Maintaining a relationship during b-school

mbavsmfin's picture
Rank: Neanderthal | 2,393

I know this topic is not related to admissions so my apologies in advance if it's not in the right forum.

I am currently in a relationship with a great girl; we've been dating for about 2 years, and even though marriage is not something that's on my mind yet, i could definitely see myself marrying this girl. She applied to business schools during round 1, and I did applications for round 2, for mba as well as mfin. She was lucky enough to get into her first choice and already sent in her deposit, so there's no ambiguity on where she will end up this fall. On my end though, i'm interviewing, and if i don't get into that school i will have to go elsewhere. I also applied to a few european mfin programs, so depending on my options it could become a real long-distance thing.

Question and concerns. From what I have heard from different people, conventional wisdom seems to be that if you and your significant other are going to be in different schools, it's simply not going to work out. I think there's a term called "black friday" or "black october?" To what extent is this true? I would love to hear serious responses from people who may have been in similar situations.

Thanks a lot.

Region: 

Comments (127)

Feb 17, 2013

Depends on the strength of your relationship, trust in each other, communication etc. In general though it's always going to be a lot harder to maintain one where you barely ever see each other. You need to ask yourselves the following:

  • Do you trust each other to go out partying with the opposite sex with no "chaperone" (for want of a better word)?
  • Are you both willing to spend the time and money to fly out to see each other?
  • Can you both cope with just speaking on the phone for a few weeks / months at a time?
  • Can you feasibly see yourselves living together / close by again after business school or is this going to be long-term long-distance?
    • 2
Feb 17, 2013

just take a break for business school and if you guys both want to end up together after it will happen. Think of it as your last 2 years of freedom for the rest of your life and enjoy.

relationships can last, but the ones that are long distance in b school, they are few and far between....i saw several MARRIAGES crumble in b school. You are back in a fun / college atmosphere, so not having your significant other there to enjoy that with you is very tough.

it most definitely wont last if you are already worried about Black friday...i think you should also ask yourself why you think she is so willing to move away from you...has she encouraged you to apply to programs in the area or been more open to you being away?

If it's the latter I'd save yourself a lot of pain and anguish and have a mature conversation now about the future. so many people just roll through lives and stay in relationships because it's comfortable...not a good reason to be with someone. And you sound too young to get married, so at least you have your head straight there....

Best of Luck man!

    • 1
Feb 17, 2013
WallStreetOasis.com:

just take a break for business school and if you guys both want to end up together after it will happen. Think of it as your last 2 years of freedom for the rest of your life and enjoy.

relationships can last, but the ones that are long distance in b school, they are few and far between....i saw several MARRIAGES crumble in b school. You are back in a fun / college atmosphere, so not having your significant other there to enjoy that with you is very tough.

it most definitely wont last if you are already worried about Black friday...i think you should also ask yourself why you think she is so willing to move away from you...has she encouraged you to apply to programs in the area or been more open to you being away?

If it's the latter I'd save yourself a lot of pain and anguish and have a mature conversation now about the future. so many people just roll through lives and stay in relationships because it's comfortable...not a good reason to be with someone. And you sound too young to get married, so at least you have your head straight there....

Best of Luck man!

Thanks for this rather sobering and realistic assessment. Holy cow. You actually saw marriages crumble in b-schools?

Well, my gf is going to her first choice school, and she's obviously not going to alter that because of me, nor do i want her to. Ideally i will get in as well, and none of this would be an issue, but this has been burning in my brain lately.

I'm not going to lie; I'm definitely insecure about black friday. My feelings for her are a bit more intense than vice versa, but more to the point, I do worry that if we end up at different schools she's going to meet someone who's more successful than me and do a "trade-up". I know it's insecurity speaking here, but I would be lying if I said otherwise. Either way, I think we will need to have a serious conversation about this once I find out my results.

Feb 17, 2013
WallStreetOasis.com:

it most definitely wont last if you are already worried about Black friday...i think you should also ask yourself why you think she is so willing to move away from you...has she encouraged you to apply to programs in the area or been more open to you being away?

If it's the latter I'd save yourself a lot of pain and anguish and have a mature conversation now about the future. so many people just roll through lives and stay in relationships because it's comfortable...not a good reason to be with someone.

this. If you guys were really going to be married, you'd figure out a better arrangement. It's already done in my book...rip the band aid off and get it over with. 2 years is too long to be with someone who you're not sure about.

Feb 18, 2013
SirTradesaLot:
WallStreetOasis.com:

it most definitely wont last if you are already worried about Black friday...i think you should also ask yourself why you think she is so willing to move away from you...has she encouraged you to apply to programs in the area or been more open to you being away?

If it's the latter I'd save yourself a lot of pain and anguish and have a mature conversation now about the future. so many people just roll through lives and stay in relationships because it's comfortable...not a good reason to be with someone.

this. If you guys were really going to be married, you'd figure out a better arrangement. It's already done in my book...rip the band aid off and get it over with. 2 years is too long to be with someone who you're not sure about.

Real talk.

Feb 17, 2013

I have seen several girls trading down to a lower school to come with bf/husband. With exactly similar (or even slightly lower) profile, a female will always get in at better schools than male. Making the compromise is where the rubber hits the road (e.g. lets say both of you are career oriented, who will be the one giving up first to raise the kids. You need one to stay at home in most cases). But yeah, have seen breakups, including engagements haha.

Feb 17, 2013

This thread will be a good way to see what screen name Brady's using these days

Feb 17, 2013
FrankD'anconia:

This thread will be a good way to see what screen name Brady's using these days

What if Brady is really SirTradeAlot? the greatest plot twist in WSO history.

Feb 18, 2013
packmate:
FrankD'anconia:

This thread will be a good way to see what screen name Brady's using these days

What if Brady is really SirTradeAlot? the greatest plot twist in WSO history.

That would be awesome. Like rabbits!

After rereading what is undoubtedly the most entertaining thread in WSO history, it would be especially awesome if it was true.
http://www.wallstreetoasis.com/forums/e-mail-from-...

There are tons of highlights in this thread, but my favorite is the one between Brady4MVP and one of his known aliases 'derivatives'.

Feb 18, 2013

The fact that your GF didn't even discuss the matter of B-school with you kind of shows that you seem to care more about your relationship then she does. You just mentioned she wouldn't have altered her school choice because of you. Being in a relationship is about making sacrifices on both ends and if she was not willing to do it, then it goes to show she may not be the type of person you would want to spend your life with. Think about this. She may be a great person and you may have a lot in common, but there is more to it then that.

Feb 18, 2013
TeddyTheBear:

The fact that your GF didn't even discuss the matter of B-school with you kind of shows that you seem to care more about your relationship then she does. You just mentioned she wouldn't have altered her school choice because of you. Being in a relationship is about making sacrifices on both ends and if she was not willing to do it, then it goes to show she may not be the type of person you would want to spend your life with. Think about this. She may be a great person and you may have a lot in common, but there is more to it then that.

These are fair points.

1. I think the reason it didn't come up is because there is so much uncertainty since I do not have official admission results yet. I guess both she and I feel that we should address it once I know for a fact where I will be attending. As a side note, I was unable to apply round 1 due to some personal issues, and although she was willing to wait until round 2 for my sake, I told her to go ahead and get it over with since she was ready to apply then.

2. I agree that relationships entail sacrifices. But we're not married or engaged, and the type of sacrifice I would be asking her to make (assuming i don't get into that school) is simply too much and unfair to her professional ambitions. She worked hard to get in, so that is simply not an option.

Feb 18, 2013
mbavsmfin:
TeddyTheBear:

The fact that your GF didn't even discuss the matter of B-school with you kind of shows that you seem to care more about your relationship then she does. You just mentioned she wouldn't have altered her school choice because of you. Being in a relationship is about making sacrifices on both ends and if she was not willing to do it, then it goes to show she may not be the type of person you would want to spend your life with. Think about this. She may be a great person and you may have a lot in common, but there is more to it then that.

These are fair points.

1. I think the reason it didn't come up is because there is so much uncertainty since I do not have official admission results yet. I guess both she and I feel that we should address it once I know for a fact where I will be attending. As a side note, I was unable to apply round 1 due to some personal issues, and although she was willing to wait until round 2 for my sake, I told her to go ahead and get it over with since she was ready to apply then.

2. I agree that relationships entail sacrifices. But we're not married or engaged, and the type of sacrifice I would be asking her to make (assuming i don't get into that school) is simply too much and unfair to her professional ambitions. She worked hard to get in, so that is simply not an option.

Normally, I would agree with you, but you did say this "and even though marriage is not something that's on my mind yet, i could definitely see myself marrying this girl."

I would take a step back and reassess your situation. The fact that you are also scared she will meet someone else and fall in love while in school just shows she is not the type of girl you would want. Do you really plan on being with someone who can't trust to be loyal to you? You need to answer this on your own.

Feb 18, 2013

I think I'll be going through a similar situation later this year: my girlfriend is thinking about applying in the fall, and she's pretty set on only attending HBS or maybe GSB (top tier work experience, female, 3.9 from HYP, likely 750+). I'm also applying to business school this year, but there's a pretty good chance that I go 0 for 7 and join the Zero Admit Club (if I do get in anywhere, it'll probably be a school she wouldn't attend).

Should be an interesting year.

Feb 18, 2013

Dude stop being a little bitch. Every relationship is different. If you want to stay together then tell her that. If you don't want to, then tell her that. Don't break up pre-emptively with your potential future-wife for fear that she will dump you in business school. She won't dump you to trade up for a guy with a better job, but she might dump you for being a little bitch.

Feb 18, 2013
Banker88:

Dude stop being a little bitch. Every relationship is different. If you want to stay together then tell her that. If you don't want to, then tell her that. Don't break up pre-emptively with your potential future-wife for fear that she will dump you in business school. She won't dump you to trade up for a guy with a better job, but she might dump you for being a little bitch.

Plenty of successful women trade up; thousands of years of evolution dictates that women are looking for the "better" provider. I mean in my social circle here in NYC, i only know 1 woman who went to top schools, has a great job, and is dating a guy who went to a much worse school and makes less money than her. I understand that the social dynamics of NYC is different from most places in America, but the type of people going to top b-schools sort of share the big city professional culture ethos.

Feb 18, 2013
mbavsmfin:
Banker88:

Dude stop being a little bitch. Every relationship is different. If you want to stay together then tell her that. If you don't want to, then tell her that. Don't break up pre-emptively with your potential future-wife for fear that she will dump you in business school. She won't dump you to trade up for a guy with a better job, but she might dump you for being a little bitch.

Plenty of successful women trade up; thousands of years of evolution dictates that women are looking for the "better" provider. I mean in my social circle here in NYC, i only know 1 woman who went to top schools, has a great job, and is dating a guy who went to a much worse school and makes less money than her. I understand that the social dynamics of NYC is different from most places in America, but the type of people going to top b-schools sort of share the big city professional culture ethos.

On another thread, didn't you mention that you've received interviews from every program you've applied to? Why worry about other "what ifs" for next fall if all your apps are already going as well as they possibly could. As someone who is also currently applying to bschool, the process is stressful enough, if you go looking for other things to worry about you're just going to give yourself an ulcer. You know your girlfriend, and her proclivity to cheat, a lot better than anyone else on this board. Wait until you know what your options are until you preemptively worry about her breaking up with you.

Feb 18, 2013

Maybe you are just exaggerating and she isn't even going to dump you or cheat on you.

This happened to me once when the girl I dated went on a long-term (~ 1 yr) business trip. I was very worried and kept thinking if she would cheat or not. However, at some point I just realized (or I just got tired of these thoughts - not sure) that I can't do anything about it and I should just focus on other things that I genuinely enjoy.

After this my life became much easier, our relationship improved and we dated for 7 months more when she returned.

Feb 18, 2013

Ok, here is my experience. Hope it helps:

Started a relationship just 4 months before leaving my home university for an exchange semester in Hong Kong. I did lots of sacrifices like not going to out with friends because I had to skype my girl etc. It worked. Spent 3 awesome years with her. Then, another exchange semester in Taipei. It worked again. Came back home and spent one month of vacation with her. Then left the city after getting a FT position. Started to make plans of leaving together after her graduation, but she didn't like my new city (even if she NEVER said clearly that se didn't want to move here). We spent 5 awful months on a long distance relationship. Then I started to like one of my flat mates... We finally broke up and I started to date this new girl.

I am currently living with the new girl even if roughly dated for 9 months (as I mentioned, we had been flat mates before). Now, I'm considering B-school in Hong Kong. She says that she wants to continue with me and that she is ready for a 2 year long distance relationship. However, I've seen this before... and it doesn't always work...

Feb 18, 2013

Don't know you know that MBA stands for Married But Available? One or the soft white underbellies is that of the MBA is that you hear about all the marriages happening but not the ones falling apart. Or all the married or engaged who are hooking up with people other than your SO

If you like it then you better put a ring on it

Oh oh ohhh

Feb 18, 2013

Pipe City baby

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

Feb 18, 2013

Hi OP.

Do you believe in making decisions using the best information available ?

Are you aware of what the marriage law, and more importantly divorce law looks like in your state?

If no, consider question 1).

Reread it, look up the stats over recent years, ask divorced people if they thought it would happen to them, before they were married and remove that thought from your head.

Then reconsider marriage, and thank me later :)

Regards

le SkepTic.

Feb 18, 2013

From personal experience, you need to go ahead and cut it off, or tuck it between your legs and stay near her. I left to go to grad school, and we lasted until December; however, it would have been better just to cut it off when I left.

Feb 18, 2013

Waiting until round 2 to apply isn't much of sacrifice compared to not going to that school. If she truly cared about you then she would have been willing to alter her choice.

Feb 18, 2013
TeddyTheBear:

Waiting until round 2 to apply isn't much of sacrifice compared to not going to that school. If she truly cared about you then she would have been willing to alter her choice.

No, I was the one who told her to apply round 1. She was willing to wait, but she already had her materials lined up, gmat, recs, etc., and i just told her to go ahead and do it.

Feb 18, 2013

novice question, but does b-school actually take up that much time? obviously if you go to different schools in different cities, states, countries, continents, etc that is tough, but from what i've heard, b-school isn't nearly as time consuming as a full time job

Feb 18, 2013
snakeplissken:

novice question, but does b-school actually take up that much time? obviously if you go to different schools in different cities, states, countries, continents, etc that is tough, but from what i've heard, b-school isn't nearly as time consuming as a full time job

B-school basically is a full-time job, at least until you get an offer. The classes themselves aren't that bad, but you have to balance so many commitments and activities that you really learn how to prioritize what's important to you.

Feb 18, 2013

also, whe nthere is a girl with a boyfriend or fiance who isnt gonna be near and she is cute, a lot of the other single guys basically are like 'yeah shes going to get nailed by someone at xyz school mwahahaha that ish wont last! shmuck!'

real talk

Feb 18, 2013

I think you should consider the fact that if she's going to a top tier b-school chances are she'll be meeting some BSD bankers/highly successful people that are bound to catch her eye and inevitably make you pale in comparison. Chances are (if she's attractive) she will catch the eyes of some of these aforementioned BSDs. Throw in constant contact through classes, social gatherings, and alcohol, the chances of your relationship lasting two years of being hundreds, potentially thousands of miles apart are not very high.

The whole "trading up" debate is true. Please read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy

I wouldn't break up with her beforehand for fear of her finding someone else. That's probably foolish and a little immature, especially if you're serious about her. Let her know you'd like to stay together, discuss with her if you two want to be exclusive/take a break/etc. and go from there. Being a realistic optimist is ideal. Of course you'd want things to work out, but don't be overly surprised or devastated when they don't.

Feb 18, 2013
Silicon Economist:

I think you should consider the fact that if she's going to a top tier b-school chances are she'll be meeting some BSD bankers/highly successful people that are bound to catch her eye and inevitably make you pale in comparison. Chances are (if she's attractive) she will catch the eyes of some of these aforementioned BSDs. Throw in constant contact through classes, social gatherings, and alcohol, the chances of your relationship lasting two years of being hundreds, potentially thousands of miles apart are not very high.

The whole "trading up" debate is true. Please read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy

I wouldn't break up with her beforehand for fear of her finding someone else. That's probably foolish and a little immature, especially if you're serious about her. Let her know you'd like to stay together, discuss with her if you two want to be exclusive/take a break/etc. and go from there. Being a realistic optimist is ideal. Of course you'd want things to work out, but don't be overly surprised or devastated when they don't.

Your first paragraph effectively encapsulates my worries and insecurities about this.

Feb 18, 2013
Silicon Economist:

I think you should consider the fact that if she's going to a top tier b-school chances are she'll be meeting some BSD bankers/highly successful people that are bound to catch her eye and inevitably make you pale in comparison. Chances are (if she's attractive) she will catch the eyes of some of these aforementioned BSDs. Throw in constant contact through classes, social gatherings, and alcohol, the chances of your relationship lasting two years of being hundreds, potentially thousands of miles apart are not very high.

The whole "trading up" debate is true. Please read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy

I know someone dated a C-level executive at a consulting firm, but she decided to leave him for business school this year (for career progression purpose). Guess there are some girls falling out of your stereotype.

The Auto Show

Feb 18, 2013
huanleshalemei:
Silicon Economist:

I think you should consider the fact that if she's going to a top tier b-school chances are she'll be meeting some BSD bankers/highly successful people that are bound to catch her eye and inevitably make you pale in comparison. Chances are (if she's attractive) she will catch the eyes of some of these aforementioned BSDs. Throw in constant contact through classes, social gatherings, and alcohol, the chances of your relationship lasting two years of being hundreds, potentially thousands of miles apart are not very high.

The whole "trading up" debate is true. Please read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy

I know someone dated a C-level executive at a consulting firm, but she decided to leave him for business school this year (for career progression purpose). Guess there are some girls falling out of your stereotype.

Stereotypes are created because something happens a certain way frequently or most of the time. Obviously, there will be exceptions to any rule/stereotype.

Feb 18, 2013
huanleshalemei:
Silicon Economist:

I think you should consider the fact that if she's going to a top tier b-school chances are she'll be meeting some BSD bankers/highly successful people that are bound to catch her eye and inevitably make you pale in comparison. Chances are (if she's attractive) she will catch the eyes of some of these aforementioned BSDs. Throw in constant contact through classes, social gatherings, and alcohol, the chances of your relationship lasting two years of being hundreds, potentially thousands of miles apart are not very high.

The whole "trading up" debate is true. Please read: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hypergamy

I know someone dated a C-level executive at a consulting firm, but she decided to leave him for business school this year (for career progression purpose). Guess there are some girls falling out of your stereotype.

Sure, but hypergamy is a real phenomenon. I have seen this so many times amongst the girls I know. As I said in an earlier post, I only know 1 girl who is in a serious relationship with a guy who is of "lower" status, in terms of school and job. However, I have tons of guy friends who are uber successful but date girls who are in sales, marketing, nursing, teaching, etc. Hell I have one good friend from college who is now a PM at a major hedge fund, and his fiancee is a nanny who did not even attend college.

Feb 18, 2013

This is why you never want to be in a relationship with girls in the business world. They care more about career progression than relationships. I know a kid who was an SA at JPM and during this time he was dating a girl interested in banking. She was incredibly smart and not bad looking either. Anyways she worked at some boutique and convinced her BF to open up his connects at JPM. He really pushed for her and she was able to get a phone interview with an alum and eventually she got a FT offer. He was so happy since they were dating and now working together. Well none of that mattered since she broke up with him senior year.

Feb 18, 2013
TeddyTheBear:

This is why you never want to be in a relationship with girls in the business world. They care more about career progression than relationships. I know a kid who was an SA at JPM and during this time he was dating a girl interested in banking. She was incredibly smart and not bad looking either. Anyways she worked at some boutique and convinced her BF to open up his connects at JPM. He really pushed for her and she was able to get a phone interview with an alum and eventually she got a FT offer. He was so happy since they were dating and now working together. Well none of that mattered since she broke up with him senior year.

None of the women I know (reasonably well) who're going to business school (three of them, all around 25 and all at top tier schools) have any real plan to work in the "business" world for more than 3-4 years following graduation. Their likely career progression (at least for the attractive ones):

1) MBA
2) Work in consulting / investor relations / fashion shit / whatever for 2-3 years
3) Get married
4) Get a job at a non-profit somewhere in Manhattan
5) Start pumping out kids in late-20s / early-30s

Feb 19, 2013
holla_back:
TeddyTheBear:

This is why you never want to be in a relationship with girls in the business world. They care more about career progression than relationships. I know a kid who was an SA at JPM and during this time he was dating a girl interested in banking. She was incredibly smart and not bad looking either. Anyways she worked at some boutique and convinced her BF to open up his connects at JPM. He really pushed for her and she was able to get a phone interview with an alum and eventually she got a FT offer. He was so happy since they were dating and now working together. Well none of that mattered since she broke up with him senior year.

None of the women I know (reasonably well) who're going to business school (three of them, all around 25 and all at top tier schools) have any real plan to work in the "business" world for more than 3-4 years following graduation. Their likely career progression (at least for the attractive ones):

1) MBA
2) Work in consulting / investor relations / fashion shit / whatever for 2-3 years
3) Get married
4) Get a job at a non-profit somewhere in Manhattan
5) Start pumping out kids in late-20s / early-30s

This is precisely why admitting women to MBAs is a joke. If you admit a female to mba, there should be some sort of "poison pill" which gets activated if they drop out of workforce early or do bs jobs. The whole mantra we are educating future leaders and etc. is a fucking joke, when a significant portion will be overeducated housewifes.

"The HBS guys have MAD SWAGGER. They frequently wear their class jackets to boston bars, strutting and acting like they own the joint. They just ooze success, confidence, swagger, basically attributes of alpha males."

Feb 18, 2013
TeddyTheBear:

This is why you never want to be in a relationship with girls in the business world. They care more about career progression than relationships. I know a kid who was an SA at JPM and during this time he was dating a girl interested in banking. She was incredibly smart and not bad looking either. Anyways she worked at some boutique and convinced her BF to open up his connects at JPM. He really pushed for her and she was able to get a phone interview with an alum and eventually she got a FT offer. He was so happy since they were dating and now working together. Well none of that mattered since she broke up with him senior year.

I think women in general want to be with a man who is more successful than they are, at least when it comes to long-term relationships and marriage. It's the whole "provider" instinct that is the result of human evolution. This is not limited to women in finance.

Feb 19, 2013

Ok, the best arrangement I can think of for you is to break up with the girl for now. If she's making you insecure, she's going to make you even more insecure during and after MBA. Think about it, your girl may be cruising parties getting slammed by multiple BSDs every night during b-school and the imagery will kill you inside.

But, as a new single you can slay chicks in sales, marketing or whatever caters your ego. Everyone's happy.

The Auto Show

Feb 19, 2013
huanleshalemei:

Ok, the best arrangement I can think of for you is to break up with the girl for now. If she's making you insecure, she's going to make you even more insecure during and after MBA. Think about it, your girl may be cruising parties getting slammed by multiple BSDs every night during b-school and the imagery will kill you inside.

But, as a new single you can slay chicks in sales, marketing or whatever caters your ego. Everyone's happy.

Yup, that's definitely my worst nightmare. She gets swept off her feet by a tall charismatic alpha who worked at bain capital/blackstone/KKR before b-school.

As for me, I'm only into smart accomplished chicks. Looks alone don't really do it for me, so girls in sales, marketing, and so forth are not viable options.

Feb 19, 2013
mbavsmfin:
huanleshalemei:

Ok, the best arrangement I can think of for you is to break up with the girl for now. If she's making you insecure, she's going to make you even more insecure during and after MBA. Think about it, your girl may be cruising parties getting slammed by multiple BSDs every night during b-school and the imagery will kill you inside.

But, as a new single you can slay chicks in sales, marketing or whatever caters your ego. Everyone's happy.

Yup, that's definitely my worst nightmare. She gets swept off her feet by a tall charismatic alpha who worked at bain capital/blackstone/KKR before b-school.

As for me, I'm only into smart accomplished chicks. Looks alone don't really do it for me, so girls in sales, marketing, and so forth are not viable options.

Try to shift your focus from the girl to your own MBA/MFin application. I could be damn wrong, but it's very unlikely that smart/accomplished chick + possessive/insecure boyfriend = long-term/fulfilling relationship.

The Auto Show

Feb 19, 2013

If you get into M7 and keep your pre-MBA girlfriend, then you are an idiot. It's like getting into NFL\NBA\MLB and then still dating your high school sweetheart.

Move on buddy. Greater things await.

"The HBS guys have MAD SWAGGER. They frequently wear their class jackets to boston bars, strutting and acting like they own the joint. They just ooze success, confidence, swagger, basically attributes of alpha males."

    • 1
Feb 19, 2013

I'll leave you with one last thought....when in doubt, throw her out.

Feb 20, 2013
SirTradesaLot:

I'll leave you with one last thought....when in doubt, throw her out.

Ha. I suppose I could upgrade myself in b-school if things don't work out with her.

Feb 20, 2013
SirTradesaLot:

I'll leave you with one last thought....when in doubt, throw her out.

I think businessinsider's recent advice was more valid: "You may want to find your ideal romantic partner, but this is statistically unlikely to happen, so you should embrace regression to the mean"

Feb 20, 2013
Amphipathic:

"You may want to find your ideal romantic partner, but this is statistically unlikely to happen, so you should embrace regression to the mean"

Maybe, but the internet can potentially increase the chance of finding 'the one' by a few percentage points. Just met a great girl online, can't wait for her to move to my city.

Feb 20, 2013

"You'll lose a lot of money chasing women, but you'll never lose women chasing money"

Feb 21, 2013

use tinder

I eat success for breakfast...with skim milk

Feb 21, 2013

"Don't let yourself get attached to anything you are not willing to walk out on in 30 seconds flat if you feel the heat around the corner."

Harvey Specter doesn't get cotton mouth.

Feb 22, 2013

Dude, we are right now in the season of switching partners.

Feb 23, 2013

I didn't read all the comments so apologies if I'm repeating others. It can obviously work. I've seen classmates break up and others get married to their significant others. I've also seen gfs, bfs move halfway across the country to be with their SO while in b school. If you both have your heads on straight, be honest and trust each other, the 2 years will fly by. Obviously depends on strength of relationship and maturity level but it's definately not a foregone conclusion that it'll end in disaster. Long distance sucks and it's not always easy but the only way it won't work is if one of you doesn't want it to work.

Feb 23, 2013

I'd venture to guess that all these comments about destruction of relationships, cheating, etc. in bschool are more conjecture than from people that actually go/went to bschool. At school now, I'd say that about a third of my class has LD relationships. I don't see these crumbling. If anything, I've seen more engagements than breakups. Of course people go out and what not but its not like mind blowing crazy. I'd estimate that about 10% of students make up 100% of the gossip, and those 10% are the only ones even gossiping. The type of people that would breakup/cheat are they type of people that would do it irrespective of being in a LD relationship in bschool or the status quo.

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Feb 28, 2013
ke18sb:

I'd venture to guess that all these comments about destruction of relationships, cheating, etc. in bschool are more conjecture than from people that actually go/went to bschool. At school now, I'd say that about a third of my class has LD relationships. I don't see these crumbling. If anything, I've seen more engagements than breakups. Of course people go out and what not but its not like mind blowing crazy. I'd estimate that about 10% of students make up 100% of the gossip, and those 10% are the only ones even gossiping. The type of people that would breakup/cheat are they type of people that would do it irrespective of being in a LD relationship in bschool or the status quo.

This is a great post. I really hope it's true. I keep having nightmares of losing my girl to some alpha BSD who worked at a megafund PE firm before b-school.

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Dec 12, 2019
mbavsmfin:
ke18sb:

I'd venture to guess that all these comments about destruction of relationships, cheating, etc. in bschool are more conjecture than from people that actually go/went to bschool. At school now, I'd say that about a third of my class has LD relationships. I don't see these crumbling. If anything, I've seen more engagements than breakups. Of course people go out and what not but its not like mind blowing crazy. I'd estimate that about 10% of students make up 100% of the gossip, and those 10% are the only ones even gossiping. The type of people that would breakup/cheat are they type of people that would do it irrespective of being in a LD relationship in bschool or the status quo.

This is a great post. I really hope it's true. I keep having nightmares of losing my girl to some alpha BSD who worked at a megafund PE firm before b-school.

This is an underrated comment, SB'd

Mar 1, 2013
jr253:

...Long distance sucks and it's not always easy but the only way it won't work is if one of you doesn't want it to work.

ke18sb:

...The type of people that would breakup/cheat are they type of people that would do it irrespective of being in a LD relationship in bschool or the status quo.

I've got to disagree with these two points. Just think about the basic tenets of a relationship. Why are you with a person? Typically the answer is that you care about them, their well being and, more importantly, you enjoy their company and companionship. Knowingly going in two different directions is silly and to say that it will only not work out if someone doesn't want it to is naive.

What's the point of dating someone living across the country? If the point of a relationship is to spend time with a person and be with them for companionship, being in two different places for long stretches of time, especially when you are in a socially busy place like business school doesn't fulfill the initial urge you were satisfying. I also think it's a bit selfish for both people to expect to put the other person through the ringer with the 2 minute long late night phone calls, just so you guys can say you talked, etc. or skipping out on a happy hour so you can Skype, etc. And I realize that you should be willing to make sacrifices for the person you care about, but it's also a bit counterproductive to potentially miss out on networking opportunities, etc. while going to school with the express intent of elevating your status so you can take better care of the person on the other end of the phone.

There have been studies about people who cheat and conventional wisdom generally says that a guy cheats on his wife with a co-worker because they found the co-worker more attractive but the study showed that in the vast majority of the cases the husband thought the co-worker wasn't as physically attractive as their wife, but that the bond/relationship that developed as they worker late nights on the same project, etc. overcame the stereotype. And, if I recall, it was the opposite for women...which is ironic.

There is no denying that humans are animals and have urges that can only be suppressed for so long. Just look at how many women 'settle' because they are over 30 and 'need' to have kids.

And I'm not condoning cheating, but I think it's important to not put purposefully put yourself in a potentially bad situation, especially if you care about the other person.

OP, I would tell her how you feel and get her thoughts. If you are actually as insecure as you are coming across, it will only result in disaster because the situation isn't necessarily going to ever get better. If she's hot and accomplished and gets into a better school and possibly gets a better job post-MBA, then her job is going to be the next 'b-school' situation for you because there will be slightly older guys in more senior positions that went to a better school than you and who make more money than you and who have a better condo than you, might be in better shape or better looking, etc. And I'm not trying to be an ultra critical dickhead, because I've been there. I spent 4 years in the Army and was 4 years behind my peers when it came to school. My GF, who was 1 year younger, was a senior in college when I was a freshman. She applied to med school and got in. I dealt with the some of the same issues because here I was a broke college kid and she was hanging out with semi accomplished guys that had bachelors and masters degrees from well known institutions, on their way to being physicians and making good money, etc. And what I've come to realize is that my insecurity was mostly about me not being happy with where I was and feeling unaccomplished...which is why I said if you feel like you are dating up, even half a point, you might always worry. The small part of my insecurity came in part because I only knew a few of the guys she was hanging out with. Because they didn't know me, they didn't respect me and I knew that meant they would try to sleep with her and wouldn't care if it pissed me off or whatever. That's were that little office study comes into play. It's one thing for us to go out to a bar and some guy to come hit on her for a minute, it was another for the same guy to hit on her 4 times a week for 3 years. And she was a trustworthy girl, no doubt about it, but you just start to wonder what happens when everyone has been drinking and she lets her guard down...does she make a mistake? And it's going to really suck if you call her one night because you had a rough day or you miss her and want to talk and she hasn't to cut you off and tell you that she is working on a project for class and will have to call you back tomorrow. You are going to replay the conversation over in your head and ask yourself what that noise was in the background or that voice, etc. The way you are coming across at this point makes me thin you will deal with all of that if you guys are at different schools, so be honest with yourself and whether or not you can handle that.

With all that said, if I cared about her and thought there could be more, then I would certainly give it a shot, but wouldn't have much hope, especially because you seem more willing to put in the effort than she is.

Lastly, some food for thought. When I dated the girl from above, which last about 3.5 years, we talked about where she might be going to med school, where her internships were going to be, her residency, where she might practice afterwards, etc. and the thought was about what compromises could each of us make. Ultimately it didn't work out for some ancillary reasons, but the point is, we didn't wait for her to get into schools to talk about what sacrifices I would be willing to make to keep the relationship going, it was part of the discussion that guided decisions about where to apply and ultimately where to matriculate.

Best of luck.

Regards

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Mar 27, 2020

*The small part of my insecurity came in part because I only knew a few of the guys she was hanging out with. Because they didn't know me, they didn't respect me and I knew that meant they would try to sleep with her and wouldn't care if it pissed me off or whatever. *

This could be its own topic by itself. Since you are unlikely to work in the same company with your significant other.

Feb 28, 2013

It is true. But the way I followed up to some prospective student inquiring about it was that it is more fun to talk about all the crazy stories than all the ones that are just stable.

Feb 28, 2013
abacab:

It is true. But the way I followed up to some prospective student inquiring about it was that it is more fun to talk about all the crazy stories than all the ones that are just stable.

Do a lot of crazy stuff happen in b-school?

Feb 28, 2013
mbavsmfin:
abacab:

It is true. But the way I followed up to some prospective student inquiring about it was that it is more fun to talk about all the crazy stories than all the ones that are just stable.

Do a lot of crazy stuff happen in b-school?

Does getting your cock pierced count as crazy?

Feb 28, 2013

If you have any close friends currently in MBA, just ask them. Here is one: Teammate hooks up with another teammate's wife. Obviously that marriage didn't last.

If you want to try it, do it and just see how things go. It's not like you will skip MBA and move to Boston or something just for her if your option is in Chicago or Philadelphia. Crazy shit happens, people know about it, and talk about it, and will make fun of it in front of large audience.

I have some classmates who kept it together LD, some who didn't (even if bf/gf in town). Some moved down to lower tier school to be with the other one, some who went different ways and survived. Some who live in different apartments, and some together. Some had husband/wife/fiance/bf/gf move with them even if they are not going to school. It's all over the map and you can't predict. There was no falling over Prince Charming though.

Mar 1, 2013

Interesting post but sounds like more sour grapes from your own experience. As I've said numerous times, literally like 25% of the people in my class have LD relationships and a ton have gotten engaged since school.

Mar 1, 2013
ke18sb:

Interesting post but sounds like more sour grapes from your own experience. As I've said numerous times, literally like 25% of the people in my class have LD relationships and a ton have gotten engaged since school.

Are you at a M7 school?

Mar 1, 2013

Cph, good post, and thanks for sharing that personal information with us. I appreciate your candor. l

The story about those med students looking down on you is very unfortunate but sadly indicative of how the world works. This is one reason why I made sure to attend a prestigious college and now hopefully a prestigious grad school. I want to make sure that people don't look down on me in those types of social situations.

Mar 1, 2013
mbavsmfin:

Cph, good post, and thanks for sharing that personal information with us. I appreciate your candor. l

The story about those med students looking down on you is very unfortunate but sadly indicative of how the world works. This is one reason why I made sure to attend a prestigious college and now hopefully a prestigious grad school. I want to make sure that people don't look down on me in those types of social situations.

Just curious: are you Brady4MVP? There are some striking similarities in how you think about the world.

Mar 1, 2013
SirTradesaLot:
mbavsmfin:

Cph, good post, and thanks for sharing that personal information with us. I appreciate your candor. l

The story about those med students looking down on you is very unfortunate but sadly indicative of how the world works. This is one reason why I made sure to attend a prestigious college and now hopefully a prestigious grad school. I want to make sure that people don't look down on me in those types of social situations.

Just curious: are you Brady4MVP? There are some striking similarities in how you think about the world.

No, I'm not brady, but he's a good friend of mine. He's actually heading to a top b-school this fall and is doing quite well.

Mar 1, 2013

If Brady = OP, that would make my comment from a couple weeks back extremely ironic.

Mar 2, 2013

Brady went to Hult.

Mar 19, 2013
wannabeaballer:

Brady went to Hult.

Nah, Thunderbird.

Mar 19, 2013

Do you plan on marrying this girl? If you guys aren't already very serious about marriage, you need to do what is best for you. There are no guarantees in relationships and you don't want to look back at your life and ask any "what ifs." The worst thing would be if you stunted your development and then she leaves you.

Mar 19, 2013

At your age, career > girlfriend. I know it's tough at the time, but never, ever sacrifice your future earnings for a girl. If she can't grasp that this is what's best for you, she's not worth it.

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Mar 19, 2013

I know a number of marriages that didn't survive business school or only survived by a thread. Granted an MSF isn't quite the same level of partying as an MBA but unless you're going to marry her she is probably right about it being the end of the relationship.

Mar 19, 2013

Oh shit, so being married in business school next fall and having a wife with a baby at home means I'm F&$#D?

Array

Mar 19, 2013

My girlfriend of a year and a half and I have basically already agreed that if I go to business school anywhere but locally we will probably at least be in "break" mode. No chance I'm moving to a new city and trying to do long distance and I'm just being realistic about that with her up front.

Mar 19, 2013

I think it's true that many long-term relationships don't survive the MBA, but to be fair (and based on my experience), these are generally couples that wouldn't have lasted anyway. Plenty of people deal fine with the distance (it was my case).

Anyway, it was much better for me to live on my own and take full advantage of the experience rather than having to stumble home drunk early morning on weeknights while the gf works the next day haha.

Mar 19, 2013

What's more important right now? career or girl? Chances are if you move away, long distance won't work anyways!

Mar 19, 2013

I've only been dating her for 6 months...

it's a hard decision.. I realize money isn't everything, but I feel that in the future I'll need the masters to progress. My company is allowing me to relocate my job to do the program as well (I make 60K so no loans for living costs). They are also providing 11,000 towards the degree.

I went to a no name state school, and when I speak to executives I'm embarassed when the conversation moves to what school we attended. Doing the MSF at a name brand school would help move my career forward I think.

Mar 19, 2013
Withoutapaddle:

I've only been dating her for 6 months...

This says it all...

Withoutapaddle:

it's a hard decision.. I realize money isn't everything, but I feel that in the future I'll need the masters to progress. My company is allowing me to relocate my job to do the program as well (I make 60K so no loans for living costs). They are also providing 11,000 towards the degree.

I went to a no name state school, and when I speak to executives I'm embarassed when the conversation moves to what school we attended. Doing the MSF at a name brand school would help move my career forward I think.

This sounds like a really good opportunity. She sounds a bit self-centered. As others on the thread have said, if it is going to work, it will.

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Mar 19, 2013
Withoutapaddle:

I've only been dating her for 6 months...

it's a hard decision.. I realize money isn't everything, but I feel that in the future I'll need the masters to progress. My company is allowing me to relocate my job to do the program as well (I make 60K so no loans for living costs). They are also providing 11,000 towards the degree.

I went to a no name state school, and when I speak to executives I'm embarassed when the conversation moves to what school we attended. Doing the MSF at a name brand school would help move my career forward I think.

Try explaining this to her if you haven't already. If she still acts like you're abandoning her, she's being unreasonably selfish and will likely hold you back from even more future opportunities. Like others have said, unless you seriously see yourself marrying her than it's best to move on and focus on your career. Also, she seems kinda controlling if she's already planned out where and when she wants you to do your master's only 6 months into your relationship. I mean, to actually get upset when you don't stick to her plan because a better option came up is irrational.

Mar 19, 2013

6 months? You probably own dress shirts that are older than your relationship... please do not consider her in your decision making unless you're sure you are going to marry her.

The answer to your question is 1) network 2) get involved 3) beef up your resume 4) repeat -happypantsmcgee

WSO is not your personal search function.

Mar 19, 2013

That doesn't seem to be a reasonable reaction; you're mentioning this almost a year before a move would have to be made.

Has she started this local masters? Whereabouts is local, and why would her PHD be for? If she is really asking you to wait 4-6 years for her before making your next career move, she is cray cray. I doubt it would be grad school's fault if you broke up while doing distance; working while long distance would be a bigger challenge in my opinion

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Mar 19, 2013

She's starting the masters in September 2016. The PHD is going to be in english education (she's a high school teachers and wants to teach education at the college level). We live in Charlotte.

She's doing the degree part time so it'll take her three years to complete.

Mar 19, 2013
Withoutapaddle:

She's starting the masters in September 2016. The PHD is going to be in english education (she's a high school teachers and wants to teach education at the college level). We live in Charlotte.

She's doing the degree part time so it'll take her three years to complete.

Got it. You absolutely should not wait for her to complete all of this before you start making moves to advance your career. 3 years doing a master's, then another few years for a PHD? No way

You SHOULD look at doing a local MSF program (among others) so that you can have that option if you guys are still together by then. That's the give and take over being in a relationship. I'm not an expert on MSF programs, but Duke, UNC, and Wake Forest are all within 2 hours of Charlotte.

Planning longer than that is a little fuzzy, but there are plenty of places in this country for her to pursue her PHD and teach. She can follow you if you take a post MSF job that isn't local. You'd only end up doing distance i the gap between you finishing your MSF and her finishing her master's, and that's only if you end up leaving.

Mar 19, 2013

People who are very serious and loyal are willing to deal with distance with no associated bullshit. Some (i.e., few) are willing to make it work, but most aren't. You have to ask yourself if long distance is possible for you and whether it's possible for her, based on what you can reasonably estimate by knowing her thus far. Based on her reaction, then probably not.

The ideal broad (someone who could turn into a wife if marriage is your thing) would be supportive of your career ambitions and willing to do whatever it takes to make the relationship work, even if there are some spells of long-distance involved.

Mar 19, 2013

The more I think about it the more it makes sense to go. In 18 months, I'd have a top 50 University on my resume; while getting the masters degree out of the way. It's free, and I get to keep my salary. The cost of living in the area is cheaper than Charlotte, so that's more I'd be putting away in savings.

I appreciate the advice, and welcome more of it.

Mar 19, 2013

Basic way to look at this is why is her academic/professional career more important than yours? That is more or less what she's saying. And, good luck to her in somehow getting a tenured university spot as an English prof, which will still barely pay the bills. If you are to end up together, you will be paying the bills. Why would she want to hurt your earning potential by limiting your grad school options?

Mar 19, 2013

Personally I don't see you and her going to the same school at the same time. Sounds way too difficult for that to happen. I mean what if you get in Wharton but she doesn't get in a phd program in Philadelphia? See what I mean?

Mar 19, 2013

if you really love each other, no grad school or anything else will seperate you

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Mar 19, 2013

Go to school and add to your body count

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Mar 19, 2013

Sorry dude but if that is how she reacts about this rather small issue, I don't even want to start thinking about how she's react to actual issues in the future....maybe it's just me, but her reaction would be a deal breaker for me....if you two think you have a future together, her response should be to discuss with you if this is the best opportunity for your combined future and then figure out a way to make it work.

Mar 19, 2013

It sounds like she wants you to financially support her throughout her schooling. She's a career student looking for a chamomile tea ending. That's what it sounds like to me.

Having said so, give her a day or two and then talk about it again. Maybe she was just surprised and a little flustered. It is afterall a big change, moving, both of you at school and she'd have to apply somewhere else etc.

Mar 19, 2013

if there's a chance to work out, I'm sure you can explore more. Don't just say you flipped out or she flipped out, alright. Did you ask her when you apply, receive admits for the MSF offer? If she doesnt anticipate it then hell I would flip out.

Both of you need to give in a little. You shouldn't be stupidly waiting for her PhD, because "she wants".
for the same reason she shouldn't let you do MSF without mutual agreements.

Mar 19, 2013

hell, don't be in a relationship if you're not committed. if you're committed, then consider her. this is just my personal opinion. you may view single girls as commodity, but girlfriends are not exactly so.

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Mar 19, 2013

Wallstreetoasis is literally the last place I would go for relationship advice.

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Mar 19, 2013

@John-Doe8"

Unfortunately, Wake Forest only has a part-time MBA program for 77K in Charlotte. Duke and UNC would be options, but I'd have to leave work to complete the degree. NC State has a Master of Statistics online, but I don't think future managers or companies will respect an online degree.

The biggest benefit of me going to do my Master of Finance, is that I'd technically being doing the program full-time (Night classes and using my lunch for class) on campus. It's also free and I get to keep my job.

Mar 19, 2013

What school would you be going to? I'm a bit lost now....if it's local and you'd still be working and living where you are, why is she saying you are leaving?

Mar 19, 2013
Withoutapaddle:

@John-Doe8

Unfortunately, Wake Forest only has a part-time MBA program for 77K in Charlotte. Duke and UNC would be options, but I'd have to leave work to complete the degree. NC State has a Master of Statistics online, but I don't think future managers or companies will respect an online degree.

The biggest benefit of me going to do my Master of Finance, is that I'd technically being doing the program full-time (Night classes and using my lunch for class) on campus. It's also free and I get to keep my job.

that MSF isn't even highly ranked, dude let's have @TNA to give an opinion..
UNC has online MBAs you never probably looked at?

I don't think a subpar degree is any better than an online degree.

All in all this is becoming a Stupid topic.

Mar 19, 2013

It's the University of Delaware. I'd be leaving Charlotte, and relocating my position to Delaware in order to complete the MSF

Mar 19, 2013

100K for an online MBA is not a smart decision, not including interest. UDEL's program may not be the best, but the degree is free and I get to keep my job.

Mar 19, 2013

funny how you say that. 100k for online MBA may be well worth it, depending on situations. How you generalized it is a horror

if opportunities are less than your willingness-to-pay, then keep buying. Since you're always cool with free degrees, might as well shop around and get 10.

if it doesnt raise you up, what's the point lol? just because you got a master's when others only have undergrad from ivy leagues?!

Mar 19, 2013

You really think an Ivy League degree is all you need? A degree from an Ivy League opens more doors for your first job that's it. After that it's based on work experience and who likes you. Something you can't buy is a good personality, and sorry to bust your hard on for the Ivy League but they tend to be a big factor in getting hired. Perceptions are everything in the corporate world, and a college degree is one box of many that need to be checked to get far in you career.

I'm an AVP at 26 and on track to be a VP at 28/29, so leaving my job would be stupid. Not everyone coming out of a top program makes 100k, so why would I risk a situation where I'm on track to make that without getting bent over my student loans.

Mar 19, 2013

EXACTLY. Then a mediocre master's wouldn't help you much anyways because you're already employed. I don't think that MSF buys you personality or anything useful that you aforementioned, except useless ego boosts.

you said you earned your BS at a no-name school. but burning your fumes on UDEL might just kill your chances to get the better brand names that you deserve. UDEL will be happy to take you in, because they'd welcome stupid ivy-caliber students to come in, be a future benefactor, and they don't even need full-ride scholarships to lure him in!

UDEL is not a M7 or top 25 or top 50 b-school, thus not a strong alumni network. If you are really that spectacular, you can at least find a better program. I didn't tell you to do full-time MBAs, I suggested part-times and online options. But you hate the price tags because you want an arbitary payback period of 0.

You don't have the same profile as typical MSF... they often have neither a job nor relevant experiences. MSF also don't give you general management training - do you expect C-levels to be crunching spreadsheets like analysts? you may lack neither skills nor experience. might as well save yourself the money and put more hours in work to keep your career going faster. then you can do exec MBAs (read: easy MBA) on company's dime and finish your name-brand complex. but still, if you wanna do that MSF with a subpar NPV, by all means go for it. best of luck.

Mar 19, 2013

I can't tell you what to do with your relationship but I CAN tell you that going to the University of Delaware would be a horrendous mistake.

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