I love prestige.

I chose everything in my life based on prestige. I begged my parents to pay 72k a year to attend my target elementary school (which I determined by researching 2 posts on WSO) and then went to a target high school because my target elementary school was a feeder for it. I was miserable and the girls were absolute goblins, but it was prestigious. Then I went to a prestigious university despite the shit weather, ugly girls, shit social life and shit athletics. I was even more miserable and the girls even more unbreedable.

Then I went to the most prestigious IBD group my dad's rolodex could get, which was PJT RSSG. I didn't know diddly squat about restructuring and I didn't have the brainpower to learn. I was a M&A boy, born and raised, but PJT RSSG was more prestigious. My dad wanted me to do LevFin, but I told him that LevFin was basically ECM which is basically back office. Then I went to Wharton because it had more prestige than H/S, despite S having better weather and better athletics, and H having hotter girls. I was literally a virgin until I paid my first prostitute at the age of 36 because there were no hot girls at my high school, college, PJT, Wharton and Apollo. Then I went to Apollo because it was the most selective and prestigious PE MF with the best comp, despite all of my friends going to KKR (including my crush, who was the only hot girl at Wharton).

Then I bought a house in the most prestigious neighbourhood of the most prestigious city (NYC) because I thought I'd be laughed by my friends if I lived somewhere like Hells Kitchen. Turns out, I don't fit in with my neighbours. Then I bought the most prestigious car, which I can't drive because I don't know how to drive manual. I was forced to buy (sorry, employ, forgot we can't buy them anymore) a chaffeur from the most prestigious chaffeur company (based on a tier list on WSO) in NYC. Then I went to the most prestigious gym, despite never having worked out a day in my life, because if someone went through my bank statements by chance, they would think I worked out at the most prestigious gym in the world. Then I found a girl from the most prestigious bloodline in North America to marry.

I still hold a grudge against her because the most prestigious bloodline in the world's girl was in Europe but my mother forbid me from marrying her, as she could not speak English. Then I put a baby in her via the most prestigious position (missionary), then she gave birth in the most prestigious way (Cesarian Section). Then I named my child one of the most prestigious names (Julius, Augustus, Hitler, Napolean, Alexander). Then I sent him off to my old elementary school because being a legacy is prestigious. My wife wanted to divorce me due to ny lack of self-esteem (that I shouldn't have at the age of 42), but I forced my dad to pay her off because a divorce isn't prestigious. Now she sleeps in a seperate bedroom. I then retired in the most prestigious method possible (through recieving consecutive strokes), thus ending my exalted and prestigious career. 
 

I estimate that my cumulative prestige points in my 66 long years adds up to 17,929,250. I would gladly sacrifice 20 years of my lifespan to increase the cumulative prestige points of mine by 15%. The doctors tell me I am dying of heart disease and I have 3 more days. My only regret is that I did not pursue prestige harder.

Farewell.

Comments (18)

Dec 6, 2021 - 9:21pm

I heard the only way to max out prestige is to take 3 giant loads of cum in the mouth each from a BB MD, MF PE MD and MF HF MD, gargle it, spit it into a pot, boil it with a virgins hair and chicken bones, pour it over a prism, and look through the prism at at days first light. Then, only then, will a God of prestige appear to you, bend over, spread its hairy ass cheeks revealing an asshole lined with gold that you can then proceed to aggressively fuck, I heard if you fuck it well enough Queen Elizabeth herself will briefly appear to titty fuck you while the ghost of her dead husband watches, at this moment you are having the most prestigious threesome. 

When you finish, the God will shit out an offer letter and fly away. Tears of joy fill your eyes as you read the header of the letter "J. Epstein & Co". The most prestigious financial services company to ever exist.

  • Intern in IB-M&A
Dec 7, 2021 - 4:20am

hahahahahahha i laughed so much at the first few lines and then when I stopped to give you a SB, I saw that someone found it Helpful and I laughed some more 

Dec 7, 2021 - 4:33am

Dear snmubakasudanafrikkaasszz,

I hope you are well.

Your post deeply resonated with me as I also love prestige. I am pursuing a career in pursuing prestige and your story inspires me.

I understand that you are dying but it would be an extremely prestigious achievement for me to be your last coffee chat.

Does 13:00 tomorrow at the hospital vending machine work for you? 

Thank you for your time!

Kind regards,

Intern

Dec 26, 2021 - 8:43pm

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