Bankers and Bad Relationships

Mod Note: Make sure to see the comment below by initialsCG - "The single most importance choice you will have to make is the person you choose to marry"

I knew an individual who was an associate for JPM and he ended up marrying this girl who was a manipulative gold digger. I felt bad for the guy because he was a cool, smart, down to earth guy but lacked so much common sense. The reason i say he lacked so much common sense was because he couldn't see the signs. The girl was not in love with him and you could easily see it with her body language and the way she treated him. I know for a fact she still loved her baby's dad. I mean the girl was kinda cute but she had a lot of baggage and issues (a kid, superficial, manipulative, liar, etc.).

I guess she was a little above his league in the looks department but i mean he more than made up for it with other things. What sucks (for him) was that even before they were married, she was already cheating on him with multiple guys. She also lied to him constantly and i hated knowing and not being able to warn him but it wasn't my place to say anything. Almost as soon as they began dating, she began blow his money and getting him to fund all these cosmetic procedures. To me, it almost appeared as if he was desperate to get married and be with a girl. Of course, she was all for it because she knew it was her golden ticket to the "good life'' she so desperately desired. My theory is that the lack of girlfriend/relationship due to the long IB hours had started to make him desperate and lonely.

The reason I know a lot about her is because at one point we were somewhat close friends until i (slowly) began to realize the kinda person she was. We all hung out together a lot so i got to know both of them very well. I no longer speak with them but they did eventually get married. Sad story but hopefully he will eventually figure things out.

So this brings me to my questions, do bankers have a hard time finding good women and/or good relationships ? Does the hours make it virtually impossible to have a happy relationship ? Please share your story, whether you are in a happy relationship or a bad one. If you know of others banker's relationships (whether successful or not), also fell free to share.

 

I'd personally hesitate regarding a chick with a kid. The fact that she was a gold-digger is enough to just leave.

This situation is not uncommon, though. It just sounds that the guy didn't think too highly of himself and wanted to fall under what he "should" do (in society's terms) than what he really wanted to do. The hours can definitely turn a lot of girls away.

I know of several bankers (MDs) who'd rather spend time at the office than at home with their families. Take it for what you will.

 

You should've told him, it's the least you could've done. Do you think you did him a favor not telling him how big of a whore she was? Logic clearly out of the picture... cut the bad apples before they kill the tree.

[quote]The HBS guys have MAD SWAGGER. They frequently wear their class jackets to boston bars, strutting and acting like they own the joint. They just ooze success, confidence, swagger, basically attributes of alpha males.[/quote]
 
SonnyZH:

You should've told him, it's the least you could've done. Do you think you did him a favor not telling him how big of a whore she was? Logic clearly out of the picture... cut the bad apples before they kill the tree.

He was warned indirectly about everything but he didn't want to believe it or was brain washed by the chick that it was not true.
 
Best Response

ex cfo during the dot com period late nineties...

The single most important choice you will ever have to really make is the person you marry. She can make you or break you. Don't pay attention to the pop psychology bull. No other investment can be anywhere as significant. And you don't just "get lucky"...A good choice takes hard work, patience, intelligence and serious due diligence, and it will take balls. If you're gun shy, slow, or a sheep you could lose very, very badly. There are no good girls, or bad girls. Love is the toughest market you will ever have to work in. All the hard work you have put into your lives so far, pale in comparison to the work you have to put into the choice of your mate.

It's not that different from the silicon valley venture investor and a new start-up. Think in terms of aligned interests. When you're desperate for money, any investor will do, but you really should be careful with who you hop into bed with because the wrong choice can make life a living hell. Even in the best of cases, the VC -start up relationship is wrought with turmoil, betrayal, conflicting information, sleepless nights, and nerve-wracked days. The day to day grind can just pulverize you and you will get no sympathy from your VC investors. You don't hit your targets, and you may be looking at a serious down round when you need cash again. Even if you hit pay dirt, it is often nasty.That's when you choose well. Let's not get into what happens you're going through an IPO...

This is how I would approach the subject if you're still fairly virgin and living in this business.You are working obscene hours. You're tired and spent. Every day you have to be on your toes, and display self control in the face of complete chaos. You make decent money even at the start, though it may not feel like it on the inside.Trust me, on the outside, you're making a fortune. You're potential is climbing and envious. You're even considered exotic and desirable. You're horny as hell. You're also a bit of dreamer and romantic. And you have some semblance of morality left in terms of what you may define as "family". Be honest with yourselves, you're a target... even for "good girls".

If you're down this path of even considering marriage or a serious relationship, think about these things as cold bloodily as you can:

  1. Is she an asset? Does she become a force-multiplier in your life? or is she a liability?Is she helping you with the day-to day shit in your life.? Does she smile at you often? (most married women always seem so pissed off) Is she flexible with you? or... Is she more superficial than she should be? Remember that all the things you find "cute" in her will eventually drive you to drink.

  2. Does she really understand what you're living through? I mean, does she experience what you have to put up with? Even if she comes from the business, or not, does she have a dry martini and caviar on toast waiting for you when you come home? Does she just let you sit there and vege out in you stupor as you recover from the bombardments of the day and the humiliating commute, or does she rag about stuff that has nothing to do with your work.

  3. The most successful men do not have the most beautiful wives. They were smart enough to know that really beautiful women are usually lousy in the sack and way too high maintenance. They have average to attractive looking women who are smart, sympathetic, patient and supportive of their man. You won't need Viagra with them.

And like any investment with a high return profile, you have to be prepared to lose it all...stoop down and rebuild with worn out tools, never speak a word about your loss...

and children change all the rules....

Just my two cents...

 
initialsCG:

ex cfo during the dot com period late nineties...

The single most important choice you will ever have to really make is the person you marry. She can make you or break you. Don't pay attention to the pop psychology bull. No other investment can be anywhere as significant. And you don't just "get lucky"...A good choice takes hard work, patience, intelligence and serious due diligence, and it will take balls. If you're gun shy, slow, or a sheep you could lose very, very badly. There are no good girls, or bad girls. Love is the toughest market you will ever have to work in. All the hard work you have put into your lives so far, pale in comparison to the work you have to put into the choice of your mate.

It's not that different from the silicon valley venture investor and a new start-up. Think in terms of aligned interests. When you're desperate for money, any investor will do, but you really should be careful with who you hop into bed with because the wrong choice can make life a living hell. Even in the best of cases, the VC -start up relationship is wrought with turmoil, betrayal, conflicting information, sleepless nights, and nerve-wracked days. The day to day grind can just pulverize you and you will get no sympathy from your VC investors. You don't hit your targets, and you may be looking at a serious down round when you need cash again. Even if you hit pay dirt, it is often nasty.That's when you choose well. Let's not get into what happens you're going through an IPO...

This is how I would approach the subject if you're still fairly virgin and living in this business.You are working obscene hours. You're tired and spent. Every day you have to be on your toes, and display self control in the face of complete chaos. You make decent money even at the start, though it may not feel like it on the inside.Trust me, on the outside, you're making a fortune. You're potential is climbing and envious. You're even considered exotic and desirable. You're horny as hell. You're also a bit of dreamer and romantic. And you have some semblance of morality left in terms of what you may define as "family". Be honest with yourselves, you're a target... even for "good girls".

If you're down this path of even considering marriage or a serious relationship, think about these things as cold bloodily as you can:

1. Is she an asset? Does she become a force-multiplier in your life? or is she a liability?Is she helping you with the day-to day shit in your life.? Does she smile at you often? (most married women always seem so pissed off) Is she flexible with you? or... Is she more superficial than she should be? Remember that all the things you find "cute" in her will eventually drive you to drink.

2. Does she really understand what you're living through? I mean, does she experience what you have to put up with? Even if she comes from the business, or not, does she have a dry martini and caviar on toast waiting for you when you come home? Does she just let you sit there and vege out in you stupor as you recover from the bombardments of the day and the humiliating commute, or does she rag about stuff that has nothing to do with your work.

3. The most successful men do not have the most beautiful wives. They were smart enough to know that really beautiful women are usually lousy in the sack and way too high maintenance. They have average to attractive looking women who are smart, sympathetic, patient and supportive of their man. You won't need Viagra with them.

And like any investment with a high return profile, you have to be prepared to lose it all...stoop down and rebuild with worn out tools, never speak a word about your loss...

and children change all the rules....

Just my two cents...

+1. Excellent first post.
 
initialsCG:

ex cfo during the dot com period late nineties...

The single most important choice you will ever have to really make is the person you marry. She can make you or break you. Don't pay attention to the pop psychology bull. No other investment can be anywhere as significant. And you don't just "get lucky"...A good choice takes hard work, patience, intelligence and serious due diligence, and it will take balls. If you're gun shy, slow, or a sheep you could lose very, very badly. There are no good girls, or bad girls. Love is the toughest market you will ever have to work in. All the hard work you have put into your lives so far, pale in comparison to the work you have to put into the choice of your mate.

It's not that different from the silicon valley venture investor and a new start-up. Think in terms of aligned interests. When you're desperate for money, any investor will do, but you really should be careful with who you hop into bed with because the wrong choice can make life a living hell. Even in the best of cases, the VC -start up relationship is wrought with turmoil, betrayal, conflicting information, sleepless nights, and nerve-wracked days. The day to day grind can just pulverize you and you will get no sympathy from your VC investors. You don't hit your targets, and you may be looking at a serious down round when you need cash again. Even if you hit pay dirt, it is often nasty.That's when you choose well. Let's not get into what happens you're going through an IPO...

This is how I would approach the subject if you're still fairly virgin and living in this business.You are working obscene hours. You're tired and spent. Every day you have to be on your toes, and display self control in the face of complete chaos. You make decent money even at the start, though it may not feel like it on the inside.Trust me, on the outside, you're making a fortune. You're potential is climbing and envious. You're even considered exotic and desirable. You're horny as hell. You're also a bit of dreamer and romantic. And you have some semblance of morality left in terms of what you may define as "family". Be honest with yourselves, you're a target... even for "good girls".

If you're down this path of even considering marriage or a serious relationship, think about these things as cold bloodily as you can:

1. Is she an asset? Does she become a force-multiplier in your life? or is she a liability?Is she helping you with the day-to day shit in your life.? Does she smile at you often? (most married women always seem so pissed off) Is she flexible with you? or... Is she more superficial than she should be? Remember that all the things you find "cute" in her will eventually drive you to drink.

2. Does she really understand what you're living through? I mean, does she experience what you have to put up with? Even if she comes from the business, or not, does she have a dry martini and caviar on toast waiting for you when you come home? Does she just let you sit there and vege out in you stupor as you recover from the bombardments of the day and the humiliating commute, or does she rag about stuff that has nothing to do with your work.

3. The most successful men do not have the most beautiful wives. They were smart enough to know that really beautiful women are usually lousy in the sack and way too high maintenance. They have average to attractive looking women who are smart, sympathetic, patient and supportive of their man. You won't need Viagra with them.

And like any investment with a high return profile, you have to be prepared to lose it all...stoop down and rebuild with worn out tools, never speak a word about your loss...

and children change all the rules....

Just my two cents...

Enjoyed this post. Puts things in perspective.

 
initialsCG:

ex cfo during the dot com period late nineties...

The single most important choice you will ever have to really make is the person you marry. She can make you or break you. Don't pay attention to the pop psychology bull. No other investment can be anywhere as significant. And you don't just "get lucky"...A good choice takes hard work, patience, intelligence and serious due diligence, and it will take balls. If you're gun shy, slow, or a sheep you could lose very, very badly. There are no good girls, or bad girls. Love is the toughest market you will ever have to work in. All the hard work you have put into your lives so far, pale in comparison to the work you have to put into the choice of your mate.

It's not that different from the silicon valley venture investor and a new start-up. Think in terms of aligned interests. When you're desperate for money, any investor will do, but you really should be careful with who you hop into bed with because the wrong choice can make life a living hell. Even in the best of cases, the VC -start up relationship is wrought with turmoil, betrayal, conflicting information, sleepless nights, and nerve-wracked days. The day to day grind can just pulverize you and you will get no sympathy from your VC investors. You don't hit your targets, and you may be looking at a serious down round when you need cash again. Even if you hit pay dirt, it is often nasty.That's when you choose well. Let's not get into what happens you're going through an IPO...

This is how I would approach the subject if you're still fairly virgin and living in this business.You are working obscene hours. You're tired and spent. Every day you have to be on your toes, and display self control in the face of complete chaos. You make decent money even at the start, though it may not feel like it on the inside.Trust me, on the outside, you're making a fortune. You're potential is climbing and envious. You're even considered exotic and desirable. You're horny as hell. You're also a bit of dreamer and romantic. And you have some semblance of morality left in terms of what you may define as "family". Be honest with yourselves, you're a target... even for "good girls".

If you're down this path of even considering marriage or a serious relationship, think about these things as cold bloodily as you can:

1. Is she an asset? Does she become a force-multiplier in your life? or is she a liability?Is she helping you with the day-to day shit in your life.? Does she smile at you often? (most married women always seem so pissed off) Is she flexible with you? or... Is she more superficial than she should be? Remember that all the things you find "cute" in her will eventually drive you to drink.

2. Does she really understand what you're living through? I mean, does she experience what you have to put up with? Even if she comes from the business, or not, does she have a dry martini and caviar on toast waiting for you when you come home? Does she just let you sit there and vege out in you stupor as you recover from the bombardments of the day and the humiliating commute, or does she rag about stuff that has nothing to do with your work.

3. The most successful men do not have the most beautiful wives. They were smart enough to know that really beautiful women are usually lousy in the sack and way too high maintenance. They have average to attractive looking women who are smart, sympathetic, patient and supportive of their man. You won't need Viagra with them.

And like any investment with a high return profile, you have to be prepared to lose it all...stoop down and rebuild with worn out tools, never speak a word about your loss...

and children change all the rules....

Just my two cents...

This is great.

Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis - when I was dead broke man I couldn't picture this
 
initialsCG:

ex cfo during the dot com period late nineties...

The single most important choice you will ever have to really make is the person you marry. She can make you or break you. Don't pay attention to the pop psychology bull. No other investment can be anywhere as significant. And you don't just "get lucky"...A good choice takes hard work, patience, intelligence and serious due diligence, and it will take balls. If you're gun shy, slow, or a sheep you could lose very, very badly. There are no good girls, or bad girls. Love is the toughest market you will ever have to work in. All the hard work you have put into your lives so far, pale in comparison to the work you have to put into the choice of your mate.

It's not that different from the silicon valley venture investor and a new start-up. Think in terms of aligned interests. When you're desperate for money, any investor will do, but you really should be careful with who you hop into bed with because the wrong choice can make life a living hell. Even in the best of cases, the VC -start up relationship is wrought with turmoil, betrayal, conflicting information, sleepless nights, and nerve-wracked days. The day to day grind can just pulverize you and you will get no sympathy from your VC investors. You don't hit your targets, and you may be looking at a serious down round when you need cash again. Even if you hit pay dirt, it is often nasty.That's when you choose well. Let's not get into what happens you're going through an IPO...

This is how I would approach the subject if you're still fairly virgin and living in this business.You are working obscene hours. You're tired and spent. Every day you have to be on your toes, and display self control in the face of complete chaos. You make decent money even at the start, though it may not feel like it on the inside.Trust me, on the outside, you're making a fortune. You're potential is climbing and envious. You're even considered exotic and desirable. You're horny as hell. You're also a bit of dreamer and romantic. And you have some semblance of morality left in terms of what you may define as "family". Be honest with yourselves, you're a target... even for "good girls".

If you're down this path of even considering marriage or a serious relationship, think about these things as cold bloodily as you can:

1. Is she an asset? Does she become a force-multiplier in your life? or is she a liability?Is she helping you with the day-to day shit in your life.? Does she smile at you often? (most married women always seem so pissed off) Is she flexible with you? or... Is she more superficial than she should be? Remember that all the things you find "cute" in her will eventually drive you to drink.

2. Does she really understand what you're living through? I mean, does she experience what you have to put up with? Even if she comes from the business, or not, does she have a dry martini and caviar on toast waiting for you when you come home? Does she just let you sit there and vege out in you stupor as you recover from the bombardments of the day and the humiliating commute, or does she rag about stuff that has nothing to do with your work.

3. The most successful men do not have the most beautiful wives. They were smart enough to know that really beautiful women are usually lousy in the sack and way too high maintenance. They have average to attractive looking women who are smart, sympathetic, patient and supportive of their man. You won't need Viagra with them.

And like any investment with a high return profile, you have to be prepared to lose it all...stoop down and rebuild with worn out tools, never speak a word about your loss...

and children change all the rules....

Just my two cents...

Love the allusion to rudyard kipling's if at the end ..one of my favorite poems

 
initialsCG:

ex cfo during the dot com period late nineties...

The single most important choice you will ever have to really make is the person you marry. She can make you or break you. Don't pay attention to the pop psychology bull. No other investment can be anywhere as significant. And you don't just "get lucky"...A good choice takes hard work, patience, intelligence and serious due diligence, and it will take balls. If you're gun shy, slow, or a sheep you could lose very, very badly. There are no good girls, or bad girls. Love is the toughest market you will ever have to work in. All the hard work you have put into your lives so far, pale in comparison to the work you have to put into the choice of your mate.

It's not that different from the silicon valley venture investor and a new start-up. Think in terms of aligned interests. When you're desperate for money, any investor will do, but you really should be careful with who you hop into bed with because the wrong choice can make life a living hell. Even in the best of cases, the VC -start up relationship is wrought with turmoil, betrayal, conflicting information, sleepless nights, and nerve-wracked days. The day to day grind can just pulverize you and you will get no sympathy from your VC investors. You don't hit your targets, and you may be looking at a serious down round when you need cash again. Even if you hit pay dirt, it is often nasty.That's when you choose well. Let's not get into what happens you're going through an IPO...

This is how I would approach the subject if you're still fairly virgin and living in this business.You are working obscene hours. You're tired and spent. Every day you have to be on your toes, and display self control in the face of complete chaos. You make decent money even at the start, though it may not feel like it on the inside.Trust me, on the outside, you're making a fortune. You're potential is climbing and envious. You're even considered exotic and desirable. You're horny as hell. You're also a bit of dreamer and romantic. And you have some semblance of morality left in terms of what you may define as "family". Be honest with yourselves, you're a target... even for "good girls".

If you're down this path of even considering marriage or a serious relationship, think about these things as cold bloodily as you can:

1. Is she an asset? Does she become a force-multiplier in your life? or is she a liability?Is she helping you with the day-to day shit in your life.? Does she smile at you often? (most married women always seem so pissed off) Is she flexible with you? or... Is she more superficial than she should be? Remember that all the things you find "cute" in her will eventually drive you to drink.

2. Does she really understand what you're living through? I mean, does she experience what you have to put up with? Even if she comes from the business, or not, does she have a dry martini and caviar on toast waiting for you when you come home? Does she just let you sit there and vege out in you stupor as you recover from the bombardments of the day and the humiliating commute, or does she rag about stuff that has nothing to do with your work.

3. The most successful men do not have the most beautiful wives. They were smart enough to know that really beautiful women are usually lousy in the sack and way too high maintenance. They have average to attractive looking women who are smart, sympathetic, patient and supportive of their man. You won't need Viagra with them.

And like any investment with a high return profile, you have to be prepared to lose it all...stoop down and rebuild with worn out tools, never speak a word about your loss...

and children change all the rules....

Just my two cents...

Making my first post to tell you how much I enjoyed this. First SB too. Thanks.

 
initialsCG:

ex cfo during the dot com period late nineties...

The single most important choice you will ever have to really make is the person you marry. She can make you or break you. Don't pay attention to the pop psychology bull. No other investment can be anywhere as significant. And you don't just "get lucky"...A good choice takes hard work, patience, intelligence and serious due diligence, and it will take balls. If you're gun shy, slow, or a sheep you could lose very, very badly. There are no good girls, or bad girls. Love is the toughest market you will ever have to work in. All the hard work you have put into your lives so far, pale in comparison to the work you have to put into the choice of your mate.

It's not that different from the silicon valley venture investor and a new start-up. Think in terms of aligned interests. When you're desperate for money, any investor will do, but you really should be careful with who you hop into bed with because the wrong choice can make life a living hell. Even in the best of cases, the VC -start up relationship is wrought with turmoil, betrayal, conflicting information, sleepless nights, and nerve-wracked days. The day to day grind can just pulverize you and you will get no sympathy from your VC investors. You don't hit your targets, and you may be looking at a serious down round when you need cash again. Even if you hit pay dirt, it is often nasty.That's when you choose well. Let's not get into what happens you're going through an IPO...

This is how I would approach the subject if you're still fairly virgin and living in this business.You are working obscene hours. You're tired and spent. Every day you have to be on your toes, and display self control in the face of complete chaos. You make decent money even at the start, though it may not feel like it on the inside.Trust me, on the outside, you're making a fortune. You're potential is climbing and envious. You're even considered exotic and desirable. You're horny as hell. You're also a bit of dreamer and romantic. And you have some semblance of morality left in terms of what you may define as "family". Be honest with yourselves, you're a target... even for "good girls".

If you're down this path of even considering marriage or a serious relationship, think about these things as cold bloodily as you can:

1. Is she an asset? Does she become a force-multiplier in your life? or is she a liability?Is she helping you with the day-to day shit in your life.? Does she smile at you often? (most married women always seem so pissed off) Is she flexible with you? or... Is she more superficial than she should be? Remember that all the things you find "cute" in her will eventually drive you to drink.

2. Does she really understand what you're living through? I mean, does she experience what you have to put up with? Even if she comes from the business, or not, does she have a dry martini and caviar on toast waiting for you when you come home? Does she just let you sit there and vege out in you stupor as you recover from the bombardments of the day and the humiliating commute, or does she rag about stuff that has nothing to do with your work.

3. The most successful men do not have the most beautiful wives. They were smart enough to know that really beautiful women are usually lousy in the sack and way too high maintenance. They have average to attractive looking women who are smart, sympathetic, patient and supportive of their man. You won't need Viagra with them.

And like any investment with a high return profile, you have to be prepared to lose it all...stoop down and rebuild with worn out tools, never speak a word about your loss...

and children change all the rules....

Just my two cents...

Simply phenomenal. +1
 
initialsCG:

ex cfo during the dot com period late nineties...

The single most important choice you will ever have to really make is the person you marry. She can make you or break you. Don't pay attention to the pop psychology bull. No other investment can be anywhere as significant. And you don't just "get lucky"...A good choice takes hard work, patience, intelligence and serious due diligence, and it will take balls. If you're gun shy, slow, or a sheep you could lose very, very badly. There are no good girls, or bad girls. Love is the toughest market you will ever have to work in. All the hard work you have put into your lives so far, pale in comparison to the work you have to put into the choice of your mate.

It's not that different from the silicon valley venture investor and a new start-up. Think in terms of aligned interests. When you're desperate for money, any investor will do, but you really should be careful with who you hop into bed with because the wrong choice can make life a living hell. Even in the best of cases, the VC -start up relationship is wrought with turmoil, betrayal, conflicting information, sleepless nights, and nerve-wracked days. The day to day grind can just pulverize you and you will get no sympathy from your VC investors. You don't hit your targets, and you may be looking at a serious down round when you need cash again. Even if you hit pay dirt, it is often nasty.That's when you choose well. Let's not get into what happens you're going through an IPO...

This is how I would approach the subject if you're still fairly virgin and living in this business.You are working obscene hours. You're tired and spent. Every day you have to be on your toes, and display self control in the face of complete chaos. You make decent money even at the start, though it may not feel like it on the inside.Trust me, on the outside, you're making a fortune. You're potential is climbing and envious. You're even considered exotic and desirable. You're horny as hell. You're also a bit of dreamer and romantic. And you have some semblance of morality left in terms of what you may define as "family". Be honest with yourselves, you're a target... even for "good girls".

If you're down this path of even considering marriage or a serious relationship, think about these things as cold bloodily as you can:

1. Is she an asset? Does she become a force-multiplier in your life? or is she a liability?Is she helping you with the day-to day shit in your life.? Does she smile at you often? (most married women always seem so pissed off) Is she flexible with you? or... Is she more superficial than she should be? Remember that all the things you find "cute" in her will eventually drive you to drink.

2. Does she really understand what you're living through? I mean, does she experience what you have to put up with? Even if she comes from the business, or not, does she have a dry martini and caviar on toast waiting for you when you come home? Does she just let you sit there and vege out in you stupor as you recover from the bombardments of the day and the humiliating commute, or does she rag about stuff that has nothing to do with your work.

3. The most successful men do not have the most beautiful wives. They were smart enough to know that really beautiful women are usually lousy in the sack and way too high maintenance. They have average to attractive looking women who are smart, sympathetic, patient and supportive of their man. You won't need Viagra with them.

And like any investment with a high return profile, you have to be prepared to lose it all...stoop down and rebuild with worn out tools, never speak a word about your loss...

and children change all the rules....

Just my two cents...

Bookmarked

 
initialsCG:

ex cfo during the dot com period late nineties...

The single most important choice you will ever have to really make is the person you marry. She can make you or break you. Don't pay attention to the pop psychology bull. No other investment can be anywhere as significant. And you don't just "get lucky"...A good choice takes hard work, patience, intelligence and serious due diligence, and it will take balls. If you're gun shy, slow, or a sheep you could lose very, very badly. There are no good girls, or bad girls. Love is the toughest market you will ever have to work in. All the hard work you have put into your lives so far, pale in comparison to the work you have to put into the choice of your mate.

It's not that different from the silicon valley venture investor and a new start-up. Think in terms of aligned interests. When you're desperate for money, any investor will do, but you really should be careful with who you hop into bed with because the wrong choice can make life a living hell. Even in the best of cases, the VC -start up relationship is wrought with turmoil, betrayal, conflicting information, sleepless nights, and nerve-wracked days. The day to day grind can just pulverize you and you will get no sympathy from your VC investors. You don't hit your targets, and you may be looking at a serious down round when you need cash again. Even if you hit pay dirt, it is often nasty.That's when you choose well. Let's not get into what happens you're going through an IPO...

This is how I would approach the subject if you're still fairly virgin and living in this business.You are working obscene hours. You're tired and spent. Every day you have to be on your toes, and display self control in the face of complete chaos. You make decent money even at the start, though it may not feel like it on the inside.Trust me, on the outside, you're making a fortune. You're potential is climbing and envious. You're even considered exotic and desirable. You're horny as hell. You're also a bit of dreamer and romantic. And you have some semblance of morality left in terms of what you may define as "family". Be honest with yourselves, you're a target... even for "good girls".

If you're down this path of even considering marriage or a serious relationship, think about these things as cold bloodily as you can:

1. Is she an asset? Does she become a force-multiplier in your life? or is she a liability?Is she helping you with the day-to day shit in your life.? Does she smile at you often? (most married women always seem so pissed off) Is she flexible with you? or... Is she more superficial than she should be? Remember that all the things you find "cute" in her will eventually drive you to drink.

2. Does she really understand what you're living through? I mean, does she experience what you have to put up with? Even if she comes from the business, or not, does she have a dry martini and caviar on toast waiting for you when you come home? Does she just let you sit there and vege out in you stupor as you recover from the bombardments of the day and the humiliating commute, or does she rag about stuff that has nothing to do with your work.

3. The most successful men do not have the most beautiful wives. They were smart enough to know that really beautiful women are usually lousy in the sack and way too high maintenance. They have average to attractive looking women who are smart, sympathetic, patient and supportive of their man. You won't need Viagra with them.

And like any investment with a high return profile, you have to be prepared to lose it all...stoop down and rebuild with worn out tools, never speak a word about your loss...

and children change all the rules....

Just my two cents...

I wish I had received this advice before, but better now than never. Thank you for the advice.

 

initialsCG, awesome post.

Would be interesting to hear from those on here who have serious girlfriends/are engaged/married and how they made it work.

Eddie needs to chime in on here as well.

 

Enjoyed CG's post and echo it.

You can't give advice to someone, they will not listen. The best you can do is NEVER to tell them what is best for them, or they will most likely do the opposite, and you will lose a friend. What you can do is, subtly introduce him to other girls; go on a rampage around town and make him do bad choices.

Also - saw on one of the above post: at first you chase girls, then when they are with you it's not the same. The day you are out of University, girls chase you as long as you are not a total loser. At Uni you have to make somewhat of an effort if you are both sober...

 

Race, political views and religion are absolutely irrelevant. The most important thing is to look at how she treats other people.

And whether she likes you as much as you like her, of course.

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com
 

I agree with a lot of what's been said here already. CG's post was damn brilliant in particular!

Without being repetitive I'll just throw in my 2 cents by touching on something that wasn't as mentioned; basically if they say this or any variation of this in social media or within the first few dates: "I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

That's a MAJOR red flag. Girls who openly acknowledge they're damaged and 'deserve' someone who can accept them being damaged and 'save' them are among the worst ever. They try to test you and they do things to try and get you to show them you love them... constantly. Those types tend to be damaged and you will never truly save them. Besides, the topic of such a relationship is not about the two mutually, but about what the guy can do for the girl and her baggage.

73 good sir!
 
AgentBishop:

I agree with a lot of what's been said here already. CG's post was damn brilliant in particular!

Without being repetitive I'll just throw in my 2 cents by touching on something that wasn't as mentioned; basically if they say this or any variation of this in social media or within the first few dates:
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

That's a MAJOR red flag. Girls who openly acknowledge they're damaged and 'deserve' someone who can accept them being damaged and 'save' them are among the worst ever. They try to test you and they do things to try and get you to show them you love them... constantly. Those types tend to be damaged (the #1 from Kenny Powers post and for some reason a large portion of Eastern Asian American chicks... no idea why) and you will never truly save them. Besides, the topic of such a relationship is not about the two mutually, but about what the guy can do for the girl and her baggage.

Girls quoting Marilyn Monroe drive me nuts. Marilyn was a good-looking girl that is known for screwing a couple famous guys (hardly anyone can even name a movie in which she acted). She died at the age of 36 from a drug overdose, generally believed to be suicide. Why a girl would quote her as though she's some sort of James Dean-type with any wisdom is beyond me. She's Anna Nicole, born earlier, and she found about as much enlightenment as a child pageant queen. She was just hot enough that guys would overlook qualities that we all hate and probably spelled her end, such as the ones she points out in that quote.

 
NoTimeForSpace:
AgentBishop:

I agree with a lot of what's been said here already. CG's post was damn brilliant in particular!

Without being repetitive I'll just throw in my 2 cents by touching on something that wasn't as mentioned; basically if they say this or any variation of this in social media or within the first few dates:
"I'm selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can't handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don't deserve me at my best." - Marilyn Monroe

That's a MAJOR red flag. Girls who openly acknowledge they're damaged and 'deserve' someone who can accept them being damaged and 'save' them are among the worst ever. They try to test you and they do things to try and get you to show them you love them... constantly. Those types tend to be damaged (the #1 from Kenny Powers post and for some reason a large portion of Eastern Asian American chicks... no idea why) and you will never truly save them. Besides, the topic of such a relationship is not about the two mutually, but about what the guy can do for the girl and her baggage.

Girls quoting Marilyn Monroe drive me nuts. Marilyn was a good-looking girl that is known for screwing a
couple famous guys (hardly anyone can even name a movie in which she acted). She died at the age of 36 from a drug overdose, generally believed to be suicide. Why a girl would quote her as though she's
some sort of James Dean-type with any wisdom is beyond me. She's Anna Nicole, born earlier, and she found about as much enlightenment as a child pageant queen. She was just hot enough that guys would overlook
qualities that we all hate and probably spelled her end, such as the ones she points out in that quote.

Sounds like a girl Dorian Gray would have a lot of fun with...

Metal. Music. Life. www.headofmetal.com
 

I know and have worked with many bankers that have had very quality partners / spouses. Actually more so than a "regular person" I suppose. Sounds like your buddy got stoked because she was a hot, even much hotter than chicks he'd had before and lost sight of important quality's. We've all done it, just sounds as if he took it too far. Hope he had / has a pre-nup, and a good one.

Ace all your PE interview questions with the WSO Private Equity Prep Pack: http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/guide/private-equity-interview-prep-questions
 

sorry OP, but i don't feel sorry for your friend. yes, she may have been after him for his money....but he was after her for her looks. men are just as shallow as women, just about different things. maybe if your friend had looked past her looks and paid more attention to her personality, he could have saved himself the heartache.

 
misswallstreet:

sorry OP, but i don't feel sorry for your friend. yes, she may have been after him for his money....but he was after her for her looks. men are just as shallow as women, just about different things. maybe if your friend had looked past her looks and paid more attention to her personality, he could have saved himself the heartache.

I 100% agree with you.
 
misswallstreet:

sorry OP, but i don't feel sorry for your friend. yes, she may have been after him for his money....but he was after her for her looks. men are just as shallow as women, just about different things. maybe if your friend had looked past her looks and paid more attention to her personality, he could have saved himself the heartache.

 
misswallstreet:

sorry OP, but i don't feel sorry for your friend. yes, she may have been after him for his money....but he was after her for her looks. men are just as shallow as women, just about different things. maybe if your friend had looked past her looks and paid more attention to her personality, he could have saved himself the heartache.

Well said!

 

Not much to say that hasn't been said but I did notice a few omissions. How she treats her family (mentioned) is huge to me. How she treats people she'll never see again is also a big deal - i.e. waitstaff, valet employees, etc. Henry Kravis used the latter during interview processes (allegedly as I don't work for KKR) and so much as took an applicant to a restaurant simply to count how many times they said please and thank you.

Sure he had a few ups and downs in marriage/relationships but that's a pretty good litmus test to me.

 

I agree with everything mentioned in this post but I want to point out another thing from personal experience. Every relationship I headed into with logic ahead of emotion ended up in failure. Scrutinize something enough, and you WILL find flaws that will be magnified when you get the stage where physical attraction deteriorates and the only thing keeping a relationship together is the mental/emotional connection. I honestly think there's a lot of luck involved in getting with the right girl, where her qualities are logically feasible (she is a "force multiplier" in your life) and at the same time you're absolutely smitten that you forego this analysis. While I feel bad for the OP's friend, that's a mistake any one of us could've made. We all claim to be able to "run" from situations like this, but when you "fall" for a girl you become pretty oblivious to factors that would originally turn you away had you approached a girl from a logical trajectory.

Personally however, I think I took initialCG's advice and the like too far - I don't think I've ever truly felt emotionally attached to a girl in a long time. You begin to realize at older ages that these feelings only come once in a blue moon, which is kind of the issue I'm dealing with. I don't think I can ever get married to a girl under the premise that she's simply a good "investment;" the emotional attachment has to be there as well.

 
Bruce.Wayne:

I agree with everything mentioned in this post but I want to point out another thing from personal experience. Every relationship I headed into with logic ahead of emotion ended up in failure. Scrutinize something enough, and you WILL find flaws that will be magnified when you get the stage where physical attraction deteriorates and the only thing keeping a relationship together is the mental/emotional connection. I honestly think there's a lot of luck involved in getting with the right girl, where her qualities are logically feasible (she is a "force multiplier" in your life) and at the same time you're absolutely smitten that you forego this analysis. While I feel bad for the OP's friend, that's a mistake any one of us could've made. We all claim to be able to "run" from situations like this, but when you "fall" for a girl you become pretty oblivious to factors that would originally turn you away had you approached a girl from a logical trajectory.

Personally however, I think I took initialCG's advice and the like too far - I don't think I've ever truly felt emotionally attached to a girl in a long time. You begin to realize at older ages that these feelings only come once in a blue moon, which is kind of the issue I'm dealing with. I don't think I can ever get married to a girl under the premise that she's simply a good "investment;" the emotional attachment has to be there as well.

 

Make sure she is into you as much as you are into them... that's probably the most important thing on any list here. So often the guys fall really hard for someone and the girls settle for stability or because the guy has desirable qualities. But she doesn't have the feelings that he has for her.

Those are the times that things end the worst. I have learned that the hard way.

 

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