't apply very well, but couldn't help but think of Lloyd Christmas and Harry Dunne while reading.
Fundamental tip: Don't solely try to use the office party to "improve your career prospects". Improving your career prospects occurs over a long time horizon by doing good work and building relationships across many social/networking events (including, but not limited to, an office holiday party).
I just kind of feel like its common sense not to get blackout drunk, hit on coworkers, and talk about how you voted for xyz candidate and hated the other candidate. Are college sophomores going to office parties now?
I am a college sophomore and I actually was able to attend an office party last summer, after many stern warnings from HR not to touch/look at/smell any alcohol. 2/10 experience, left after thirty minutes to smoke with one of the other interns
This is why they call him "The Brofessor."
This sounds really boring... It shouldn't be so much tips to a office party. Just dont treat it like a college/frat party. Sounds like the protocol for older professionals.
see original thread. I commented because someone was looking for advice, they were treating their office xmas party as an opportunity to potentially further his/her career
Legit advice:
Always have a big meal a couple hours before the party (either big breakfast if its a lunch or lunch for dinner). This will ensure that if your team decides to pressure you to drink (and you can't nurse) you won't come off a pussy, but also won't get as hammered as they do (as usually the proper meal is served after a couple of rounds of drinks after).
At what point is it appropriate to engage a coworker in physical violence?
There's gotta be more to this question. Please elaborate.
I wasn't sure if there was an appropriate etiquette for starting holiday party brawls.
Got a director (M&A) at mine who tries to get with all the (female) interns..
Proper painful to watch e.g. he'd go for a hug and lean in - when the girl pulls away to the cheek he'd all pretend it's accidental and shout 'oh my god we almost just kissed!!'. This happened everytime I'm out with him. It's absolute scenes watching the snaking hell everytime we have the big work drinks
Thanks for letting us know it's M&A, otherwise I would have assumed it was a coverage group, Yikes!
I think you're jealous of your director's swag deep down.
I'm absolutely fuming I've been found out. Never got with anyone in my life and the bloke is rinsing through all of them so..
A player...or nothing.
What I Learned This Week - Christmas Party Etiquette (Originally Posted: 12/12/2013)
This is a guide for the first year analysts and perhaps some of you who are interning about proper etiquette at your office Christmas party. If you get this wrong it can tarnish your reputation early in your career or ruin you chances of getting a full time offer. Here we go:
1. Don't help set up - this particularly applies to interns and first year analysts. The last thing you want is the office manager delegating menial tasks to you. Make yourself scarce or busy when you see them starting to set up. A good trick to dodge this sort of work if you're asked is to politely say you've been asked to do something urgent for... And will help once you're done. Then, look busy.
2. Don't talk about college - this is the quickest way to make people realise you're immature. Also, don't ask your MD questions about the "good ol' days" like you've just put down a copy of Liar's Poker. Ask some intelligent questions and wait for a few drinks and they'll tell you if they want.
3. Don't talk about the weather - learn how to make some small talk. Have an educated opinion on current affairs. Its a good opportunity to sound interesting and intelligent.
4. Be less drunk than your boss - having a drink or two with your colleagues is important for building relationships. Just remember, no matter what you were in college, it's not your turn to be the funny drunk guy. Being 'drunk' is relative though. Meaning that you tend to only notice someone's drunk if they're drunker than you. It doesn't matter if other analysts or interns think your drunk but it's not good if your associate, VP or MD thinks you're drunk. If you've just come out of college you should know if you can hold your liquor. Pace yourself.
5. Don't hook up with a colleague - anyone that's not foreign to a drink will know that as you get drunker, girls get hotter and you get more 'confident'. If you hook up with one of the admin or back office girls they're likely to have a big mouth and its going to bite you in the arse on Monday. If you do hook up with a colleague make sure she's hot and in the FO; she's got more to lose than you do and is likely to keep her mouth shut, and if she doesn't at least it will impress your boss that almost certainly has thought about it...
6. Pick your boss's brain - people love talking about themselves and the good old days. It's also a really great chance for you to find out things that the senior guys wouldn't otherwise tell you. Forget your annual review, this is where you'll get real feedback and some honest advice.
7. Always show up the next day - for those whose Christmas party isn't on a Friday night, don't forget you've got work the next day. All the good work you did schmoozing the boss or sleeping with the new analyst will be dusted if you're the punk who stayed home hung. Have a bunch of Paracetamol, a bottle of Gatorade and a water before you go to bed.
Have I forgotten anything?
Having an educated opinion on current affairs should not extend to sharing your political beliefs, thank me later.
Assumed it was common sense to not talk politics, religion and 'life'/'choice' at the office. Be educated on things and matter so you can offer an opinion if invited.
Heard the first part of this on NPR a few weeks back. Good listen.
http://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/511/the-seven-th…
Broke so many rules last night...
Really only applies to first years. I assume by your point in the analyst stint, you're pretty well known / liked and thus can get away with all sorts of shenanigans
Do tell
Saddens me that some humans out there make lists like this necessary.
If you aren't incredibly smashed on the company's dime you aren't doing it right. If you aren't the type of person that will grab the microphone and start blurting out racists jokes then you should be slamming down drinks as fast as your boss buys them for you. You sure as hell better be hitting on the married MDs hot assistant. If he can't snag her he will respect you for doing so.
Also, bring gifts to apologize in advance for your idiotic drunkenness.
I would probably wait for second year.
So relevant, preparing for this years party as I write.
My advice is a combination of the OPs and heister...
Start a little slow....don't be the FIRST drunk guy and don't treat the first 2 hours like a frat party, but have some drinks. As things start to loosen up heister's advice is spot on. You BETTER get hammered on the company dime (if that's your thing). Those who care if you hook up with someone will be gone by the time that shenanigan's starts.
Unfortunately, OP is right - if you have work the next day you do need to show up. By your second year you'll be seasoned/smart enough to take off the day after the Christmas party.
And be very careful about your educated opinion. Stick to non-controversial topics.
Thanks for the post, will help other interns during Christmas.
Point 1 is bad advice. If an office manager comes to me and say my interns are too important to help out, I will make sure he/she will not get a return offer. When you are at the bottom you pay your dues and earn your respect by not being on a high horse and think any particular task is below you.
And you know what else happens? Sometimes we really want to put you to the test if you can hack it or you will be one of interns that will have a chip on their shoulders when you're back after we extend a FT offer.
So you are going to tell the managers that they don't know how to best run their groups? Bet that will go over well for you.
Company Christmas Parties (Originally Posted: 12/17/2010)
Well, we are knee deep in the Christmas season. I will not be enjoying a Christmas party this year. Apparently in an effort to stay out of the public eye, we will again, not be balling out. I swear, for some firms the golden age of banking is over!
Will someone brighten up my day and let me know about their balling xmas office party?
We rented out the restaurant down the street and had all you can drink anything on the wine list and any top shelf, everyone got filets and we all got like 500 worth of gift cards plus I won the drawing for exclusive rights to our box for one game. The party was last night and everyone got extremely wasted so today we have about 25% of our office actually here and it's pretty funny to see everyone after we all made asses of ourselves.
The party started at 4 in the bar and all of our BB's lost email capability and none of my bosses were in attendance (the best xmas present ever) so i actually got to attend the party as opposed to working through it. Feeling pretty shitty today though as i had a few too many green labels.
No it happened during the day and the IT guys were furiously trying to fix it during the party....Higher ups were irate. Just an amazing coinsidence...or should i say a christmas miracle.
Instead of a traditional holiday party we did a 3 days off site in vegas...it was fantastic.
^^^ That completely trumps my party. Was purchasing prostitutes frowned upon?
Date to employers Christmas party? (Originally Posted: 12/07/2012)
I'm interning at a private wealth management firm and my employer is having a Christmas party. It's a "Platinum Client Event" (only their richest clients can attend). I feel like it'd be a good networking event, because I'm sure someone there will know someone who knows someone that might be able to help me out while I'm job searching. I was told that everyone's bringing dates but I feel like I could work the room and get more face time with everyone without a date. Besides we all know how girls can get when they think they're being ignored, since I'll be blowing her off to talk to the rich people. So should I ride solo even if everyone else has a date?
I would bring a date. Just make sure it's someone personable and not high maintenance. Let her know what's up beforehand so she knows what to expect.
The only girl I've hung out with "in the daylight" recently is kind of high maintenance..
The only girl I've hung out with "in the daylight" recently is kind of high maintenance..
If she's attractive she'll get plenty of attention from others so you will be free to hob-nob.
I'd go it alone. It's very difficult to account for the unpredictability of others.
Don't treat it too much like a networking event. If an opportunity comes along, great; however, if you force it, you're more likely to ruin an important client's Christmas than establish any useful connections.
It is a networking event, yes -- but one intended to improve the firm's relationships, not yours.
This is actually a pretty golden opportunity. Bring a really attractive girl and just tell her beforehand what's going on
Ditto. Use her as bait; when the fish start to nibble, yank the reel back. You just might catch a whale.
Based on the limited # of company holiday parties I've been to, you risk looking like a douche showing up solo--especially in front of your coworkers. "Working the room" is infinitely easier with a babe on your arm. Is this a serious question?
Going stag might send some weird messages out, might even come off a little too aggressive (Or just forever-alone.)
Get a hot friend to come along. If you've got no hot friends, consider getting a hot escort. Maybe they give a discount if you're using them as, well, just an escort.
Well shit, looks like I'll be going with the majority and bringing the hottest girl I know...hopefully they don't care how ditzy she is.
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