How to lose my v-card?

I'm a 22 year old virgin. Never went out to a party, club, date, etc. Part of the issue was I was very facially unattractive/lacked sex appeal up until roughly 20-21 and my face + body changed a ton. It also helped that I grew from 5'3'' in mid highschool to 6'1'' today. 

My life had started changing a bit noticing how much better looking I became. I'm pretty neurotic but I noticed a ton of small changes in my day to day life but mainly women would approach me to talk to me, teachers/parents treated me much nicer, got more call backs after first round interviews, other guys wouldn't pick on me as I used to be that easy target, etc.

I found out about tinder account and I got 500 matches in a couple months but I literally don't have any social skills or know what to do. Even when I get approached and just have small talk I don't know how to take that step forward. I don't think I project awkward-ness in those situations but rather come off as uninterested when I'm clearly not. 

I want to step on this issue, which I view as something extremely serious, mainly because you only are young once. The days of being able to just hit on women and sleep with them on the same night practically are coming to an end soon and I never experienced it once; not to mention looks fade on both ends. I know if I don't do anything about I will be extremely resentful and a serious wreck. I don't think it's the actual lack of sex bothering me but it's stemming from this idea that I've wasted my youth and it slipped so fast due to my cycle of self-hatred and this is a symptom of it. 

I don't really have anyone in my life to talk to about this, so sorry if this thread was weird lol feel free to say whatever is on your mind that would help.

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Most Helpful
May 6, 2021 - 7:07pm

your tag caught my eye after a few beers so this could get interesting. btw I'm not reviewing anything so this is a first draft.

OP, I was a late bloomer as well but have had plenty of experience. first things first, become a catch. how does one do this?

1. physical shape - get in shape, period. I won't tell you what type of shape to get into, but the best body type is muscular but not bodybuilder. develop muscles. if I had to pick the most simple workout, it'd be pushups, pull ups, deadlifts, and kettlebell swings, that's it. sure add in squats if you want, but that's mostly a dude to dude exercise, no chick goes after you because of your quads. lose excess body fat. eat food that doesn't make you a mess like everything fried, covered in cheese, overly processed, etc. what you put in comes out in your pores and no one appreciates excessive cologne.

2. manners - I don't know you, hopefully you're always doing these things anyway. sit up straight, do not chew with your mouth open, smack your food, or hover clsoe to the food (bring the fork up to your mouth and maybe lean forward slightly so you don't get a piece of steak juice on your shirt). hold the door for random strangers, smile at everyone, say please and thank you always, ditto for "miss" and "sir," unless you're in the south where "ma'am" is still operative. I'm saying this because in a world where everyone communicates by hashtag, you can stand out if you're polished. also, it has the benefit of likely leaving good impressions everywhere. if you smile, someone smiles back, you get dopamine (even strangers will smile back, our biological wiring does this) and you build upon that success, it can impact your whole day. 

3. attire - your clothes probably don't fit well. I don't claim to know what's popular these days so I just try to look nice. things like 5 pocket jeans that are fitted but not skinny, a clean pair of boots, vans, or other non new balance sneakers will do, skip the boat shoes unless you like being a virgin. for the shirt, idk anymore man, I wear short sleeve button downs by various designers that I buy on sale, get tailored if necessary, also more casual dress shirts untucked, some jersey style polos, all tend to get the eye of women even at my age (the outfits that draw the most attention from women/ire from my wife usually are short sleeve buttondowns rolled up so your arms show with khakis/jeans and leather shoes, not vans so much). you don't need to go expensive, you can buy goodthreads from amazon for shirts, levi's for pants, and shoes from wherever.

4. hygiene - don't fucking overdo it. no chick wants to date brad pitt from fury and that haircut, they want brad pitt. go to a barber, ask a gal pal (maybe a good friend's girlfriend), I don't know, I'm fuckin bald and have been for a decade. on smell, keep it simple, wayyyyyyyy too many bros I run into in major cities overdo the cologne. be a minimalist, have a nice diet so you don't smell like shit in the first place, be moisturized (ashy is no bueno for touching and feeling). floss your damn teeth, brush your tongue, cleen and trim your fingernails, and have your scrotum hair groomed, but not bald (no girl you want to fuck wants to fuck a 12yo). 

alright, if you do those things you should have some confidence (getting in shape and getting some nice clothes will have you walking taller than you already are, if you're not there already). now it's time to turn on the charm. talk to people randomly. I know it's boring ass covid, but when you're going to get takeout, chat people up, you need to get reps in, even if it's the 195 year old chilean lady working the register at the bodega, all practice helps. you need to be able to develop good conversation out of thin air and that's a skill that takes practice and repetition. chat up uber drivers, baristas, waiters, everyone who will respond back. the reason I suggest that first is because there's little downside. you're not going to fuck your uber driver or your takeout lady, so you will be able to fuck up without any repercussions.

now, the crux of the issue - one night stands. first off, you don't need 'em if you're uncomfortable with the idea. I know you want ass, but you don't necessarily need to just hit and quit. if you want a relationship, great. if you want to go on 2 dates or more before smashing, whatever. I think 1 night stands are a bad precedent (even though that's how I lost my V). you should chase dates, not poon. I know they may sound the same, but they're not. dates are opportunities, you can choose to go forward or not.

the date, I've been on way too many dates, and even though it's been a while, here goes nothin (probably gonna get flaaaaaamed for this later)

1. location - every dildo in town will want to take a chick to some expensive douchebag restaurant only to drop $600 on some overcooked overbuttered steak that inevitably gives him gas, and because he's trying to impress he buys the $200 bottle of wine that he can't really taste because they already pregames and he's got the taste of gin and filet in his mouth. not to mention the fuckin gas he'll get from that steak and the smells that will come out of him are exactly what his date DOESNT want for a first date. nah man, you want to be memorable. has she ever sat at the bar of a pho restaurant? is there a cool rooftop somewhere? has she ever had tapas? how about korean bbq where you kinda cook your own shit at the table? that has a couple benefits, first it's memorable, second it's more casual. girls get all stressed out getting ready for super nice dinners, she'll still look amazing but let her not be so formal, may be more relaxing for everyone.

2. after dinner - once again, every dildo has the same fucking plan, cocktail bar - dinner - apartment - smash. be unique. walk off your dinner a bit through a park (an easy way to suggest this is to book a restaurant near a square somewhere), maybe you check out the weather in advance and there's gonna be a full moon over the football stadium or something cool like that. plus, walking off dinner staves off the booze and helps you digest a bit, so you not only get a chance to talk and get to know them, you also get the chance to avoid having to rip ass when you're trying to be romantic. after that, sure go back to your place if she's willing. offer an after dinner drink, something low alcohol, either learn how to make a good digestivo or serve her a crowd pleaser like pinot noir or limoncello with a little chocolate. put something on tv that's safe. maybe a cool nature show that doesn't get all environmentally woke, a standup comedy, american ninja warrior, stuff like that. horror, live concerts, cartoons, sports, crime, those are not good vibes for your first time

3a. the act - I think girls appreciate confidence and so while this is very direct, I think it works. I've had 1 miss on this in hundreds of dates. when you're laughing at something or you lock eyes and you're already sitting close, just say something like "I really want to kiss you right now" and more than likely you'll get the sense she approves, and there you go. if you want to smash, after some making out, if you ask "let's go in my room, it's more comfortable" or something (dirty little secret, when hormones are flying, it doesn't matter how awkward you sound, just exhibit confidence) and either she'll bite or she won't. if she doesn't, continue kissing and say that's cool. at worst, you'll have to say something like "no that's ok, I had a really great time tonight. let's do it again! what're you doing for sunday brunch?" at best you'll be laying pipe. 

3b. if you don't want to smash, just make out on the couch, and if she starts taking off your shirt or rubbing your crotch, then I'd schedule an appointment with a urologist to find out if your testicles are in fact working

finally, stop crying over spilled milk. shoulda coulda woulda is a loser's conversation. those who lament the past are wasting time trying to improve their futures, so stop thinking about whatever you "wasted" and get the fuck after improving yourself.

EDIT: HOLY SHIT I FORGOT PARTY AND BAR ETIQUETTE.

house party - if there's a game, get involved and be the medium competitive guy with a good sense of humor. not too aloof so they think you're just stoned (been there too) and not so aggro that you make it not fun. if there's no game, stick to whoever invited you there and get to know people. ask questions 99% of the time, if someone asks about you, say something quick but then redirect and ask more questions (psychologically, people remember inquisitive people more favorably, because it does something to our psyche to talk about ourselves). my goal with a house party would be to be remembered, to get phone numbers, and not be overly pushy, usually not a good look at a house party.

club/bar - I've never taken a girl home from a bar (was already dating my now wife when I was legally allowed) but I was a crowd pleaser back in the day. go with the vibe. repeat after me: GO WITH THE VIBE. if no one's dancing, don't go on the dance floor, cheers a stranger with a shotglass, be social, but don't be outrageous. if everyone's dancing, go do something. if you don't have rhythm, have a few goofy crowd pleaser go to moves (charlie brown, houdini, walk like an egyptian, some other dumb shit, whatver) and once a girl starts laughing ask her if she'd like to dance, and then say you'll need some help. you're 6'1", so you'll get a yes 99% of the time unless you ignored my first 3 points. 

both club/bar and house party - unless you're involved in a game at the house party where everyone's drinking the same thing, play it safe. you don't want red wine teeth, you don't want whisky dick, you don't want beer bloat, so keep all of that in mind. the safest bets are G&T, vod sod, irish whisky & ginger, stuff like that. now if it's a high end cocktail bar, ask to try what the girl you wanna fuck is trying (unless it's something obvious), and then unless you hate it, order a manlier version of that, no girl wants to fuck a guy that drinks appletinis. you wanna reach a nice level of buzzed where you're less inhibited but you still have judgment, you still gotta get consent, and if you do you still have to perform. play the long game, you're here to meet someone special, not just get drunk

may think of more later, time for another drink, enjoy!

May 7, 2021 - 12:10pm

thebrofessor

sure add in squats if you want, but that's mostly a dude to dude exercise, no chick goes after you because of your quads.

Great post/thread ender as always but I wanna chime in here - OP, don't sleep on your leg game. In my experience as a rugby playing, downhill skiing, cycling 'T-Rex' , chicks definitely do dig legs. My girlfriend loves my legs. If she had it her way I'd only wear 2.5" lululemon runner shorts (super wack, hard no from me)

I will concede that you will probably get more looks from dudes if you have absolute wheels, but women definitely appreciate nice legs

  • Intern in IB-M&A
May 7, 2021 - 9:15pm

early 20s woman here and damn this hits the nail on the head, well done as usual.  as someone who went to college in NYC, I've had my fair share of dating experiences with 20-25 y/o men in the city and while guys here generally seem to be higher quality than other cities myself/friends have had experiences in, it would do plenty guys well to **especially pay attention to pts 1 and 2 regarding location and dinner.. something casual and authentic will always make both people feel more relaxed and thus enjoy themselves immensely more (which ofc increases possibility of a successful pt 3 too !)

May 7, 2021 - 10:27pm

Didn't read but I'm sure this is good advice. Also WTF OP, why the fuck are you a virgin at 22 if you have 500+ tinder matches? Not saying you should do this, go ahead and take people out on dates etc, but if you spammed "heyyyyy sexy DTF? ;)" or something really stupid like that 500 times and had a 1% response rate of yes, that's 5 girls. Nothing wrong with being a late bloomer, there's no shame in that, but the ball is in your court and be an active participant in your own life. Sitting on your ass and just swiping on an app without taking action won't get you anywhere...

  • Prospect in IB - Gen
May 8, 2021 - 9:30am

Coming from a girl, this is great. The bar is so low most days so you just have to be respectful and confident and it goes a long way. Smile, show interest, take these dudes tips, and good things will come

May 8, 2021 - 2:35pm

As someone who's generally done pretty well with chicks most of my life and was lucky enough to generally have good social/flirting skills, just because of my extremely extroverted personality, this comes off as very high quality advice. Just to add my extra two cents, and this really applies to any social situation, not just the dating/hookup game, is that you really just need ton avoid overthinking every last thing you do or say (within reason of course), because 99% of the time the other person is more worried about making themselves look weird than anything weird you might do. As long as you don't say or do anything that's genuinely fucked up or stupid, I doubt the other person you're interacting with will remember the weird or quirky thing you did in the first place. They're more worried and focused on not screwing up themselves.

People are generally too concerned and worried about their own actions/image than yours. Just relax and move on if you thought you did something weird. Every human being on earth is fucking weird and everyone else is just looking for someone they feel comfortable being weird/themselves around. 

  • Intern in IB - CB
May 6, 2021 - 12:13pm

You are wayyy overthinking it. Women just want a guy who is 1. Confident and 2. Respectful.

Don't try and be too serious or anything when talking to them. Just keep ur cool but have fun.

Honestly on tinder it's really easy lol you can literally arrange to hookup and just show up in person and have a good time.

Smile mate, enjoy the talks with women and the dates. It's actually really fun to be around them and you'll meet some cool girls.

May 30, 2021 - 1:11am

Agree.

It cannot be emphasized enough that when you talk to women or start having some sort of a connection, do NOT be serious.

It might be shocking but girls do not like "gentleman". If you are brought up told you need to be a gentleman, that is WRONG. The more precise way to say is you need to mind boundaries, and that applies to both men and women. 

Do NOT be serious even when you sleep with a woman. Let them be serious first before you think about a serious relationship.

  • Associate 1 in CorpDev
May 6, 2021 - 12:45pm

Why would you not be able to do a one night stand going forward? You literally go a date from an app and it happens. There are girls who will also just come over to your place but I wouldn't go down that route as it can be sketchy.
 

The best thing to do would just go on as many dates as possible and grow into your social skills. Learn a few conversational techniques and send your messages. I'm not telling you research pick up artist dialogue word for word because but just a few pointers could help since you are not experienced. 

May 6, 2021 - 12:53pm

I would recommend just chatting up, both in person an online, as many women as possible. If something goes well, reflect on it and repeat, if something goes poorly, reflect on it and do not repeat. I have a good friend who is not particularly good looking or charismatic, but he would ask out a new girl almost every week and was having sex with like 5 different women a year. 10% batting average isn't great, but when you're putting up those numbers on the front end, you're bound to get laid eventually.

  • Intern in IB - Ind
May 6, 2021 - 9:10pm

Disagree on both points. Sex is aptly rated and women's brains are more like a cephalopod's.

May 6, 2021 - 3:30pm

Hey Isaiah, can you please inform this guy that he can still get chicks (maybe even more) in his 30s?

Yeah the world is his oyster for the next 20 years for him pretty much. 

"If you always put limits on everything you do, physical or anything else, it will spread into your work and into your life. There are no limits. There are only plateaus, and you must not stay there, you must go beyond them." - Bruce Lee

  • 1
May 6, 2021 - 1:49pm

I'm a virgin too (still a first year in college and lockdowns made it impossible this year) but I've been at points where I probably could've done it but my morals got in the way. The general rule is to talk to women like they're people. In other words, don't ever think about sex up until the point you're having it, otherwise you'll get nervous and seem too desperate. Just try--as hard as it may be--to enjoy their company, joke around with them, and poke fun. Drop hints here and there like playing footsie to make sure they don't think you're just a friend. And then get them in a place that you have to yourselves (dorm room, car, etc.) Start with the lip/mouth stuff and then slowly move on to the rest if she's going with it. Also stop watching pornography for a while, as it may be twisting your view of how things work.

Since you already seem to be like a good-looking, presentable guy, the key from this point forward is just sheer confidence. Whatever you do, don't be a "nice guy." Don't expect that just saying "you're pretty" or doing them favors will get you in. Women, in general, must believe that you are above them (physically, socially, financially, etc) in order for them to sleep with you. This is not a judgement of right or wrong. It just is. Confidence and nonchalance is the key to make them feel comfortable sleeping with you because they'll think that they are below you. This ties in neatly with my previous point to not ever think about sex when you interact with them. I'd recommend starting with women that you already know from friend groups or classes because they might be easier to get with than strange pussy. Practice makes perfect. Good luck, soldier.

Edit: Never know when you might need this: http://185.29.203.11/joost/Seks/bronnen/Sexual_Consent_Form.pdf

  • Analyst 1 in IB - Ind
May 6, 2021 - 3:14pm

In my experience, Americans do not know how to speak to women. Your average American college aged guy thinks drinking beer and being in a frat equals immediate pussy.

Actually talk to a woman as though she's an actual person and magic will happen. Women like sex just as much as men do.

With practice, you'll pick up their social messages/vibes and can take it from there.

May 6, 2021 - 4:58pm

don't ever think about sex up until the point you're having it, otherwise you'll get nervous and seem too desperate 

absolute facts 

Dayman?
  • Research Associate in Research - Other
May 6, 2021 - 8:23pm

iercurenc

I'm a virgin too

Judging by your comment history, I'm not surprised.

May 7, 2021 - 11:35am

"Don't be a nice guy".  Yeah get the fuck out of here you pick up artist jackoff.  I have a girl that's hotter than most porn stars and I'd be single if I listened to that verbal diarrhea she'd dump my ass.  

May 8, 2021 - 9:43am

Don't really think women need to believe you are above them...you just need to not objectify them, treat them with respect, and be smooth. Most women I know are down if you're charismatic and meet basic physical standards

  • Intern in RE - Comm
May 6, 2021 - 3:16pm

What about craigslist? Can't you go on there and answer an ad to hook up with a girl? A good way to practice if nothing else.

  • Intern in RE - Comm
May 7, 2021 - 2:17pm

Is the risk not the same for any hookup? If you hook up with some random girl off of tinder or bring her home from a bar, you can still get an STD or find out she has penis when she takes her dress off. Not that it matter, Craigslist got rid of their personal section like 3 years ago lol.

May 6, 2021 - 3:37pm

Hahaha bro you are literally me, but I don't have 500 tinder matches, I have like 5 :/  

Honestly, just shoot your shot bro.  Especially if you are on tinder or at a club, you probably won't see her again.  Also, drinking helps ease the nerves and social awkwardness.  don't drink too much though because you will act goofy and won't be able to get hard

But honestly most of my friends who have a lot of one night stands say they are not fulfilling compared to romantic sex with a loved one.

Also, men get more attractive throughout their 20's into their 30's.  Women peak at 21/22.  You got a lot of time.

  • Intern in IB - Gen
May 6, 2021 - 3:52pm

Girl here. Just act like a normal person and talk to them like you're a friend. If she's into it it will happen eventually. The harder you try the more desperate you seem and it shows. Be natural.

May 6, 2021 - 4:55pm

I mean if you're willing to be in it for a longer time horizon, try to speak to the girls you meet as if they were your friends. Try to be yourself, and don't be fixated on the endgame. If you're thinking about sex, it will be stuck in your brain and make you feel more nervous and overthink things (i.e. you will have a hard time getting words out because you might think anything you say could fuck it up). Just talk like another human being. If she likes you, sex will come in time--and sex between two people who actually like and know each other a lot is a bigger payoff than one night things IMO. Its a lot more comfortable and looser for everyone involved. If you're into just one night stands, I'd honestly just keep shooting--with 500 matches, you'll have to get a bite.

Dayman?
  • 1
May 10, 2021 - 5:10pm

That's the easiest way imo.  I have only had one girlfriend who is now my fiancé and I have regularly had to cut off female friends because after a while they get too flirty.  The people who prefer hookups are almost all male, and the people who prefer a few months of friendship before even kissing are mostly female.

May 6, 2021 - 5:52pm

Disregard women. Don't see the point in sex personally. Don't want a relationship but I'd do it if I was in one. I'm on the path to becoming a wizard, it's more likely than not that I will never have sex with a women in my life. Something magically groundbreaking would have to happen to change the path that I am on. I'm totally okay with not having sex btw, in case I didn't make that clear.

May 6, 2021 - 8:41pm

I have a friend kind of like you. He's 22, still a virgin, and literally does not care about women and sex. He's on the path to achieving bigger things, that's what he says anyway. He's also a tall black guy and in good shape, but just does not care. Apparently, Issac Newton died a virgin as well, so you're in good company.

May 6, 2021 - 9:06pm

yes, myself and issac newton, bipolar, autistic, virgins. it's a good place to be. I wouldn't say I'm on the path to achieving bigger things like your friend though lol, I don't think that I'm better than sex or something like that I'm just not that interested in doing it.

May 6, 2021 - 8:22pm

Girl here. Being shy/awkward can be endearing imo, but you just have to start trying women you're into like you would any other person. If you're smart, which presumably you are, you should be able to find a reasonably attractive smart girl who you can connect with through mutual interests. Once you get to talking about ur favorite topics, the other stuff comes more organically imo. Good relationships take a long time to build up. If you're trying to lose ur v-card to someone you're in a meaningful relationship with, it's gonna take some patience imo. Just build friendships with women and the confidence and relationships will come.

If you're just trying to get laid, don't worry about being socially awkward. I promise every other dude on tinder is just as awkward or more awkward than you. Just invite a girl over 

May 6, 2021 - 8:53pm

Talk to as many women as you can. Even talking to girls you're friends or acquaintances with will help you flex the social muscle since it seems you've been on the bench for a while. You'd be surprised how much more comfortable you'll be when courting someone if you've had plenty of practice speaking with all kinds of people. At the end of the day, to be successful with women you need to genuinely enjoy their company. Find common interests and work from there. 

  • Intern in CB
May 6, 2021 - 10:45pm

Hey all op here. Just wanted to thank you all for the responses. I feel much more confident moving forward with my situation and will do my best to get better at it. Seriously though, this was very helpful. 

May 7, 2021 - 9:45am

One more thing...this issue of yours. It will take years to get a handle on.  Unless you get lucky. Be patient and have fun along the way.  Like any skill you cant expect to go from boiling an egg to making a thanksgiving dinner in a day. 

May 7, 2021 - 1:29pm

I think above comments nailed it on the head. I will add my two cents though. Similar to you was a late bloomer but ended up getting in shape, becoming good looking, and thought that was it. When I entered college many girls told the guys I was rushing that "wow hes so hot, hes so good looking" and I thought hell yeah im in. I wasn't. Didnt get laid for a full year. Like said above its your confidence and nonchalant attitude is what makes the difference. 

This is hard for you because you likely feel a time clock clicking and you want to get laid ASAP. This probably makes you feel a bit nervous/desperate and believe me when I say women can smell that shit a mile a way. When I've had dry spells, I feel the same way. Even if its 2-3 months of no sex (not my whole life) I start getting on the edge and it actually detracts my game. This is a hot take but my solution is fuck someone below your standards. You really won't care what someone whose average looking thinks and you probably won't try too hard. But if you put in a bit more effort than ignoring the average girl who talks to you, she'll fuck you and believe me that post-nut clarity will hit you like a brick.

Then you've got laid, you feel good, youre not a virgin anymore. Your desperation/need to fuck goes away. Then you can talk to pretty girls with much more confidence and at ease rather than trying different maneuvers to impress. It'll just be a part of who you are. Obviously losing your virginity might be a big deal, but I lost mine to a 5, and things changed rapidly for the better after that.

tldr fuck the ugly one to get the confidence to fuck the hot ones

  • Intern in IB - Gen
May 7, 2021 - 1:54pm

CHECK6

When I entered college many girls told the guys I was rushing that "wow hes so hot, hes so good looking" and I thought hell yeah im in. I wasn't. 

I am a girl and I go to a school with a decent greek life presence. What I've noticed is that most existing members don't want lots of REALLY good-looking guys to join their frat bc they will just get all the attention from girls. Even the top frats at my school have like 1 or 2 really good-looking ones, 30% average and the rest are wealthy but don't know how to take care of themselves. 

May 7, 2021 - 3:02pm

sounds like your school's frat bros are a bunch of insecure sissies if they go out of their way to make sure they get the attention they crave and make their whole mission about girls. When it came down to it, looks had nothing to do with whether I got a bid. My pledge class had good-looking dudes and they had ugly dudes. But we loved each other and were genuine good men. I like to think that's why I got in as well.

The comments from girls were just passed down to me as a pledge in a joking manner/setting me up manner, not in a "youre in because girls like you" way. note, when I said "I'm in" I meant I thought I was in with the girls, not the frat. The reason I brought it up was to show that I actually wasn't "in" and you can be good-looking but still not get any because you lack confidence and inner calmness.

May 7, 2021 - 1:47pm

Step 1: hire a hooker. Some people, and even yourself might disagree with me, but there's literally nothing wrong with doing that. I know it doesn't sound like it now, but it's JUST sex. I have struggled a lot to find a romantic partner, both long and short term (still do to this day), but paying a hooker at 21 to take my virginity was the second best thing I could do (after getting a girlfriend, obviously). Before that, I was really neurotic about sex, upset all the time about how basically everyone else around me wasn't a virgin and was having it at least somewhat frequently. After that, it clicked with me that it's really not a big deal - I blame Hollywood for painting such unrealistic picture of what sex is.

Step 2: read a book called Models, by Mark Manson. I haven't been able to put it into practice yet (with the pandemic and me living in a 3rd world shithole with my 60+ yo parents and all), but it gave me a different outlook on romantic relationships. Maybe it will help you too.

Step 3: go to therapy. If you look up what happens with incels you'll find out that one of the most common trait among them is the lack of self awareness (both of how they look to other people and of their own feelings). It's exactly what happens to me and probably what happens to you as well. Therapy will make you know yourself better, organize your thoughts and modulate your emotions appropriately.

Like I said, I struggle with that myself, so don't take what I'm saying as godspell, but I've been improving and I don't think anything I said will harm you in any way.

May 7, 2021 - 7:01pm

I find it really funny that men want to lose their v card as soon as possible, meanwhile I'm trying to stay one as long as possible. The sketchiest thing I've ever done was try to find adderall in high school to study for the SAT. 

May 7, 2021 - 7:28pm

Lift, do cardio, dress well, be confident, smell good, have white teeth, etc

In doing so, you can get up to some heinous activities at the social function by not overcomplicating things...

May 8, 2021 - 5:02pm

Wait....fuck me, is it really that bad to be a 22 year old kissless virgin? Maybe I've been in a bubble cause all my other 22 yr old friends are virgins and have never been in a relationship, never been on a single date, never even kissed a girl, or texted one. I am now having an existential crisis. It can't be that abnormal, right? I've just been focusing on college and my career, and idk I haven't really been that interested in dating as it seems like a huge time/money investment that I've never really felt ready for....

I mean I don't think there's anything super wrong with me, but now that I think about it, I've genuinely never had a girl interested me. Jesus Christ, I knew I was ugly but this is....this is not good now that I think about it. Fuck fuck fuck

  • Intern in IB-M&A
May 8, 2021 - 8:26pm

i'm a 22 year old kissless virgin as well and all my other friends (mostly from HS) have all had some hookups and at least 1 girlfriend but none of them are in IB so ... 

May 9, 2021 - 2:44am

"The days of being able to just hit on women and sleep with them on the same night" are just starting. Girls prefer guys who are older, richer, and have more life experience than them, so before you're in your 20s, nobody is interested in you. It gets much better in late 20s and much much better in 30s and even 40s.

All you can do is practice. Start with online cause it's easier and less stressful. You get matches, talk to them and ask them out for drinks. After drinks ask if they want to come over your place. The more practice you get, the more dates you'll get from matches, and the more dates you'll convert into hookups. Just analyze their reactions to your actions and learn from your mistakes. Try different techniques when in doubt and compare outcomes. With time you'll grow confidence and can come to girls on the street. Never take rejections seriously. It's a numbers game - for every girl you fuck, you'll get rejected by 100 women. Don't let it discourage or demoralize you.

Also, one more pro-tip: never offer dinner dates. Only drinks. There are a lot of girls out there who are not interested in sex but go on dates for free food. Some of them have boyfriends, and some of the boyfriends even know about this shit. You don't want to be wasting your money on them. Just offer drinks. If the girl is genuinely interested in you, she won't care if you're meeting for drinks, or food, or coffee, or walk in the park. Also, these food-hunting girls will oftentimes respond that they don't drink, hinting that you should offer them food - don't get fooled, tell her she can get a mocktail.

  • Intern in IB - Gen
May 9, 2021 - 2:30pm

when i go on dinner dates i always offer to split it with the guy :/ I like dinner dates just bc its less chaotic and feels less rushed but that's just me

May 9, 2021 - 3:52pm

Unfortunately as guys, we expect the girl to at least offer to split, but ultimately we have to pay the bill or we'll feel like shit. Cause whether you like it or not, there are ton of girls that won't call for a second date if they have to split. But I appreciate that you do split, although that's definitely not the norm these days.

  • Intern in IB - Gen
May 10, 2021 - 6:32pm

Drumpfy

Keep dreaming mate, women like guys who are 1-5 years older but not 40 year olds.  And most girls outgrow casual sex with random blokes by around 27, with a steady decline after freshman year of college.

as a girl this is correct

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