My real response to the MBA essay
Because of my gmat score and the dismal state of MBA applications, I know it makes absolutely no difference what I write here. Normally, I would tell you I want to get an MBA so I can start a business raising puppies for poor schoolchildren in war-ravaged, droubt-ridden regions of East Africa, or that I have a brilliant idea for a website condescendingly providing opportunities for women and minorities to better themselves even though they’re much happier the way they are than I am.
But just this once, I’d like to answer this question honestly.
This isn’t what I ever wanted to do with my life. This is never where I pictured my life going. I wanted to join the Peace Corps, go into politics, create my own startup, write a book, or do something really significant with my time. But that’s just not how it goes. My Peace Corps application kept getting pushed back indefinitely until I finally gave up. I don’t have nearly the money or connections to go into politics. I have none of the technical expertise to create my own startup. And my writing abilities and life experience would make for a pretty unbearable read.
I’m applying to business school because I absolutely hate my job, I miss college and want very much to sleep with more pretty sorority girls, and because I want a new job that pays me a higher salary for less hours of work. I’m sick of living in a f-ing shoebox in New York and can’t wait to bring my spoils to someplace warm where $100,000 will make me feel like I was born into royalty. My future career ambitions consist of sitting in an office discussing synergies and value chains whilst growing older and thereby, for no other reason, acquiring higher and higher status in the organization, so that I can earn more money while doing less of the work. Meanwhile I intend to live a worry-free upper-middle class lifestyle in a rather large house with many tropical getaways, while letting my inheritance grow so that my kids will one day be able to live even more comfortably and work even less. My family will surely continue to repeat this process until they are living so comfortably with so little to do that they are able to get involved in politics and have an ability to change the world, but at that point will almost invariably be more interested in preserving the status quo and their position in society.
haha this is great
What school/s was this sent to?
Haha, perfect essay.
God bless you.
It just might work. How often to admissions folks hear that kind of honesty?
"Droubt-ridden" kills it for me
Did you know that you show leadership by volunteering. My girlfriend works at an animal shelter cleaning piss and poop after homeless animals so that she can gain enough leadership skills to go to graduate school. Most of these essay questions test how well you can bullshit.
Thanks for the deep insight Bollinger.
Classic. I would let you in on that single essay alone. Although, I do value blunt honesty more than most people.
lol Rejected due to honest behavior....we want big greedy bastards who can disguise well...like Jeff Skilling.
Funny thing is the most well-known Jeff Skilling anecdote (other than being imprisoned) was his Harvard Business School interview where they asked him directly, "are you smart?" and he famously replied, "i'm fucking smart".
No bullshit there.
Being cynical and being honest are not one and the same unless you want it to be.
Cynicism and jadedness makes for great comedy though, and if that was your intent, I applaud you for that!
you should be a psychologist, and i am being perfectly honest and straight not being cynical or jaded as that would imply my sarcastic comedic style
oh and i applaud you
hahaha DO IT
Forgive me if this is a naive question, but what do you mean by the dismal state of MBA apps? Do you think that a high gmat will go farther this year than others? How high are we talking about?
I think he means there aren't too many jobs around, so more people go for an MBA, therefore more competition for places, and so the dismal state of MBA apps.
Regards
i love this
mba apps have been trending down in recent years because people dont want to leave their jobs in an unstable economy.
hahaha perfect one...same as what i wanna say
I dare you.
Submit it to a non target school some were like Seattle or Florida. I guarantee you that you'll get in just because of your honesty and your GMAT scores.
Great post/essay. Respect.
If you want Bollinger, you can pick up my shit for a year, and i'll teach you leadership. Only thing is that you gotta pick it up with your mouth
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