Gay coworker made a move.

The other day a gay coworker of mine made a move on me. I’m not gay nor bi, so I turned him down. I think it was a bit harsh, as he caught me by surprise and came on kinda strong. I don’t even know he thought I was gay, but how do I approach this? It’s so awkward now and I don’t want it to be.



im not homophobic, he’s a good dude, but I don’t bend that way. 

 
Most Helpful

Two datapoints here:

Unanticipated come-ons towards a coworker are generally unacceptable, especially if they are out of the blue. I may want to shag the shit out of you, but I won't say that at work.  Seriously, I have a coworker who's trans, but I didn't even know it until she was featured in a Businessweek article on it.

Second: How certain are you that it was a come on? If you're the only ones in the office at 9pm and he says 'Yo, let's go grab dinner.' That's not "I want to go on a date with you." That's "I don't want to be the sad sack eating alone." Don't automatically assume that somebody wants to bone you because they're gay. Gays have standards too. 

The only difference between Asset Management and Investment Research is assets. I generally see somebody I know on TV on Bloomberg/CNBC etc. once or twice a week. This sounds cool, until I remind myself that I see somebody I know on ESPN five days a week.
 

It was a move, like I said, he came on strong. I said in the post that I turned him down, and he backed off afterward. Didn’t try to say it wasn’t a come on. Again, I don’t hate him. Actually would like to talk to him about it and clear things up.

 

How did you and the rest of the office react to her being trans? 

Same shit, different day.

Her boss already knew, and was supportive of her being interviewed on it in a major magazine. We keep getting top scores for these sort of metrics. Outside of that? Her more senior coworker keeps taking credit for work we all know she does, she's still slightly socially awkward. etc. All-in-all, I'd say it was a big nothingburger. If anything people just avoided bringing it up, which is surprising given that 10% of the office receives the magazine due to their Bloomberg terminals

The only difference between Asset Management and Investment Research is assets. I generally see somebody I know on TV on Bloomberg/CNBC etc. once or twice a week. This sounds cool, until I remind myself that I see somebody I know on ESPN five days a week.
 

One of my best friends is gay and is my co-worker. When we first started working together he asked me out as he thought I was gay (I didn't realize we were on a date at the time, and he realized I was straight as I kept pointing out the hot Asian girls and I realized he was gay when he pointed out that I was straight lol). It's no big deal. It's only awkward if you make it awkward. Otherwise, just take it as a compliment. 

Array
 

Are you guys friends or at least “work friends?” If so, go grab a beer with him and clear the air. If not, just ignore it and he’ll come around. 

I guarantee he feels more uncomfortable than you do about the situation and is probably nervous you’ll spread some shit about him. 

Commercial Real Estate Developer
 

We’re friendly with each other, only been a few weeks since we started. Probably gonna talk to him tomorrow, don’t want him to think I dislike him now or anything.

 

Nah this is different, she was overthinking the whole situation and turning it into something it wasn’t. 

 

Why would I make it up? I have better things to do than shit post on wso.

 

Bro you’re in finance, just get nailed in the ass and get it over with no biggie.

 

Interesting that a couple of you have been mistaken for being gay. I’ve never met anyone else that has mentioned that situation before. Are you guys hipsters? If so, it makes sense and perhaps you are in denial.

 

Big4please

Interesting that a couple of you have been mistaken for being gay. I've never met anyone else that has mentioned that situation before. Are you guys hipsters? If so, it makes sense and perhaps you are in denial.

There's a WSO thread from a few months ago about this. There's a solid contingent of us who have been mistaken for gay. And no, we (well I'm) not in denial. 

Array
 

I’m not a hipster and no I’m not in denial. I’ve never been hit on by a gay dude before, maybe he misread the situation or just said, “fuck it, I’ll ask.”

 

Bro...

Two of you sitting down doing work:

“Hey man, just wanted to say that we’re still cool after what happened right? - appreciate the compliment, I’m just straight y’know haha”

Him: Yeah dude were cool, no worries

There you go, happily ever after. Seriously it’s only a big deal if you make it so - he got the point and it shouldn’t affect your relationship going forward unless he has some undying love for you that he can’t get over (I promise, he doesn’t).

  • signed, a guy in IB who swings both ways
 

I’m not planning on making it a big deal, actually we were becoming quite friendly, hopefully we still can be. It just never happened to me before and I shut him down a bit harshly (at least in my mind it feels like that) gonna talk to him tomorrow.

 

I don't know about some of this advice....would not take sexual harassment lightly. If you're really his friend, tell him not to do this shit....ever. No reason to break anything lightly to him. If he keeps doing stuff like this in his career, he will have serious HR issues.

Furthermore, if I was a superior and knew about this, I would definitely not be giving this intern a return offer or a recommendation. He has proven a few weeks into his first job that he cannot act appropriately in a professional environment. Wouldn't care if he was top bucket or a "nice guy". No one wants a liability like that.

 

First, nothing about this post suggests "mildly" hitting on someone which you shouldn't be doing either.

Second,there should be ABSOLUTELY zero tolerance for sexual harassment at the office by anyone. What part of that is confusing to you? Keep your work life and your sex life apart. Simple.

 

Crazy how much men's testosterone has declined over the past few decades. Imagine our grandfathers discussing this the way most on this thread are.

Slap em upside the head or laugh and let it go. 

 

This happened over Zoom or Teams...? Anyway, any kind of come-ons whether they're gay or straight are generally not okay. Best way to approach is to probably let him know you don't swim that way and crack some joke about it to ease any awkwardness. Nothing else to do here unless he persists

 

Op here.
 

UPDATE: Talked to him about, we’re cool. You guys were right, not a huge deal. 

 

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