How to Heal from a Breakup

Too many newbies like OP on this site who don't have the spine to drop a girl, I guess.

You're doing pretty good actually.

Ooooh, I touched somebody's nerve, didn't I?

Life isn't all roses and shit. You rarely get to date and marry your high-school crush or your first girlfriend. A lot of shit does get in the way and you're stuck choosing between one or the other. Sure, some people felt that their relationship mattered more, and chose one particular route (like joining Christian college, staying in Fucksville). But I'm an ambition oriented guy - I only care about whether every action I undertake is important for my future, and for the future of the ones I care about.

Now, I'm not a fan of living a Casanova lifestyle like DiCaprio or Berggruen. But I do care first about myself and then prioritize others. But then, at that time, I was also a 20 year old kid - too naive to understand how love can become unrequited soon enough. Then, I wanted to impress the shit out of her, give her the best weekend ever, and had a whole of stuff planned out. I travelled more than a thousand miles to be there with her, since she had mentioned a few weeks before she was getting burnt out from work. I particularly chose the weekend just before her birthday (it was on a Monday), paid the entire airfare and hotel room for the three days, all of it without telling her until the previous Wednesday (via text). I even relocated a couple of meetings I had (related to my startup), even though the folks I was meeting with were coming from abroad (that's a HUGE ask, if you don't know), just so I could be there for her that weekend.

Later, on Friday, once I had landed, the first thing I did was called her. No response. She sent a message back saying she was too busy. I then tried calling her later in the night. Phone's switched off. Then I try her on Saturday - call's not going through. Nor on Sunday. By this time, I'm pretty sure I had called her at least 50 times, but for nada. Then (and here's the best part), I called her superior at her firm to check up on her and see if everything was alright - he was a family friend of mine. He tells me she's on the beach, and should be really free. That's when my young 20-something mind began to go hyper.

I then invited this fat friend of hers to come over and help me prep stuff for wishing her. She readily came over, and began working together on getting stuff ready before midnight. She tries calling this girl, gets connected, tells her that I'm here in town. This chick hangs up on her own friend. The friend nonchalantly goes back to prepping everything.

Midnight struck. I was there. She wasn't. Her friend was there too. All her friends were there too. And here I was, totally heartbroken, like I had my tail between her legs. I was downtrodden - everybody comforts me, then leaves off. Except for this fat bestie of hers. We are alone, things get oddly hot, back in the hotel room, clothes fly off, awesome badonkadonk. After the act, I took my phone and texted my ex saying I couldn't continue this if this was the way she was treating me. And that's how I got over my second relationship.

Of course, I told the fat friend to promise to me never to reveal the acts of the night, and she did "promise", but I always knew that she would tell her bestie about it. As predictable as it could get, she told her. Turns out, she was actually in the process of trying to ghost from me, as she wanted to see this other guy from work.

I don't know whether they chuckled together then, but nowadays my friends and I have a good laugh over the whole affair, and especially over the naivete of my youth. But I maintain that what I did was right - I'm under no circumstances going to let a nonrefundable room at the Four Seasons, go to waste. I'm feeling far more positive than I ever was, and I'm happy that I cut the strings, even though the next few weeks after that incident were agonizing. It's not worth it to stay in a toxic relationship. And if somebody asks me to "talk out our differences first", I'm OK, but not after you pull this kind of shit on me.

Now the fact that I'm referencing this example from three years ago is not a sign that I "haven't gotten over her yet", as you state with your wisdom. I referenced it because OP is in more or less exactly the same situation that I was in, hence I was telling him the best possible way to cope with ghosting is to just take advantage of whatever situation you're in. Sure, if there isn't a fat friend, I wouldn't complain at all if he used the opportunity to use those hotel-room days on networking in the city.

Take some time to consolidate emotionally, reallocate time back to investing in yourself and you'll run into another chick in due time. I'm not going to break down a week by week plan because everyone is different, but as a general concept, you should be working towards confidence, stability and self-perpetuating happiness. You'll attract more woman than you can handle if you have a healthy relationship with yourself.

This is straight away pulled from some dating site I suppose. Well, to link to your own words, I used the sex with her friend to "consolidate emotionally", spent the next few months bothering about my own shit to "reallocate time to investing in myself". Next time, try to describe how the OP can follow your hoity-toity advice. It's very easy to state what, harder to show how.

To OP, as for what happened after that, cutting myself away from her and spending time on my work proved much more worthwhile. Soon enough, I got in touch with one of my old high-school friends, and we decided to take it further. And even better enough, she was somebody who took the pains of relocating to be with me (from NYC to LDN). Although we have broken up since, she and I are still great friends, love going out together and love giving dating advice to each other. Just to show that my decisions haven't made me an unemotional robot.

TL;DR Don't be a wussy like above guy said. Do stuff so as to seize advantage of the moment, and change a loss to a gain. Frank out.