Hot Girl Diaspora

Out of the 100+ SA at my firm this past summer, the only hot girls (all 4 of them) in the class either went to other banks or didn't get a return offer. This is depressing because now I will be stuck looking at tall, pimple faced losers and super basic nerdy chicks for the next 2 years. Any similar situations?

 
ItsTheSoggyBottomBoys:
Out of the 100+ SA at my firm this past summer, the only hot girls (all 4 of them) in the class either went to other banks or didn't get a return offer. This is depressing because now I will be stuck looking at tall, pimple faced losers and super basic nerdy chicks for the next 2 years. Any similar situations?

You could supplement your daily routine with a hot chick physical trainer.

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee
 
Connor:
I'm preeeeeeeetty sure this is a troll post...

The op is obviously a troll post. Allow me to respond accordingly:

Hot girls love bad boy rockstars. Ergo to enhance your Sex* appeal thou ought to appear at Arlenes Grocery for their Rock n Roll Karaoke! every Monday and Friday no fail starting tonight and belt out your best impressions of the Crazy Train, Highway to Hell, Born to be Wild and Pour Some Sugar on Me. Or if you live in Chicago, Stanley Pubs and Kitchen in Lincoln Park has a similar event every Sunday.

If you keep doing this for a few months, the girls will be all over you. But by then you will be too absorbed into your newly found Rockstardom to care much for them.

*(and drugs and Rock n Roll)

Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep.
 

I know this is probably a Troll post but rofl

Tommy Too-toned:

It's scary. My analyst class doesn't smack a thing.

I'm starting to realize that the correlation between my excel skills and mack game isn't exactly strong and positive, and something's gotta change.

Do I need to be a Tiger and drive to an Upstate Denny's?

I want to be able to show up in Barcelona, Montreal, Melbourne, or Kyoto and say, "babe, i'm cool, you and me - let's do this".

 

I can count on those Harvard and Yale grads texting those chubby workhorses from rich families.

Shit, i have all this dough - I'm a mega-fund PE guy. Oh wait, fly girl didn't even take a second look.

Those Point Dexters are the reason I want to leave banking. I was never a geek, but hangin' around those guys, gosh, talk about a path to bad sex.

My stats:

Don't matter

 

Above average troll, I'd say B+.

[quote]The HBS guys have MAD SWAGGER. They frequently wear their class jackets to boston bars, strutting and acting like they own the joint. They just ooze success, confidence, swagger, basically attributes of alpha males.[/quote]
 

I mean seriously, what's the pre-pre-MBA path?

violin lessons > chess club > math tutor > yale > excel > excel > smokeshows

Don't think so, unless Rosetta Stone teaches the language of love.

Damn, i hate fat chicks. Who the hell would want to go to Harvard or Yale and then to Microsoft Excel?

Have they ever popped a cherry? Geez, call the doctor, Johnson ain't wakin' up

 

Gotta be an entrepreneur yo. Thanks for helpin' me out WSO.

But if I get into a top 10, what are the exit ops? Can i get blondes and brunettes post MBA? And after that, can i get into a Corporate Strategy group at an F500?

What if I want to eat lunch at a cafe on Saturday? Shit, i gotta do Excel.

Remember, IB + MBA + PE = cruisin'. Oh wait, it don't cut it no more. Zuck's stackin' 50 bills.

Watch me shine monkeys

 

Only way out for OP stick to excel modelling -> become a rainmaker -> models & bottles :)

Simplicity is the highest form of sophistication ~ Leonardo da Vinci
 

I applaud your choice of username, you gay, gay man.

"You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." -IlliniProgrammer "Your grammar made me wish I'd been aborted." -happypantsmcgee
 

An instant classic, my favorite dialogue:

Brandon: I'm an actor. Zack Brown: Wow! That's really impressive. Brandon: Thank you. Zack Brown: Fucking movies? Brandon: Fucking movies. Pretty much. Zack Brown: Look at you! Anything I've seen? What movies? Brandon: Oh, all sorts of movies with all-male casts. Zack Brown: All-male casts? Like "Glengarry Glen Ross"? Like that? Brandon: Like "Glen and Gary suck Ross's meaty cock and drop their hairy nuts in his eager mouth." Zack Brown: [stunned] ... is that like a sequel? Brandon: Sort of. It's a reimagining. Zack Brown: Oh, like "The Wiz". Brandon: More erotic. And with less women. No women, to be exact. Zack Brown: I apologize in advance if I'm out of line here, but are you in gay porn? Brandon: Guilty as charged.

A classic, one for the ages my man.

"You stop being an asshole when it sucks to be you." -IlliniProgrammer "Your grammar made me wish I'd been aborted." -happypantsmcgee
 
D M:
An instant classic, my favorite dialogue:

Brandon: I'm an actor. Zack Brown: Wow! That's really impressive. Brandon: Thank you. Zack Brown: Fucking movies? Brandon: Fucking movies. Pretty much. Zack Brown: Look at you! Anything I've seen? What movies? Brandon: Oh, all sorts of movies with all-male casts. Zack Brown: All-male casts? Like "Glengarry Glen Ross"? Like that? Brandon: Like "Glen and Gary suck Ross's meaty cock and drop their hairy nuts in his eager mouth." Zack Brown: [stunned] ... is that like a sequel? Brandon: Sort of. It's a reimagining. Zack Brown: Oh, like "The Wiz". Brandon: More erotic. And with less women. No women, to be exact. Zack Brown: I apologize in advance if I'm out of line here, but are you in gay porn? Brandon: Guilty as charged.

A classic, one for the ages my man.

A classic indeed, my friend! I hope Justin Long can do a spin off movie based on this character. That would be awesome. Now you better shut your mouth or I am gonna f... it!

Too late for second-guessing Too late to go back to sleep.
 

Perspiciatis ea sed neque natus adipisci qui. Ut nostrum omnis occaecati. Voluptatum magnam dolor quo aut. Quo officiis soluta hic impedit illo fuga sint.

I hate victims who respect their executioners
 

Omnis voluptates distinctio aliquam unde sint neque aut. Aspernatur deleniti facere saepe accusamus quam omnis. Corporis sunt enim sed qui omnis eum.

Et dolores doloremque sunt velit nostrum repellendus voluptas. Qui velit quam quisquam ea omnis dolore praesentium laudantium. Eius ducimus consectetur qui consequatur vel numquam. Blanditiis ea aut vero magni.

Provident recusandae distinctio aut alias accusantium cumque sed. Itaque recusandae harum sunt cum quis rem. Nihil esse delectus dolor placeat dolorem.

Career Advancement Opportunities

April 2024 Investment Banking

  • Jefferies & Company 02 99.4%
  • Goldman Sachs 19 98.8%
  • Harris Williams & Co. New 98.3%
  • Lazard Freres 02 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 03 97.1%

Overall Employee Satisfaction

April 2024 Investment Banking

  • Harris Williams & Co. 18 99.4%
  • JPMorgan Chase 10 98.8%
  • Lazard Freres 05 98.3%
  • Morgan Stanley 07 97.7%
  • William Blair 03 97.1%

Professional Growth Opportunities

April 2024 Investment Banking

  • Lazard Freres 01 99.4%
  • Jefferies & Company 02 98.8%
  • Goldman Sachs 17 98.3%
  • Moelis & Company 07 97.7%
  • JPMorgan Chase 05 97.1%

Total Avg Compensation

April 2024 Investment Banking

  • Director/MD (5) $648
  • Vice President (19) $385
  • Associates (86) $261
  • 3rd+ Year Analyst (14) $181
  • Intern/Summer Associate (33) $170
  • 2nd Year Analyst (66) $168
  • 1st Year Analyst (205) $159
  • Intern/Summer Analyst (145) $101
notes
16 IB Interviews Notes

“... there’s no excuse to not take advantage of the resources out there available to you. Best value for your $ are the...”

Leaderboard

1
redever's picture
redever
99.2
2
Betsy Massar's picture
Betsy Massar
99.0
3
BankonBanking's picture
BankonBanking
99.0
4
Secyh62's picture
Secyh62
99.0
5
dosk17's picture
dosk17
98.9
6
GameTheory's picture
GameTheory
98.9
7
CompBanker's picture
CompBanker
98.9
8
kanon's picture
kanon
98.9
9
bolo up's picture
bolo up
98.8
10
Jamoldo's picture
Jamoldo
98.8
success
From 10 rejections to 1 dream investment banking internship

“... I believe it was the single biggest reason why I ended up with an offer...”