How to sleep anywhere anytime 101
I'm back from Vegas in one piece, chumps. Thanks a lot for those sordid invitations in my inbox courtesy of your blackout selves. I think I met a couple of you, and I know for sure from the unspeakable smell of my clothes that I met some of your working female "friends."
Extra special thanks to the idiot who told me to bet against the US Women's National Soccer Team, who said it was a sure thing because he has an "inside source" (note to self: did he mean banging that insufferable goalie (?)). I was just coked out enough to say "YOLO" and do it, now I've got lunch money and a replacement shirt fund for the next year and a half. So that's fucking sick.
Except today it's back to work, and as you can easily imagine, I haven't spent more than 30 minutes in a bed in over a week. Which brings me to my topic du jour.
Though I very much appreciated @Alistair-Clark" 's Stimulants 101 post, if you actually need tips on how to stay awake you are never going to hack it in this jungle. Caffeine, Adderall, ephedrine. Snort every powder, shake every weight, climb every mountain. Beginner's stuff. I thought I'd add to the discussion a little primer on the opposite goal: how to squeeze every drop of sleep out of a 24-hour period that you possibly can.
DISCLAIMER FOR WHINERS: This is what works for me. What works for you might be to quit the business.
1) Polyphasic sleeping - Instead of lunch, I take a 1 hour nap. Instead of breakfast, I take pre-workout, then a 20 minute nap before it kicks in. Instead of after-work drinks, I walk into a bar, rip a few shots in rapid succession, and go straight home for a nap.
If you get used to sleeping in several small chunks instead of one slightly less small block at night, you can stretch those out as fits your schedule and spend some of the time your compatriots are in bed doing squat thrusts, listening to Slayer, screaming about your dominance to an empty gym.
2) Sunglasses - This only works in the morning, on reasonably sunny days. If I come into work on a sunny morning wearing sunglasses, I can get away with a ten minute nap at my desk before I start work. Risky business, but I've got brass balls and self-absorbed coworkers.
3) Bathroom breaks - If you can train yourself to sleep sitting up whilst ignoring the smell of shit, you can get up to 20 extra minutes of sleep in 6-7 minute phases in the bathroom. NOTE: you won't be able to use this time to actually shit, so adjust your diet accordingly.
4) ASMR.
Get with the motherfucking program and pass out to this shit every night.
What else you got, monkeys? Any underhanded means of stealing sleep time from your work time? Any weird body hacks? Any of you asleep right now, still somehow able to post online?
How the fuck can anyone communicate with that woman in the video? I'd constantly be asking her to repeat herself.
How to sleep anywhere anytime:
Step 1. Have narcolepsy
The sleeping habits differ for individual to individual and staying awake for a long time may sometimes prove to be harmful.
Many offices have a quiet room or prayer room. Small room with dim lighting, lockable door and often with a comfy chair.
Work out where it is, then go pray to the god of sleep.
Make people think you're a Muslim and have to pray 5 times a day. You'll get to sleep in the office during the day, but of course, you'll also be arrested as a suspect when some terror attack strikes nearby, at which point you just Shalom your way out.
This advice is money.
LOL ... i just peed a little!!!!
prayer room ftw
nosy associate: "oh, didnt know you were religious every day from 3:08 to 3:27pm"
me: "none of your fucking business"
I was using the mother room for a while - always a lock until you wake up to your VP milking herself
Did this actually happen?
I hope you offered to help ...
.
how much is a microdose?
.
What a post, these never fail. Thanks for Tuesday laughs
If you can't spare 6 hours a day recharging your batteries I think your wiring might be off
Is she rubbing your temples yet ?
As an ex-Navy Seal assassin trained at in-depth Gorilla Welfare, I'm able to sleep w/ my eyes open and without the aid of medication. I learned most of my skills through Monk (that's his name), you can find him on his wheelchair, collecting subscription fees at the bottom of the escalator to the 4,5,6 trains in Grand Central.
A cocaine and other drugs addict that bets on everything.
Everything that gives a bad rep to Wall Street in one post.
spoilsport
Half to a third of a bottle of dream water does wonders if you are looking for a 20-30 minute nap. shit has tryptophan and melatonin in it. *Not a doctor. don't play one on TV, get some REM cycles you degenerates.
Thanks for sharing!!
this. video. brutal. hahahahaha
Well, Lack of sleep may result in many side effects like mood swings, irregular heartbeats, increased stress and much more. There are many tricks which help you to sleep easier one of them strange trick is wearing Wholesale Sunglasses. It will be key to better sleep Because it might help our brain to relax after too much exposure to light.
tricks for falling asleep (Originally Posted: 04/29/2013)
having a hard time falling asleep at night. go to bed around midnight but don't fall sleep till 2 am-3am. I'm not stressed or anything, don't owe money etc. Just can't seem to fall asleep.
i'm sure some of you are under some serious pressure or are worried about work stuff. Any tricks on falling asleep? i drank warm milk and that didnt work. I counted sheep and that didn't work. I also tried having sex with my girlfriend, but that only works once a year
u sleep with her once a year? I'm sorry.. toooo funny lmao
Go to the gym and pretend to work out
get into the habit of working out after you wake up in the morning
Actually, this is a good question. If you work in markets, but you're normally a night owl... any tips so that you can reliably fall asleep by 10pm?
Melatonin 2.5mg http://www.amazon.com/Source-Naturals-Melatonin-Orange-Tablets/dp/B0001…
It works great.
Does it wear off after a while?
CFA studying/ benadryl/ knock some beers back... or combo of all 3
Golf reruns.
body scan meditations, learned how effective that was for falling asleep during my PHIL305 Buddhism course.
My old roommate had this problem really badly. A doctor told him to take cold showers before he went to bed, that as your body heats up you get sleepy (I guess heart rate decreases, blood pressure decreases, I don't know the science) but now he swears by it...
"don't owe money"
I loled hard at this.
Also, you're asking the wrong people, because bankers could fall asleep standing up if there weren't any spreadsheets that needed formatting.
Just another day at the water cooler:
http://www.youtube.com/embed/wnyaemfN_XI
think about a black page or count sheep. On the more serious note a good workout will tire you to the point that you will sleep like a baby.
i usually have a beer and wait half an hour
Get a job in finance. You will have to work to stay awake.
Melatonin 3mg
dude, rub one out. rub two out if you have to. thats the best trick i use when i need to nap and cant fall asleep. leme knw if that doesnt work... lolll
Lol agreed but my gf always slaps my dick and says "eww stop it. Ur shaking the bed"
Start working out at some point in the day. Also, this one is kind of weird, but try not wearing anything to bed. Finally: don't change your bed sheets too often. At most... once every three weeks
I would say you're third suggestion is weirder than the second.
http://www.fourhourworkweek.com/blog/2008/01/27/relax-like-a-pro-5-step…
Some of those are good tricks.
I'm a horrible night owl. I will literally sit up all night reading stupid stuff until the sun comes up. If I feel like I'm learning something new, I just get really focused and the Internet is endless, so that doesn't make for a great combination when I have work in the morning.
A couple things to try...(1) breathing. I know it sounds weird, but consciously focus on slowing down your breathing. Some people use a sleep clock/light that shines on the ceiling and allows you to pace yourself and they will swear by it. Your breathing naturally slows down when you sleep, so I suspect that your just jump starting the sleep process for your body. (2) Put yourself on a decent bedtime schedule. Sometimes you just have to trick your body into doing what you want. It used to be that, if I wasn't tired, I would just sit on my laptop and read. Unfortunately, as I pointed out above, that rarely makes me sleepy. What I've learned to do is cut off all my activity by a certain time. Lately it's been between midnight and 1am. I lay down in bed with my phone and play a silly, simple game that doesn't take much effort...something like solitaire or Sudoku or solitaire battleship, etc. This works really well for me. I'll lay down, not tired at all, and withing 20 minutes my eyes will be so heavy I usually end up dropping the phone on my face...which sucks, but it's better than being up all night. (3) The melatonin route works really well for me as well and supposedly isn't anywhere near as bad for you as more sleep medicine.
Other than that, working out, as others have suggested, can help keep your body regulated. You should also look up Delta's YouTube channel and watch the video they have on jet lag. I don't know all the details, but the premise has to do with jet lag being a result of a misalignment of various aspects of our body. You might have to do a little experimenting on your own, but figuring out what time you should be awake and exposed to light, etc. might help keep everything in rhythm which might facilitate falling asleep at night. I'm not a scientist or doctor, but the points they make seem credible and might, at least partly, explain how I can feel great if I wake up at 7am or 8am but groggy if I get up at 9am or 10am.
Regards
Good sex and sports will tire you and put you to sleep!
Also, I forgot to mention that I fall asleep to a 'relaxation' track on my computer that's like an hour and a half long. Some people have great success with other types of noise...white, brown, pink, etc. There are websites you can use that just play white noise and they offer adjustments, etc. Also one that just plays rain and thunder. I found this great track on Amazon that was vetted by some other folks who said it doesn't contain any loud noises. Apparently they mix up these sounds for these meditation tracks but every once and a while you get some loud crash of waves or thunder, etc. which might end up waking you up. I haven't experienced that with this track. I will say the other benefit of the track over the websites I've seen is that it plays for the set amount of time and then stops. The websites, I imagine, will play all night, which I could see eventually waking me up...sorta like leaving your TV on...great to fall asleep to but then you have to get up and turn it off when it wakes you up in an hour. For $0.99 it's a steal...
http://www.amazon.com/Natural-Music-For-Sleep/dp/B003ZVCYG4/ref=sr_1_7?…
I suffer from ADD and have a hard time watching TV because it's not stimulating enough...I guess. Literally, I have to be on my phone or laptop just to watch a TV show...it's insane. Anyways, I think for me, listening to the track is like a subconscious way of keeping my mind busy enough while I doze off, instead of laying in bed analyzing why I can't fall asleep and calculating the number of minutes I could sleep if I fell asleep instantly, etc.
Regards
I have the same issue. I've tried melatonin; does nothing. Benadryl does nothing and makes me trip.
Honestly, all that works is weed. But I stopped smoking weed because it makes me lazy.
i usually prop my ipad up on a pillow next to me, watch an episode of the office, always sunny, or family guy. Then put on a second one and close my eyes. It works with any show that you've seen many times. Most times you can kinda visualize whats going on anyway, and theres no need to actually watch it. and then the ipad shuts off on its own after the episode is over due to inactivity
Another thing that works for me if I'm physically tired but can't sleep because I have things on my mind is to watch The Science Chanel, History Chanel, etc.
If you have DirecTV, it's 284, 276, and 277.
I'll watch Through the Wormhole with Morgan Freeman and let his sweet, sweet voice caress me to sleep.
Also, stuff like Modern Marvels and How It's Made works wonders. Nothing like a 20-minute walk-through of a snowboard assembly line to put you to sleep.
They have shows about the history and science of Chanel?
All kidding aside, have you tried a glass of wine? I find that being that tired and having just a bit of alcohol makes me incredibly sleepy.
Lay off the bam bam after 5pm
I got home yesterday at 5 am and the last time i saw the time was around 6 am. The problem with pills is I don't think I can wake up with 2-3 h of sleep. Reading has worked for me in the past and I use the 3 alarms trick...
The least I slept once, given that I couldn't do an allnighter was 45 minutes, shower and got back to work just in time
http://www.bulletproofexec.com/category/sleephacks/
I found a new one:
Reading people LinkedIn bios. The less indentation used, the better.
Must Know Beauty Sleep Tips (Originally Posted: 02/26/2011)
Sleep is essential to keeping you physically and mentally healthy. If you really want the full benefits of real beauty sleep, it’s important to incorporate exercise every day. Even twenty minutes of walking can help keep stress hormones from interfering with your sleep. Avoiding large meals just before bedtime is also a good idea; an active digestive system can disrupt sleep.
thx for the fasion advice bro!
doesn't help if you were born ugly
Eat healthy and drink enough water
Eat healthy!
Also, if you are really interested in being well rested get total body health by eating all raw. but i know, what is quite extreme. you wont need much rest to feel rested though. just saying.
Winning!
I rub one out every night and I feel well rested the next morning.
digestive enyzmes
Walking for 20 minutes each day... Are there really people who don't do that??!!
Thanks bro
I miss man week already....
eddie is gunna be so disappointed when he gets back...
How do you deal with Insomnia? (Originally Posted: 12/23/2016)
Read this on WSJ the other day: "The Worst Kind of Insomnia". This got me wondering how other monkeys have dealt with insomnia in the past.
I personally really enjoy the f.lux app for both phone and my mac, and have experienced noticeabley less tired eyes and readily recommend it. Thoughts?
Can you copy and paste the article? I dont have a sub to WSJ
You get free access to WSJ through Google. Search for the title of the article.
If you have ımsomnia you should See a doctor firstly . It can cause serious problem ıf you delay it . You shouldn't sleep during day . You can listen soft and relaxing music before sleeping . Try sleep without thinking or think good thinks . Your sleeping place is important . If you can't sleep in your bedroom you can make some changes .
I'm very irritated by the awkward spacing before the period random capitalization of letters. Are you a robot?
"Try sleep without thinking or think good thinks"
eloquently said
1 + a couple of brews and some protein..
your body will overrule your brain even if you have been stuck doing menial shit all day and your brain is not tired...
Repeating what other people have said here, but melatonin really helps with putting you to sleep, and keeping you asleep. With that being said, there have been some nights where I took melatonin and woke up in the middle of the night, and would struggle for hours to go back to sleep.
NyQuil or Benadryl
NyQuil destroys your liver. Don't use that shit as a sleep aid.
Weed and alcohol. And I'm not playing. When its time to go to bed, it's normally after 2 glasses of red wine and a bowl.
i dont recommend weed just because you wont be as mentally sharp for 1-2 days
get dog shit hammered before bed
I fight off insomnia with sleep. Works like a charm, would recommend 10/10.
gaba, valerian root + melatonin
microdose of melatonin does wonders
Find the perfect drinking balance where you've had enough to be tipsy and sleepy, but not enough to be hungover. Find that balance and never let go.
Get in a regular routine.
Exercise, a healthy diet and a routine are all very important for getting optimal sleep. What helped me dealing with those sleepless nights is that rest is not binary - you have very degrees of resting. If you're lying in bed with your eyes closed, even though you are not sleeping, you are getting some rest. The fact that I am still getting some rest in just by lying there with my eyes closed and focused on my breathing is very soothing. Next time you are getting stressed up when you can't sleep, try to keep in mind that resting is not a binary function.
Kava has been a life saver. Got a bad rep due to an unproven report of hepatoxicity, but this stuff will put your mind at ease just as well as a xan
Melatonine knocks me the fuck out. Like xamax knock out. I read it can be addictive so you're not supposed to take it all the time. I'd reiterate what has been said above. Get the TV out of the bedroom. Have some wine. Exercise. Stop the naps. Usually takes a couple tired days to break the cycle, but once you do, you'll pass right out once you hit the pillow.
Also, maybe learn to meditate or do yoga. Honestly, you shouldn't have insomnia as a young person. Wait until you are a middle aged dude with a family and mortgage to start stressing and staying up all night. Learn to not sweat the small stuff now or you'll be a ball of nerves once you get older and have really shit on your plate.
Reading this thread at 2AM after responding to the one titled "Whats your favorite coffee?"
Insomnia = good for banking (Originally Posted: 01/19/2011)
Is putting the fact that i'm an insomniac on my resume a good idea?
This is a semi serious question, but you can see what I'm asking (I hope)
Dude, insomnia's a fucking curse... Always joked that I'd be an excellent banker because of it though. Haha.
The fact that you would categorize this as a semi-serious questions leads me to believe that you have poor judgment and will get dinged in the 1st round when asked about the most recent books you have read you respond "Twilight Trilogy" because you thought honesty was the best policy! Keep that sht to yourself broooooo!
Umm...could be really bad.
You don't have control over your hours in banking, so the ability to fall asleep easily when you get home is actually a benefit. Worst thing I can ever imagine is working 100 hr weeks and not being able to fall asleep on top of that.
No don't put that on your resume!
Geez, people are so IB-centric that they're willing to tailor their sleeping disorders towards interview success? What next, touting bi-polar or post-war traumatic stress disorder?
Fierce
This post would've been pretty funny if you hadnt said you were semi-serious.
Come on man, do you really think putting things about your health on your resume are going to help you? You've made some pretty solid posts before which is why Im not tearing you a new one right now, you know better! :-p
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