My dad has a mistress. Should I tell my mom?

Tell her.

Shit man, sorry - that sucks. How is their relationship otherwise?

I can tell that you already feel guilty not having told her yet - it's definitely the right thing to let her know about it, but don't do it until you have put A LOT of thought into how to go about it (i.e. she is going to need a lot of support and you don't want her freaking out and doing crazy shit). Tell her best friend/sister, etc like 5 hours before you tell your mom.

If you don't tell her, everything will not just "go back to normal," unfortunately.

shittttt....tell her but do above and maybe let her closest friends know right before so they are there for her when she falls

Or hold this over your father's head for awhile? Do you need a new car? something similar?

No matter how attractive a girl may be their is some guy out there who is tired of fucking her.

Sorry man that sucks, because you are asking a near impossible question I can only answer like this:

Suppose you're flipping a coin to decide whether to tell or not to tell

You tell your mom (0.5)

A: Divorce (insert probability) B: Nothing happens (insert probability)

You don't tell her (0.5)

A: Divorce (insert probability) she finds out regardless B: Nothing happens (insert probability)

Multiply (.5) with the inserted probability and add them together you'll get your answer. hint: make a tree diagram

uhhhhhh hellloooooooo?! blackmail him...........

the reason why i say this is because your dad is putting you at risk in some form or another even if it doesnt look like it, whether it be psychologically, financially etc....you never asked for this risk, so make his ass pay. He is not thinking of his family, he is only thinking of himself. Dont worry about your mom dude, she'll get all the money she needs in the divorce, because it will come out sooner or later. No need to tell mom. As you can see, the ball is completely in your court.....

Dude, sign them up for the Jerry Springer Show and let them confront each other there.

Ok, just kidding.

Open your mouth and start talking to your parents. If your dad was in the hospital or took you to the zoo, you'd talk about it...this is no different. You're a family, this is what they do: talk to each other.

Literally anything may be the case, from cheating, to a one time affair, to your parents swinging...but you are a member of the family too. Just be careful about jumping to conclusions, and make sure that your focus is to be positive: there is potentially a lot at stake here. You have to realize that your parents may split or they may work it out, but ultimately the fact that you were put in this position absolved you of blame: try to do the right thing, be constructive, and get help. DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE.

Don't tell. Use this as blackmail to get whatever you want whenever you want it.

You said your dad already went on the offensive when you talked to him about it. Anything less than telling your mother would instantly make you an accomplice and he will use that against you no matter the outcome of their relationship now or in the future. The blackmail is a horrible idea since by doing that you will basically have each other in a mexican standoff. Your ONLY choice is to tell her, now, right away. Period.

Keep your mouth shut. You don't know what goes on behind closed doors. I found out my old man was seeing escorts on the side from time to time. I found out my mom knew about it, and that she was doing her own thing on the side. Making it public would have created a ton of problems.

Getting involved in other people's relationships is NEVER a good idea.

That depends: will your mom be in a good position to divorce him if shitshow ensues?

How does he behave around the house? Is he being a dick to you and your mom or is he treating y'all nicer out of guilt?

Where will that leave you? Do you want to push your midlife crisis dad away from the family and into the arms of a woman who can possibly influence him to leave you without an inheritance? Is that even a concern (i.e. does your dad come from money or does he still have a lot of earning capacity left)?

Unless there are some strong factors why you shouldn't tell, you should tell sooner rather than later (wait until after the holidays though) - you don't want your mom to find out your dad cheated, and to find out you betrayed her by knowing and not saying anything.

If you decide not to tell, consider targeting the mistress instead. Maybe get a PI and implicate her in something that will break them up - "cheating on him" usually best, but you may have to play by ear depending on who she is - coworker, younger woman, much younger woman, etc etc.

If the mistress is hot blackmail him into fucking her, then still tell your mom after.

better yet, meet her in a completely unrelated context and start having an affair with her. That will show your dad who is the alpha dog hahahaha

I know it sucks but you should stay out of it. It's between your mother and father. It doesn't concern you.

This sounds like an excellent opportunity to get on one of the business ends of a Wobbly H.

Agree with the guy saying to fuck the mistress. Turn the tables on the old man. Seduce the mistress, bang her, record it, make her say shit like "your dick is so much bigger than your father's" while you're fucking her. Then tell your mom that your dad's cheating... or rather drop little granules of evidence so she "figures it out", she'll leave him. He'll say "oh well, fuck her, I've got my side tang who I like better anyway", then drop that video in his lap. And say: Game, Set and Match.

oh wow awk... talk to dad?

People who cheat are also the same type of people who will point blame at everyone but themselves and never take responsibility for their actions. I would confront your father with an ultimatum: Give him a week to either come clean with your mother or explain that you will. Tell him he has put you in the middle and you have no choice but to tell her, but that he should man up and do it first.

This will let you off the hook and you won't be the bearer of bad news to her and won't be the kid who ratted out his Dad either. Be firm and make it clear you won't compromise your principles so that he can bang a hot 19 year old in the ass while your mom is at home cooking dinner for him.

Yea dude, you gotta tell your mom - because if she finds out you know your dad is going to throw as many accusations at her for it being "her fault".

One of the accuses will probably ring to the tune of, "ever our child knew what I was doing and thought it was okay enough not to tell you". Which will completely crush your mother at one of the most vunerable times in her life not only will she feel betrayed by the love of her life but her own child too

Troll has succeeded. Also, I would just leave, unless you have something major at stake (inheritance, etc.).....

I think I will have to tell her. I will wait until the holidays will finish - I don't want to spoil that.

I am surprised by people suggesting blackmailing and doing something that is wrong doesn't make it right just because other person is doing wrong shit.

Divorce is worrying me, since I am actually in eastern european country rather than in USA, there's a lot of potential for him to screw her over in the courts. He has a high net worth, so there is incentive and means for him to do so.

Actually, my father has been acting terribly a lot of the time and my mother asked for divorce and then he 'magically' started acting better. I am being a bit cynical and I am thinking he is buying up time to prepare for divorce in order to protect his wealth.

90% sure this will end in divorce - it has been close to that even without her knowing this.

my initial reaction was not to tell her but since the relationship is bad anyways, do it, like you said after the holidays. but try to find some way your mom doesnt get completely screwed financially.

fuck the mistress.

kill the mistress problem solved.

DISCLAIMER: i'm fucking kidding please don't kill anyone or take me to court.

.

i call troll

Tell your mom if you have evidence to show her (picture or video). Sorry to hear that.

key-logger for the dad's comp, reading texts to find identity of woman, something about getting rid of the hard drive after downloading the stolen emails, just a quarter of a page of pretty detailed instructions on how to sue the shit out of his dad.

wondering where he gained this expertise...

also, to fuck the mistress.

depending on how close you are to each of your parents and screwed your mother is likely to be, you might want to shore up your relationship with your dad and get him to be go a little easier on her the added benefit of this approach is that you can retain his support for school or work internationally if that is what you want to do

Snitches get stitches dude. Use this to get your siblings out of your dad's will and make him start working overtime.

tell the mistress that you know and want her to end it, and having watched demolition man recently, if she refuses, repeat it and add in a threatening tone, or else.

Simples.

note to self:

never fuck with macro.

Macro Arbitrage i think your real skills are in the private eye bizness

naked gun style.

OK thanks for the input guys, a lot to think about in terms of how to best approach it, one thing that helps is that my sister is a lawyer albeit not a divorce lawyer, so it will be a bit easier to handle things if divorce happens (pretty sure).

Wow, too bad I didnt see this earlier, so here is what I think, take it with a grain of salt as I am latin american and we are not the more faithful bunch and operate under different set of moral rules, nevertheless I had my own parents divorced once I was 17 and saw the whole process so:

Think about your parents relationship, are they happy together or not? this is important as you father, as any man, could have had a moment of weakness, does this really justifies the breakup of a happy relationship?

Will your mom knowing divorce him and break up the relationship for good? my mom and an aunt have a say which, comming from two successful women who make more than their husbands (or ex husband in my mom's case) I find it valid, and is "If you will finish everything with that person, know, plan you divorce well, in all your senses, coldly and in advance, if you know eventually will be again together or will forgive him, why make a scene?". If they will end back together there is no good in telling her, you should know better than that, this however doesnt mean you dont confront your dad and make him do the right thing, get things right and come clean eventually HIMSELF.

If things are not right in your parents relationship, AND you know your mother will be better without him AND finish all relationship with him, then go ahead and tell her and help her get a good divorce, somebody has to think straight and probably your mother wont be 100% free from involving feelings in the deal.

Finally think that getting involved in couples' affairs is a delicate matter, dont think I will do x and things will be y, think what are the chances of y after I do x and take it from there. On that issue I once had a friend whose boyfriend cheated on her constantly and once he told her as he didnt care, one week later we were in a party and the guy got there and started talking with her in a kind of a bad way, so I got involved and kind of end of fighting with the guy, all this and she went back with him in like 3 days, needless to say we stoped talking, and a lesson was learned not to get involved. In the end its a bad situation, just try to be constructive, a divorce is not always the ideal outcome and the world is not all black and white.

it is funny that we are going through this trouble to give this troll advice on his imaginary situation

You're not the one doing the wrong things. You shouldn't feel bad about it. Tell your dad he has one week to stop it/tell your mom or you will.

Ever considered the fact that either:

1) Your mom knows already. Who knows your dad better then her? And if you found out, someone who spends a significant part of her day with him, should surely spot any oddities, weirdness. Plus, women are naturally suspicious anyway.

2) Your mom sent her. Ever seen Chloe? She tried to divorce him already.

An article from the telegraph saying that a "Husband's affairs are good for marriage"

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/worldnews/europe/france/6908022/Husband…

Husband's affairs are good for marriage claims French psychologist Wives should welcome their husbands' extra-marital affairs as a sign of a healthy marriage, France's most prominent female psychologist has claimed. Maryse Vaillant : A husband's affairs are good for marriage claims French psychologist Maryse Vaillant, left, claims in her new book that French men should stop being castigated for being serial womanisers

By Henry Samuel in Paris

6:00AM GMT 30 Dec 2009

Maryse Vaillant claims French men should stop being castigated for being serial womanisers and that keeping a mistress can actually improve their marriage.

In a controversial new book on the effects of infidelity on married life, Men, Love, Fidelity, Miss Vaillant says her aim is to "re-habilitate infidelity".

According to figures cited in the book, an estimated 39 per cent of French men cheat on their wives at some stage in their life.

"most don't do it because they no longer love them, on the contrary," she said. "They simply need breathing space. For such men, who are in fact profoundly monogamous, infidelity is almost unavoidable".

Once French women accept that the "pact of fidelity is not natural but cultural", and that infidelity is essential to the "psychic functioning" of certain men who are still very much in love, it can be a "very liberating" for women, she contends. Related Articles

Is monogamy making us miserable?
10 Sep 2011

One female bound to disagree is Sylvie Brunel, who recently became the first ex-wife of a serving minister to write an exposé on his alleged infidelity, mid-life crisis and running off with a younger woman.

In her Guerrilla Handbook for Women, Miss Brunel, 49, claims Eric Besson, France's minister of immigration and national identity, was an insatiable cheat with "interchangeable mistresses".

At their wedding in 1983, when the mayor began reciting the vows of "fidelity, aid and support", she said Mr Besson commented: "Fidelity, no."

Miss Brunel, although "humiliated", convinced the shocked mayor it was a joke. He was, she claims, unfaithful for five years before their marriage and 25 years afterwards, adding: "I can't say I wasn't warned."

Mr Besson has been dubbed "the Traitor" by the opposition Socialists whom he deserted to join President Nicolas Sarkozy's cabinet. He left his wife soon after for a woman "almost as young as our eldest daughter" and who "oozed narcissism from every pore of her pretty skin", according to his ex-wife.

Mr Besson described her book as "shameless". She hit back, saying: "What's shameless is the way you've treated me for 30 years."

However, in Miss Vaillant book she insists that fidelity is not, by definition proof of love. In fact, "pathological monogamists" in many cases lack the strength of mind to take a mistress, she claims.

"They are often men whose father was physically or morally absent ... during their childhood. These men have a completely idealised view of their father and the paternal function," she said.

"They lack suppleness and are prisoners to an idealised image of a man of duty."

A string of high-profile French politicians have been reported to have had mistresses.

Valérie Giscard d'Estaing's alleged love of women was hiven greater credence when his car collided with a milk truck at dawn during his presidency. The whole country assumed he had been returning from a tryst with a mistress - and his opinion poll ratings went up. The married former president recently wrote a romantic novel whose thinly disguised lovers include himself and Diana, Princess of Wales.

The late Francois Mitterrand would spend most nights with his mistress, Anne Pingeot, with whom he had a secret love child, Mazarine. Her existence was only revealed after his death.

Jacques Chirac recently admitted in a book: "There have been women I have loved a lot, as discreetly as possible".

Miss Vaillant divorced 20 years ago but said she has since been in a "stable" and "faithful" relationship.

Marcus, you should quit your job and become a writer.

What about having sex with your mom to get back at your dad?

^ LOL

for the win

tell her - your mom deserves a better man

bros before hoes!!!!!

IHAVEABIGHEART:

OK, this is ridiculous for finance forum, but since it is anonymous I will go ahead with this one:

I know that my father is having an affair. I confronted him on it and he went on offensive. Should I tell my mother that I know or is it not my problem?

I feel like I am a partner in crime if I don't tell her.

Sorry to hear this.

This is a good site that may distract you or help you get a mistress:

www.mogulsandmushrooms.blogspot.com

Where the heck is this country going? People are honestly joking (maybe even serious) about blackmailing their own family.

You need to minimize the damage from all of this. To you, to mom, and to dad.

1.) If you are close to the end of college and parents are paying for it, don't make any waves until you're out. I don't think you're doing anything wrong by protecting yourself first. A messy divorce is going to leave you in limbo.

2.) You talked to Dad. I would go to Dad's lady friend if you know who she is. Tell her the situation (she may not know he's married with kids) and that now she knows, since she's a decent lady, she'll break it off, right?

3.) Failing that, for some laughs, check this episode of Boris Karloff's Thriller out on how to deal with a philandering spouse:

http://www.thrillerguide.net/episodes/31.htm

What happened in the end? I hope you saw the error in trying to blackmail anyone and told your mother straight.

depends a lot on financial issues and whether you need money from your dad now or in the future.