Are you extremely hard on yourself?

I admit, I am extremely hard on myself. I don't think about it a lot unless someone tells me this, and it is usually a close friend or family member. I think it causes me to work harder and excel, but wonder if any one of you are the same way or different? I almost envy the people that aren't hard on themselves and get life handed to them on a silver platter and everything is all good all the time.Β 

But, I guess in modern times, most people wouldn't say things are 'all good' as we all have problems, or things to work on. Then you have the category of people who aren't hard on themselves and are slackers, which is a category I can't understand at all.

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Comments (19)

Aug 14, 2021 - 11:49pm

Why not be hard on ouselves for the problems we cause ourselves and others? I think it's reasonable when not taken to the extreme.

Go, Go, Excel

  • 1
Aug 15, 2021 - 12:31am

Just an intern here but I think I'm really hard to myself. I tend to never be happy with what I have and always have a chip in my shoulder to be in a better spot. Do an Asset management at a BB but its no IB. IB at a balance sheet bank but it's no BB. It's a pretty vicious cycle but it has made me work hard and be a better spot so maybe its worth it.

Array
  • 2
  • Incoming Analyst in IB-M&A
Aug 15, 2021 - 11:33am

Second this. Always trying to get to the next advancement and never living in the moment.

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Aug 16, 2021 - 1:00am

hedonism vs asceticism. do you prefer to live in the moment? I prefer to look back in 10 years and be proud of my life and relationships built

path less traveled

  • 1
Aug 16, 2021 - 11:21am

Tiers of slaveryΒ 

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
Aug 15, 2021 - 3:02pm

Incoming cfa level 1 charterholder

When I look at a mirror I get really hard too. Can't help it.

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"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 2
Most Helpful
  • Associate 1 in ER
Aug 15, 2021 - 11:53am

I would definitely say I am hard on myself. When I failed the Series 86 (4.5 hour exam), I wanted to die. Felt like I let my team down and myself down.Β 

I'm also very critical of my physique. I haven't been committing to the gym during the weekdays due to still studying for exams and long hours, and I'm looking forward to finishing them up and properly getting my diet in place to put on muscle. I'm lean now with good definition, but adding 10-15 pounds of clean muscle is my goal.Β 

My dad was introduced to a corporate performance/team coach (not unlike Wendy Rhoades on Billions... what a milf), and he took my family to see him. I saw him twice and had great assessments. I remember the second time I saw him, I was around 18, he said that I have a "healthy dose of American insecurity." That's stuck with me over the years. I don't consider myself an insecure person, I certainly don't feel crippled by it. But I think what he was getting at (Bill Brashers, rest in peace) was that the insecurity drives me to be better. I had imposter syndrome when I first started my job. Had doubts about myself, especially looking at my peers that have graduate degrees from elite schools. But I was hired with the expectation that I would outwork everyone to fill the shoes of the role, which is definitely still a work in progress.

Funny enough, at the time I expressed interest in starting a career on Wall Street. He knew people in the industry and warned me that the types of personalities can be toxic, and can be a very unholy place. Thankfully my team and firm are great.

Honestly, if someone says that are not insecure about anything, they are probably lying to themselves or are just not self aware. These things manifest in our relationships, work, personal lives. It's what you do with that insecurity that matters.

  • Associate 1 in ER
Aug 17, 2021 - 7:53pm

I havent seen one since then. He was really good, and had assessment tests that are much better than the stupid myers briggs shit. Like i said, my dad introduced me to him and thought it would be interesting for the family to get a profile.

Not sure how you'd find one. Maybe by asking around or some online searches. I bet there is a good presence of these types of coaches doing virtual meetings. But havent looked into that at all. Sorry i couldnt help more, id bet that word of mouth might be the best way.

Aug 17, 2021 - 9:54pm

Big Bucks No Giannis

Fascinating. Where do you find a performance coach/any recs?

I know a coach that has given advice to over 1000 C level / VP / Director level employees. I'll PM you the info.Β 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

Aug 15, 2021 - 12:19pm

I used to be, but then I stopped believing anything really matters and there are any objective rights of wrongs.Β 

Now, I'm hard for myself.Β 

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/
  • 1
  • Intern in IB - Cov
Aug 16, 2021 - 8:52pm

I think I'm mostly motivated by fear. I don't want to sound like a douche, but I grew up with a 500k family income in the suburbs. That afforded me a good life growing up, but it also instilled me with a debilitating fear that I will one day not have that same or better lifestyle. The privileges I had growing up really went to my head, and it's hard to shake now. I know money isn't everything, but it still freaks me out.Β 

Oct 23, 2021 - 12:20pm

Exact same situation. Grew up well off, and now I have developed a fear of underachieving/ not taking advantage of my positive life circumstances. I wish I could do things well without the constant feeling of "I have to do this.".

Oct 23, 2021 - 12:17pm

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