Dating As Financial Professional

itsdamon's picture
Rank: Chimp | 15

Question: What are the main frustrations you're facing in your dating life as a financial professional? Let's help each other out. Mine is time management, just can't seem to balance work/life.

Comments (52)

Oct 13, 2019

Same here. People usually don't understand the long working hours.

But, to be honest, I don't miss dating at all. I am invited to go out a lot, but the dating process makes me bored to death...

Oct 13, 2019

I was celibate so long getting a breast exam at the doctor felt intimate

Oct 15, 2019

sup

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Oct 20, 2019

;)

Oct 13, 2019

Dating only 1 girl when at the same time I dream of being Wolf of Wall Street

Oct 14, 2019
BillMurray:

Dating only 1 girl when at the same time I dream of being Wolf of Wall Street

Aren't you in NYC? Just go for it dude.

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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  • Associate 2 in CorpDev
Oct 15, 2019

While you might not be a wolf of Wall Street, you can aspire to be a wolf of Wall Street Oasis

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Oct 15, 2019
Associate 2 in CorpDev:

While you might not be a wolf of Wall Street, you can aspire to be a wolf of Wall Street Oasis

You rang?

Array

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Funniest
  • Associate 2 in CorpDev
Oct 14, 2019

The main frustration for me was girls just throwing themselves at me when I was in IB. Ruined the whole fun of pursuit that I enjoyed in my teenage years - this was the main reason I moved to corp dev. Whew

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Oct 14, 2019
Associate 2 in CorpDev:

The main frustration for me was girls just throwing themselves on me when I was in IB. Ruined the whole fun of pursuit that I enjoyed in my teenage years - this was the main reason I moved to corp dev. Whew

Yeah that's a real drag pal

heister:

Look at all these wannabe richies hating on an expensive salad.

https://arthuxtable.com/

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Oct 15, 2019
  • Time management
  • Mental exhaustion so that when you spend time with your SO, its just annoying sometimes
  • Becoming a bit short tempered
  • My SO not really understanding what i do so when i talk about work with her its pointless
Oct 15, 2019

Maybe if you hadn't taken on so much leverage it'd be simpler for her to understand..

Oct 16, 2019

The leverage chose me

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Oct 15, 2019

Easiest way I've found to get around the whole SO not understanding work hours is to date people who have either had a real job before/have one now OR they have close family that has had to push a lot of hours. If you're transparent about it up front too...it's generally not a huge problem.

Oct 16, 2019

This is too true. Being upfront about it helps a lot. Also explaining WHY helps too. If your why is just to have more money it can be hard to fathom. If your why is to build a specific lifestyle, promote to some level with better WLB, take care of parents, whatever it is- that helps it easier for your SO to understand.

In the context of dating, this will turn a lot of girls off. Good. It's an automatic filter for those who would divorce you when times get tough anyway.

"The three most harmful addictions are heroin, carbohydrates, and a monthly salary." - Nassim Taleb

Oct 15, 2019

Not being able to unplug. I will be in a conversation and zone out thinking about something at work, an email, etc.

Oct 15, 2019

I would say more of a quality issue than anything else. I think a lot has to do with the dating apps messing things up.

  • Analyst 2 in IB - Gen
Oct 15, 2019

It sucks that I truly can't imagine a time before dating apps. How did people date? I don't get much luck on dating apps and have started to think it might be easier to just approach a girl in person and ask for her number.

Oct 15, 2019

Seems like someone forgot rules 1 and 2 of online dating:

Rule 1. Be attractive
Rule 2. Don't be unattractive

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Oct 16, 2019

It's an option problem. As options go up, decisions go down.

Use to be if you met someone you only had 1-2 options between partners; now you can set up 10 in one night.

Oct 16, 2019

I am dating my high school sweetheart who also went into finance so our life goals tend to align and it helps knowing someone for that long too.

As for you single fellas, sure try dating apps but those only really picked up after I was already deep into a relationship (damn I feel old). But really the best way to meet more than a fling is through friends and spaces where you share a common interest, be it faith, hobby or sport. Meeting someone in a bar is expensive (a lot of loss leader drinks), but y'all IB guys can afford that so I won't discount it either.

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Oct 18, 2019

Not dating anymore since I found a girlfriend, but still facing struggles. My girlfriend has a literary background and has a 9-to-3(pm) mentality while I am more of the 9-to-3(am) type.

I was already working long hours when I met her, which helped her to understand that spending time together is rather limited. Then, as some previous comments already suggested, it is good to let her know why you are doing this, what will be the future payoff and simply that you are enjoying your work. Living together and spending most of your free hours together with her certainly helps to keep the relationship healthy.

You will have to give up most (if not all) of your own personal free time but that is the trade-off that you have to make (this is my main frustration). As soon as you understand this completely, it will be easier for you to find solace in giving up some alone time. However, if you really need your own moments you should be open with your SO. If she really loves you, she will appreciate you going to the gym to blow off some steam or having a night out with friends.

Most Helpful
Oct 19, 2019

(as a girl)
- no time
- guys generally earn less than you unless you date several years senior, or date within the same industry, which I try to avoid. most women generally don't like this. for me, my reason is that if I quit when I have kids, I don't want our household income to fall by 70%
- being on a different timeline when your partner wants to get married and have kids, worrying about the impact on your career, etc
- lack of sleep and stress can really screw up your mood (plus we have monthly hormonal swings, yay) and health, affecting your sex drive and relationship in general
- quite a fair bit of resentment that I'm sleeping 4 to 6 hours a day and aging at an accelerated pace while friends / acquaintances who made a career out of dating rich men close on one and their only worries are whether their photoshoot for some society mag was good (nearly every other girl in finance / big law I've spoken to has ruefully admitted that these were the smart ones... we were the idiots thinking we wanted a career)

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Oct 19, 2019

Sooooo relatable!

Oct 19, 2019

ikr hun...

If I could turn the clock back I would just take some random BBG / Tech company job that paid me 6 to 7 k a month for my target degree and spent my time working out like a insta model instead.

I still really respect women who make it in their career, or who try to have it all. I really respect them, but I also realise now that career isn't about hard work. So much of it can be down to luck. You get a shitty boss, you can screw up your first year and never get a lucky break till much, much later. Same for both men and women, but as women we sacrifice alot more when we work finance hours

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Oct 19, 2019
PommesQT:

(as a girl)
- no time
- guys generally earn less than you unless you date several years senior, or date within the same industry, which I try to avoid. most women generally don't like this. for me, my reason is that if I quit when I have kids, I don't want our household income to fall by 70%
- being on a different timeline when your partner wants to get married and have kids, worrying about the impact on your career, etc
- lack of sleep and stress can really screw up your mood (plus we have monthly hormonal swings, yay) and health, affecting your sex drive and relationship in general
- quite a fair bit of resentment that I'm sleeping 4 to 6 hours a day and aging at an accelerated pace while friends / acquaintances who made a career out of dating rich men close on one and their only worries are whether their photoshoot for some society mag was good (nearly every other girl in finance / big law I've spoken to has ruefully admitted that these were the smart ones... we were the idiots thinking we wanted a career)

And you know what's even better for these girls dating welloff guys you talk about ?
Their guys don't even resent them or care they don't earn as much.

Women are pricing themselves out of the dating market.

    • 5
Oct 19, 2019

From my observations, if you're a pretty, smart girl with some level of corporate pedigree (BB / well known boutique but not IBD / consultant), you can still have your pick, where I'm located, which is somewhere in Asia.

The difference is how you conduct yourself, and I think very few girls are:

(1) as forthright with themselves to admit to themselves that they want to marry someone who will take care of them

(2) as foresighted to realise that all this corporate climbing attempts will age you, really fucking fast, making them think they have forever

(3) level-headed enough to realise what men really want (sorry, sex), and stick to their goals in #1 instead of going for that romantic, sweet loving guy whom you can't trust with money. Or that hot guy whom you'll have a few months of torrid sex before spoiling it with your feelings (PSA: guys apparently get around this by just seeing / fucking several other girls at the same time so they don't develop feelings. Girls tend to be monogamous even when doing this, since we don't want a "slut" rep, which is why I wouldn't recommend doing the fuck buddy thing for girls unless you're cold as fuck or the guy has been in love with you for 5 years and will date you at a snap of your fingers)

Back to the point... I've seen some truly ordinary girls marry some very smart, good looking, stratospherically rich men. They don't even have great personalities and good character... their husbands just think they have and prob won't find out till divorce-without-a-prenu time muahahaha.

They literally just maintained themselves, worked jobs that didn't take a toll on their mental health and looks, networked (cough social climbed) the right circles till they found the one who thought they were the one, and most importantly....

**never put out ** (opinions vary on this, but at least in Asia, this is a major thing for guys, though they won't admit it. if you don't put out, they feel you are special and will marry you).

as a fucking unattractive, fucking crazy acquaintance of mine once said "don't let the crazy out till he's in love with you"

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Oct 20, 2019

To me the question of going into IB/big law or being a pretty stay-at-home wife (neglecting everything in between) seems to be more an issue of character. I find it hard to belief that someone who self-selects into a job in IB/big law would be happy staying at home and having not much to do. I know I wouldn't be and I'm a girl.

I think you're having a case of it's always greener on the other side. You're only seeing the surface of the life your instagram-wife friends have. They endure hardships too, just of a different kind. Maybe they are currently on wifeoasis.com complaining that they should have gotten a high-paying job. Who knows. My point is, you will have regrets no matter what path you choose for your life. Accept that and make the best of it. Besides, complaining about your life will not get you a quality husband.

On another note, if it were so easy to get a rich husband by just working out like an instagram model and having a lower salary than your potential husband, why doesn't everyone do it? I'm not buying that. There were only 19.6mn or 42.2mn millionaires in the world in 2018, depending on the definition.

Oct 20, 2019

guys please chill... if you refer to my original post this was the last point of many. This got taken off tangent and turned into a whole dating discussion, and I did indulge in it by airing my opinion as well, but it seems like this has just come off as me being 100% obsessed that I'm not one of these women. Frankly:

  1. If my entire end-game was to be a pretty stay-at-home wife with a husband in Big Law / IB / medicine, I have had plenty of opportunities to do so in the past, and, from the recent sample size of men who have hit on me, still have. Take my word for it if you want, or not. No pics. Not to say I'm not considering it / it's not a tempting consideration.
  2. Wrt to the family heirs, I have had a few interactions with people in that stratosphere of society, and I know darned well that I do not have the social skills or the will to play there, and have avoided it / not sought to enter it at any rate.

as for my comment on working out like an insta model, again, it is not wrt to a perceived improvement in my dating prospects but a reference to how much free time I think I would have in a 9 to 5 job. plus who doesn't like being fit?

I recognize that I have said some things that are riling up some people on this thread but that's just my personal opinions based on what I've observed. Whether you want to believe that I have an acquaintance who managed to gas light her family heir then-ex-bf (now husband) into marrying her by dating another family heir whom she then cheated on, or seen another acquaintance ingratiate herself into her big law bf's social circle and then dump him for our equivalent of a Supreme Court Judge's son, is your choice. It's just what I've seen.

For the record, I'm not close friends with the women mentioned above either. We have mutual friends and occasionally hung out and it's interesting to see what they get up to, but I don't get involved.

Peace everyone. Will not be replying further on these two topics

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Oct 21, 2019

Just checked this thread again. I'm a female in Asia and I agree with all your points, they are absolutely spot on. +1SB

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Oct 24, 2019

Thank you

Oct 19, 2019

Find your hubby at Church. No worries about attention whores and religion gives you some motivation to grind through the week.

Oct 20, 2019

Well as a fairly good-looking and funny Asian guy (yes w do exist?), dating in the US in general can be frustrating. American girls do not seem to be interested in Asian guys that much. I mean Caucasian girls since I did date this Hispanic girl during college for a little while. I think it is because of the Asian guy prototype that American girls just do not like us? I have had some traveling experience in Europe and some European women I've talked to (from both developing and developed countries,) are not against the possiblity of dating Asian guys.

  • Analyst 2 in IB-M&A
Oct 21, 2019

Have you ever considered your own race lol.

A lot of Asian women also do end up preferring Asian men to settle down with, so theoretically it shouldn't be that bad for you.
Yes you might see one hanging off the arm of a Caucasian guy a little too often in the US, but I'd wager that most of the better looking, well educated Asian women would have a deep-rooted preference for Asian men, especially those that were from HK / SG / Korea / Japan (I'm assuming you're East Asian)

OTOH if you've been actively trying to avoid dating your own race, I'm not sure why you're so disappointed by the outcome. Most people just end up dating within their own race.

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Oct 21, 2019
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