Just hit the desk - feeling terribleSubscribe
New analyst who just hit the desk last week. I feel like shit. I feel like there's so much coming at me all at once. New, complicated models and backups I'm trying to sift through, new admin stuff, group specific quirks and templates, all of this while trying to pump out correct slides and Excel outputs I'm barely understanding. No real help besides the few times I few comfortable asking my associate, who is extremely busy and always working on something. I can't look over another person's shoulder while they work on something because of WFH, can't just look over a cubicle wall, barely connected through text to my analyst class...
My biggest fear is becoming "that analyst", the mediocre one who no one really wants to work with, because it's such a burden to have to deal with his/her slow work rate along with the mistakes. I know the only way to way to get better is to make mistakes. I also know I put a lot of stress on myself and that it's only been a week and nobody expects an analyst to be good right away, but I can't shake this anxiety and constant dread of creating a hassle/disappointing someone above me or making others stay late to work with me, even though this hasn't happened yet (at least I hope not).
I feel physically ill at times and can't help but wonder if I'm just not cut out for this. I didn't intern at this firm but I did intern elsewhere and I didn't feel this same way. My current group isn't even considered a sweatshop by any means, and I know a lot of other analysts out there have it way worse.
I can't tell if what I'm feeling is normal or if I need a therapist or maybe I'm just a control freak who needs to have a handle on everything to feel comfortable. Anyone have any thoughts?
EDIT: Hey everyone, finally have my protected Saturday to read all of this. Honestly, writing this was quite cathartic and helped a lot to just see what I am feeling on a page. Thank you all for your suggestions and comments; it looks like a lot of people have felt/are feeling this same way. I will definitely be looking at this for guidance.