Guys, We Finally Made It

Not sure if anyone posted this yet but I noticed this article today on the front page of Yahoo Finance and I started laughing my ass off once I realized they were quoting a bunch of WSO'ers... here's the article, congrats to everyone who pitched in and trolled the whole world now.

Here's the link: Want a Job on Wall Street? 'Let Me Sleep With Your Girlfriend', followed by the article:

Want This Job? 'Let Me Sleep With Your Girlfriend'
By Cindy Perman | CNBC – 29 minutes ago.. [email protected] on Twitter..

Wall Street is rude, it's crude and it will eat you alive. So interviewing for a job on Wall Street is no different.

It's not a meet-and-greet tell-me-about this job or that experience. It's more like a punch in the face. They'll ask you hard questions, maybe inappropriate questions - all to see if you're going to be able to run with the big dogs - or if you need to get your behind back on the porch.

"They're looking for how you handle pressure. How you think on your feet. Are you the brightest of the bright? Are you a natural leader?" said Jeanne Branthover, head of global financial services at Boyden Global Executive Search.

[More From CNBC: Wall Street's Secret Weapon - Testosterone]

Wall Street Oasis, a job-search site for financial careers, recently pinged readers for the hardest questions they were ever asked on an interview for Wall Street. The answers included such zingers as:

•"You're going to be working 110 hours a week here. Can you even handle that?"
•Why don't you have any offers yet? What's wrong with you?"
•"What single word would you use to describe yourself so I don't walk out of here and forget you?" (Good answer: Unforgettable!)
•"What line on your resume is the most bull****?"
•"Do you view this as your dream career?" If you answer yes, "If in two years, you receive an offer for more money on the buyside, will you turn it down because this is your dream career?"
•In an interview for a Goldman Sachs (GS) analyst position, the interviewer asked: "If you were shrunk to the size of a pencil and put in a blender, how would you get out?"
•"What's your outlook for cucumber prices over the course of 2012?"
•In an interview where there were two interviewers, the one who was supposed to be the silent No. 2 asked just one question: "Are you trying to f*** us over?" The kid froze, the interviewer wrote in a comment on WallStreetOasis.com. The No. 1 interviewer jumped in: "Why didn't you just say no?!"
•"If I told you that the only way you were going to get this job is if you let me sleep with your girlfriend, would you accept?"

When it comes to analytical questions like "What's your outlook for cucumber prices?" or "How many tennis balls could you fit in this room?," it's not about the answer.

"It doesn't mean you have the right answer - they're trying to see how your thought process works," Branthover said.

[More From CNBC: How to Spot a Liar - The Clues That Give Them Away]

The kiss-of-death answer to any of these questions is "I don't know."

"You answer 'I don't know' and that will get you out the door!" Branthover said.

Some of the other questions she said her clients have been asked include:
•If you could choose, what brand would you like to be and why?
•How many balls would it take to fill Central Park?
•Have you ever cheated on your partner?
•Did you ever tell a secret you promised to keep?
•What is the biggest lie you've told - to whom and why?
•Tell me, how would you go about killing a crocodile?

Questions for Wall Street jobs have always been tougher than those for most jobs, Branthover said, but they've gotten even tougher since the financial crisis.

"They want to know if you can really be a leader in tough times," Branthover said. A lot of these leaders hadn't been tested on that before the financial crisis. They survived and now they want to know - can you?

So, they may ask you questions like "What was one of the toughest decisions you had to make?" or "What was the hardest environment you've ever worked in?" Then, they'll want to know what you did to solve the problem, get through the tough situation - and what you might do differently today.

Plus, with all the layoffs on Wall Street, there are fewer people to do all the work, meaning they really want the best of the best, the brightest of the bright.

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When it comes to the inappropriate questions like sleeping with your girlfriend and cheating on your partner - the kind that would get the red light flashing in human resources at most companies - it's about seeing if you can handle how brutal Wall Street can be.

"They're trying to divide the men from the boys and the girls from the women," Branthover said. "If you have soft skin, you're not cut out for investment banking."

They're going to poke you with a stick and see how you react.

"They want to see that you're not rattled by rudeness; that you stay on your feet and don't look shocked," Branthover said.

You don't have to answer "Yes, you can sleep with my girlfriend" - you just have to not look shocked and have a quick comeback.

A good answer one person posted on Wall Street Oasis was: I've been with my girlfriend a long time and plan to marry her. If you so much as kiss her neck, I'd [bleeping] knock you out. That being said, I have a beautiful sister I'd be happy to hook you up with ...

And that, my friend, is a lesson in how deals get done on Wall Street!

Mod Note (Andy): Throwback Thursday - this originally went up 7/19/12

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Comments (48)

Jul 19, 2012 - 4:57pm

Look at some of the comments left by people:

''TAX THEM TO DEATH''

''A GOOD Broker.....IS A DEAD ONE....
ROTTING UNDER 6 FEET OF FRESH CONCRETE.....''

''All of these are good reasons to never trust anyone on Wall Street''

Aug 1, 2012 - 2:02am
Moneyball:
Nice. I also found a Bloomberg Businessweek article that quoted WSO about sleeping at the office. If anyone's interested let me know.

Ooooh I am! Link/title please?

"You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." - IlliniProgrammer
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Aug 1, 2012 - 2:19am
Senvik:
Moneyball:
Nice. I also found a Bloomberg Businessweek article that quoted WSO about sleeping at the office. If anyone's interested let me know.

Ooooh I am! Link/title please?

Here you go brah: http://www.businessweek.com/articles/2012-04-19/sleeping-on-the-job-goo…

Rogoszinski is by no means a lone clandestine sleeper. Comments on Wall Street Oasis, a Web forum popular among investment bankers, reveal an obsessive interest in daytime napping, with tips on "sleep hacking" (moving to polyphasic sleep schedules), recommendations on where to doze (bathroom stalls, conference rooms), and directions for how to act when caught (as if nothing unusual had happened). When nodding off on a toilet, "you clearly need the seat down for maximum comfort," advises one commenter, "which necessitates pants up to prevent your bare ass on the cold porcelain. Longest I ever slept uninterrupted without tipping over was two hours, from 4-6am."
Jul 19, 2012 - 6:20pm

What kind of background does Cindy Perman have that she can write such an articulate, well thought out article?

Seriously, I am not sure if she was serious writing this article or what, but I think she just got trolled hard. That's what happens though when you copy your work, add a couple of your own sentences, and not cite your source with a link.

PS. The Yahoo comments..... haha

Jul 19, 2012 - 6:22pm
Nobama88:
What kind of background does Cindy Perman have that she can write such an articulate, well thought out article?

Seriously, I am not sure if she was serious writing this article or what, but I think she just got trolled hard. That's what happens though when you copy your work, add a couple of your own sentences, and not cite your source with a link.

PS. The Yahoo comments..... haha

Anyone else think we should send her a cordial invitation to do a real interview with us?

Jul 19, 2012 - 6:34pm
bankerella:
Nobama88:
What kind of background does Cindy Perman have that she can write such an articulate, well thought out article?

Seriously, I am not sure if she was serious writing this article or what, but I think she just got trolled hard. That's what happens though when you copy your work, add a couple of your own sentences, and not cite your source with a link.

PS. The Yahoo comments..... haha

Anyone else think we should send her a cordial invitation to do a real interview with us?

Patrick you should make this happen haha... we'll show her how it really goes down around here

I hate victims who respect their executioners
Jul 20, 2012 - 3:57am

Yahoo comments give me AIDS

If your dreams don't scare you, then they are not big enough. "There are two types of people in this world: People who say they pee in the shower, and dirty fucking liars."-Louis C.K.
Jul 20, 2012 - 7:42am

Those comments are pure gold :D.

Valor is of no service, chance rules all, and the bravest often fall by the hands of cowards. - Tacitus Dr. Nick Riviera: Hey, don't worry. You don't have to make up stories here. Save that for court!
Best Response
Jul 20, 2012 - 8:14am
jpc100:
Forwarded to my entire group. Everyone is still laughing.

FWIW, everyone at my old fund knows I'm BlackHat now thanks to that "are you trying to f*** me" line. Thank them for finding this article in the first place, hahaha...

I hate victims who respect their executioners
  • 2
Jul 20, 2012 - 9:43am

Let me guess, these are the same people who are shocked that soldiers kill people, that dogs bark, and that politicians lie? Oh mercy, the horror of it all.

paaaleeeze, whatevs

Get busy living
  • 1
Jul 20, 2012 - 10:28am

hahahaha these commets are just too good:

"It's easy to get a real job creating real value. It's tough to get a job as a vampire parasite at a vampire squid company that must invade, kill, steal, and lie for loot. New York City is a giant money sucking vacuum pump sucking real value out of the world. It's an evil place to work but evil does pay more then goodness in dollars. NYC is greedy egotistical people who want to take over the world. Still there are good people there too. Good luck to them."

...idiots

Brings the only saying to mind, "if you ask 10 people what they think of bankers, 11 will tell you they hate them."

"Well, you know, I was a human being before I became a businessman." -- George Soros
  • 1
Jul 20, 2012 - 6:03pm
Futures Trader Man:
hahahaha these commets are just too good:

"It's easy to get a real job creating real value. It's tough to get a job as a vampire parasite at a vampire squid company that must invade, kill, steal, and lie for loot. New York City is a giant money sucking vacuum pump sucking real value out of the world. It's an evil place to work but evil does pay more then goodness in dollars. NYC is greedy egotistical people who want to take over the world. Still there are good people there too. Good luck to them."

...idiots

Brings the only saying to mind, "if you ask 10 people what they think of bankers, 11 will tell you they hate them."

10 of those 11 will probably think that they work at your local Chase branch.

Jul 20, 2012 - 10:36am

I agree whole heartedly with the author, bankers and financiers are awful, terrible, crude sub humans who eat souls etc. That said, excuse me as I get back to this excel file Im working on.

Oh, and Maria Bartiromo, if youre watching this I love you.

“...all truth passes through three stages. First, it is ridiculed. Second, it is violently opposed. Third, it is accepted as being self-evident.” - Schopenhauer
Jul 24, 2012 - 4:54pm

Saw CNBC quote Wall Street Oasis word by word and didn't give credit today. Same did the journalist, she said she only spoke with recruiters, traders and bankers, what a liar.

CNBC sucks

"This financial crisis is worse than a divorce. I've lost all my money, but the wife is still here." - Client after getting blown up

Jul 24, 2012 - 4:55pm
Working9-5:
Saw CNBC quote Wall Street Oasis word by word and didn't give credit today. Same did the journalist, she said she only spoke with recruiters, traders and bankers, what a liar.

You're like the 3rd person to say something about this but I didn't see it... does anyone have a link or maybe just a decent re-hashing of what they said?!

I hate victims who respect their executioners
Jul 24, 2012 - 4:57pm
BlackHat:
Working9-5:
Saw CNBC quote Wall Street Oasis word by word and didn't give credit today. Same did the journalist, she said she only spoke with recruiters, traders and bankers, what a liar.

You're like the 3rd person to say something about this but I didn't see it... does anyone have a link or maybe just a decent re-hashing of what they said?!


...paging WSO legal dept
Get busy living
Jul 24, 2012 - 5:07pm
BlackHat:
Working9-5:
Saw CNBC quote Wall Street Oasis word by word and didn't give credit today. Same did the journalist, she said she only spoke with recruiters, traders and bankers, what a liar.

You're like the 3rd person to say something about this but I didn't see it... does anyone have a link or maybe just a decent re-hashing of what they said?!

http://video.cnbc.com/gallery/?video=3000105063

Plus some random quotes all through lunch.

CNBC sucks

"This financial crisis is worse than a divorce. I've lost all my money, but the wife is still here." - Client after getting blown up

Jul 24, 2012 - 5:15pm

Wow.... they totally lifted everything off this site. SUE SUE SUE

I hate victims who respect their executioners
Jul 24, 2012 - 5:54pm

Not only is it sad that they're not giving credit, it's even worse that they're using online message boards for their reporting while acting like they're getting it from legit sources.

If your dreams don't scare you, then they are not big enough. "There are two types of people in this world: People who say they pee in the shower, and dirty fucking liars."-Louis C.K.
Jul 24, 2012 - 8:57pm
wolverine19x89:
Not only is it sad that they're not giving credit, it's even worse that they're using online message boards for their reporting while acting like they're getting it from legit sources.

This. As a former journalist myself, this pisses me off to no end.
Currently: future psychiatrist (med school =P) Previously: investor relations (top consulting firm), M&A consulting (Big 4), M&A banking (MM)
Jul 24, 2012 - 10:14pm

Write an email, I did. Probably not gonna do anything, but hell...

If your dreams don't scare you, then they are not big enough. "There are two types of people in this world: People who say they pee in the shower, and dirty fucking liars."-Louis C.K.
Jul 25, 2012 - 11:41am

I was watching this today and laughed my ass off when I realized they jacked some quotes from WSO. They took their information from an online message board with anonymous posters that could literally be anyone in the world. Hell, I could've posted in that thread if I had come up with something clever, and I could have said that it was from an interview that I had at Goldman Sachs. It's pretty pathetic that a major news network would steal from a site like WSO in the first place, and even more pathetic that the reported responsible then lies about the source. Definitely a reminder to be a huge sceptic about everything that you hear on the news.

On the other hand, it's very cool that WSO was referenced in the article that Black Hat linked to. Good publicity for the website.

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