How does one deal with jealousy in a relationship?

Valorsq's picture
Rank: Gorilla | 569

So I've been dating this woman and she's successful. She gets a lot of attention and I kind of don't like that. I mean my jealousy is the only thing that is coming in the way because otherwise, it's great. I don't like the fact that she works with s lot of men. Maybe I have a self esteem issue but I feel like she has a lot of options and that kinda makes me feel bad about myself.

Comments (42)

Oct 7, 2019

you are coming from a very bad place...rather, you should celebrate the fact that you are in a relationship with a highly desirable woman.

imagine the alternative...you date an ugly girl that no other guy is interested in.

which scenario would you rather? because that's really all there is

just google it...you're welcome

Oct 7, 2019

What kind of logic is that? I don't like showing off women as my personal possession and somehow feel prouder that I have her and others don't. That's like saying I should be proud because I'm getting to fuck her while others just fap. Damn. I kinda wish she was ugly. I mean I prefer it she gets less attention, I have no problem with her success.

Oct 7, 2019

its got nothing to do with "showing off"

attractive women are going to get male attention...that's just a fact.

so, you either accept that...or date a less attractive woman...or stay in your current mental state and suffer.

those are the only options i see. attractive women have no ability to stop men from desiring them...its not their fault. If you think she'll leave you for a better guy...if you can't handle the competition...then either get some self confidence and learn how to accept the situation...or that attitude will poison your relationship.

just google it...you're welcome

    • 2
Oct 7, 2019

"That's like saying I should be proud because I'm getting to fuck her while others just fap."

That's *exactly *what what we're saying

    • 1
Funniest
Oct 7, 2019

What are you, 12?

Oct 7, 2019

gotta work on yourself first

    • 1
Oct 8, 2019
PaoloPalad:

gotta work on yourself first

Beauty in its brevity (above).

OP - you have to work on yourself and build self confidence. You may have other deep lying issues and insecurities that we do not know about here. It could be with how you were raised, something at school, what have you. If you suspect it is this, it may be best to speak to a professional who can help you with this, because this stuff will kill your personal relationships and your career as well as your general happiness.

If it is something else that's bringing on these insecurities, you will have to focus on building yourself up some way. That could be joining a gym/hiring a trainer or spending more time doing a hobby/passion that you are really good at. Something that will give you positive reinforcement and let you have confidence in yourself and that you are THE MAN.

Good Luck

    • 2
Oct 7, 2019

troll post or serious?

Oct 7, 2019

Seriously. It really messes me up that she gets so much attention from men.

Oct 7, 2019

Dude, why do you let your girl work? Tell her to quit her job and open a yoga studio or something.

Oct 8, 2019

Yeah, because his hot gf in yoga pants all day teaching men and women would make him feel much better!

Oct 8, 2019

I wouldn't worry. Only beta males do yoga - especially during the day.

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Oct 7, 2019

To give some more understanding viewpoint, how long have you been dating this girl? The longer you are together and once you officially become a couple you will be more secure

Oct 7, 2019

1-2 months and we've already hit the sack together twice.

  • Intern in IB - Gen
Oct 7, 2019

Twice? Wow big baller

    • 4
Oct 7, 2019

Those are rookie numbers.

Oct 7, 2019

Just keep it going, show her your worth. Once you lock it down and she's introducing you to her friends it'll be smooth sailing from there

Oct 7, 2019

This has to be a troll

    • 1
Oct 7, 2019

Sounds like you need to work on yourself man. You sound insecure, like one of those guys are going to swoop in and tempt her to leave you. Build up confidence by being someone so desirable that she would never be tempted by another guy. Your goal isn't to trap her in any way, your goal should be to just be a desirable partner. And that doesn't mean you have to get roided up or become a jerk, I know plenty of portly nice dudes with very hot/successful wives. They bring other things to the table to make their wives attracted to them, and motives to. E in a relationship

    • 3
Oct 7, 2019

Just be confident in yourself and know what you bring to the table. Doesn't matter how hot a female is. There are millions of them and you obviously can land a hot one as you have already proven that to yourself. So it's just about understanding that you must be bringing something to the table that she needs/wants. And if she decides to walk away for what ever reason. It's going to be all her loss. Just be cool, understand you are a catch too.

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Most Helpful
Oct 7, 2019

She works with a lot of men... lots of us women work with lots of men, especially when our job is in banking or engineering, to name just a couple of male-heavy and male-centric industries. Face it really, we women are surrounded by men at every turn, as we commute, as we buy coffee, etc. But guess what, if we're not looking for attention, we often don't see it - I've lost count where a friend, my husband or my mom point out that someone is checking me out.

She's dating you, so you've got her attention regardless of the attention she might receive from others, she's apparently not encouraging it and/or she's not actively trying to make you jealous - unless she were acting on that attention she's receiving from other men or using it to needle/tease/annoy you, I don't understand why you're jealous.

Being angry or jealous does nothing remotely positive for you - it's like holding a burning hot coal in your hand and hoping someone else feels the burn.

Try to recognize that she's chosen to be with you. If you allow unfounded jealousy to set up camp in your brain, it's hell to kick it out. She's probably more likely to leave you sooner over your petty jealousy than over another guy, as insecurity and lack of confidence are massive turn-offs for a great number of both women and men.

You can't control the attention she gets, you can only control your reaction to that attention, so don't be your own worst enemy by undermining things, if she's happy being with you, that's what important - don't dwell on crap that's outside of your control.

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Oct 8, 2019

This

Oct 8, 2019

+1, great advice.

Oct 7, 2019

Bruh u have major self esteem issues

Oct 8, 2019

No way this is real.

  • Associate 2 in CorpDev
Oct 8, 2019

OP I hear ya. Have seen many a good Friend in this situation and I'll level with you - the only way to fix this is to dump her and start dating a 3. That will solve your jealousy issues overnight - you won't even have to worry about whether the 3 works with a lot of men cause they'll likely be ignoring her anyway.

Problem solved - You can thank me later

Oct 8, 2019

You sound like those guys who thinks everyone is checking out their girlfriend but she's actually mediocre looking at best.

You've slept with her twice in two months, what's going on there? Your parents have probably fucked more than that in the same time. Seems to me as though you're not showing her enough attention.

The fact that you feel bad about yourself despite getting a supposedly hot woman to date you screams that you have major self esteem issues, yes. You should be happy for yourself.
If she does cheat on you, just don't marry her.

Sounds like you have self esteem issues and you don't trust your girlfriend (/potential girlfriend), doesn't sound like a recipe for a solid relationship.

    • 2
Oct 8, 2019

I would just echo most of the sentiment previously mentioned.

It sounds like a self esteem issue. Unless she is actually engaging with other guys (flirting, extensively chatting up, interacting with in a non-platonic manner) then you have nothing tangible to be jealous of. However, you do have everything to be proud of, thankful for, and excited about. You're with a girl who other people are interested in, you've done it!

Now to the "we've only slept together twice" comment... OK this is fine if you're both super busy and for some reason are making a point not to smash... But if you're regularly seeing each other, and are datingfor real, then maybe this is a point of possible concern. Why are you not sleeping together more often? Sex is not everything, and shouldn't be everything in a relationship, but especially at the beginning I feel its a pretty important part of affirming that a physical connection is present and growing... Just my $0.02.

*Disclaimer: I spent my entire life in love with my childhood best friend and outside of a fleeting one-night-stand, it wasn't until after years of sex and drug abuse that she, in her tattered, worn out and AIDS inflicted state finally decided to be with me, and introduce me to our child, so I might not be the best voice of reason here. *

    • 1
Oct 8, 2019

I guess your only option is to date whales so they don't get attention.

    • 1
Oct 8, 2019

fatal attraction

Oct 8, 2019

Boy, soon she's gonna sense your insecurity (prob already has) and dump you.

Oct 8, 2019

Ask yourself how you'd behave if you had a ton of options and were in demand. Then act that way. Who knows, it may even be true.

Oct 9, 2019

Don't worry about it. She'll dump you soon enough.

Edit: Vik beat me to the punch.

Oct 9, 2019

Echoing all above, but I'll try to give my take...

I think you're going to need to work on yourself a bit or this won't work out for you. This is going to come off exactly how I didn't want it to come off, but my gf is very successful and beautiful. Of course guys try to get with her. After you build a very solid connection those concerns will fade. I am really proud of her and I want her to go as far as she can in life, it doesn't make me insecure.

Someone said it above, but...you need to get to a point where your connection is so strong that you don't worry about this stuff. If she is someone who would cheat on you, you don't want to be with her. If she only wants to be with you, that's how it will be. The last thing you want is for her to see you as insecure.

Oct 9, 2019

Start smashing some back up tread to get that self esteem up. You'll be laughing at the amount of dudes she has stringing along.

Oct 9, 2019

"Hit the sack"??? no wonder you're insecure. But in all seriousness get this off WSO and go ask another forum or better yet a real person, not a bunch of anonymous finance people.

Oct 11, 2019

Guy, the issue is you are putting her up on the pedestal rather than putting yourself there. You need to have the mentality that YOU are the prize in this relationship and don't ever get jealous. You need to believe that inside and out, and if you don't believe in inside currently then you need to at minimum portray that on the outside, and from today going forward work on yourself to have it be both ways (hitting the gym, find a hobby or two, be interesting, if you don't like your current job/financial situation fix it). Girls despise men who are insecure and jealous. Now, obviously as you build a relationship you need to set boundaries, but outside of that there is no reason you should ever be jealous

Abundance mentality is what you need to also cultivate.. who cares if she eventually leaves you? If you call this girl a "10" then I'm confident you could easily go get many other girls who are 8s, 9s and 10s in the coming weeks/months (not that I'm suggesting she's going to leave you). Especially if you're doing what I mentioned in the paragraph above by working on yourself.

Lastly, when you **** her, **** her so good she won't be thinking about anything else at work all day besides you. That male attention she gets will all be irrelevant. Make her be the one who is slightly jealous of you, worrying about you leaving her for someone else by having your shit to together and leaving her dickmatized.

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Oct 11, 2019

Damn lol

Oct 11, 2019
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Oct 11, 2019