Finding a GF in Banking

This topic has been discussed to death on this site so I will try to be brief: I have seen amazing relationships between PE associates, and friends getting played by nurses and gallery assistants. You will miss out on a lot of great options if you ONLY date banker chicks or NEVER date banker chicks.

There are enough ex-bankers/investment associates who are also great moms to show that these women don’t get their maternal instincts surgically removed before their analyst stints. Many switch industries, move to the buyside, stay at home after having kids, or whatever but the fact remains they were “banker chicks” at some point.

Deviating from the weekly overgeneralization of women based on their occupation on this forum, I will try to answer your question which I understand to be: what do you need to do differently to snag a female banker than those outside of the industry? Women in banking are, at the end of the day, women. As I mentioned above you will find all kinds in this field, just as you would in any field. Some are into sports, some have artistic passions, some are nice, some are boring, etc. so do whatever you would normally do and wherever you would normally find them (apps, friends, bars, etc)…although apps seem like the most likely place in the COVID era.

However, I know that is not a helpful answer, and have found that there are some slightly more objective differences you might want to keep in mind. I am sure some of these traits are what attracted you to them in the first place, and others are points of concern: they are busy, have their own money, have consistent access to successful guys, and have to have at least an iota of ambition and intelligence to make it this far. I am sure you will find this to be true of any successful woman and not just bankers. Obviously there are many exceptions and you should not make any hard and fast rules based off any one person’s opinion.

The issue: she is busy. E.g. usually only has time for one or two dates a week, almost exclusively from Fri-Sun, if she is at the analyst/early associate level. Solution: I personally find this to be a net positive thing because takes the pressure off trying to carve out time when you have none. If the scheduling becomes a huge issue (like only 2x a month) sorry bro but no one is that busy and the issue is just you are not a priority, or she thinks that she is the busiest person alive which indicates low self awareness. Once things actually get serious you can do more casual stuff (e.g. Excel and chill doing work on the weekend) which makes it easier to spend more time together unless she is super high-maintenance and can only be wined and dined three months in which, again, is a red flag.

The issue: **she has her own money. **Solution: Really not an issue lol…actually a huge relief when it comes to the point where you start splitting stuff, esp vacations. This can be a bit of a pain in the ass right at the beginning when you are trying to impress her though but honestly, unless she is a gold-digger, I think most women prefer thoughtful dates over expensive ones all the time (obviously doesn’t hurt to spend the $$$$ once in a while but if it starts feeling like a month long Michelin-tour, watch out).

The issue: all her coworkers, guys she meets at industry events, and friends-of-friends are also in finance/law/tech/etc. Solution: Sadly the rarity value of being a reasonably attractive woman in these careers is far greater than it is for guys. No real solution here but don’t let it get to your head, early bird gets the worm.

I think it would be morally irresponsible for me to not mention the two particular species of finance females that are uniquely off-putting (although they are often in like consulting or middle office asset management…but anyways). They are definitely the minority of women in finance, but you will encounter at least a couple in your lifetime:

1. The overly competitive/intense one. If you see an insight or diversity one-day program on their LinkedIn, RUN. We are all relatively competitive and intense in this field. What is not necessary, however, is to make every conversation a pissing contest. It can actually be really nice to talk to a girl about work stress and have them just understand since they’re in the same field, but not when you are trying to talk about your deal and she tells you not to complain bc her deal is even MORE stressful. By the way, she also knows more about your deal than you do and the solution to all your problems is super obvious. It’s because she was in the top 25% of her intro to finance class. Obviously women should not dumb themselves down but it is no fun if they make everything a baseless competition or argument. Also simply explaining something to her that she actually doesnt understand is apparently “mansplaining”- this kind of female’s favorite word- even though she is constantly condescending. Usually that spills over to them knowing everything about everything and having an inflated sense of self, so watch out.

2. The self-proclaimed BDE. This is the girl who is always trying to act like the Shewolf of Wall Street with the female equivalent of models and bottles. Like if you want to get male escorts, never have kids, and think that no man on the face of the planet can handle your “power”, that is your business. Proclaiming it constantly and bringing up how you “have no emotions” and just want “meaningless sex with hot guys” bc you’re such a “badass bitch”…makes everyone extremely uncomfortable, seems contrived, and probably indicates deeper psychological trauma.

This post is a waaaaaaay longer than I was expecting lol but I hope that it was helpful.